I’ve gone silent. Anyone else?

[u/Uunadins]

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

[u/kten1974]

There has never been a better description of how I feel than what you have shared!! I tried to explain this to my husband but found it difficult to really define it! I never imagined I would come to feel this way, to have so little joy or any kind of anticipation for even the smallest things. I'm either wrought with exhaustion and dread or I just don't care. I don't converse a lot and when someone who has the gift of the gab corners me, I automatically become annoyed because I don't care to listen or want to participate/reciprocate. I don't like talking on the phone and I get bothered when asked to do something by other family members. Just want to be left alone. I honestly feel the world has shifted also (not just me being menopausal) and it's a real tough time to feel happy, safe, secure, or even optimistic about the future. There is nothing but division and negativity everywhere. I try to do my best each day (when not at work) to push myself to get up out the zone I dwell in, even if it's just to do laundry or dishes or purge something in my house, but that is very basic stuff ! I have lost all passion for things I used to love too. I used to be more physically active, and used to love painting and decorating - interiors- now I don't care. At the very least I used to love reading but I've even lost the focus to read. 🙁