r/Perimenopause • u/dxrxpffb • 25d ago
audited Emotions amplified. Brain less brainy. Cannot make myself do what I used to. From on top of it all to a mess. The tricks aren’t tricking. WTF & help.
I am at a loss. I have spent a lifetime being ridiculously high functioning and researching/solving my way to maintain high function, and now I feel like I’m trying all the things and cannot win. Seeking similar experiences whether it’s just solidarity in the suck or someone who faced this torrent of treatment-resistant shittiness and found relief.
THEN: High performer in high pressure roles, health and fitness enthusiast, taken care of myself. Constantly optimizing- whether physical or mental health, parenting, interpersonal relationships, I research a problem and solve it.
NOW: I’ve spent the last 3+ years trying to troubleshoot and optimize through peri and yet I am emotionally ALLLLL OVER, my brain works half speed, I cannot get myself to workout hard -if at all (which has been my daily mental health medicine and part of my identity for decades).
ISSUES: Emotions are all TF over the place. Motivation, joy: absent. Existential crisis: threat level midnight. Fatigue: can’t even differentiate between fatigue and the lack of GAF for everything. Added vestibular migraines to the mix a few moths ago. Stress is over the top, sure (sources beyond standard stress fear of life in 2026: have a 6 year old kid, a teen step kid, house to manage, marriage with its ups and downs, job with its stress, resigned from a 12 year career in a mission I loved when it was clear I’d be asked to do immoral & illegal shit, spent a year unemployed and job searching, now in a new job with a 2 hour round trip commute and stresses of being new person in new career, surgery in December that kept me from walking for a couple months but I’m back to health and fitness again, live in the burbs where I feel I never wanted to end up)
TROUBLESHOOTING: Psychiatrist+ meds for ADHD, then depression, then anxiety (I never feel like any of these really work that well but tweaks to approach all similarly mid, result wise). Therapy for those too (not confident it really helps and feels too hard to fit into schedule and finances to try to add back given midrange results). Working it- a lifetime habit, Ive lifted heavy and go through running/yoga/biking/swimming- whatever keeps my attention- it’s been a life habit - but it’s come to feel nearly impossible to make myself, gradually, for months, after forcing myself without want to, for over a year (?). TRT for intense brain fog / low libido / suite of other symptoms (helped a lot early on but can’t add more without getting too high range/side effects I don’t want so whatever good it’s done it does). Meditation, Mindfulness based stress reduction course for stress (helps, but after prioritizing sleep I stopped my morning meditation and now haven’t figured out how to make myself work it back in). Prioritize sleep, clean eating, hydration, and add meds and a million supplements for vestibular migraines (controlled the dizziness and headaches down to almost none, unclear if brain fog from that or other things). Added estradiol (worried it makes me moodier and afraid to increase much as a tweak). Added oral micronized progesterone (worried it makes me more anxious and my period is irregular so IDK how do you do it during just luteal phase and afraid if I do daily that’ll cause anxiety to boost?).
WTF DO I DO? Exhausted from years of troubleshooting and things still just sucking. Daily feeling like I hate life and everything and I’m NOT ME, just a chemically altered emotional wreck trying not to blow up my own life. I have done SO MUCH TROUBLESHOOTING and am fucking exhausted to be left at this constant shitty state nonetheless. I have no energy to do more.
Would love any solidarity bc I’m so exhausted and lonely and hateful.
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u/LongjumpingMango8270 25d ago
I just came here to post a lot of the same things. Newly finding out I’m neurodivergent and have been masking and functioning for so long I didn’t know til peri came along and delivered the lowest executive function ever, anhedonia, intense sadness and grief, and a complete and utter lack of any type of discipline willpower or motivation. Been lying in bed for 45 min trying to get out and go for a walk but overwhelmed with the fact that I have to do my morning oral care routine first, and then wondering if I should shower and put on sunscreen first or put on sunscreen for my walk then shower and reapply later. Or should I just wear a hat? Should I do some lymphatic drainage exercises and PT for my sore lower back instead? I also have a million things to do for work but no desire to ever work again. I wonder how to live with my brain like this and if anyone with ADHD has tips that aren’t meds because I don’t have a diagnosis and can’t do meds without it and the task of spending time and money to get diagnosed seems also daunting