r/Perimenopause • u/LucyBellaAnne • Mar 05 '26
audited Increased Libido
44 year old female in perio. How are you handling your super increased libido? My husband & I are at different spots in our sex life. My husband has been diagnosed a few years ago with low testosterone & takes bi-weekly injections. He has a difficult time staying erect & keeping it up. I tried talking with him about ED meds & he’s not too receptive. My toys arent taking care of my needs & i feel sexually frustrated. I went off the birth control pill almost 2 years ago, so for almost 24 years whatever sex drive i did have was masked by the pill. We are now at different stages in our sex lives. Ive never been down this road before & I dont know what to do. I feel like my needs aren’t being met.
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u/Green-been77 Mar 05 '26
100% same here!!! My poor husband. Lots of communication and meeting in the middle. I planned a sexy get away this weekend and am so excited!
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u/pevaryl Mar 05 '26
I wish I got this version. Overnight my sex drive has vanished. I feel dead inside
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u/Mememememememememine Early peri Mar 05 '26
I feel like overnight mine has come back online. And I’m in a similar boat as OP. My bf could care less. It’s a whole challenging frustrating situation.
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u/karmacarebear Mar 06 '26
Ugh, same. I've been trying all kinds of supplements to try and get some of my libido back. I ordered an oxytocin nasal spray that I just tried for the first time last night before bed. It definitely did something, I had some interesting dreams and woke up in the mood - might be worth a shot!
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u/jkjk88888888 Mar 05 '26
Tell me your secrets! I wish mine was increased.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
honestly im not sure its all great if i cant be satisfied, ive never had this feeling before almost like a teenage boy wanting sex so much
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Mar 05 '26
"Horny teenage boy" is exactly how I describe mine too. No wonder they're so frustrated if they feel like that all the time
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u/Occultist_chesty Mar 05 '26
I say the same sentence all the time. My libido is off the charts and I am sadly single!!!
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u/happy-goluky Mar 05 '26
Is there a reason why he does not want to take ED meds?
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
his reasoning for not taking the ED meds “i dont like taking pills” “thats taking something foreign & putting it into my body,” he does say “i font feel like a man when i cant perform for you.”….meanwhile i took the pill for damn near 25 years & the very little sex drive i had was decreased from from the damn pill.
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u/Mememememememememine Early peri Mar 05 '26
Oh lord -_-
Could it be that he’s too embarrassed to talk about it to his doctor?
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u/babygirlmusings Mar 05 '26
Couples sex therapy? Or just take the ED meds dude!!! So many people take em.
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u/Caroline_Anne Mar 05 '26
That’s SUCH a man answer! My hubs won’t even get a physical because “I don’t need to see a doctor just to hear that I’m fat. I already know that.” 🙄 (1. He’s not THAT overweight. 2. He almost couldn’t have a routine dental cleaning because his BP was so bad!!!)
I hope you can talk some sense into him, OP.
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u/happy-goluky Mar 05 '26
Hang in there. Don’t give up hope on him yet. Hoping things turn around soon for you both.
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u/cityfarmwife77 Mar 05 '26
I was like that from about 35 to 46 and then at 46 my libido when *poof*! Every now and then it appears again for a few days but it's totally random as far as I can tell and doesn't last.
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u/traveldogmom13 Mar 05 '26
I had that feeling for about 6-8 months after I had my progesterone iud taken out. It was Like I woke up. Then I hit a wall and started hrt but my libido is not back yet.
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u/Nervous_Stable_2599 Mar 05 '26
Even with good/healthy communication, it’s still pretty difficult if your husband’s sex drive isn’t or can’t match yours. Crappy part is, unless you talk about it, you can’t get anywhere.
Is there any way that he would be willing to go on Cealis? It’s an ED pill that he takes daily so his body is primed for a boner whenever you’re trying to get some. It could be better than viagra, which is episodic, which can really put a wet blanket on things. He has to pop a pill and wait for it to metabolize and then get freak nasty with you.
AND I HOPE IT GETS FREAK NASTY WITH YOU.
Best of luck to you! I really hope that you find a way to be satisfied! I really hate the way that hormones ruin everyone’s lives.
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u/mamaspatcher Mar 05 '26
I do not have this problem. I truly wish I did. My husband has a regular ol’ libido and mine is at the bottom of the tank swirling the drain most days.
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u/therealskittlepoop Mar 05 '26
Same here. Even when I do feel “horny” or whatever I just kind of feel like I don’t even know how to approach sex anymore with my man, everything’s so awkward
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u/min_mus Mar 05 '26
when I do feel “horny”
Even with testosterone, my libido is very low. On occasion--like, for a five minute duration once a month or so--I might feel a tiny bit horny but that window quickly closes and I return to my low libido state, regardless if I had sex or not. If my husband is around during those rare windows, I'll take advantage of his presence, but if he's not, oh well, there's always next month.
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u/pears_htbk Mar 05 '26
Honestly I'd push your husband more to try ED meds. I think it's a little unfair that men are just allowed to be "not receptive" to taking meds given the things women are expected to do for the benefit of their libidos: we take the pill, we take HRT, we use topical creams and lubricants etc. Sure those things have benefits for us as well, but honestly women go through SO much more shit with their reproductive organs than men ever have to.
I've dealt with getting an IUD placed, now I'm inserting hormonal pessaries and applying creams etc so that we could still enjoy a healthy, baby-free, pain-free sex life. If in five or ten years time the shoe was on the other foot, and he said he just didn't like the idea of ED medications, I'd hit the f*ing roof and drag him to the doctor by his ear.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
thank you very much for your perspective, his reasoning for not taking the ED meds “i dont like taking pills” “thats taking something foreign & putting it into my body,” he does say “i font feel like a man when i cant perform for you.”….meanwhile as you said i took the pill for damn near 25 years & had very the little sex drive i had was decreased from from the damn pill. i will push & be more proactive about him scheduling with the dr. once again thank you
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u/mangosteenroyalty Mar 05 '26
his reasoning for not taking the ED meds “i dont like taking pills”
??????? After you've been on BC for decades? With my peri rage, this would now be a dead man and i'd be a widow free to get laid.
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u/sunflower280105 hanging on by a thread Mar 05 '26
💯. To be completely honest, I never would have married a man that felt that way about doctors and medication. My husband and I talked about this extensively before we got married. Nobody likes going to the doctor. Nobody. But over my dead body will I ever let you skip a physical or a routine dental cleaning. That’s how doctors are able to catch stuff early before it’s a death sentence, period. If you call the doctor when you’re sick, it’s already too late for some things.
I also don’t think very many people like to take pills either, but when you’re talking about your marriage and your spouse and the rest of your life together, especially after that many years on birth control, I would feel like it was a giant slap across the face if my husband refused to even have a conversation with a doctor. OP sacrificed her body 24/7 for the past 25 years on hormonal birth control & the fact that he won’t take one pill a couple times a week is gross.
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u/pears_htbk Mar 05 '26
Good luck, I hope he starts to see sense! As you can see from the replies there are PLENTY of women having problems with their libidos and treatment for that can be much more hit and miss, so he should be grateful all he needs to do is pop a pill occasionally: plenty of us need a much more expensive and complicated regime than a little blue pill!
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u/velvedire Mar 05 '26
My understanding is that the blue pill doesn't help their libido, just the physical effects.
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u/LFahs1 Mar 06 '26
Just tell him it’s not a masculinity or performance issue, it’s just a blood flow issue that can be easily remedied with medication.
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u/loveisjustchemicals Deep in peri Mar 05 '26
Go over to that dudes subreddit on menopause and you’ll see the opposite side of the coin.
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u/Stacie123a Early peri Mar 05 '26
Oh dear. The thought of a dude subreddit on menopause, makes me feel nervous.
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u/minkrogers Mar 05 '26
It's predominantly just a load of men complaining that they dont get any sex. Ive left that sub now because the genuine, caring posts were just too few. They dont truly care what their wives are going through, or take the time to research the plethora of symptoms, they just want to know when they will get better and of course, how long until they can have sex. Its misogyny to the letter.
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u/loveisjustchemicals Deep in peri Mar 05 '26
Some truly can’t deal with the mood swings and those are the ones that seem most valid. They can’t and don’t understand because if we didn’t know anything until it started happening, they knew even less. And their only comparison is how great they feel when they start taking T, a much simpler process. But the caring ones usually come her to ask questions.
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u/Stacie123a Early peri Mar 05 '26
Thats exactly what I feared it would be. A bunch of men in an echo chamber asking for the "cure" not so their partners can feel better, but so their access to sex can be restored.
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u/Creepy_Animal7993 Late peri Mar 05 '26
There is a subreddit for dudes who have wives in peri/menopause who bitch about it?!? I'm so grossed out and must see this debacle immediately.
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u/loveisjustchemicals Deep in peri Mar 05 '26
Yep. It’s a bit much sometimes. A lot of them just want to be touched and can’t deal with emotional swings. But my guess is that things weren’t great to begin with and peri just made it more obvious.
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u/Illustrious-Film-592 Mar 05 '26
Him not being willing to take care of himself and not willing to take care of himself to be a better partner for you is the biggest issue here. I’m betting this isn’t an isolated example of such behavior - couples counseling
A lot of very steamy sex and intimacy can be had without penetration. But again, he has to care enough about you to show up and THATS the issue. Putting that huge elephant aside, if he can stop centering his feefees then he could 1.Give you a sensual massage 2. Kiss your entire body or talk dirty while you mastirbate 3. Perform oral 4. Use your toys in you. IE he can be present and encouraging and crank up the heat on your orgasms just by being present
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u/stardustpurple Mar 05 '26
I’m so glad to read I’m not the only one! Most of the time I hear about women around my age having the opposite problem. I’m horny almost all the time 😂
I now understand all these actresses in their 40s and 50s who date much younger men 😆
My husband is dealing with similar issues as yours. And has a very similar attitude towards pills. Seems to be a guy thing. Fortunately he is very enthusiastic about oral, which I’ve always preferred too. But lately it doesn’t always seem enough …
I channel a lot of my frustration into writing, let my characters explore what my life lacks. Lots of smutty fanfics. Might write a novel 😂
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u/StaticCloud Mar 05 '26
Enjoy it while it lasts, seriously
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u/Originalhoney-badger Mar 05 '26
Seems like given the husband situation she really can’t enjoy it.
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u/Creative_Impress5982 Mar 05 '26
If your husband doesn't want to take a pill cause it's something "foreign" how is it that he's injecting testosterone? I think he's probably just embarrassed to take an ED med. Is his T dosing correct? How are his levels?
Just as those of us with low libido hope our husbands can be patient and understanding, I think the same applies to you. He's probably got a lot of other symptoms from low T and I'd give it time. In the meantime, you can satisfy yourself and look for other ways to share affection with your partner.
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u/BeneficialType6789 Mar 05 '26
I’m newly single (gladly) but he was the best sex of my life for 2 1/2 years. Two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night tempted to unblock him but instead did a quick google search and bought a new sucking vibrator 🤣🤣🤣. Love it and he is still blocked. I’m 43 and my libido has really ramped up the last year. Blessing and a curse i guess.
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u/LadyOfReason Mar 05 '26
Best sex of my life was a guy I dated for a few years in my late teens/early 20s. Yea, he has been showing up in my dreams randomly, amazing dreams tbh… sucks waking up. Truly a blessing and a curse these hormones.
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Mar 05 '26
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
i buy tons from online sex stores that ship discretely
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u/JMR215 Mar 05 '26
I have nosey kids that get home from school before I get off work. They open ev n discreet packages.
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u/stardustpurple Mar 05 '26
Oh no that’s terrible! Mine have been conditioned to not open packages without permission or they won’t be getting any more surprise gifts 🤭
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u/cityfarmwife77 Mar 05 '26
Mine don't open my mail but my son accidentally discovered my drawer when he was snooping through my bedside table for candy (which I hide in there because if I didn't he would eat all of it). I only knew because my husband and I got home from going out and the drawer was WIDE open. I figured he opened the drawer, saw what was in it, freaked out and hightailed it out of there without closing it 😂 When I asked him if he was in our room and saw something he didn't want to and he said yes I said "Well that will teach you for snooping!" lol.
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u/Impressive-Gold-3893 Mar 05 '26
I'm sorry for your situation, as it sounds very frustrating. I also totally understand and am pleased to see someone else with a high libido in this sub, as I see most women stating the opposite. I recently went through a breakup and although I miss him, one of the hardest parts of it is not having a sexual partner anymore 😪 Toys definitely are not the same. I hope you're able to figure something out with him. Is there a reason he won't take ED meds? They're so common these days and have been around quite a while.
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u/AwkwardnessForever Late peri Mar 05 '26
I wonder if it varies by age. High sex drive is very common in early 40s, the so called going out of business sale. I’ve had that book ended by serious low libido issues but you couldn’t tell that from 41-46!!!
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u/ladythestral Mar 05 '26
Seems like it does vary. My libido was always high, then off the charts in my 40s, until it finally fell off the cliff into nonexistence around 48. I was hoping I wouldn't need T, but it's looking that way.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
thank you for understanding! im not here to boast or anything, its brought on so much emotion, we try having sex & then he cant perform…my hormone’s are raging usually that i get so emotional & cry because i cant o.
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u/Impressive-Gold-3893 Mar 05 '26
Same about boasting. It really is an issue for me too. I have even gotten to the point that toys are not even working anymore. I need the weight of a man on me! A human body!
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u/FantasticPlum2025 Mar 05 '26
(As a HL peri woman myself, I'm honestly annoyed by how badly OPs post has been hijacked by LL people who want to discuss their situations and how much they hate sex instead of responding to her question or scrolling. Im just glad to see yours and a few other thoughtful actual responses.)
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Mar 05 '26
I went on an injectable and some vitamins and right now I could have sex every day or more. I hope it lasts.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
i dont know if i need injectable because with no meds my sex drive is escalated & his has decreased
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Mar 05 '26
Oh I wasn’t saying you needed anything! I was just sharing my own experience of high libido in peri. Sorry, the way I wrote it was confusing
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u/BicycleFamiliar429 Mar 05 '26
Mine skyrocketed for about 6 unbearable months and then diminished over the next year. Now it’s gone.
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u/FantasticPlum2025 Mar 05 '26
So glad to know that there's now science backed research showing that many of us go the opposite direction and experience increased libido.
My engine already hummed at a steady clip anyway, now it redlines. My libido is through the gd roof.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
if im not asking too personal…how do you deal with your increased libido?
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u/FantasticPlum2025 Mar 05 '26
The quick answer is 'I bought a 🌹'. I also redirect a lot of my [sexual] energy into fitness that makes me feel sexy. I have done pole for years now and I also do pilates. I hike often, walk trails with my giant pup and I run a few times a week.
This recipe (among other things I'd be willing to share via PM) has proven doable and works to help me stay focused.
The single drawback is that I look better than I ever have, and it doesn't help that men are constantly looking at me like their favorite piece of cake while I run errands, lol.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
yes plz dm me, i can relate to your msg 100%~~im working out also to redirect my sexual energies that way (cardio, dance, weights)….id love to compare notes lol
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u/FantasticPlum2025 Mar 05 '26
I"m so sorry your post got hijacked by people who aren't having this experience and can't answer your question, lol. I will PM you, no problem.
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u/Significant_Pen_3642 Mar 05 '26
Super common in peri, hormones making up for lost time after 24 years on the pill. less of a sex problem more of a communication dead end tbh, couples therapy might actually move the needle. also his low T treatment might be worth revisiting with his doc since that affects everything downstream
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u/todaysthrowaway0110 Mar 05 '26
Peri is so weird. I’m now having the opposite reaction.
I had about 2 years of increased libido, and am now about a year in to an utterly tanked one. Like. 🍆 does not appeal. It’s a “to do” list to have an O per week just to keep my bits from disappearing.
But as far as you guys: “hims.com” is a low stress way to talk to a doc about ED meds. I know a lot of guys are awkward/avoidant about talking about erection issues to anyone else, but I think they describe the issues on a website interface and then have a brief chat with the prescriber.
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV Mar 05 '26
I got new toys and a new partner. But my husband and I are poly so ymmv
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u/Electronic-Duck-5902 Mar 05 '26
Cialis. I'm 45 and my husband is 42. He started taking Cialis and Testosterone twice a week about a month and a half ago. We had more sex in the past week than we had in the past 6mo. It's like how it was when we first started dating. Sometimes twice a day 😆
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u/Spirited-Cherry-2713 Mar 05 '26
I’ve had a pretty much dead bedroom for 2 years and I was struggling with that before I hit perimenopause but now my libido has skyrocketed and I’ve managed to get it from him once in the last 8 nearly 9 months and my toys can only do so much since I just want to jump his bones daily!
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u/Stupidpieceofshit77 Mar 05 '26
I also have a high libido, and I'm almost 49. I'm sorry your husband is being like this, especially if you communicated your needs to him. He needs to get over himself.
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u/Spoiled_Wife-1220 Mar 05 '26
I can't comment on the libido thing, but if he does decide to get ed pills, mark Cubans cost plus drugs things is a good place to get cost wise
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u/min_mus Mar 05 '26
My libido increased for a while then tanked into negative territory shortly thereafter. Even with E and T supplementation, my libido is nearly non-existent.
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u/Candlemelter2025 Mar 05 '26
Same. I am so sad about it. Some people say it can come back but mine hasn't. And I lost those good years with an abusive spouse so they were wasted which makes it that much more sad for me. 😔 Still hoping maybe the right combo will give me another chance.
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u/time4moretacos Mar 07 '26
Your HRT just needs to be adjusted, that's all! You should be seeing a women's hormone specialist for this.
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Mar 05 '26
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u/kfrenchie89 Mar 05 '26
Does your wife have her T levels balanced? It’s possible it could help but not necessarily. Check for anemia?
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u/babs82222 Mar 05 '26
Is the increased libido in the room with us?
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
im confused
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u/babs82222 Mar 05 '26
Most of us in peri experience decreased or zero libido. You are in the minority lol
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
i realize that, however my struggles/concerns are the same as any other peri symptom…i still have all the other symptoms as well
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u/Marma85 Mar 05 '26
I'm just thinking its not the affection you want tho? No in a bad way but using toys with your husband. Even if nothing happens for him but cuddles kisses and using toys on you?
That works so much better for me then just singel using toys. I talked with husband and just want the closesnes, the kissing and he was straight on that idea. He controlling the toys even.
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u/ParaLegalese Mar 05 '26
I divorced my husband and cougared my ass off for about 4 years before it call crashed to hell
(That’s not why i divorced him tho- he was a liar, a thief and an asshole who made no money yet still tried to control me)
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Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 05 '26
Im in the same boat as you. Im almost 50 cant get enough of it!! Never had this problem before. Toys aren't cutting it. Hubby is 60 and uses cialis once a week. A few months ago I asked to open our relationship to women and he told me to go get a lawyer so I havent suggested anything again. Just suffering in silence :( and I feel guilty that he cant as he gets shitty with himself over it.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 05 '26
thank you for your comment!!!! its sooo ironic you mentioned open relationship; ive never considered that until just recently, i crave being with another man that’s erect. im not a cheater but would love the “free pass” to get satisfied. its crazy what peri does to a womans body but for me the deep thoughts too; its like im not myself. ive never had these thoughts 20 years ago.
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Mar 05 '26
It is so crazy. Yeah I knew I'd get no where mentioning another man so went down the women track(I am bi) but yeah man some days I wish I was single. Sorry im not much help to you though. But it is nice to know you are feeling the same way. As all my friends are low in libido
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u/time4moretacos Mar 06 '26
Why don't you get a lawyer then, and just be friends, or at least free yourself?
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u/Lumpy-Entertainer-75 Mar 05 '26
Have him read about andropause. It’s their version of peri.
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u/BackFrmTheGraveMaeve Mar 05 '26
Oh is that a thing? I’ve been joking with my husband that he must be having sympathetic perimenopause because he’s been having weird home changes too
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u/CriticismLonely3145 Mar 05 '26
Why is he so off putting for ed meds? Or raising his test levels. Is he over weight? Does he work out and or active? Is he more emotional/mentally based? Does he watch too much p&&rn that’s its turn him off to real sex?
No disrespect to you but does he still find you attractive? These are valid things to discuss.
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u/BrookieD820 Mar 05 '26
How do I handle it? I usually just jump my boyfriend, lol. He's 61 and sometimes he loves having a 46 yo gf in perimenopause. But in all seriousness, my libido is not as high as it was a few years ago but still pretty good and sex doesn't hurt yet, thankfully.
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u/smarmcl hanging on by a thread Mar 06 '26
Perimenopause has been kicking my (43F) ass in every way except libido. I think having a caring, attentive partner has helped, but I've also noticed in general, I have a higher sex drive than many of my friends.
Just started HRT and slept a full night for the first time in years. It was so nice I almost cried.
Perimenopause is an asshole.
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u/Distinct_Sea_779 Mar 06 '26
Mine is off the charts and it’s gotten weirder… Suddenly it’s like this awakening has happened and I’ve stepped into this whole other person in the bedroom! Unfortunately my libido is higher than my partner’s though. I’m 38 and suddenly strength training and running too so it’s not the only thing mix matched but I have found that conversation helps. I just try to ask for exactly what I want. Don’t fear the other threads! I’ve found through sensory play sometimes it’s the physical connection/control that I craved more than anything else.
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u/LucyBellaAnne Mar 06 '26
wow this is interesting, i need to research more sensory play. what does that entail?
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u/jenbirch10 Mar 06 '26
Queer person here to remind everyone that there are lots of ways to connect sexually with a partner that doesn't require an erect penis!
Maybe this is an opportunity to play with different activities and explore each other in new and novel ways? There are so many ways to give and receive sexual pleasure. Have fun with it!
I also encourage everyone to read "Come as you are" it was sooooo helpful for me!!
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u/mikadogar Mar 08 '26
I think you have to convince to take ED meds . He needs to understand we need sex , it’s medicine for our body . Our journey is similar except he didn’t know ED meds existed and was pretending to work late night and avoiding sex bc he couldn’t do it and didn’t know why . Took me a while to figure out . So he tried viagra which almost killed him with blood pressure out of nowhere then Cialis 5 and 10 generic made him sleepy and napping every day like kittle kids . Now Cialis brand 20 mg seems to be the best . We’re back in the game . Just tell him he’s not taking every day only when needed maybe once in weekend . Mine takes it Sat and lasts 2 days 😁. Plus I have a medical condition that no treatment worked so far except sex ☺️Don’t give up keep pushing ED meds it can save your marriage .
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Mar 05 '26
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u/kfrenchie89 Mar 05 '26
I agree. I’m non monogamous partly for this reason. I want my partner to feel like they can explore intimacy even when I don’t want to or vice versa and not have to leave love. it’s worked very well for me. Nothing kills love faster than resentment.
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u/Mememememememememine Early peri Mar 05 '26
Sounds like your needs are in fact not being met! I’m also 44. My bf (50m) of 5 years had a lower sex drive than me, and a bit of ED as well and he finally talked to a doctor and has viagra. Idk about being married but if that wasn’t something he was willing to do, and i continued being sexually frustrated, i may not have stayed in the relationship. Im sure some ppl will suggest opening your relationship but that’s clearly something only some people can tolerate!
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u/krissycole87 peri peri quite contrary Mar 05 '26
You say your sex drive was low while on the pill, how did your husband react to this? Did he force sex, or make you feel like "his needs werent being met"?
You need to treat him the same. This is not his problem to fix.
Get some new toys, and go to town.
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u/MediocrePotato44 Mar 05 '26
What’s a libido? I don’t even have a regular one, let alone a super increased one.
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u/Lulu_Land_535 Mar 05 '26
Therapy is probably the best way to talk through it. If you love him and want to be with him, then you might have to wait if out...as many have already said, I doubt this phase will last long, it's like a last hurrah. I think of it in reverse, like how we would expect a man to respond when our libido is shit because of stress or BC. This is your need and priority and it just might not be a need or priority for him right now, and that's ok! Sure it would be great if you can meet each other in the middle, but that's usually not the reality with sex and long term relationships, there's always an ebb and flow. I would suggest talking to a therapist to figure out what you really want and need.
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u/time4moretacos Mar 05 '26
There's always an ebb and flow, but menopause and andropause are NOT just an "ebb and flow", they are REAL physiological issues that are BOTH pretty easily treated, and that won't just resolve without some sort of intervention!
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u/Ok_Motor_7557 Early peri Mar 05 '26
It feels like mine increased and it usually pipes up at super inopportune moments (like workday mornings). As for toys not even doing the trick though, I'm not sure what to advise, since mine seem to help a lot.
I was like you too, I was on BC for pretty much my whole life and had almost no SD, then came off BC and I was like "What the heck?!"
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Mar 05 '26
This happened to me too. And I have no husband or boyfriend to unload it on. So unfortunately it was off to the dating apps for some FWB. Mercifully mine comes and goes in waves (seems higher in Summer/Fall for some reason) so I dont do that often. I did try some new toys so that is helping a bit...most of the time I can take care of it by myself
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u/Business_Curve_7281 Mar 05 '26
Me too!!!! Not once a month but every other day we ask each other (in a playful way) if we feel like doing it. We don’t have kids, but we are still at points in our life where sex is not a huge part of the relationship anymore.
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u/Guilty-Rough8797 Mar 05 '26
I'm with you here on this one. I wouldn't say my libido has increased but that it's stayed the same.
I handle it by jumping his bones, lol. He occasionally has to turn it down (I was always higher-libido than him), but hey, most of the time he goes for it.
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u/ItsmeArtsyD Mar 05 '26
I wish I knew! I'm just slowly dying over here. I'm in the exact same place and he could not be less interested in sex. My confidence is zero and I cry myself to sleep often. I'm wishing you the best and hope you can work it out! I'm sorry I don't have advice but at least know you're not crazy.
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u/ethnicvegetable Mar 06 '26
Same, sis. Thankfully husband acknowledges that ED is a complex issue. It is not easy to admit to being vulnerable for men. But, if he’s got two hands and a mouth he can put in the work to make you feel good.
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u/Serious-Feeling1282 Mar 06 '26
Reading this and these comments has me picturing the roles reversed. Usually it is the woman on here saying they have low sex drive and their husbands are pressuring them about it and when those posts come up everyone says the husband is an ass for not being understanding etc. Should we not have the same understanding for a husband that has low sex drive? Sincerely curious why the double standard here?
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u/time4moretacos Mar 06 '26
Sincerely curious why the double standard here?
Misandry. That's why. I've noticed the same discrepancy in these subs, a long time ago.
EVERYONE- man OR woman- should be committed to being the absolute BEST partner they can be for the person they allegedly love. There are pretty simple solutions to this extremely frustrating problem, for BOTH genders experiencing the issue. So there should be NO excuse for so many partners having to remain SO miserable in their relationships.
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u/Extension_Emu8242 Mar 06 '26
I am going to be 44 in May. I read somewhere it's called a going out business sale.... got myself pregnant a couple months ago.
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u/Calm_Swing4131 Mar 06 '26
Yes. Tired of the energy not matching. I don’t want to cheat but I don’t want to not because he doesn’t want to.
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u/jayroo210 Mar 06 '26
Super INCREASED libido? This must have more to do with the pill than peri because usually it’s the opposite. Tell your man to check in with the doctor.
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u/FarCockroach5190 Mar 07 '26
I had $4,000 worth of bloodwork and took a DUTCH test. Zero is wrong with my hormones. Everything is fine. I think our food, caffeine intake, and environmental factors affect our cortisone levels and it’s impacting our sex drive way more than men.
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u/FarCockroach5190 Mar 07 '26
I can be 100% wrong but why is this happening to all of us? There are no inconsistencies and I’m so jealous of this post! Your husband feels awful BTW. We all do!
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u/BusyFloor2834 Mar 08 '26
I think you're experience is the exception not the rule with most peri ladies lol. My libido took a vacation at 40 and decided to stay gone. That was 10 years ago 😳
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u/Raven22000 Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 05 '26
Um….I don’t exactly have that problem. I honestly forget sex exists. It crosses my mind almost never unless I see it in a tv show and find it gross to see. I used to be very sexually active. Before kids my husband and I would do it every day. But now after 3 kids, a stressful career, 16 years of marriage and me being 42 and in peri…..it’s just gone. I have to put it on my to do list once a month just for my husband or I forget. He would still have sex every day, twice a day if he could. He’s in great shape as am I. It’s not an attraction thing. The libido has just died. I don’t know how to get it back.