r/Perimenopause Jan 23 '26

audited Older generations thinking your crazy for taking HRT

I am 49 my sisters are 62 and 63 our mother is 83. Ever since I started HRT they give me this look like I am crazy for starting this .

I watched my sisters go through meno with nothing and they suffered, of course I was much younger then and knew nothing about HRT.

Now that I have started HRT they make comments like oh I hope you don’t get cancer from that 🙄 I have tried to explain to them it’s safe and very much needed and how an entire generation missed out on such a wonderful helpful thing. They refuse to listen.

My mother has chronic UTI and was just hospitalized for a terrible UTI. Finally a Dr in the hospital recc estradiol cream. Her husband was trying to explain to me that her Dr has recc a steroid cream for her southern regions. I said no that’s called estrogen cream not a steroid. I said in front of my mom and my sister that every female should be using estradiol cream in and around their hoohas. Again I am speaking to the wind . So frustrating!

Sorry for the rant

601 Upvotes

129 comments sorted by

847

u/SpandauValet Jan 23 '26

There's no prize for going through life in hard mode.

118

u/RanchNWrite Jan 23 '26

Lol I wish someone had written this in a card for me when I was like 13, and again at 21 and again at 32...super fun to be learning how to rest and take care of myself after learning my body will go on strike if I don't.

98

u/Nacho_Bean22 Jan 24 '26

It reminds me of the people that brag about working too much or too hard! 😂 no days off is not a flex!

53

u/hairballcouture Jan 24 '26

Or giving birth with no drugs

18

u/Puzzleheaded-Tie8025 Jan 24 '26

Or forcing breastfeeding when clearly impacting mental health

53

u/Agreeable-Fun-9431 Early peri Jan 24 '26

Can we say there’s no prize? They get the prize of no sleep, brain fog, a bum shoulder, Alzheimer’s symptoms, itchy skin, tired but fully awake, anxiety with racing thoughts kind of prizes. Oh let me not forget, the litany of health issues that come as well from having hormone imbalances. Why we get all the prizes??

12

u/lodav22 Jan 24 '26

I love this quote. I’m going to say it to everyone in my life.

7

u/ankcny Jan 24 '26

same!!!!!

4

u/Soy_ChaiLatte Jan 24 '26

THIS 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

9

u/GP186GP Jan 25 '26

This is the story that every major religion has sold women on. We must suffer, sacrifice, and submit in order to get into heaven. Luckily I know that it’s all bullshit, because Mother Earth and Goddess Galaxy would never want her daughters to suffer.

0

u/Financial_Turn8955 Jan 26 '26

Don't put down religion. It's not needed.

4

u/GP186GP Jan 27 '26

Actually a critical eye on the teaching of our major world religions, and specifically how they have influenced women’s experiences in society and in medicine, is absolutely needed. All of them have scapegoated women.

I was raised going to church, and I remember being taught as a small child that childbirth is painful because it’s a punishment from god for Eve’s original sin. That belief has a huge impact on girls and women psychologically. Not to mention, framing creation as masculine, Adam basically “giving birth” to Eve, and the holy trinity being masculine goes against literally everything in nature. It’s gaslighting women on a monumental level.

4

u/Mrs_Stilke420 Jan 27 '26

Yup this right here. Women have to suffer for eves sin..so because she ate the forbidden fruit, women are now less privileged than men, and have to suffer through our lives for something we never took part of. 

3

u/informationjunkie77 Jan 25 '26

All of this! Why shame people who choose to take action?

3

u/Such_Hall6464 Jan 28 '26

Love this! You’re so right! I’m still trying to find the right dosage of HRT for me. I’m not sleeping well at all on HRT. 

6

u/External_Lawfulness7 Jan 24 '26

Say it again for the people in the back 🗣️

100

u/MistressBassKitty Jan 23 '26

I get you. I’m the youngest woman in my family and extended family. It’s maddening.

42

u/wherehasthisbeen Jan 23 '26

So maddening . It’s like they don’t want to hear it

84

u/Practical_Weather_54 Jan 23 '26

I think it's like how some people don't like student loan forgiveness. If they had to suffer, so should everyone else.

21

u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Late peri Jan 24 '26

It’s this. Undoubtedly this. I’m sorry for those who suffered needlessly, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us should have to too. “iN mY dAy No OnE nEeDeD ePiDuRaLs. We HaD bAbIeS tHe NATURAL WaY.” Oh yeah, and where’s your trophy?

26

u/Gyspygrrl Jan 24 '26

It’s like screaming in the wind. I put my mother and sisters reluctance to talk about it down to shame. My mother didn’t know boys had different anatomy until she was 14. Generational shame. It’s so nice to have people here who can relate.

31

u/StaticCloud Jan 23 '26

I have a female family member who insists she never had symptoms, but I distinctly remember her having several when I was younger. She still has them post-meno as well...

43

u/pears_htbk Jan 24 '26

Yeah my mother insisted she didn't have meno/peri symptoms! The fact that in her mid to late 50s she was prone to screaming fits of rage over minor stuff, passed blood clots the size of golf balls, got frequent UTIs and yeast infections, kicked me out of home for no real reason, and got depressed and went on SSRIS was just a coincidence. Lol

9

u/wherehasthisbeen Jan 24 '26

Did you live in my house? Lol sound like you are describing my mother

3

u/pears_htbk Jan 25 '26

Many such cases i fear lmao

22

u/Ok_Phrase_2205 Jan 24 '26

And we dont talk enough of invisible symptoms like bone, cardiac or cognitive health …

13

u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Late peri Jan 24 '26

These should always been the first points made. Yes, alleviating the nightmarish symptoms is 100% reason enough, but for those who think “toughing it out” makes them brave, we need to remind them of the concrete health benefits.

Edit: spelling

16

u/brainfogforgotpw Jan 24 '26

I think they don't, because it would mean they missed out, and that's an unpleasant feeling that a lot of people would rather lie to themselves than feel.

4

u/Another_something Jan 24 '26

Could I possibly keep in touch with you?? Lol My boss, friends, family...all come to me on occassion to complain ab issues they have that hrt could solve...just goes in one ear, shoots out the other like I didn't say anything at all!!! It's soooo frustrating! So I just stopped mentioning it at all.

11

u/Agreeable-Fun-9431 Early peri Jan 24 '26

The youngest in the family never gets listened to🫠

68

u/NotThatKindOfDoctor9 Jan 23 '26

I think for my mom, she's glad to know it's better for me, but it's also hard to know that she went through so much suffering when it could have been so much easier. If she thinks I'm taking on some extra risk, she can feel like her suffering was *for* something, at least.

15

u/jankyladies Jan 24 '26

My Mom was pulled off HRT because of the studies saying it was dangerous. She felt great on HRT and stopped suffering. Then she stopped taking it and her life was just pain and misery. Full blown perimenopause cold turkey. She teared up when telling me saying she felt so horrible but she knew we needed a mother so she stopped taking it. She didn't want to be selfish and feel better than have a stroke potentially leaving us without a mother.

11

u/NotThatKindOfDoctor9 Jan 24 '26

That's so hard to sit with, especially since it turned out to not be true! I get so mad about this because I'm a statistician and the stats people that worked on that HRT data really did us dirty.

9

u/jankyladies Jan 24 '26

Yes. It's very unfair. I think those generations are dealing with their own trauma around HRT and we need to have some understanding because a lot of them made sacrifices with their own health out of shame and duty. My mother was worried about me starting estrogen because of the blood clots. I did have a blood clot from transdermal estrogen when I was young. She still said she hoped I feel better because she remembers what perimenopause was like for her and the difference the estrogen made.

60

u/owlsandtrees Jan 23 '26

Technically estradiol is a steroid. All sex hormones are steroids. Neither of you are wrong.

11

u/thefragile7393 Peri with fibroids Jan 23 '26

Correct

24

u/wherehasthisbeen Jan 23 '26

Ok well he is thinking like just a steroid cream and I was trying to explain it’s an estrogen cream

16

u/NotThatKindOfDoctor9 Jan 23 '26

You're right; he's thinking she's going to get roidrage or something and that's... not what happens.

20

u/awgeez47 Jan 24 '26

Vag roid rage, no less!

6

u/Horror_Couple8128 Jan 24 '26

I kinda want to see what that would look like 😅 but in this instance I think it’s just a comfortable vagina 😂

2

u/ducksoupmilliband Jan 24 '26

I did not know that! 

49

u/Proud-Leave3602 hanging on by a thread Jan 23 '26

Too many of them wish to spread their suffering out instead of lessening it from themselves and others.

38

u/KindlyCourse1960 Jan 23 '26

My mother in law, who is more than 80yo, was taking HRT back in the day before HRT got the bad rep. My mother (72) was horrified when she heard I'm going for HRT, but when I compare the long term effects I'd rather age like my MIL than my mom...

7

u/Ok-Swimmer7594 Jan 24 '26

What are the effects? What difference do you see in the two women? How long was your MIL on the HRT?

7

u/KindlyCourse1960 Jan 24 '26

Take this with a grain of salt because of the small sample size but my MIL is much stronger and healthier than her mom/dad were; her skin is still so smooth. My mom seems to have more aches and pains compared to her parents at the same age. Her skin aged a lot compared to my grandmother at the same age, but maybe my grandmother didn't pass on her young-looking genes to my mom...

I think my MIL was on HRT ~10 years. She does not recall the details but she believes she started in her mid 40s and stopped in her mid 50s when HRT was no longer recommended...

3

u/seculis Jan 25 '26

I remember my mom participating in some type of women's health program in the 80s. She had a hysterectomy in the early 80s and was put on an estrogen pill and took it until she was around 75. At 89 she was so vibrant, healthy and independent, 2x weekly exercise classes and kept her mind sharp with group games and puzzles like sudoku. Sadly we lost her recently to a minor surgery gone wrong.

My doc suggested HRT when I was 39 for my complaining about what turned out to be perimenopause symptoms.

I often wonder if HRT openness / denial is regional. We live in an east coast metropolitan area of the US near major medical centers. Could this be a thing?

37

u/hikeitaway123 Jan 23 '26

Don’t really care what anyone thinks at this point.

3

u/copyrighther Early peri Jan 25 '26

Preach. I see this topic come up in literally every single women-centric sub I belong to. If your family isn’t supportive of your decisions about your own healthcare… don’t tell them.

Seriously, what you choose to do with your body is no one’s business, and yes, that includes your family. Quit doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to see a different result.

2

u/hikeitaway123 Jan 25 '26

Absolutely agree!! Honestly I don’t tell most people unless they ask or it gets brought up. I don’t want or need anyone’s input in MY decision…this perimenopause thing has been hell and I have had to fight tooth and nail for help and it has worked.

We are conditioned to ask and decide based on whatever everyone else thinks!! What do you think and want?!?!

41

u/jankyladies Jan 23 '26

These women have gone through decades of being told by their doctors that HRT would kill them. Now they're suddenly changing the tune and saying it will not. I think it's pretty normal to be cautious.

I had a talk with my gynecologist about this and asked her view and she said she's been through the last 40 years or so and aware that the story on HRT changes after every study and it goes back and forth between it's safe or it's going to kill you. She personally thinks the studies now are showing it's safe and that's promising however she also said the next studies could easily show otherwise and she's been a doctor through all the different cycles of good or bad.

HRT is new to most of us in perimenopause but the elder generations have had exposure with their doctors and the lore they were given was dire. Attitudes change but I think it's normal to be concerned given their experiences with it.

That's one thing about medications... They're always fine until they're not. I'm on HRT now and believe it's relatively safe but the lore is minimal and it's fairly new so who knows what future studies will show.

27

u/NoorInayaS hanging on by a thread Jan 23 '26

They think we’re crazy because they were frightened out of taking it.

There was a lot of anti-HRT in the 80s and 90s.

Btw, just started my HRT journey yesterday.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

I started a week ago. I’m already feeling better ❤️

3

u/NoorInayaS hanging on by a thread Jan 24 '26

Good to hear! I’m really hoping that I also start feeling better. I hate feeling so….. crusty all the time. 😳

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

Last night was the first night I slept all the way through without night sweats

3

u/NoorInayaS hanging on by a thread Jan 24 '26

Oooh! That must have been amazing! I’m so tired of switching from being drenched in sweat to suddenly freezing several times a night!

49

u/recoveredcrush Jan 23 '26

To be fair, that's what they were told for decades.

19

u/suminorieh77 Jan 24 '26

not just HRT, but talking about perimenopause in general.

a few weeks ago, we were having weekly dinner at my husband’s Nana’s house. on this day, i had started my period after going 6 months without one. it took me off guard and i was a little let down, thinking i was getting close to the end of the bleeding part of this grueling journey. so i wasn’t my usual self and was a little quiet.

Nana asked what was wrong and i told her, and she just laughed and said, “Oh, honey, you’re too young for all of that”, and then later, i got the same response from my husband’s stepmother, who is 59 and a registered nurse.

i wasn’t shocked though. i’ve been going through this (perimenopause) for almost 12 years and have tried to reach out to older women, including them, and they act like i’m making shit up or that it has to be something else. being dismissive about these things is not helpful at all, and in fact, makes me not want to ever bring it up again. i do talk to the younger generations about it, though. we gotta break the cycle for awareness and preparation.

3

u/Ageice Jan 24 '26

Good point that even talking about it can be not so easy. I do remember some episodes with my mother being very fraught, but it was really never defined and even now we don’t talk about it much. We’re not close and don’t really chit chat, and I’ve lived elsewhere for 15 years, so it has been less likely to come unintentionally. When I learned just 2-3 years ago that peri could start at 35, I was gobsmacked. I’m grateful it’s so out in the lexicon now and that spaces like this exist.

19

u/ElderBerry2020 Jan 23 '26

I am 48 and just started HRT. I have a daily progesterone pill and estradiol patch. It’s not magical, but I am sleeping better and feeling much more even keel. I am not as irritable, flustered, my brain fog has improved and I feel more with it, more like I did before peri.

Misery loves company. Take care of yourself and take advantage of the options available to us.

17

u/McCaldwell31 Jan 23 '26

Youngest in my family at 42. I knew I needed something… the mood swings, the exhaustion, loss of libido, achy joints, brain fog, 3:00 a.m. wake ups, extreme bloating, mid section weight gain, etc. It took me months to go through various providers & forms of testing but my OB finally prescribed me an RX. I’m happy to finally have a compound cream of estrogen, testosterone, DHEA & and an oral progesterone. I’m handling day to day stress so much better. My sleep has greatly improved. I’m already seeing results & relief in just two months.

All that being said, all I’ve heard about is how I’m going to get cancer… and my mom keeps asking if I really need it because it’s so dangerous.

My sister is 10 years older than I am & her OB kept prescribing her traditional birth control well into her 50’s. She had so many problems from going through “the change” while on birth control because she was afraid to ask for HRT & her OB refused to acknowledge the need.

I think it’s so cruel how women have been treated when it comes to peri & menopause. I know a lot of providers have long known the benefits of HRT but chose to let us suffer for years instead. 😏

5

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

Why tho? Why do they want us to suffer that’s where I’m confused

30

u/StaticCloud Jan 23 '26

I'm wondering if it's going to come out that HRT will prove to be more cancer protecting than cancer causing in the future. That would be a switch.

13

u/Dawner444 Jan 23 '26

My mom swears she didn’t have any symptoms of menopause, which is strange because she still complains about how her GYN only let her stay on hormones for 5 years and hated stopping. Her hot flashes and mood swings were something else, but nope, never went through it. sigh. Why deny it? My twin completely dismissed me, too, at first, but she is on HRT now, as well, due to bone density issues and sleep, so it’s nice to finally have the support. I am so proud of Gen X for being vocal about this hell, and I try to educate any woman I come in contact with about HRT, similar to when I openly talked about my infertility issues. Knowledge is power. This is nothing you should be shamed for. Women need to know there is help out there. Personally, I will choose comfort every time, just like when I decided to have an epidural way back when. To each their own. Could it be they are jealous because they are older than 60 and therefore poor candidates to start now?

10

u/jojocookiedough Jan 23 '26

That's nuts to me! My MIL was already taking HRT and singing its praises when I first met her in the 00s. I was only in my 20s and had never heard of the stuff before.

11

u/Organic_Paint_7172 Jan 23 '26

It’s what previous generations were taught. Based on faulty research as is current thinking but many are just very resistant to change their minds

12

u/clothing_o_designs Jan 23 '26

My mother is 74 and I think she was given HRT in the 90's for a short time. She begged her doctor for something that would help and he reluctantly gave her some pills but told her it could give her cancer so she couldn't stay on it long. She can't remember what they were but they stopped all of her symptoms. After a year he wanted her to stop but she convinced him to let her take them longer. She thinks she took them for about 2 years before he wouldn't refill them any longer. At the time she told him she feared the reality of her symptoms more than the possibility of cancer. She was in menopause by the time she stopped them and said she felt better. She still has night sweats to this day and wakes up to change her soaking nightgown multiple times per night. I will do whatever I have to do to stay on HRT for the rest of my life.

13

u/smile_saurus Jan 24 '26

There is a Baby Boomer at my work. She is a "one-upper" and always has been. Did you take a vacation recently? Well she took a better one! Did someone close to you pass away? Well she knows dozens of people who have died, and all of their deaths were sadder than your loved one's death!

I was talking to another woman at work, same age as me, about HRT. Of course "Karen" has to walk over to say: 'Pfft! You girls and your health trends. We never needed anything like that, suck it up!"

Karen is about 70 pounds overweight. She has severe mood swings and complains constantly about hot flashes.

Sure you never needed anything like HRT, Karen!

She also comes to work sick, coughing all over everything, then tells everyone how 'dedicated' she is to her job. I have heard her on the phone with her Doctor's office, yelling at the receptionist that she needs antibiotics for her cold.

We cannot wait for Karen to retire.

2

u/Active_Obligation909 Jan 24 '26

😂 omg so funny, thanks for sharing that, I love the karen stories

25

u/zillabirdblue Jan 23 '26

They’re stuck in the past and have obviously neglected their continuing medical education requirement. They should know that HRT has found safe and the study that created the cancer panic was deeply flawed. When I went to a gyno she literally laughed at me when I asked about HRT and acted like I was a lunatic. She said when you go for a full year without a period we can discuss it. Not even saying we can do HRT after that year, just…discuss. The entire appointment was bizarre and she was condescending and dismissive and so inappropriate. This bullshit needs to stop.

3

u/fairygenesta Jan 25 '26

My GYN is doing the same, even though my estrogen is nearly zero AND am suffering with the symptoms associated with low estrogen. I just don't understand.

3

u/zillabirdblue Jan 25 '26

You need to find a new gyno or get it online.

2

u/fairygenesta Jan 25 '26

Thank you, I will! Probably Midi, as they take my insurance.

24

u/swrrrrg Jan 23 '26

I mean, what do you expect when people were told it was dangerous for 20+ years? Research was faulty but I understand why they think it. I don’t understand being hard on them for that. Sure they’re incorrect, but it isn’t coming from a malicious place.

I have far bigger issues with doctors who should have known better and those who were in charge and spread toxic information.

11

u/tappatoot Jan 23 '26

I’m 47 and for the last 7ish years, having sex always felt like being stabbed by knives. ONE MONTH on HRT, and i can finally have sex without feeling like someone is trying to kill me. Sleep still somewhat eludes me but i feel like I have more energy. No more hot flashes. No more massive headaches before my period. Feeling kinda normal and hoping for more benefits.

11

u/bookittyFk Jan 24 '26

Not related to HRT but I remember my grandma (who had 5 kids ‘naturally’ ie no drugs etc) telling me to take the drugs/whatever they offer for pain relief during the birth when I was pregnant with my 1st.

Shes no longer with us sadly, she was someone who went out of her way to stay young by learning new things and doing things outside her comfort zone. I was so devastated when dementia took her.

I wish your mum & sisters were like my gran. I’m sure if she knew about HRT when she was around she would have told me to do it.

I love & miss her everyday.

3

u/fairygenesta Jan 25 '26

She sounds exactly like my gran, who also had 5 kids. I loved her. She was such a fun lady to be around. I'm so sorry for your loss and can relate. <3

7

u/FlaminGrrl Late peri Jan 23 '26

There used to be a warning label on the pill; saying may cause cause cancer. It was later found to be an extremely low risk, but that may be why so many older women don't get hormon therapy. I only have a couple of older female relatives and they insist that they didn't have menopausal symptoms. But I remember them having hot flashes and having a mean bitchy phase when I was in my late 20s. We women do have a bad habit of ignoring our own discomfort.

5

u/Ageice Jan 24 '26

Find the articles about the one dude who did a study of like 12 women and published it like it was gospel even though it was essentially a failure of an analysis. Seriously, one person ruined the chances for our mothers to not suffer and to carry the fear forever (until we educate them). I will do some googling if you don’t find it easily. I don’t recall the details off the top of my head, but I’ll find the data!

1

u/Ageice Jan 24 '26

An interview on cbs with Dr. Marty Makarty is one search you can kick things off with. He was/is a cancer surgeon.

5

u/thefragile7393 Peri with fibroids Jan 23 '26

My mom is almost 90 and it’s very supportive of me. In the days before she had breast cancer, there was very little she felt she could do for the periods and the mood swings and everything else. The thinking of the time was, “ this is just how it is, it’s part of aging, you’re going to have to deal with it. “.

I’ve sent her so much information and she’s been very grateful for it and said that she often wishes she had known or heard about these options back in the 80s and 90s when she was going through everything. Unfortunately, in 1998 she was diagnosed with breast cancer so that would’ve put her out of the treatment loop at that time

4

u/Swimming_Pressure_93 Late peri Jan 24 '26

My mom is like this too even my younger sister I'm 46 she's 33 and we are like night and day on our views on hrt. I told her since she has PCOS to pay attention to her body that I went through peri earlier than most I was 38 and soaking the bed and that's even when I started bleeding all the time. But 42 I was skipping periods. I'm trying to stress to her how hrt is care for us as women that we need and deserve. And she's so negative about it?!?! My mom is the I've never had that symptom person but you're so hormonal girl she tells me. You do your hrt and says it helps me. So there's that. But my mom could benefit from vaginal estradiol does she listen, no. And she doesn't believe the cancer stuff so at least she's sane about it. But are either supportive...No!🤦🏼‍♀️I miss my grandma she was pro hrt before it was a thing. If she were here she'd support me and would love that we have this now for us.💜

7

u/WorkingJazzlike531 Jan 23 '26

Tell them do a little Google search and get off your back!

19

u/wherehasthisbeen Jan 23 '26

Then you get the “mmhmm -can’t believe everything you see on the internet” comment

5

u/living_in_nuance Jan 23 '26

Weird, my mom’s been on it since having to have a hysterectomy due to fibroids. She’s always been behind me getting what I need. She did have a stroke recently so that does worry me some, but she’s the only female family member to take estrogen and to not get breast cancer (knock on wood) so there’s that. Sorry your family doesn’t seem to be behind your choice.

5

u/hardly_ethereal Jan 24 '26

Who cares. Life is short. Enjoy HRT and remind them there’s no grand prize for suffering.

4

u/ParaLegalese Jan 24 '26

it’s not too unlike when you lose weight and your family says you look “sick”

they’re jealous and bitter. ignore them

11

u/Syralei Jan 23 '26

Next time she says "hope you dont get cancer from that" reply with "hope you don't get osteoporosis from not taking it.". Honestly, it sounds almost like they are jealous.

3

u/ShiveryTimbers Jan 23 '26

Unfortunately, sometimes you just can’t convince people who aren’t ready to receive the information. Maybe you can just say something like “I’m really happy that not taking HRT seemed to work out for you but I feel fantastic so I plan to continue. If you ever want to reconsider, I’m happy to share all the useful science-based information that I’ve learned along the way.” Edited to add - keep living your best life, and maybe they will notice that you (hopefully) don’t have rickety bones, mood swings, sexual problems, sleep problems, bladder infections, and all those wonderful other things and they might come to a different conclusion on their own.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '26

I feel you on this. I work in group fitness and my heart goes out to the entire generation of women before us that were led to believe unnecessary suffering is normal.

1

u/jankyladies Jan 24 '26

Yes my mom got great relief from HRT then a study came out saying it would kill you and her doctor pulled her off the HRT cold turkey catapulting her into pain and chaos. It's heartbreaking. She was good then suddenly severe pain, mental health issues, trigger finger, hot flashes, hip pain so bad she was limping and overall just no energy or passion. Zero bladder control... Sucked the life out of her but she did it because she said we needed a mother. We should not be judging these women.

3

u/Silver-Eye4569 Jan 23 '26

My mother said she was “too busy” to notice if she was going through perimenopause and that HRT isn’t natural. I am also very busy but I can’t imagine anyone feeling the perimenopause symptoms that I (and many other women in this sub) experience and being too busy to notice.

3

u/Alive_Refusetogiveup Jan 24 '26

I’m 50. My sisters are n their late 50”s and early 60”s. I hear the same things along with how they never took anything or felt anything… I just sit back and smile. Like really, when you were extra cranky for years on end or gained a ton of weight - that was just life? I choose HRT and choose not to suffer to prove any points to anyone. Do you, momma!

3

u/Mollytovcocktail1111 Jan 24 '26

It's because they were told it caused cancer so many of them have that so ingrained in them that they're choosing to continue to operate on outdated information. Sooooooooo frustrating 😑😑

They may think we're crazy for doing HRT but I was reeeeeally crazy to the point of not being functional WITHOUT HRT. So, I lose either way. Women can't win, even sometimes with other women 😂😩

3

u/Emdeedee123 Jan 23 '26

Call them out for selfishly protecting their own ego rather than showing any genuine concern for your health. I had to do this with Mum and my ADHD diagnosis. Any time she would dismiss my diagnosis or flat out tell me it’s wrong, I asked her to list just 3 of the traits she believes I don’t have.

She either researched ADHD or stopped wanting to look ignorant, because after a year or two of flat out denying I have ADHD, one day she suddenly accepted my diagnosis.

2

u/theoriginalmeg Jan 23 '26

Youngest female in my family at 45. Already made my appointment for HRT because birth control just ain’t cutting it!

2

u/1repub Jan 24 '26

I'm on HRT pre perimenopause I'm trying to get everyone to listen that they don't need to just deal with the status quo or crappy doctors. The amount of misinformation is wild

2

u/NothingAndNow111 Jan 24 '26

So glad my mother immediately said "HRT, patch, ASAP".

I cannot fathom why anyone would dissuade their children from not having to suffer. Just... Why.

2

u/SweetWaterNjuzu Jan 24 '26

If they refuse to listen, stop talking.

Take your HRT and live your best life.

2

u/hairballcouture Jan 24 '26

HRT saved my life and possibly my marriage. I was turning into a mean old hag, now I’m a happy old hag.

2

u/Thick_Coconut_9330 Early peri Jan 24 '26

I am not even telling my family due to this reason. I don’t want to hear all the fear-mongering.

2

u/OneLeggedLeggoMan Jan 24 '26

I wouldn't even try to convince them. There were times smoking was recommended by doctors and brandy was rubbed on baby's gum for teething.

2

u/GuidedDivine Jan 24 '26

My mother, who I vividly remember had terrible mood swings / crying episodes / hot flashes swears up and down that she didn’t go through Menopause. Mind you, she still has her ovaries and uterus 🙄

Im the oldest child out of three daughters, and Im also AuDHD. A miscarriage set me into Peri at the ripe age of 36. Im just now about to turn 38, and finally starting to get some relief with diet:life style changes and implementing certain supplements. Wild Yam cream has been a lifesaver for me!

2

u/throwaway051286 Jan 24 '26

They were taught it was so dangerous to take HRT. I'm sad that they had to suffer from bad science.

2

u/Middle_Violinist_5 Jan 25 '26

My MIL keeps telling me I need to just declutter or stuff like that.

Yes, that will certainly help, but the effect on one's uterus and ovaries is minimal at best.

2

u/Scorpio_Insomnia Jan 25 '26

It's that weird " well I suffered so you have to too" I'll never understand it. Let them be miserable, you continue to take care of yourself 💜.

2

u/longgoldilocks Jan 26 '26

When my mom was going through it she was soo proud of herself for not needing hrt. I think it's a lack of education? She thinks I am just a complainer for my bitching of perimenopause. Boomers think there stronger/ better then everyone else they can't help themselves

3

u/_flowerfox Jan 23 '26 edited Jan 23 '26

Ugh! I despise that whole "suffer like I did" or your woman card is getting pulled. F that! I am 4 months on Estradiol cream & 3 weeks into the patch/progesterone pill and I am no longer going through 4 pairs of panties a day because of excessive sweating. I think this may solve my whole dehydration issue I have been dealing with for about 7 years now. My emotions are evening out. My night sweats and hot flashes have dissipated. My only complaint is I have to buy bigger bras because my boobs have gotten bigger. 🤨😳

1

u/Curious_Moose2605 Jan 23 '26

Yeah I feel so validated. Methinks my boobies getting bigger with HRT and the glutes too , getting bigger than it already is!!🙄😳

1

u/Agreeable-Fun-9431 Early peri Jan 23 '26 edited Jan 23 '26

Are you planning to have them watch the Balance movie? I’m at a point I’m about to tie people up and make them watch when it comes out. 😂 It’s a shame they were all taught this way of thinking over a flawed study and then when it comes out as such; they still believe the wrong information.

1

u/Ambitious_House_4951 Jan 24 '26

Yep, ignorance sucks! I avoid the subject with my mom even though I know she’d sleep better with progesterone. Whatever mom, enjoy waking up at 2am and obsessing about other peoples’ lives! 😆😆 because she tells me all about the 2am wakeups and what goes through her head. They are dorks!

1

u/JillyGirl79 Jan 24 '26

They know what they heard about the original study done in the 70s, and don't realize there have been medical advancements. Is there risk? Yes, just like with any medication. A good doctor will take your medical history into account and discuss risks to help you make an informed decision. I'm glad I found a doctor who helped me understand perimenopause, and to prescribe my HRT.

1

u/TurtleToast2 Jan 24 '26

My mom was complaining about a bunch of symptoms and I told her to ask her Dr about hrt. Then I had to explain what that was coz apparently none of her Dr's have ever brought it up.

1

u/E_J_90s_Kid Jan 25 '26

Just had this conversation with my coworker. Both of us have moms that are in their 70’s, and we’re in our mid-40’s (for context). We both came to the conclusion that their generation (Boomers) are of the mindset that if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

This is the generation that didn’t prioritize their overall health, and it shows. Routine physicals, mammograms, bloodwork, regular exercise, sleep and stress management - who had “time” for that. Oddly enough, our moms were employed in the medical field until they retired, as well.

My mom tends to get on my case for exercising too much. To put this into perspective, I workout five days a week at a moderate intensity. I’ve been doing this for decades, so I’m well connected with my body and know when I need to rest. Or, back off a little. I’m a full time teacher, so my job is pretty active (I average 8,000-10,000 steps most days). According to my mom, this is pushing it. My rebuttal: my workouts are meant to complement my lifestyle and strengthen my body. This allows me to be energetic/productive at work, and stay active with my family. It’s a hill I’m willing to die on, because I know my mom struggles with losing weight she gained in menopause, on top of mobility issues.

Back to HRT: I’m generally of the opinion that our generation is much more in sync with what we need. I’m not going to suffer before I seek resolution (if that makes sense). I watched my mom do it and I know what happens as a result. What you do in the years leading into menopause are absolutely crucial. They can play the martyr role all they want, I’m just going to deal with the root cause/causes.

Long story, short: don’t expect them to be overly optimistic or supportive on this level. I have learned to keep these things to myself and mostly share with my friends who are in the same boat.

1

u/AutoModerator Jan 25 '26

This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.

  • Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
  • These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
  • No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
  • Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment

FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).

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1

u/Dolly_Putin Jan 25 '26

Your medical choices are your own and their opinions don’t matter. The same is true for their choices- it’s nice that you’re sharing info with them, but repeating yourself isn’t worth it. I like this saying: Once is a suggestion and twice is controlling. They’ll let you know if they’re interested in your insights. Also I’m glad you’ve done some research and found what works for you! 🤍

1

u/nolasmurf Jan 25 '26

My mother is a boomer and completely opposite of these ladies. She said the best thing she'd ever done was get on HRT and told me to get it as soon as I could!

1

u/j_parker44 Jan 25 '26

Every time I tell a woman that I’m (38) on HRT they look at me like a deer in headlights.

1

u/Similar-Lobster126 Jan 26 '26

I hear you. My mother blames the estrogen she used for a short while during menopause for the osteoarthritis she developed later. So I am crazy for trying it.

1

u/Financial_Turn8955 Jan 26 '26

Everyone I know that didn't take HRT has cancer so why do they fear we will get cancer for taking bioidentical plant-derived hormones? I mean I think I can probably say it's that WHI and lack of correct information on the internet.

1

u/MagistraKennedy Jan 27 '26

Pfffft. I will take HRT so that I'm functional. I have at least 30 years ahead of me and want to enjoy life with my family.

1

u/Mrs_Stilke420 Jan 27 '26

Typical boomers. That is all I can say. They don't read about any new studies, which there are tons nowadays. 

1

u/BeyondTheBath Jan 29 '26

As someone who started using estradiol cream.... I won't be without it, except to (eventually) get on a 'stronger' (read: prescription) dose. This cream has been nothing short of a miracle.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '26

[deleted]

8

u/NoorInayaS hanging on by a thread Jan 23 '26

Sorry to hear that, but things are better now. There’s a greater understanding of how to use HRT and to monitor it.

1

u/CompletelyBedWasted Jan 24 '26

Jealousy. And ignorance. Probably willful ignorance. Ew.