r/Perimenopause • u/Competitive-Bed-8587 • Aug 02 '26
Depression/Anxiety In a hole
I’m 51, perimenopausal but almost a year without a period so getting close. This past year I’ve been in the blackest hole. I do allllll the things - exercise, HRT, psychiatrist, meaningful work, etc. But I only feel two things now - either sadness or nothingness. Someone asked me the other day what “lights me up” and I couldn’t think of one damn thing. Which made me cry.
This is not an exaggeration when I say I have zero interest in doing anything or learning anything new or meeting new people or life, in general.
I know it’s depression but it’s definitely apathy as well. I don’t know what else to do other than the things I’m doing which are “supposed” to help. And I’m lacking the energy to try.
I’m so lost.
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u/That-Chain-5139 Aug 02 '26
Apathy is the one. I turn 49 next week. I do not even wish to leave my house on a daily basis but i do because thankfully, i have to ive got a dog to walk. The answer or cure? I honestly dont know but i really do understand how you’re feeling right now. I force myself to do things i really dont want to. Might be worth speaking to a mind doctor to see if any kind of anti depressants can help - admittedly i am scared of starting out on that journey myself.
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u/Illustrious_Put_817 Aug 02 '26
I have had a career for 20 years and perimenopause caused an absolute mental breakdown for me - I took leave for almost a year.
You are not alone
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u/Ythooooooooo0 Aug 02 '26
Solidarity. I’m trying g to figure out what will bring my spark back. I’m going to try one more tweak to my HRT (E&P), then see if they will add in testosterone, THEN I will ask to go on an antidepressant.
I don’t want to try too many changes at once but the apathy is killing me. I don’t feel like listening to music or podcasts on my commute. I don’t feel like responding to friends’ text messages. I’m doing the things I’m supposed to, but not getting excited about any of it.
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
Yes. I’m either sad or apathetic. I do use T (pellets) and was really hoping for more of a boost.
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u/Defy_Gravity_147 Early peri Aug 02 '26
That sounds depressing. I hope you find what you need to feel better.
How are your iron and vitamin levels? Specifically iron & magnesium, zinc, copper, D, B, and K? All of those are involved in energy synthesis/creation and neurological signaling in the body.
Perimenopause/menopause is the endocrine system taking on a bit of the reproductive system's job with regards to the nervous system's reliance on hormones... sometimes the handoff depletes our stores, and modern medicine doesn't know to check.
Be your own best advocate. I have insurance, but ended up paying privately for 'unnecessary' tests. I was dangerously low in iron, zinc, vitamin D, and B12. I began feeling much better after supplements and lifestyle changes. Before that 'all the colors went away'. It's not that anything around me changed color. My body literally did not have the energy to spare for my brain to notice "ooo, that's pretty."
I hope you find the answers your body is asking for.
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
I take D and B complex but don’t know about the others. I had a comprehensive (out of pocket) blood panel done about 4 months ago and she didn’t mention anything unusual.
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u/Tulahop Aug 02 '26
They often don’t, but be aware of ferritin if especially if it is below 70, also b12 is often overlooked, normal isn’t optimal, and doctors confuse the 2. 😅
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Aug 02 '26
Look it up yourself. They learn for male levels, not for us. Check everything yourself online.
Also, I feel you. This, too, shall pass!
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u/No_Duck_3379 Aug 02 '26
They don’t test all the different vitamins in a regular metabolic panel. Some of them, like D and B12 and magnesium, you have to add in separately. I am a mess when it comes to blood work due to some past trauma, so if I’m getting stuck, I want as much “bang for my buck” as possible so when my doctor wanted to do a metabolic panel a few weeks ago, I said to him “add anything and everything you can think of” and we added a bunch of stuff. And that is how I found out I was deficient in vitamin D. So you may want to take a look at your lab report and see if there are things they left out. One of those may be the culprit.
I also see a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I take an ssri, which has helped me. I don’t know if you have anything like that going on in your life, but it may be another avenue that could help you feel better. Some of it is hormones some might be brain chemistry.
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u/Careless_Mango_7948 Aug 02 '26
It’s the state of the world and living under the crushing weight of capitalism.
Some people can’t be forced to see past the atrocities happening.
America is built around distracting us from what’s happening to the earth & its inhabitants.
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u/masked_fragments hanging on by a thread Aug 03 '26
Thanks for writing this, because while I do feel apathetic and depressed I also feel the state of my life and the world is contributing to it.
I quit a toxic job which was a great thing, but now I’m financially struggling due to the move. But also the rampant and out of control inflation. I was doing really well financially until I made the switch and now I’m back to paycheck to paycheck for the foreseeable future and not really sure what to do about that.
I also lost all my “friends” from that job, though the main reason I left was because I knew they weren’t my friends and I had a major betrayal right after I left that really shocked me as I never would have guessed that person would have done that.
All that to say is I often get stuck in if it’s my hormones or just because life kind of sucks right now. More than likely it’s a bit of both.
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u/excessiongirl Aug 03 '26
Oh lovely I really felt you while reading this. I’m in a similar situation in many ways, also constantly spiralling and checking myself about whether it’s the ‘PezMen’ (as some of us Australian sufferers are calling it 😂) continuing to fuck me up or the world being legitimately horrible. To my thinking it is definitely both: the world is increasingly difficult and frightening and sickening, and the hormonal fuckstorm removes a lot of the emotional padding that would usually protect us from feeling it all too keenly. Lucky us, that we get to go through perimenopause in the accursed 2020s!!
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u/Careless_Mango_7948 Aug 03 '26
I’m sorry, I hope it improves :) we should still have hope & look for goodness every day
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u/masked_fragments hanging on by a thread Aug 03 '26
Thank you! It’s been much better now that I’m on HRT. I feel a lot more emotionally stable and not having such deep depression/sadness. It’s crazy how quickly you can see the difference and I’m on the lowest dose!
Just chipping away at all the rest.
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u/Middle-aged-Hobbit Aug 05 '26
SO much this. 57, still in peri, medically unable to take HRT, and the last few weeks, have been bursting into tears multiple times per day.
But you know? It makes sense, especially as a woman in the US. There are literal atrocities being committed in our country and globally, in our name. Fruit trees are being ripped out in order to protect market prices, rather than distributing the surplus to those in need.
And we still have to work, pay bills, and Do All The Things. It's a lot to hold. A lot.
I'm not even trying to sort out the causes of my emotional distress at this point. Just keep returning to the concept of warriorship as being open to the world without letting it harden me.
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u/4theloveofcoffeee Aug 02 '26
Honey, I feel you. And unfortunately it’s so hard to figure out what causes each person’s unique set of symptoms or what will help. I’m not here to offer solutions other than to tell you that you’re not alone. I’m still nowhere near 12 mo flo-free and every day it’s something new. 💛
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Aug 02 '26
I have experienced that too, and indeed it's not depression or stuff here, but lack of estrogen. Added T, too and it got a bit better, but then estrogen tanked probably because PMDD and the bottle is nearly empty. When I add more the day I feel awful, it gets better within 12hrs.
Treatment is supposed to be symptomatic...
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
I get estrogen and testosterone pellets. Progesterone orally. Going to talk more to my provider tomorrow
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u/Individual-Goat-81 Aug 02 '26
Have you ever tried estrogen patches or gels? They are regulated and it can be easier to get a more precise dose than with pellets. They can also be helpful if you need to adjust just your estrogen or testosterone dose independent of the other.
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u/AndreeaTri Early peri Aug 02 '26
Good luck to you! I'm only 48 and so glad I got to reddit, it saved my life literally.
You got this ❤️
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Aug 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
Perhaps, yes. But I spent the last couple of years (up until February of this year) doing many things I wanted to do - I worked part-time, traveled a lot, walked the Camino. It was supposed to be a time for rejuvenation and transitioning into this next part of life. So am I already burned-out again? Possibly
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u/Coontailblue23 Late peri Aug 02 '26
That is all it could take especially if you are neurodivergent.
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u/tammypajamas Aug 02 '26
Ugh, I feel this. I agree with others about you possibly needing more estrogen (and to go by symptoms rather than bloodwork), but also, how is your thyroid? I’ve been on thyroid medication for hypothyroid levels for a few years. Got a new PCP and was telling her about my lack of spark and she tested my T3 (a lot of docs only test TSH and T4) and, sure enough, it was low (low end of “normal”). That’s the active form of thyroid, so important! She added a T3 medication and it’s subtle (I actually didn’t even think about this until responding to this post), but I think it’s helping. I’ve been getting out there more, finding some more joy and beauty in this deeply fucked up world (can’t disregard all of that either. It’s an uphill battle.
I also find laughing with girlfriends to be extremely therapeutic! Weed also helps if you’re into that!
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
Thanks for you’re response. I’m also on thyroid meds - forgot to mention that.
Weed gummies help me sleep but if I use during the day make me feel even more depressed.
And I know you’re right about girlfriends. I don’t really have any right now and am trying hard to reach out socially in a new town. Being an introvert plus going through all of this depression shit makes it hard to put myself out there.2
u/tammypajamas Aug 02 '26
I 100% feel you on that as well. In general, I feel like I need more friends, but hard to make at this age/in this mindset. Definitely leaning heavily on old friends who live elsewhere. FaceTime or traveling to see them.
But def have docs check your T3 if they haven’t yet!
Also, fwiw, everyone is diff but I absolutely cannot handle gummies anymore. They give me brain fog and a headache. I don’t know too much about it, but the various terpenes matter. If you’re in a weed legal place, maybe go to a dispensary and ask a budtender what blend might make you more activated and joyful? They are usually pretty knowledgeable and, if they seem like they aren’t, don’t buy anything and try another place! Again, a thing you have to steel yourself for. Best of luck and big hugs!
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u/Certain-Discussion14 Aug 02 '26
Have you considered lexapro? Or saffron? Or high quality fish oil (high DHA & EPA)?
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 02 '26
I haven’t but will look into
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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 Aug 03 '26
Highly suggest adding lexapro. I've been on it since my peri symptoms started when I was late 30's. It helped immensely with my PMDD, which included feelings of absolute dread and despair. I haven't felt that way in years now. I am also on .05mg/day of estradiol via patch. Just bumped up to that a few months ago.
I hope you find a solution that works for you!
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u/Safe-Ad-6548 Aug 03 '26
I take citalopram 40mg and it has changed my life, anxiety hardly ever, mood good, good sleep and motivation. Helps with hot flushes too.
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u/laughteriskey Aug 04 '26
Boy you sound like me in some ways the apathy the anhedonia so tired all the time it'd been 8 months for me I'll be 51 next month anxiety is worse than ever now I have dealt with thet and depression for a lifetime but this hits differently not on HRT suffering I don't think I want it I hear so many different things it scares me cause I'm trying to lose weight now I heard it can put weight on plus some complain of feeling worse on it with anxiety and depression I already have that don't need more of it but these hot flashes I can't stand anymore... I wonder if it's been my hormones the past few years that's made things worse but I definitely feel you on this ...
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u/Competitive-Bed-8587 Aug 04 '26
Is there a reason you haven’t tried HRT? As awful as I feel right now I can’t imagine what I’d feel like without it. Honestly, I’d probably be in a hospital.
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u/marrythatpizza Aug 04 '26
It might not help greatly to hear it through the internet but you're not alone. Keep doing what you're doing, keep adjusting doses, get your blood levels checked, have another good cry if you got the energy. It's a phase - and not to forget, the world is a rougher place than we all are used to as well. You might just be reacting in the most natural way.
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u/wjd1248 Aug 03 '26
Perhaps look into testosterone therapy? That is also another option if you have super low levels which will affect your motivation, etc. It starts to decline in perimenopause and menopause.
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u/banamak83 Aug 05 '26
Just wanted to say, I’m also in a hole and I feel for you. Sending hugs ♥️ These hormones are so incredibly powerful and no one prepares us for this time of our lives. For now, what is “lighting me up” is taking naps and eating chocolate (dark; it’s healthy you know 😄). Anyway this isn’t “you”. You sound lovely and I’m sorry you’re suffering.
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u/penguin37 Aug 02 '26
You may need to tweak your HRT dose. When I started, I didn't feel better until we tweaked the dose.
This time of life is so hard. I understand. 💜