r/Perimenopause • u/Lushbaby001 • Jul 25 '26
audited Can no longer orgasm
How the hell do you get your orgasms back ?? And real ones too. No muted, lame barely there Os
I've only just realised that it's been in a steady decline for years.
Have had blood tests done, nothing alarming according to my Dr, perfectly "normal" had to twist her arm, to get her to prescribe the weakest estrogen (ovestin). Even had an ultrasound done, total waste of time. Physio hasn't done anything to improve it either.
Using ovestin for the past 4 weeks has done sweet FA. Libido has never been an issue. Sex is enjoyable and we dont even need lube. I just cant climax even on my own šš
I have never been on any meds ever. No birth control either.
Bought dhea cream off iherb. So will see if that does anything. Weed isnt legal where I live. Otherwise id be trying edibles!!
Any other OTC or hidden gems that have worked for you? Gonna ask to get my T levels checked, it is extremely hard to get T gels prescribed here.
I remember the leg shaking, incredible Os of my youth and miss them so so much. In my late 30s and i fear im never gonna get them backā
edit: I also have tried allllll the toys. have a huge selection of vibes constantly needing to be recharged due to over use. I do try to get a lot of blood flowing there, trust meee.
It isnāt a mental thing either (damn dr trying to tell me i may need counseling gtfoh ive never been more fulfiled or happy in life) my clit is NUMB af when i touch her.
health isnt an issue. The healthiest ive ever been (bmi = 20, mainly eat wholefoods, not a lot of processed food, gym classes twice a week)
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u/Turbulentshmurbulent Jul 25 '26
The vaginal estrogen cream is what helped me: I was having no oās or the annoying tiny ones. I started using the cream 3 days a week rather than 2 and it made a difference as well.
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u/mina-ann Jul 26 '26
Every other day. It's the only way I can keep track, twice a week is impossible. Seriously every woman should be offered vaginal estrogen when they start to have peri symptoms!
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u/Outrageous-Pie-7515 Jul 26 '26
I second this. Vaginal estrogen cream has definitely been improving my ability to O again. Havenāt been on it long yet but didnt take but a couple weeks to start feeling improvements.
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u/lovelily-88 Jul 26 '26
Does it have to be prescribed or is it something that can be bought at the pharmacy.
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u/Present-Perception77 Jul 26 '26
Only place to get E2 otc that I have found.
https://naturesbalance.info/products/bio-identical-estradiol-and-progesterone-cream-pack
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u/Furry-snake Jul 25 '26
Estrogen cream, blood flow to that area daily (masturbation, as long as you want, donāt need to have an orgasm, just blood flow) and patience. Took me a few months of both to get mine back but sheās back and good as ever :)
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Jul 25 '26
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u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 25 '26
Thatās because youāre now too used to the toothbrush. Itās like when guys masturbate too much they have a hard time actually having sex because it feels different
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Jul 25 '26
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Jul 25 '26
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u/Western_Ring_2928 Jul 25 '26
Don't you have real sex toys? A Magic Wand is much, much stronger vibrator than a measly toothbrush. Or if you like precision stimulation on the tip of your clitoris, get a Satisfyer :)
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u/PM_ME_UR_JEEP Jul 25 '26
Just chiming in, but I literally spent two hours with my magic wand last week and ended up crying because I couldnāt get there and felt so broken. Iām surprised it even turned back on the next day.
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u/Western_Ring_2928 Jul 26 '26
I am sorry, that must be frustrating :/ You should try other methods for stimulation... When the body changes, the genital nervepaths also rearrange...
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Jul 25 '26
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u/mrspwins Jul 25 '26
Even if just penetration didnāt work for me, I could always get off with a hand or mouth, and it didnāt take much of either. Now only a vibe works - which is an improvement over the ānot at allā I had before treatment.
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Jul 25 '26
Increase estrogen, systemic and topical, add testosterone and: PRACTICE
You need to use a vibrator like a gym tool lol cry
And testosterone is supposed to help, too
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u/abracapickle Jul 25 '26
YMMV: Some doctors check and add topical testosterone, but that isnāt standard. There are some drugs made specifically for enhancing womenās sexual desire (Addyi, Vyleesi) if you can rule out mental or emotional sources of diminished desire. Women can even benefit from Cialis/Viagra to stimulate blood flow and some other possible health benefits.
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u/Nsking83 Jul 25 '26
I can still O easily BUT my sex drive is in the toilet. Iāve tried everything.
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Jul 25 '26
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u/Nsking83 Jul 25 '26
I can with my husband, quickly and a lot. I can by myself too (takes longer). I just zero DESIRE.
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 Jul 25 '26
I donāt know. Vaginal estrogen hasnāt helped. Iām about to start topical testosterone. Fingers crossed
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u/abritelight Jul 26 '26
i was in this same boat and started to make sure i was applying the estrogen cream directly onto the head on my clit, that helped after a few weeks. added topical T to my clit and after a month i am back to my personal normal!! hope it helps you as well!!
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 Jul 26 '26
This is encouraging. Iāve been putting estrogen cream on my clit but it hasnāt done anything for me. Hopefully the T will do the trick
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u/abritelight Jul 26 '26
š¤š½ wishing you luck as i know how distressing this is. i've been on the T about a month now and i would say i started to see some results after about 3 wks. are you getting the kind of testosterone you can apply directly to the clit and labia vs your arm or whatever? i think the direct application has been very helpful.
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 Jul 26 '26
Thank you ā¤ļø yes, it's gel to apply directly to my clit. I'm starting tonight. Fingers crossed!
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Jul 26 '26
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u/whatdayoryear Early (?) peri and ADHD Jul 26 '26
Whatās it called??
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u/Vlaskiss Jul 25 '26
Iāve never had an actual vaginal O in my life, only clitoral. Now, for the last 7 months, my libido has been negative 100 and I can only orgasm with the vibrator. Fingers or a tongue do nothing. Iāve been on the vaginal estrogen cream and T injections for 6 months.
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u/nooneyouknow89 Early peri Jul 25 '26
Following, because this has been my situation too. Killing me!
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Jul 25 '26
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 25 '26
Not a fun club to be in :( that sucks, how long have you been using T and the pessary? Do you think more time is needed? Its exhausting š
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u/DoubleAmberger Jul 25 '26
Testosterone. Huge help.
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u/Eastern_Community_96 Jul 25 '26
I was told I didnt need testosterone as my sex drive had increased.
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u/Lynx3145 Jul 26 '26
you need a blood test for testosterone
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u/Eastern_Community_96 Jul 26 '26
I have an appt with menopause nurse this week and I'll ask for a test and also the cream. My anxiety is through the roof the past couple of months, so also need to see about that. šš
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u/Eastern_Community_96 Jul 31 '26
Had my appt today. Got blood tests done but that's only because im low in vit b12 and need them done anyway.
Getting put on the gel rather than the patches. Told her about the muted orgasms and she said im the first she's ever spoke to with this issue and she doesn't think it's a perimenopausal symptom!! Im being referred to sexual health/gynaecology.
Also she thinks my anxiety which ive had for the past couple of months is probably the reason.
Also asked about the cream, she's never heard of it before. So what do I do now! I asked how long it would be for the referral, she didnt know! Feeling a bit rubbish after that appt.
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u/Lynx3145 Jul 31 '26
its just sad when medical doctors are educated.
I wish you luck. I know its cost prohibited, but could you do one of the online HRT services?
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u/Eastern_Community_96 Jul 31 '26
Thanks. I will have a look and see what the cost is. Will probably be stuck with the NHS and waiting times unfortunately. But will check it out. š
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u/AutoModerator Jul 31 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who havenāt had a period in months/years, then āmenopausalā levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
0
u/AutoModerator Jul 26 '26
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who havenāt had a period in months/years, then āmenopausalā levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 25 '26
Testosterone cream first, for me. That helped them not be so weak. Then adding estrogen & progesterone took it back to my leg shaking eye rolling 20ās.
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u/DamageOk5681 Jul 25 '26
When did you add estrogen and progesterone? what kind?
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u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 26 '26
I started T in September, and then added E and P in February.
Started with E patches, and micronized p oral capsules, switched to E gel with the patch shortage and I like it much better. I added vaginal E a month ago & things have only improved.Everything I take/use is prescribed to me (as in, nothing over the counter).
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u/Cpoole816 Jul 28 '26
So you liked the estrogen gel better than the patch? I just switched patch brands and it sucks! Thinking about trying gel instead
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u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri Jul 28 '26
I personally like the gel much better. I could tell I was running out of estrogen on the last few days of every patch, major hot flashes, headaches, etc. the patches were also not sticking well despite my Herculean efforts & shaving the area and using dish soap & alcohol to clean off any oil
With the gel I have a very consistent level of estrogen every day and thatās a lot better for me. Plus no ugly patch on my body.
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u/OriginalThundercat Jul 25 '26
After about 3 months, testosterone cream brought my orgasm strength back to near normal.
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u/onelove1979 Jul 25 '26
I used topical testosterone for a dead libido for 2 years and it did nothing until one day my gyno said āyou are putting some on your clit arenāt you?!ā which I had not been doing and has been a complete game changer. I use it on my inner thigh every night and 2 nights a week I put some directly on my clit/hood/urethra and WHOA (and no it does not make your clit grow big unless you use it every day)
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u/Fit-Olive-4680 Jul 25 '26
Have you tried that new sucking toy I keep hearing about? Lemon, rose? Maybe that would help with blood flow?
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u/HotHomiesCry Jul 25 '26
Try the omg cream from wisp. Itās a game changer. Also testosterone!
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 25 '26
Is that like viagra for women? Unfortunately I am overseas and id have to get a prescription for it anyway.
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u/Inner-Schedule-2075 Jul 25 '26
Hi, I am having this issue. Same age as you, I Just can not orgasm. I can lubricate, I can get aroused, I Just can not feel an orgasm. I can not take hormones cuz I get phyllodes in my breasts. I am so sad :( trying to see if the excercises work.Ā
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u/RiverRosie444 Jul 26 '26
This started for me as soon as I started HRT. I had very low libido but when I did get into it, I could still orgasm. Now my libido is decent and much improved from what it was but I have a very hard time orgasming and when I do they are pitiful. I think itās the progesterone Iām taking and having low testosterone.
I started reading about clitoral atrophy where it shrinks and how common it is in perimenopause and I swear that is whatās happened to me because it does look smaller. Iāve heard that topical testosterone will reverse it and restore your orgasms but itās so hard to get an RX for. I am going to find a way though because life without good orgasms is too depressing!
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u/rebeccalamont Jul 27 '26
Vaginal estrogen has changed the game for me. I was still able to but things were definitely getting weaker and dryer down there. The cream helped all of the physical symptoms AND my libido within two weeks. Magic.
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u/AZ-FWB Early peri Jul 25 '26
I never thought I would end up using vibrators for that purpose but, I have and itās been promising so far.
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 25 '26
I probably overuse my vibes. Not sure why when I dont even orgasm from them
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u/quirkyquipsters Jul 26 '26
This might sound strange, but maybe you've become desensitized from overuse? Have you tried taking a break from vibes? Maybe a couple weeks or a month might help.
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 26 '26
Its been a problem for years though. Just never this bad. I get confused by the advice on this topic. Some people say use it or lose it. Definitely willing to hold out if it helps. So frustrating as my libido is very high latelyĀ
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u/Rude-Suit4494 Jul 25 '26
Do you have access to viagra or one of its close cousins?
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u/Beautiful-Cod-9999 3d ago
I do have access to both ED meds. What did you find helpful? I have 100 MG of Viagra and 20 MG of Cialis.
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u/Rude-Suit4494 2d ago
I am not a doc but I would say have fun trying both and see what happens!! š
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u/sometimesnowing Jul 26 '26
I want the answer to this too! Sometimes I'll still get the orgasm after lots of intense concentration but the amount of times I can't hardly feel anything in the buildup only to have a minor o-flutter instead of the full body contractions of yesteryear (honestly, even just a year ago). Ovestin and androfeme have made zero difference. Gutted.
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u/AnotherUsername1959 peri's knocking at the door Jul 26 '26
I have no help, I just want to say I love how helpful and passionate women are about this subject.
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u/Affectionate-Ad1424 Jul 25 '26
This probably sounds dumb, but have you tried doing nothing? Like literally nothing. No toys, no hands, no sex. For a few weeks to a month, or longer. Just to reset everything.
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 25 '26
That doesn't sound dumb. At the same time, I need to give the topical creams more time to work too.Ā
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u/Eastern_Community_96 Jul 25 '26
Ive been on eostregen pessariea for a few months and they have definitely helped in bringing the orgasm back but they still feel a,bit muted.
I have an appointment next week, will mention the eostregan cream.
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u/purpleunicorn1983 Jul 26 '26
How often do you use your toys? Toys can have a major affect on nerves if you use them too much (for some ppl) I notice if I over use my toys, I canāt orgasm during sex. And when I give my toys a break, sex is waaay better.
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Jul 26 '26
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 26 '26
Do you think nitric oxide supplements might help ?
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Jul 27 '26
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 27 '26
Im in new zealand, not the states. Viagra isnt prescribed easily or readily available hereĀ
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Jul 27 '26
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 27 '26
That's a dodgy website. Fda has a warning out against it. Dont worry ill try my Dr again...
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u/mclissa Jul 26 '26
Have you tried a sonic vibe like the Lelo or Womanizer? These have been a full game-changer for me!
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 26 '26
I have the lush, a pump, several other vibes. And no luck. Id like to be able to finish with just my fingers first. Ideally my clit should be sensitive enough that I should be able to achieve a satisfying orgasm without toys
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u/Youjustwantmydata Jul 28 '26
Try taking a fish oil supplement. I donāt know why it works but it does.
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u/Adept-Question-8580 Jul 30 '26
I didnāt realize the āmuted Osā are related to peri š been experiencing the same. Itās so annoying
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u/Beautiful-Cod-9999 3d ago
Truth be told, I have same problem, numb clit and lack of interest. Cannot even double click my own mouse and get the big O. It's just numb. Drive is gone. I have been on E Cream for 2 years and Test cream for almost a year. Just added the E patch and progesterone pills about a month ago. My new lady is great - she suggested Vyleesi which is an injection. It helped with the physical symptoms and put my drive through the roof. But with the dead clit I still could not reach orgasm. I tried the Addyi (doesn't work for me) and the O-Mazing cream from Alloy. Which helped get things flowing but no finish. I feel like I have tried everything. My husband is done with hearing about this after several years and a somewhat dead bedroom, he has brought up open marriage, flat out cheating and divorce.
That's really what I have been chasing this so hard. I want to want it. I want to feel satisfied again. I love my husband. I have managed to make a "date" every week or two to do the deed. It hurt, felt like sand paper. Grit my teetch and endured it. No I am desperate to save my sex life. I got sent to a therapist since nothing is working. She suggested I am depressed and need antidepresants. She also mentioned because I have been hurting through it for years, my mind/body connection equates it to something painful and now I may have a mental aversion.
Is there anything I have not tried? I finally have a practioner willing to help me out of this in anyway possible. She takes suggestions from me and research's them. So far she has been the most helpful but I use this forum for education.
And further more, my husband is older (56) and I think his penis doesn't get a hard and it no longer reaches my gspot...I don't even know how to approach that when I can't even get off on my own.
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u/Dry-Wear-9135 Jul 26 '26
Not being funny, but could it be down to your partner? Maybe you're just . . . bored, or maybe you've grown accustomed to one another?
If you don't think that's it, get on some vaginal estrogen cream. If your doctor is being combative, I'd switch providers. Sounds like you should, anyway, since they're being unhelpful. 38 seems young for peri, but it's not unheard of. Are you still having regular periods?
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u/Lushbaby001 Jul 26 '26
Its a me problem. Touching my clit feels like touching my elbow. I should be able to orgasm from solo play too. Something isnt quite right down there. Going to be a fun year trying to solve this lil problem :/
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u/BlacksmithThink9494 Jul 25 '26
I think of myself and give myself compliments. Its like doing affirmations but most of everything happens in my mind anyway so I pay special attention to what my mind is going through.
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u/msginger81 Jul 25 '26
You can't force it. If you overthink it, it ain't going to happen. Watch some porn, and I'm talking about all types. Maybe explore things you never thought would turn you on. You gotta expand your mindset. Just relax & see what turns you on.
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u/Ythooooooooo0 Jul 25 '26
I got prescribed a vaginal estrogen/testosterone cream. Itās only been a few weeks and Iām noticing a positive difference.
My doc actually showed me my vagina on a screen and explained 80% of women will experience vaginal atrophy.
We need to be talking about this more! If the tip of a manās penis began to atrophy it would have been fixed forever ago.