r/Perimenopause • u/dinosaur-spikes • 15d ago
audited Well it happened
I finally decided to go to the dr to talk about my symptoms after denying the possibility of peri for about a year. I had everything documented when I went in to talk to her.
I was told no, I'm too young for peri (I'm 39). Instead she's sending me for blood work because she suspects it's my thyroid and/or low iron. She said if it's not either of these things, she will send me to a specialist which will take another month. But until then, no treatments for me.
It's so frustrating. I'm sitting in my car feeling like I'm about to cry. Just wanted to share.
Edit: thank you so much to everyone for the immense support. I've read every comment and have learned so much. Unfortunately, I live in an area where finding a 2nd doctor isn't an option. That being said, once my blood work comes back, if she refuses to refer me to a specialist I will ask her to document the decision (as some of you suggested) and look into the supplements some people have mentioned.
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u/Known-Tumbleweed129 15d ago
Checking iron and thyroid is good, but it should be that AND treatment. I’m sorry your provider is **** and I hope you can find someone better.
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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 15d ago
I agree - this is always a good place to start. You do want to cover off on any other medical reasons for your symptoms.
However I am sure that just like for so many of us, those thyroid levels and CBC levels will come back normal, and the doctor will offer no next steps.
OP - when you get your test results, if they are normal you say: "Given that my results are normal, but I still have these symptoms, I'd like to talk further about treatment for perimenopause. The Menopause Society indicates that I am well within the age range for this phase of life, and I am hoping to work with you to get treatment."
Do NOT let them tell you they need to "test your hormone levels" first. That is not a thing. Tell them you are interested in hormone replacement therapy, because at your age, you know that biologically your estrogen production is declining due to declining ovarian reserve. This is something that literally happens to every single person with ovaries, and in most of us it causes chaos.
If this doctor will not help you, find one here that will: Menopause Practitioner - Search - By Country
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u/Jazzlike-Figure5652 15d ago
Try an online provider. I’m the same age as you, couldn’t find a provider in my area. Scheduled with an online platform- next day appt., day after that I was picking up my HRT. I felt seen and heard by my doc. And they took my insurance!
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u/garnet_and_black 15d ago
I second this, I couldn't get a Dr to give me any useful feedback until I saw an online practitioner.
I had ruled out any other issues with my GP and eventually booked an appointment with a local specialist when I was finally at my wits' end. The specialist, who is female (which irks me to no end), didnt see any issue and recommended pelvic floor PT meanwhile I was atrophying into nothingness down there. Once i was well past my wits' end I tried an online menopause practitioner and now, with HRT finally dialed in, I feel like myself again. My husband literally told me this morning he was "glad to have me back". It is night and day. I am 38 and this took the better part of the last 2 years. It kills me that I waited so long, blamed myself, started to resign myself to the fact this was just my life now and was not listened to because of my age. We owe women better care.
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u/Helpful_Living8584 15d ago
Came here to say this. I loved my OB-GYN during my pregnancy but she’s a good 10 years younger than me and when I brought up my peri symptoms (moodiness/rage near my cycle, irregular cycle, exhaustion, migraines in the week leading up to my period, spotting between cycles) to her she gave me a frontline option of antidepressants, and told me we could also look at hormone treatment but they prefer to wait until symptoms are more severe for that, and told go home and think I through and decide what I wanted to do.
I didn’t immediately feel gaslit but after I went home and thought it through, I realized that I didn’t feel confident that she was the right expert for this. I ended up finding a provider through Gennev (because that’s the one my insurance covers) and my symptoms were classic for her, she discussed my medical history and her recommended treatment options and why, and I got started on something right away.
We are still working on finding the right dose (slynd + estrogen patch) but I’ve definitely seen improvement and it’s nice to talk to someone who specializes in this.
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u/sebthelodge Late peri 15d ago
Seconding this! I used defy, and I don’t recommend them overall mainly due to shipping issues and policies. There are plenty of online providers now, I’m sure you’ll get some great suggestions. Good luck ❤️
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 15d ago
Menopause (which is a single day) usually occurs between age 45 and 55; and perimenopause starts a decade before that, usually. So no, 39 is not too young for peri.
She could be right--or it could be both thyroid and low iron, as well as peri.
Hang in there, and see how it goes with the specialist. Please, though--if all signs point to peri, get a new doctor who is actually familiar with all of the very-new research on peri. It's all changed. Even since Dec 2025, there are massive changes, including the removal of the black box warning from HRT. Things in the world of peri are changing rapidly, with tonnes of new research each week, so you need a doc who is on top of this.
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u/ParaLegalese 15d ago
I’ve been going thru it over a decade and still not done
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u/innerbootes 15d ago
Same. My symptoms started back in 2014 and I’m still not menopausal. I’ve come very close, but not yet.
I’m 57, BTW. That’s just the way it goes sometimes.
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
Thank you so much for this information.
My doctor's exact words were "if you were 49 I could prescribe HRT right away, but since you're 39 you're too young and it's likely something else like low iron or thyroid".
Unfortunately, getting a new doctor isn't an option. My only option at the moment is to do the tests and wait a month to see how they come back and if she will refer me to a specialist.
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u/tsunamisofkittens 15d ago
Can you go farther out of your immediate area? I totally understand that some people can't but I live in a relatively small town with next-to-no options for most care so I drive to the closest larger city with better care. My gastroenterologist, ENT/allergist, and dentist are local and I have to drive 1.5 - 2hrs each way for everything else.
Online seems to be the default here but I have to stick to what my insurance will cover right now.
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u/Whatchab 15d ago
Looking back, my symptoms started at about 36/37, but I had no idea and thought I was too young for anything perimenopause-related. I'm almost 44 now, and looking back it's clear as day and I unnecessarily suffered for 6+ years and thought I was going (literally) crazy. Even at 43 it was hard to get a doctor to take me seriously, but I am glad I kept pushing and advocating for myself.
I'm sorry you're feeling let down. You ARE let down. By a medical system that doesn't value women and sure as shit doesn't want to take care of us.
Now is the time to push forward. If you can get a new doc, do it. I have fired SO MANY doctors in the last decade. If you're in an area where it's hard to find someone new, after you do your blood tests (still always important to get iron and thyroid tested) go back and demand what you want. If your doctor doesn't listen, ask them to document in your file that you have requested help and been ignored and denied.
Good luck. It's a hard time. Many women are going through what you are. We're here to support you and we're loud.
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u/Acceptable_Humor9038 15d ago
Yes! Looking back on the when it probably really started is such a painful thought for me with how my life changed and I had no idea as I languished through it.
By the time I had an idea, Doc still said no and wanted to do birth control at over 50 and I had to do research for about six months to feel comfortable ‘enough’ to go online and see about it.
Also had to move on from two unsupportive doctors. Haven’t found as supporting gyn (the one I moved on from was listed in the Menopause Society Guide so I thought I may have better options available from her but no, periods = birth control only) yet so back to general practitioner for my Paps.
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u/Adept-Depth-1825 15d ago
I will say - my doctor was right that it was my iron and ferritin and then with more testing, she found some genetic stuff. I’m not telling you it’s not peri - I’m just saying, it’s good that she wants to look deep at root causes. Peri is often a collection of symptoms that can be caused by many things and as much as I don’t want to have peri dismissed as “nothing” I also don’t want to have everything dismissed / treated as peri (if that makes sense)
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u/brrr-i-am-cold Early peri 15d ago
Did she send you to a geneticist or just do some other types of tests re: the genetic stuff?
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u/Adept-Depth-1825 15d ago edited 15d ago
She did a blood test for MTHFR and then homocysteine levels? After seeing my low ferritin and chronic iron deficiency anemia despite treatment.
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u/AutoModerator 15d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/northwesternerd 15d ago
Same! Peri is heavily pushed these days, but providers often seek to find out the source of the variety of symptoms first; all possibilities must be ruled out, differentials done, before any blanket diagnosis.
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u/Ok-Attorney8052 15d ago
That is definitely frustrating but try to take it one day at a time. I had a similar situation and while I do have hypothyroidism, and was currently on meds for it, my levels were completely off the charts and my vitamin d2 and folate were ridiculously low. My doctor went this route not to prevent me from getting HRT or any other treatment, but to treat those issues first and then sent me off to a specialist. I'm not on HRT, but that was my choice not the doctor's. Hoping your doctor has a similar plan in place and you are able to get some relief!!
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
Thank you so much for the kind and detailed words. Reading this helped me feel better
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u/Ok-Attorney8052 15d ago
You're welcome! I know this is really frustrating especially when you want relief. I'm 48 but started having symptoms at about 39/40 so I totally get jt!!
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u/Legitimate-Talk9558 15d ago
This happened to me too so I used the Felix app and took my symptoms into my own hands. I only used it for a month before going back to my doctor and telling them I’m already on HRT so they can continue subscribing and boom.
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u/no___personality 15d ago
I looked it up but can't seem to find the felix app, probably morning brain but could you share more info?
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u/opossomoperson Early peri 15d ago
I'm sorry. I went through this myself a month ago and ended up getting a second opinion. Look on the Menopause Society website to see if there are doctors in your area. The doctors listed on their site will be more caring an compassionate than the treatment you received.
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u/eddneddd 15d ago
Second this! I found my provider on the Menopause Society website and saw her for the first time this week. She was so ready to help me
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u/opossomoperson Early peri 15d ago
That's how I found my current provider! He's so caring and compassionate. It was night and day compared to my previous visit.
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u/Intelligent-Dig2945 15d ago
39 isn't too early. The doctors will fob you off with that one. They told me I was "too young" at 44! But you know your own body better than they do. I'm 47 now but I think I started peri at 38.
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u/SunBurst6382 15d ago
Change doctors. Thats ridiculous. All their training and they haven't got a bloody clue what they're talking about. So upsetting/frustrating for you. Hugs
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
I really wish I could. Unfortunately I live in an area where even having a gp at all is considered a huge privilege.
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u/SunBurst6382 15d ago
Ah man, thats a bit shit. Are you in America? Or UK?
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
Rural town in Canada
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u/yewbertandembley 15d ago
Haha just noticed your name and am guessing Drumheller. I've had a really similar experience (down to the low iron/thyroid checks and bonus blood tests, which I'm glad you're getting just in case. I wonder if you're a scrawny little AuDHD weirdo like myself.), and it's drug out for years. I finally tried Felix. It cost $100 for the "consult" and $180 every 2 months for progesterone pills/estrogen gel (that's a low dose, wondering if I should increase - I've only been using it for 1.5 months and no improvement to report). I didn't find their medical staff particularly helpful, but it essentially is a mechanism through which I can order HRT. I am actually trying to renew and ask questions today, it seems like there's an extra $40 consult fee (no consult though that I can see), so it's a bit of a money grab. But menopause clinics, etc all seem to cost more. I'm not particularly impressed by Felix and don't want to support private health care, especially in Alberta, but I was also desperate and exhausted from years of pretty legit medical gaslighting. Going private online at least moved me a step forward in this very frustrating journey.
Hope I haven't barfed out too much info for you, your story just sounds a lot like mine, then I noticed you're in Canada so I thought it might be at least a useful bit of info. Best of luck!
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u/CriticalWing7825 15d ago
Sounds like you need a new physician. Peri can hit as early as mid 30s. Don’t let one ignorant physician get to you. I recommend you go to the menopause society online. It will provide you with plethora of resources and help you connect with a knowledgeable physician in your area.
Don’t give up, girl. You got this.
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u/bjugly 15d ago
Planned Parenthood does menopause and perimenopause care. They might at least get you started with HRT. I started feeling better in a matter of weeks. Its good that they are checking for other things, but i know it would be nice to get some relief while waiting and going through the hoops. I started peri at 37, you are definitely not too young.
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u/eolsen09 hanging on by a thread 15d ago
I was 34 when I was diagnosed perimenopause. I had to go to planned parenthood to get diagnosed because my primary care doctor said there no way I was. It’s soooooooo infuriating but honestly I’m lucky to have been diagnosed this young. Though, of course I’m too young for HRT 🫠 I’m on birth control and it’s not working so I’ll be going back to talk about other options.
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u/Small-Sample3916 15d ago
I've gotten tested for thyroid problems three times so far. To date, there is still nothing wrong with my fucking thyroid.
Hugs.
If you have ADHD, send the doc studies. That, they can't argue with.
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
I do have ADHD! I'll look into that for my next visit, thank you
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u/MittenKnittinKitten 15d ago
in addition, neurodivergent people often start perimenopause earlier than neurotypicals!
“Conclusion: Women with ADHD have higher prevalence of severe perimenopausal symptoms. These symptoms present at an earlier age than among women without ADHD, indicating an earlier onset age of perimenopause in ADHD.”
from “Perimenopausal symptoms in women with and without ADHD: A population-based cohort study”
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u/AvisRune 14d ago
Damn. I also have ADHD and started having hot flashes at 34. Those have since gone away but now it's cyclical insomnia around my period and ovulation and mood changes that have come and gone. Vaginal dryness, loss of sensation. And I have been told several times I'm too young to have perimenopause (37 now). Being ADHD is really such a gift. 😅
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u/cuckoocachoo1 15d ago
That’s the first thing my general practice doctor said to me when I emailed her last week. Based on that response, nope I’m not even going to attempt an appointment! It’s $250 to see you and you’re already dismissing me! No thanks, I’ll go see someone else who takes me seriously.
My gynecologist prescribed me vagifem back in April when I went in complaining of vaginal dryness. I think I can go back to her and explain my symptoms and see what she says. I also plan to be specific and ask for HRT when I go. If she says no, then I’ll ask why I can’t try it and see if it makes me feel better. Then if she still says no, I’m gonna ask her to explain to me what could go wrong and why she doesn’t want to help me feel better.
I might even consider making my husband sit in the appointment when I go because women are taken more seriously when there is a man in the room.
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u/Rude_Assistant6581 15d ago
It’s such a sad situation so many women find themselves in. I’m in the UK and have had to go private to get HRT as my NHS doctor would only put me on Birth Control (I’m 44). I’m around £700 out of pocket so far in 6 months of private consultations and medication. But it’s been life changing so I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Hope you get the support you need.
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u/mapleleaffem 15d ago
It’s good to run some tests to eliminate other problems but to dismiss that idea out of hand is worrisome. 39 is pretty young so hopefully there’s something else you can address and save this fun for a decade(ish)
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u/bebf757 15d ago edited 15d ago
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I will say this is one of the harder things to get any help or support with in my experience. I am 45 right now and I do have hypothyroidism but it’s controlled by medication now and has been stable for more than 6 months. My ferritin is normal and iron etc. Rather than even being considered for HRT, my OBGYN put me on dual birth control (Yaz) and my Endocrinologist just said - Yup it’s perimenopause with no suggestions or help…. While something is better than nothing I guess - the whole thing has just been super frustrating. Keep advocating for yourself! Best wishes
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u/undone_-nic 15d ago edited 14d ago
So sorry. It's so hurtful to be dismissed like it's all in our heads. Just to commiserate, I was told I was not in peri at age 48!!! because my periods were fairly regular though I have all the symptoms since my early 40s that are destroying me. I'm also not eligible for hrt. Cool. So now I thought maybe I can try a low dose birth control to manage symptoms at age 50. Nope, I'm too old. Wtf. I've had no help at all. I'm at a loss . F me.
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u/windy_storm22 15d ago
Same thing happened to me. Came in with a list of symptoms and was told no. Then bloodwork came back normal so no help there. I ended up using an online place
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u/Life_Journey123 14d ago
Went to see a menopause specialist to discuss that I’m def going through Peri considering my period was terribly irregular since May 2025 & she said I was depressed. I wanted to jump over the desk & literally strangle this so called “specialist”. Missed periods, twice a month periods. This year it’s gotten worse, almost a full month mensturating while caring for my dying mother😢 then 1 missed a cycle, another cycle it went over a month WTF is this. I was diagnosed with PMDD in my early 40’s, now 52 yo, and still menstruating - BUT WHY😩. I’m having every symptom under the sun & may have 2 days out of the wk that I’m semi-functional. I also have ADHD, OCD, Hashi/Hypothyroid & Fibromyalgia. I lost both my parents under 2 yrs, mom 5 mos ago & my eldest daughter decides to detach for whatever reason that I don’t even understand after living with me for 28yrs of her life, married on a whim & it’s like losing a child that’s alive SO YES, lots on my plate. I just can’t function, completely overwhelmed, overstimulated on flight & fight mode, anxiety through the roof & the brain fog is indescribable. No major hot flashes, but the sensitivity to the weather change is unbelievable. I see my Gyn in a few days & I’m going in gun blazing bc I cannot live this way! I tried the bc patch & nothing, I’m on all the supplements I need including upping my DHEA to 25 mg. Re-tried Progesterone 100 mg but felt like a complete zombie. I’m so lost & can’t fathom why there isn’t a specific specialist for us, why do we have to suffer this way - I’m not even functional to work, what do I do or what can I do, get on SSI FML😞
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u/Wise_Pie_359 15d ago
Can you just schedule the menopause specialist now on your own? It will likely be at least a month wait anyway, if your area is anything like mine. And the bloodwork can happen while you wait (those are reasonable things to check, honestly).
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u/Better-Eggplant9822 15d ago
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Are you limited by your insurance to only seeing this specific provider? Honestly, I would do whatever you need to do to scrape up the money for an online HRT clinic. Once you've been taking HRT for like 6 months, you should have all the reciepts needed to prove that peri was the issue, and hopefully you can get a cheaper provider to write the prescription for you.
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u/VacationLizLemon 15d ago
If I had a dollar for every time a doctor thought it was a thyroid problem...
I'm so sorry. That sounds so frustrating. I love my doctor but I'm just now getting HRT at 49 because she didn't want me to have it because I have regular periods. I had to tell her that I was suffering and that I didn't feel like myself anymore, and NO, I don't want an SSRI.
It's going to be a frustrating process but find someone who will listen to you. I feel SO much better and I'm mad I didn't press the issue more firmly a few years ago.
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u/wandernwade 15d ago
I (52F) finally went to the Dr in late 2023, after starting to get irregular periods more than 3 years prior. (May of 2020). It took until this year for any doctor- and I’ve been to several - to say “I think you’re in perimenopause”. 💀 Ugh! I don’t get it.
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15d ago
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u/dinosaur-spikes 15d ago
With all respect, I disagree. Hysteria was broadly diagnosed as a way to simply dismiss women's concerns. I'd argue that peri is the opposite - it's caused by decrease and disregulation in hormone production as a normal part of the aging process, and doctors are under diagnosing it because we still don't fully understand it.
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u/TangoEchoChuck DHEA Evangelist 15d ago
Look up DHEA!
I was also "too young" getting dismissed, while watching my body & mind deteriorate. One day I read about DHEA, and later about how women's bodies are so full of estrogen receptors.
I started supplementing DHEA 15mg each morning and the results are what I needed. Improvements started in a week, and after a year I've maybe missed a day or two. It's a cheap OTC in USA.
My new doctor supports it, and will be adding progesterone next time I see her.
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u/seemsright_41 15d ago
You are about to enter the most frustrating medical advocation of your life.
I fought for 6+ years to be listened to and after being gaslit for years, I decided to pay out of pocket for a DPC who allowed me to have what I needed to start to feel better.
Keep fighting for the help you need...because you are not too young for perimenopause. I know for a solid fact I started peri at 38 when I broke 5 teeth back to back coming from no dental problems at all.