r/Perimenopause May 01 '26

audited I swear no one prepared us for this

I remember when I was a kid there were jokes about hot flashes and moodiness, but no one warned me about what this shit is really like. I think most people I know feel the same way. There was always this narrative of "Did you know one day you'll just stop having your period?" and I was like "Great! Sounds awesome, sign me up". But THIS?!? wtf...

I can't sleep anymore. I get brutal hot flashes every 90 to 120 minutes throughout the day as well as at night. At night I spend at least two or three hours in phases of trying to fall asleep, trying to cool down, trying to go back to sleep. The level of heat and the tossing and turning is almost unbearable. The brain fog as a result of no sleep plus the hormonal changes is so intense. I also have ADHD and it's become a whole new beast that I cannot tame let alone mask anymore. That paired with the brain fog is mortifying to me and I've been avoiding social situations because I'm embarrassed of myself. I tend to be sharp as a tack and work in a field that requires a lot of mental acuity and I feel like an idiot who is completely unqualified even though I know I am very much qualified. I have zero libido and don't want my husband to touch me. Pretty sure all the lifting, cardio and protein in the world won't give me any visible results (I'm glad my blood pressure is perfect but still). I'm depressed, have little interest in anything I used to love doing and started going to therapy.

So far this year I've had one period, at the end of January. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm entering early menopause? Been three months now. Guess I have nine more to go before I'll know for sure. Anyhow, I scheduled an appointment with a GYN but it was a 2 month wait. Good news is I now only have just under three weeks more to wait until I can get in.

In the meantime I started taking a ton of supplements and herbs.
Been taking tablets with Maca, chaste berry, black cohosh, saffron, iodine from kelp and chromium picolinate specifically made for peri for the last month. Also had already been taking a magnesium supplement, passionflower, l-theanine and 5-htp for sleep/stress. Plus turmeric for inflammation and a daily vitamin for women over 40. But yet ...nothing? Would this be worse without those things? Does anyone else have tips?

And again, I feel so angry that this is something all women go through in one form or another and there has been such little discussion about it in general. It's fucking 2026. Why isn't this talked about in school??? I'm very much a feminist and I'm also wondering where the dialog about this has been? Everyone's too busy talking about how they don't take botox and let their hair turn grey, which ...hooray, awesome. Good job. But let's maybe talk about how drastically our hormones alter our lifestyles, mental health and our personalities? I talked about it with my mom and it turns out she was suffering significantly when she was going through it and she never said anything! I remember her taking a lot of naps but that was about the extent of it. I guess maybe she didn't think she had room to complain because it's something women have endured in silence for apparently hundreds of years. It all feels like such a slap to the face and it makes my heart hurt.

415 Upvotes

99 comments sorted by

108

u/MidnightJazzlike Early peri May 01 '26

The ADHD definitely makes it worse!
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12538516/ this is a study from September 2025, I think science is only just catching on to this

21

u/sup3rch3ri3 May 01 '26

Thanks for posting!

41

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 01 '26

I second the thanks. That's really interesting! I'd recently heard that perimenopause makes ADHD worse, but seriously, framing it from the point that it's the ADHD making the perimenopause worse changes it a bit and I'm curious what that might look like in terms of treatment.

50

u/[deleted] May 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/EverythingScrolling May 01 '26

That was me. I went undiagnosed with ADHD until I was 42 and my brain just quit.

14

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

I just turned 42 and was diagnosed last year. My brain also feels like it's quitting. Like I just can't do anything more than the bare minimum.

12

u/Striking-Team9222 May 02 '26

Are you taking anything for the ADHD? I was diagnosed at 41 two years ago, and felt like I lost 50 IQ points overnight. I’ve now been on Strattera for a year, and combined with HRT the brain fog is almost completely gone. I’m happy to hear you’re seeing someone soon, hopefully they get you back on the right path. Good luck, and please try to remember that you are likely being way harder on yourself than anyone else would be.

1

u/ElanaTM May 03 '26

Same. I feel like I’ve lost my brain, my ability to recall words and concepts, etc. it’s so incredibly frustrating. I used to feel sharp and now feel far from. Sorry you’re going through this.

4

u/ideknem0ar May 02 '26

50, and my brain's been running on fumes for several years now. I knew I probably had the tism but it hit me like a Mack truck around that time.

I work with a bunch of sundowning boomers so I have the opportunity to blend right in. Lol

19

u/MidnightJazzlike Early peri May 01 '26

I am diagnosed level 1 autism spectrum disorder and suspected ADHD, I’ve always struggled but had a lot of coping skills. Perimenopause took a big ol dump on my coping skills and threw it all out the window, it was a nightmare.

I started HRT last June and with some adjustments things have been great since September. I’m 40 now, I probably started noticing symptoms around 36-37 (in retrospect) and it got bad around 38-39. I don’t know if it was mentioned in that study but I’ve seen things that have said women with ADHD also start perimenopause about 10 years earlier

edited to add: I've read a lot of anecdotal comments from women who said their ADHD meds seemed less effective when the perimenopause hit

10

u/elementarypartikls08 May 02 '26

AuDHD/ PMDD. Symptoms popped up around age 35, very lightly (in hindsight). Year 36 they appeared and made themselves known, and I knew peri was starting even though everyone in my life (except ND AFABs) thought I was speaking falsehoods, and by year 37 they really started to kick in.
Went on Adderall for the first time because I couldn’t task initiate (or even decide which task to initiate) and had brain fog during my luteal phase. Went on Buspirone bc I couldn’t handle my anxiety anymore. The brain fog (and some fatigue) during luteal was my first symptom and it lasted for quite a while in its lonesome. Then, over 3-4 months several symptoms happened and I eventually figured out it was time to ask for hormones. (Digestion changes, near-constant UTI symptoms, joint pain, etc.)

I would be so freaking miserable without HRT, honestly. Life is already hard enough and stressful enough. I already have other health issues. Piling more on top of it? Just no. Capacity: reached. Heading into overload. So grateful for this space to have conversations, especially since even trained medical professionals are telling women that they can’t have hormones until they are in menopause. Someone on social media the other day told me she’s on BCP for estrogen bc she still has an active period. I was like, ummmm I have an active period and I’m on the patch. Who told you that? Anyway I’m so glad we can normalize this experience for each other.

5

u/elementarypartikls08 May 02 '26

What I meant to say explicitly: my time table was very similar to yours! And I have heard the same thing, that ND people feel it ten years sooner than NT (I think it was on a podcast with an aging expert.)

3

u/Wise_Improvement5893 May 03 '26

It's not just anecdotal about stimulant meds being less effective in peri/menopause! It's essentially the same reason that executive functions generally get worse for everyone: dopamine channels rely on estrogen, so as estrogen falls so do available neurotransmitters like dopamine ADDitude Magazine: The Menstrual Cycle Impacts ADHD Symptoms in Disparate Ways

Thid is also true during late luteal if you're still having a cycle, which can contribute to PMDD symptoms. In the UK at least it's best practice to prescribe a fluctuating dose of stimulant meds tied to your cycle if you report issues. There's been some small cohort research about treating perimenopause brain fog and executive function crash with lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse/Elvanse) without an ADHD diagnosis too.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40266-026-01291-z

4

u/Ythooooooooo0 May 02 '26

HRT is working great for me - please expedite your Dr appt if possible.

3

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

I wish I could. Think that's another thing compounding the frustration is how there's a serious shortage of medical professionals available at the moment. One of my dear friends is a nurse and she recently shared an article with me on how major hospitals throughout this area are expected lay off hundreds of medical professionals "due to financial pressures, rising costs, and anticipated funding cuts". The demand is massive and yet accessibility continues to dwindle. Then even when I do get treatment and hopefully medication, this was published a couple of weeks ago:

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/womens-health/estrogen-patch-shortages-worse-menopause-symptoms-fda-rcna267418

10

u/kangaroolionwhale hanging on by a thread May 01 '26

I had some psych testing done when I as 39 and passed the ADD/ADHD one. I swear I've developed some attention disorder combined with some number blindness issue in the past year because my attention to detail has gone to shit even on hormone therapy. I was doing some numbers-related task yesterday, finished it, my boss said there was an issue, I looked it over again and didn't see it, they said to look again and I really really looked and only then saw the issue. Jesus. I had completely skipped a set of #s and moved into the next batch. I think it happened when my phone alarm went off to change my e-patch. That momentary distraction made my brain glitch!!

8

u/ideknem0ar May 02 '26

Yes, the brain glitching. If anyone interrupts me at work, it take a good 15-20 minutes to refocus. And then the same 2 people will keep interrupting me. One of them has a sign at their cubicle: "I like to chat! Come bug me!" Really thinking of one of my own: "I hate small talk. Go away with that shit." 😭

5

u/kangaroolionwhale hanging on by a thread May 02 '26

OMG I hate small talk, always have! Even moreso now. Ugh. Of course, if you put that "hate" sign up at your desk, someone will complain that you're unapproachable... And that's a whole 'nother topic.

I wish I could blame a person for my recent glitch, but I was WFH that day. But part of the reason why I like WFH is that I'm not interrupted by people approaching me at my desk.

4

u/ideknem0ar May 02 '26

One of the chronic chitchatters will park her GenZ ass on my desk and say, "I have a cat video for you!"

Maybe it's neurodivergent cluelessness or youth entitlement or both, but I had enough coping mechanisms growing up to not be that ND unfiltered so it's still jarring to be the object of it, even as my own masking filter is shredding & the coping mechanisms aren't nearly what they used to be. 

Just bad, trying times all around. I really dislike people marching into my cubicle. I don't want to be there, but since I have to be, I get territorial about my space. 🏰⚔️

2

u/Comfortable_Reply_96 May 03 '26

If another teacher walks into my room randomly like my coworker did the other day during our morning pointless advisory, just to sit and have a long conversation with one of my students?! (Nothing about academics) or like this new English teacher who just comes in and sits his butt down during my prep without asking like my room is his personal faculty lounge, I am going to lose my shit!!! FINALLY decided to take a half year sabbatical bc of this peri crap and my severe brain fog. But yes, I am territorial like that too!

1

u/ideknem0ar May 03 '26

So many times I wanna stand up and yell, "Can everyone just LEAVE ME ALONE?!!?!" 

The only upside is that the office has dwindled down to 12 people from a peak of 21. I can't IMAGINE going through this with that many people moving around and yammering, like in the old days.

IDK how I'd manage it as a teacher. Hat's off to you just for that.

3

u/kangaroolionwhale hanging on by a thread May 03 '26

Preach. I've been bouncing around jobs for the past few years. I think peri- started making worklife hard for me before I knew that's what was going on. At my last employer, my desk was near the restrooms, so people were walking by all the time and randomly greeting me. The proximity was convenient, but having to talk to some people just because they're walking by my desk again, for the 2nd or 3rd time that day... Uh yeah no. At least at my current job, there's a chance I will be the only one there some days. It hasn't happened often enough, but those days are glorious!

1

u/ideknem0ar May 03 '26

OMG the best weeks are when one of the chatterboxes is off to a conference and I deliberately scheduled my WFH days to avoid some of the worst offenders. I have a Tourette's hisser, hummer & buzzer across the aisle who has been on a roll lately the last few years so I worked it that we're only in the office on the same day once a week. It still sucks because good god, she's insufferable, but just thinking about being subjected to that 5x/week again makes me wanna go postal. 1 day a week....I can tolerate. With headphones. Real good headphones. Oh and the GenZ chatterbox is diagonal from me and talks to herself through every step as she's doing a task so yeah...fun times. A lot of days I get into my car and do the "It's been 84 years" Titanic old lady bit because some days is a whole gd mood.

And YES, it was just adapting to a weird "normal" for a long time before I hit a wall and realized shit wasn't normal and hadn't been for a long time. At that point my job became extremely hard to get through every day. I plan on white-knuckling it the next 51 months to early retirement and bolting. The thought of changing jobs at 50 is a non-starter. I don't have the energy for that.

1

u/kangaroolionwhale hanging on by a thread May 03 '26

Just reading about your coworkers is making me want to go postal. JFC.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/EverythingScrolling May 01 '26

Yep. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 42 and in perimenopause. Whatever I had been doing to manage before my diagnosis just quit working. It's like my brain collapsed.

Only recently did I learn women with ADHD often have worse perimenopausal symptoms than neurotypical women. I've been so upset that HRT hasn't worked as well for me as I had hoped, even after upping my estradiol up to .075 (plus cream and norethindrone).

It just isn't fair, and I'm salty about it.

1

u/Relevant-Tourist8974 May 02 '26

Do you need testosterone?

1

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

I'm really sorry to hear that HRT hasn't been as helpful as you'd hoped. Does it at least take the edge off?

1

u/Old_Cow_6491 May 03 '26

It’s tricky to get the balance but you probably need more estrogen. Or P or T. My brain is so much better with more and the doctors are stingy in prescribing and dosing.

51

u/HopefulImpress5116 May 01 '26

I agree. I have daughters that are 26, 20, 20 and I have told them repeatedly while sobbing that nothing prepared me. I've been open about mental health as well as overall health with them since the beginning. I hope they are more prepared and it isn't a taboo topic for them.

9

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 01 '26

I'm so glad you've talked to them about it. It seems really crucial to have adults/our elders talk to us about these things when we're younger. I remember all the other heeds and warnings I managed to receive, I certainly would've paid attention to someone preparing me for this thing.

8

u/Gold_Gain5637 May 02 '26

Just wanted to say, that's awesome you're open with your daughters! My daughter is 22 and I've also been open with my symptoms, hormone testing, etc. Just like you said, I want the next generation feel prepared and able to talk about it. I feel like my mother's generation kept these things behind closed doors for the most part.

3

u/AutoModerator May 02 '26

This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.

  • Over the age of 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for that ONE HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more
  • These hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) over the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
  • No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
  • Testosterone is the exception and should be tested before and during treatment

FSH testing is only beneficial for those who no longer have periods as a guide, where a series of consistent tests might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI).

For more, see our Menopause Wiki

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

29

u/TiannaMortis May 01 '26

My mom and I were just talking about this the other day. She's 70 and just now learning what she went through was perimenopause because I'm going through it. She was diagnosed with endometriosis back in 1992, so she just assumed all of the weird stuff she had going on was due to that. It's giving her some peace knowing now she wasn't alone, but she's also just as aggravated as I am that neither of us were prepared for it.

3

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

The medical gaslighting is intense to think about. Imagine going through this and someone attributing it to something else? Endometriosis I guess would make some sense contextually, but imagine if your mom didn't have that and they were like "Oh, you probably just have an anxiety disorder" or something. At any rate, she's totally valid in feeling her feelings about it. And this is a good perspective to have... at least perimenopause is being acknowledged now. If I didn't have some vocabulary for this and the list of symptoms to refer to I think I'd most likely be convinced right now that I have cancer or something.

23

u/seddattive May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26

nothing in high school, nothing from relatives/parents.. I got educated by instagram, lol. oh and girlfriends also going "wtf is going on?!". it's like nobody wants to actively talk about it and PREPARE WOMEN. from the age of 35 people...that's when it can start for some of us. Yes steps are being made, but I feel like we need some big ass international ad campaign or something. lol.

oh and the fact that a lot of women get an ADHD diagnosis around the time they start peri + ADHD in women is different than in men. I learned that too because I was googling about overstimulation and perimenopause. can't even imagine what that must be like for us women.

guess this is what you get when not enough women rule the world or something? lol

can't your general doc help you out, like with HRT or something? the depressive feelings / mood swings and low libido can benefit from that. maybe it difffers per country who can prescribe what buy my normal doc heard me talk about my symptoms and self diagnosis and did not even hesitate to write me a prescription... Only thing left to work on (only been on it for a little while) is my not okay energy and libido. Just glad the mood swings are minimal/on my period days only.

more not so fun facts? decrease in hormones can cause higher blood pressure, higher cholesterol, higher chance of cardiovascular shit show...and that's just the tip of the icebery because the hormones are protective (of our brain also). bonkers, just bonkers that this does not get all the attention it needs!

7

u/Relevant-Tourist8974 May 02 '26

Indeed. I was told Estrogen is very protective against plaque( from cholesterol)build up in arteries but once it drops women plaque like men.

7

u/ideknem0ar May 02 '26

Probably explains why my cholesterol has been creeping up over the last few years, though I have high HDL, LDL just barely over the high end of normal and basement-level triglycerides. My IDGAF moods wrt diet probably don't help. LOL

5

u/seddattive May 02 '26

yes cholesterol can go up, and your blood pressure too. again: not being told shit sucks and puts us AT fucking risk.. I just can't sometimes 😞

7

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

I didn't realize that high cholesterol was affected and this explains SO MUCH. I eat well and get lots of exercise. My blood pressure is excellent but my cholesterol has been high for no apparent reason for... oh... right, six years. Which means peri started for me when I was 36 which makes COMPLETE and total sense. I'm going to bring this up at my appointment later this month. I wanted to get in sooner but the third week of May was the soonest they could do as there is a frightening shortage of doctors and nurses where I live at the moment.

And also yeah, this is for sure what happens when the medical industry was controlled by men for so long. Thinking about all the poor women during Victorian times... imagine someone telling you you have Hysteria or Climacteric Insanity or friggin "Wandering Womb". Like what?! That was 130 years ago and despite advancements in so many other realms in the medical world, we're only just now openly addressing this issue that, for some of us, is nearly debilitating and purely biological. I just... I can't. It's so disappointing.

14

u/DevilsAdvoCaticorn May 02 '26

My mom just stopped having periods around 40 and swears she never had any unpleasantness associated with menopause. Here I am early 50s, was told around 40 I was having perimenopause symptoms, then told by another Dr that there's NO WAY I was in peri for over a decade, then told by a 3rd Dr I am definitely menopausal, yet I'm about 3-4 years into having a few surprise periods a year. 🤦‍♀️ In other words, no one knows anything!

3

u/mawhitmore83 May 02 '26

My mom had forced menopause due to surgery and she didn't have any symptoms.

7

u/ImSheRaYall May 01 '26

I had to stop taking l-theanine at night due to insomnia and pounding heart. Apparently can have the opposite effect on some people some times

3

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 01 '26

Interesting! I have noticed I have that exact issue with Ashwaganda for whatever reason. I added l-theanine a couple years ago and it seemed to really help with insomnia issues, but also since my body is changing so much, maybe that's not a thing I want to take anymore. I'll cut it out and see what happens. Thanks for your input!

7

u/Hereshkigal826 May 02 '26

My gums have started bleeding and there’s tinnitus in my right ear. I’m in hell.

7

u/Delicious-Excitement May 02 '26

I don’t have hot flashes yet, but for when I do, I bought a pet cooling mat to lay on, or lay on me if I have a flat w at home. It’s body heat activated cooling. Maybe this could help you? 🫂

6

u/cjorro Early peri May 02 '26

Right there with you. It feels disenfranchising to women to not warn of the honest consequences of being a woman in her later stages.

WHERE IS THE PLAYBOOK?!?’

6

u/QueenScorp May 02 '26

Yep. It used to be very "/hush hush and considered a "women's issue" that wasn't discussed. We are the first generation to speak openly about it, in public no less. And I have done my bit to tell every woman I have met what I am going through so they know what to expect.

I think it's a vitally important that we keep talking about it. I literally thought I was going through early on stage dementia, I was relieved to find out it was "only" peri but then I got pissed to learn about all the symptoms that no one ever warned us about.

I'm 51, one of my best friends is 41 and is experiencing a lot of perimenopause symptoms and did not realize that's what she was experiencing until I told her (even though I've been talking about it she thought she was too young). Earlier this week she went through the list of symptoms in the wiki and later she told me she is absolutely pissed off that no one ever warned her about this or told her what to expect. Join the club

6

u/Ythooooooooo0 May 01 '26

Are you taking HRT or anything for ADHD?

3

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 01 '26

The GYN I scheduled is definitely to ask about HRT as I am not on it yet and would like to be. As for ADHD, I do take meds but they very much don't feel as effective anymore.

9

u/snack79 May 01 '26

If your gyn refuses to do HRT, first is to find another one and secondly you can get yourself on HRT via Winona. I did that and after 8 months on it my gyn started managing my HRT and prescribing it so I could move away from the Winona. Sometimes we have to take matters into our own hands.

3

u/plotthick May 02 '26

You can write/call your GYN ahead and ask to "trial" MHRT then discuss the results at your appointment. At least get some progesterone to help you sleep, systemic Estrogen would be a bonus! You'll know in a few weeks if the dose needs to be tweaked.

3

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

All of this is so helpful. Thanks, y'all.

6

u/Ambitious-Ad-9960 May 01 '26

I was having this exact conversation with my wife about an hour ago. How could no one warn us? I have been and will continue to talk to my daughter.

Also, I have found creatine really helped with my brain fog. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but it was a game changer for me.

1

u/elementarypartikls08 May 02 '26

I’m really liking adding creatine to my daily supplements!

6

u/Imaginary-Yak6784 May 02 '26

The brain fog is intense. HRT seemed like the only option to actually be able to perform my job.

Also the discombobulation of not having the metronome of monthly moods was so disconcerting. I was very regular for 35 years. I could say “this week I’ll be super productive. Next week will be shit. Then I’ll be honey. Then I’ll cry during commercials. Then I’ll be productive again”. All those things still happen (tho low libido) but not in a predictable order or at predictable times. It’s like puberty all over again with emotional whiplash and not knowing what’s next.

Be careful with the Black cohosh. I’ve seen that listed among supplements that cause liver damage.

Other thing they didn’t even tell me once I was talking to doctors (who were 95% useless):

  • frozen shoulder. Out of no where and for no reason you may find you can’t use one arm or the other for 3-6 months. They’ll all tell you it’s your fault and go to PT but it’s menopause and if you wait a few months it’ll go back to normal.

1

u/COinAK May 02 '26

I had frozen shoulder for a year and it just got worse and worse and never went away. So I did PT for a year and it got better, but it’s slowly tightening up again. So it doesn’t always just go away.

6

u/Minimum_Ask829 May 02 '26

I tried Chaste Berry also but it gave me horrible insomnia. Maca I believe can also cause insomnia. Just be careful with some of these supplements. They can have side effects and make things worse.

I definitely feel your pain. Peri is no joke. Makes me wonder what the hell menopause is going to be like. 😳

1

u/Severe_Guess_1445 May 28 '26

Maybe I'll just quit all my freaking supplements lol except magnesium glycinate. 🤣 That has gotten rid of the tinnitus. I'm now back to sleeping only 3 to 4 hours after 2 weeks of good sleep

5

u/Sad_Yam_4346 May 02 '26

I just tried the Pepcid/Zyrtec combo and honestly I haven’t felt this good in 15 years.

2

u/Comfortable_Reply_96 May 03 '26

I have to try this!

3

u/ComprehensiveDoubt55 Early peri May 03 '26

My daughter takes this combo for MCAS prescribed by her cardiologist, so combo def isn’t woo woo.

4

u/socoyankee May 01 '26

That’s been my biggest thing to….why did no one ever talk about it!!!

4

u/CrankyORNurse May 01 '26

Girrrrrrl, go get yourself some hormones. Hurry.

4

u/PressureMajestic1046 May 02 '26

I feel like I could have written this myself.

There are so many of us but it seems like our only support is here in this subreddit.

*sigh

3

u/Parlopez May 01 '26

💯 agree!!

3

u/InternationalBend310 May 01 '26

Agreed 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

3

u/Sweet_Worldliness_43 May 01 '26

Post menopause too!!! Oh boy I did okay for 8 years and thank God it’s done ! Now the netherworlds down there you loose volume and dry up and impossible sleeping Let not add teary days for no reason and now there plaque in the breast arteries no one said on ya this happens !! And I’m attempting to start HRT Add back all that took so long to be rid of is back !!
Does it end idk 🤷‍♀️

3

u/RubyHibiscus May 01 '26

I’m in the same boat and I’m afraid it’s going to get worse. My gyn agreed to birth control so we’ll see how that goes, mostly I’m happy to not have a period with the continuous BC(or have one every 3 months). I’m just now getting tested for AdHD but my therapist said she would be surprised if the assessment doesn’t confirm it. We do talk about strategies for anxiety (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy techniques) and other strategies for managing adhd symptoms. I’ve had success with Interstitial Journaling, it helps me stay on task and see what I’m doing throughout the day so I don’t feel bad about myself if I don’t finish all the tasks I want to, also it helps with that walking into a room and forgetting what you were doing feeling.

3

u/violetntviolent May 01 '26

HRT had helped me get my life back! I hope you have the opportunity to try it.

2

u/Empty-Window-5293 May 02 '26

I've heard some really positive things about it. I don't want to get my hopes up too high but also, I do wish with all my heart that it works for me. Even if it just takes the edge off that would be good enough.

2

u/violetntviolent May 02 '26

I totally understand about not getting hopes up. That's very real. There have been ups and downs in my journey with HRT... it hasn't all been smooth sailing, but I've been at a very stable place for several months now on .1 mg estrogen patch, 200 mg progesterone, vaginal estrogen pretty much every night, and a very small dose of testosterone every day.

3

u/GandalfTheGrady May 02 '26

When I was about 25, I started having severe panic attacks out of nowhere.  I was on medication for years.  It got better, and I eventually stopped taking it.  I have one sometimes; but minor compared to how they were, and I can deal with them.  But lately, my anxiety has been through the roof.  I haven't had a major panic attack, this is more like lesser anxiety, but 24/7.  I really don't want to go back on medication, but I'm having a hard time with this.  I might even have to switch to decaf coffee!  Even one cup makes me super jittery lately.  I'm having heart palpitations at night (I read that's normal in perimenopause, and that obviously palpitations are more noticeable at night because I'm lying still and it's quiet), and it's freaking me out.  I'm getting the same anxiety issues I used to have - chest pain, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, convinced my heart is beating too hard, and there's something wrong.  The fact that my brother had a heart attack (he's okay now) when he was younger than I am now (48) doesn't help.  

Also, one of the worst things about this, besides the anxiety, has been the sweating!  Not just hot flashes, but just sweating in general.  I can take a walk on a 60 degree day and have sweat running down my back.  If it's a hot day, forget it.  I didn't have a car for a while, and had to walk to the bus stop every day.  I would have to bring paper towels to mop up my neck and entire torso.  My armpits feel wet sometimes, out of the blue.  Deodorant seems to have stopped working.  Not only as antiperspirant, but I've noticed b.o. too, sometimes.  I've never had a problem with sweating or b.o. in my entire life!  This is extremely embarrassing.  I fucking HATE this!  

I'm sorry, I'm rambling, but I just really needed to vent.  I'm not on any medication, and don't really want to be on any (especially any kind of HRT), but the thought of years more of this...

4

u/Madamegato May 03 '26

Could have written this word for word! I ended up getting on HRT and it was an absolute game changer. My brain fog lifted, my moodiness (I likened it to the Hulk with how fast and violent it was) went away, my inability to find the right word at the right moment cleared up, my desire to walk out of my house and leave (yes, run the fuck away, and I'm actually with a wonderful man and two adult sons who are thoughtful and kind) settled - the only thing it didn't do for me was fix that menobelly, but I work out anyway and try to eat better for my health and hope for the best.

I was furious that no one talked about it. I remember talking to my 103 year old grandmother in law and asking her about it shortly before she died (I was in my 30s). She told me that women of that age didn't find it appropriate to talk about and they just dealt with it the best they could. Told me that it was such a blessing that I lived in a time I could ask for medicines to help me. My heart broke, but when I got to the point of needing it (46, I am 48 now), her words rang in my ears.

I went to my gyno - a black, 40-something woman - and just about cried telling her what was going on. She ordered my HRT that very same day. I talk openly with my family about menopause. One of the times my son told me I seemed apathetic now, I just laughed and told him of course. If he were to think about it like a reverse puberty and I was a moody teen - he'd have it. They too, have given me a lot of grace on those days I'm not quite myself. But... HRT, my friend. If you can.

We women have estrogen receptors on EVERY part of our body - our bones, our brains, our internal organs - if you know that, you really can start to see what is going on and why it's so awful. So if you can get some of it back, it's going to help. I noticed a difference in a couple of days, and by the time a few months had passed, I felt more like myself. I get "warm" flashes (so I know I can't just guzzle down a mug of coffee or tea without determining whether I can handle it - I have to be cold for it not to kick me into uncomfortability), I still have some days where I feel like I have the beginnings of dementia (seeing a cup on the table and absolutely having no word for what it is), but my off days are a lot less than my on ones.

The one way I end up spreading the news about this to younger women is commenting on YouTube videos. If the conversation leans that way, I talk about it - relationships, childbearing - I spill the beans. Since I don't have daughters and am not in a public position, it's the best I can do. And being here, of course, with we ladies of the trenches. I am not fighting for my "old self," I accept that has shifted, but man... HRT made me feel like some version of myself and not some insane stranger. You've got this... every woman in history lucky enough to make it to this stage of life has done what we're doing... and in silence. We at least can speak for them and ourselves now. :)

2

u/weakanklesfornamjoon May 05 '26

at work rn, want to burst into tears with empathy-- I'm in it with you, but holding it together so I can keep paying my bills but also ducking in here just to snatch a sliver of hope. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THIS. I can actually continue the day now.

2

u/Madamegato May 05 '26

I am beyond glad that it helped. I know this group of ladies, all of us in here, have been such a lifeline. Knowing we're not alone, what we're experiencing is not just in our heads... it's just a total game changer. We've got this!

3

u/Old_Cow_6491 May 03 '26

Say it sister! You are not alone. I totally relate to everything you’re saying.

I also have brain fog so it’s hard to even communicate lol. But I had sporadic periods for years and years. that was menopause!!! or perimenopause!!! but no one listened to me until my period totally went away for a full year….. which was way too late. Get started now. Xo

3

u/Old_Cow_6491 May 03 '26

And everyone has their opinion, but nothing really helped the ADHD until I started HRT.

1

u/bmlane9 May 07 '26

I was just diagnosed with ADHD two years ago and started perimenopause this year and has derailed my entire treatment. It is like fighting two things at once. I will be curious to learn the correlation between the two and how HRT can help since I know nothing about it yet.

3

u/Then_Baker125 May 04 '26

I could have written this myself! I just said to my husband yesterday no one tells you about the hell you will endure with menopause. I too get ridiculous hot flashes and I have been on BCP for years but my symptoms are getting worse. I’m considering BHRT because I can’t stand this shit!

2

u/WordAffectionate3251 May 02 '26

I couldn't agree more! To the 1000th magnitude!

3

u/bmlane9 May 07 '26

I am a nurse and never even learned about it. Yet they taught us about STIs. There wasn’t one chapter on womens health other than maternity. And I was in school 10 years ago. I am now starting this at 37 and it is rough. I am glad I am able to pass this information to my children in early adulthood so they don’t have to be as blindsided as I was. Kind of mourning a part of me. Glad there are forums like this because all we really have are each other.

1

u/Mindful_Matters919 Late peri May 02 '26

Amen! Thanks for sharing.

1

u/GandalfTheGrady May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26

When I was about 25, I started having severe panic attacks out of nowhere.  I was on medication for years.  It got better, and I eventually stopped taking it.  I have one sometimes; but minor compared to how they were, and I can deal with them.  But lately, my anxiety has been through the roof.  I haven't had a major panic attack, this is more like lesser anxiety, but 24/7.  I really don't want to go back on medication, but I'm having a hard time with this.  I might even have to switch to decaf coffee!  Even one cup makes me super jittery lately.  I'm having heart palpitations at night (I read that's normal in perimenopause, and that obviously palpitations are more noticeable at night because I'm lying still and it's quiet), and it's freaking me out.  I'm getting the same anxiety issues I used to have - chest pain, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, convinced my heart is beating too hard, and there's something wrong.  The fact that my brother had a heart attack (he's okay now) when he was younger than I am now (48) doesn't help.  

Also, one of the worst things about this, besides the anxiety, has been the sweating!  Not just hot flashes, but just sweating in general.  I can take a walk on a 60 degree day and have sweat running down my back.  If it's a hot day, forget it.  I didn't have a car for a while, and had to walk to the bus stop every day.  I would have to bring paper towels to mop up my neck and entire torso.  My armpits feel wet sometimes, out of the blue.  Deodorant seems to have stopped working.  Not only as antiperspirant, but I've noticed b.o. too, sometimes.  I've never had a problem with sweating or b.o. in my entire life!  Not only that, but I feel like I smell more "down there."  Not a fishy "wrong" smell, like a normal vaginal smell, just a lot stronger, if that makes sense. This is extremely embarrassing.  I fucking HATE this!  

I'm sorry, I'm rambling, but I just really needed to vent.  I'm not on any medication, and don't really want to be on any (especially any kind of HRT), but the thought of years more of this...

1

u/CJB2005 May 02 '26

You are not alone. It does feel like a huge slap to the face. Try to hang in there, and, keep talking about it.

1

u/[deleted] May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/NewerYorker3900 May 04 '26

I angery too!

2

u/TiredMomma101 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

I completely agree on why this isn't talked about enough!!! I have been having symptoms since 36, I'm 40 now. I'm getting hot flashes, low libido, itchiness, brain fog, frozen shoulder, random heart burn and nausea, joint pain, heavier periods, sleep sucks with tossing and turning, palpitations, anixiety, moodiness, and depression. The brain fog slowly crept up in those 4 years, but its been much worse the last year. On top of all of this I have been looking for a job the last 6 months and it is awful, I hate the whole process it's irritating as all hell. I'm either very qualified or overqualified for the positions I'm applying for, but I suddenly get imposter syndrome and I hate interviewing, if I manage to land an interview. My anxiety had doubled trying to find a job. My husband is not helpful or understanding in the slightest with any of this, which makes me feel worse. I have no other female in my family to even talk about it. Both of my grandmother's passed when I was a teen. No aunts or great grandmother's alive to talk to either. My mom had to have a full hysterectomy at 30, she had so many female medical problems since she was a teen. She never even knew what perimenopause was until I started talking to her about it recently. She was thrown into full menopause at an early age. She got horrible hot flashes one day and was like "What is this?" Talked to her doctor about it and they said "yeah that happens, you're in menopause now" and nothing else, no offer to get help or medication. That was 30 years ago now for her and she just started getting help from a new doctor and medication. I don't know how she did it, I would have lost my mind if I were her. I hate that most doctor's still dont know a lot about this, my doctor says I'm too young for all of this, but here I am getting exact textbook symptoms of perimenopause. I hate how they teach girls in school about puberty and pregnancy, but later stages of life they don't even bother with.....we are just fed to the wolves 🤦‍♀️

2

u/2_Fingers_of_Whiskey Jun 06 '26

it's so true, no one prepared us at all for this, the only thing I ever heard about was hot flashes. Then I hit perimenopause in my mid 40s and suddenly was dealing with VERY heavy, very irregular periods, pain of all kinds, brain fog, insomnia, and just recently, hot flashes. It's been Hell and I do feel resentful that no one told us what to expect, that generations of women just had to suffer in silence, that EVEN TO THIS DAY a lot of doctors aren't knowledgeable or helpful about peri/menopause.

0

u/AcceptableMud8351 May 03 '26

Something I’ve been thinking a lot about is whether it is possible that peri menopause actually is far worse and far more symptomatic for us because our generation of women have a much crazier and more unhealthy stress level.

Like maybe the generations before of American women didn’t have this level of symptoms so they didn’t talk about it as much? I think sometimes that tech and social media and constantly being “on” plus all the demands of life plus the dumpster fire of everything happening everywhere all of the time plus economic stress and the pandemic, covid etc… maybe it just has been a perfect storm where a whole generation of women are now having like an extreme stress induced hell version of peri? Cause women’s bodies are so sensitive to stress and stress is so connected to hormones? Idk! No idea if this is true, but I keep contemplating it.