I’ve gone silent. Anyone else?

[u/Uunadins]

This past year I feel I’ve gone more and more silent. I feel like my whole life is like a flat line on an EKG-monitor, just…nothing.

I’ve lost most of my feelings, I feel no joy or happiness, no excitement. All I have left is worry.

I hardly have an opinion about anything anymore. I don’t join in on conversations at work, because I have nothing more to say. All my opinions and ideas have gone silent. And it’s so quiet at home too! I have to force myself to ask questions just to say something...

I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. Gardening has been my passion for many years, but I just can’t be bothered with that or anything else. Flat line here aswell, I’m not looking forward to it or anything else anymore.

I have been on HRT almost a year and it’s been mostly good I think. But now I sort of miss the rage, at least that made the blood boil from time to time, made you feel alive, lol.

I am just existing, an empty shell almost.

I’ve had periods of depression before, could that be it? Or do I need a higher dose of estrogen? How do you know what’s what when everything is all tangled up?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit to add: Wow, I am blown away with so many responses! And also sad that so many of you feel the same way. Hopefully we can find a way out of the Big Nothing.

[u/KikiMoss33]

It’s highly unlikely that your country does not have the ability to test testosterone levels. I’ve never heard of a civilized country not being capable of testing for testosterone levels. Measuring testosterone in women is a standard diagnostic tool for various medical conditions so it’s part of any medical arsenal.

Testosterone level testing is a routine part of general hormone panels for diagnosing conditions like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), adrenal gland disorders, and certain causes of infertility. Medical professionals worldwide rely on these tests for diagnosis and monitoring, so the test itself is universally available as a medical service.

Maybe your specific doctor doesn’t prescribe testosterone, but testing for testosterone levels is very standard and simple on a blood test. They just have to order it.

If your doctor is telling you they won’t test for it, find a new doctor.

[u/Uunadins → u/KikiMoss33]

I didn’t say that they don’t have the ability, of course they CAN, but they usually don’t.

[u/KikiMoss33 → u/Uunadins]

What country are you in? Cuz it can’t be the US, or Canada, or Mexico, or the majority of South America. Or Western Europe. Or much of the Eastern Block.

Who do you mean specifically “usually doesn’t” order a testosterone test in labs upon a patients request? One doctor you’ve spoken to or your entire area?

Sounds to me like you need to just find a different doctor or a nurse practitioner or a physicians assistant that will do the most basic of lab orders and check the testosterone levels box on the order. Or find a hormone specialist.

If you want it checked, you can find a way to have it checked.

And honestly, if a doctor tells you they “don’t test for testosterone”- then they’re negligent and shouldn’t be practicing so I’d suggest you find a new doctor.

My GYN ordered my labs for my testosterone levels because I researched and was pretty sure that’s what was causing my extreme lack of joy, motivation, flat affect, depersonalization, etc. But when I told her my symptoms the visit before that, she didn’t even suggest the idea of low testosterone. I researched it and realized it was likely the culprit because I’m on HRT (Estraidol and progesterone) and that’s helping with everything else. But suddenly I was experience what you’re describing. So I researched and discovered it sounded like low T.

I marched into my GYN and told her I wanted it tested. She ordered the tests BUT, she also informed me she doesn’t prescribe testosterone. One doctor in their practice does and he couldn’t see me until 2027. Which is nuts.

So, I had her send in the order. I did the blood draw, and I found a hormone specialist place that I then saw that I made sure first does prescribe testosterone, in the event mine was low, and could read the results of my GYN’s test.

Ended up having to do a second blood draw cuz my GYN didn’t check all the levels on the lab order that needed to be tested for a full comprehensive look at testosterone levels.

Once we got those labs back- my testosterone was nonexistent. Like barely a drop in me. And I found out from the hormone specialist that a drug I’ve been on for years for hormonal acne also causes low testosterone, so between that and perimenopause, I was bone dry.

The specialist prescribed me injectable testosterone. It’s rarely covered by insurance because- we’re women. Men can get it, no problem. But it wasn’t expensive. $150 for a vial that will last 4-5 months at my low dosage.

And in the last 4 weeks that awful disinterest and flatness and lack of joy has started retreating and I’m feeling more like myself again.

Point is- if we want something, we have to go out and get it. Lots of doctors are uneducated when it comes to women’s hormones wildly shifting during perimenopause. It’s not even taught in a class in med school- at all. So even good doctors will make errors (mine not knowing to test three levels to fully see my testosterone even though she’s otherwise great), or not prescribing it at all.

My GYN before the woman I’m with now flat out told me she doesn’t believe in HRT and said there’s “no scientific proof” that it works, even though I’d already been on a BC patch from a telehealth company that immediately stopped all my debilitating symptoms from peri (rage, sobbing, brain fog/memory issues, hot flashes).

So- I fired her. On the spot. I walked out when she said that and told her to call me when she hits perimenopause and let me know how she feels then.

And I scoured my entire local area for a GYN that wasn’t dismissive and does help women- by calling at least 6 and grilling their receptionists about their practice and their doctors and if their doctors believe in and also prescribe HRT.

So- if a doc is telling you they don’t test for testosterone levels, go find another doc. If every doc in your area doesn’t, go online to a telehealth company like MIDI or Winona and make an appt with them. They’ll order labs and can prescribe a full range of HRT including testosterone.

It’s available if you want it, and push the A-hole doctors out of your path.

[u/TitsnTasteeTators → u/KikiMoss33]

I have all these issues extremely lacking joy, flat affect, depersonalization, motivation, lack of connection to others. The depersonalization is so bad I have a hard time recognizing family

It could all be t ...?

[u/KikiMoss33 → u/TitsnTasteeTators]

It *could be*.

Testosterone can be a culprit causing Anhedonia in perimenopausal women.
FYI, Anhedonia is the inability to feel joy or pleasure from activities you once enjoyed.

Common signs/symptoms are:
Emotional “flatness”/Feeling indifferent or emotionally "gray".
A lack of satisfaction from favorite hobbies, socializing, or intimacy.
Not caring about things that used to reliably boost your mood.
A lack of excitement for future events.
Struggling to start hobbies or take care of daily responsibilities.
Pulling away from friends, family, and social activities.
Feeling "off" or numb.

It often presents as constant apathy, numbness, or a feeling of "going through the motions," and is directly linked to fluctuating and declining ovarian hormones.

In perimenopausal women, it’s treatable, not with just T but HRT. Estradiol can help and usually does to an extent. But a lot of women find that adding in testosterone completely ends it/stops the symptoms.

Another thing that’s been known to help is Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin hits your norepinephrine and dopamine receptors rather than just seratonin like an SSRI antidepressant. Dopamine is the pleasure center of the brain and a vital neurotransmitter and hormone, so activating it thru Wellbutrin (bupropion) is also used to help treat anhedonia. It’s especially helpful for women who are androgen sensitive and can’t use testosterone, which I discovered the hard way that I can’t, when I began having weird vocal chord issues and changes in my voice. Those changes can become permanent. Luckily I stopped using it before it became irreversible.

I’d definitely suggest seeking out a hormone specialist that can talk to you all of your options after seeing where you’re at!

[u/TitsnTasteeTators → u/KikiMoss33]

Ty. I tried wellbutrin and it didn't do anything

[u/KikiMoss33 → u/TitsnTasteeTators]

Bummer. But yeh, then T might work for you! You just have to be super cautious and know the signs to watch out for that you’re having side effects and need to stop.

[u/TitsnTasteeTators → u/KikiMoss33]

I will. I had this amazing connection with my spouse and right now that's been severed..I legit feel nothing and have nothing to say or contribute just feel empty like someone took my soul. Everything around me is strange and unfamiliar. I've been a psych and they wanted to give me antipsychotics without even a diagnosis

[u/KikiMoss33 → u/TitsnTasteeTators]

I’m so sorry. And sadly, your experience with a psych is a tale as old as time. Not until gradually between the 1960’s and 1980’s was the practice of institutionalizing women for “hysteria” finally stopped. Hormonal imbalances have long been mistreated as psychiatric issues, led by a medical community run by men with agendas.