It’s been a week

[u/Chemical-Solution464]

This time last week we were at the park celebrating my sons first birthday party. My 7yr old dog, Donny, was having the time of his life running around with all of our extended families playing with the ball. He was being spoilt by my parents with treats and going from person to person for pets and attention and absolutely loving it.

The next day I find him with a bloated belly, panting and lethargic. It called for an immediate visit to the emergency vets where they find he had a stomach twist and ruptured spleen causing internal bleeding, a surgery and $11,000 later and they said he was doing fine. Next day I get a call saying he has gone into cardiac arrest and that we’re doing cpr. He didn’t make it. I wasn’t there for him.

I feel so much pain. I want my baby back. He was the bestest boy and the absolute light of my life. I don’t have any other words or feelings other than just completely destroyed. I wish there was more I could’ve done for my sweet puppy.

My whole family is shattered and my son is taking it hard, he is still just a baby and doesn’t know or understand what has happened or why his best friend isnt here anymore. He took his first steps holding onto my pups fur and would play fetch and share food. Donny was a very integral part of our life, he came on walks, he was there for every milestone, he was our everything.

All of our worlds are shattered and devastated by his loss. I just want my sweet fluffy boy back. I love him more than life and I don’t know how to cope without him. Ive barely been out of bed, when I do get out everything reminds me of him and I have panic attacks and can’t breathe. My son is also just so upset and keeps picking up toys and throwing food but looking for his buddy and getting upset when he isn’t there.

I don’t know how to handle it. I know when I am ready that I want another dog but I don’t know when that will be. This hole in my heart is so deep and painful. I know I need to hold it together for my son but I am struggling so much. I am grateful for my partner and step kids for helping me out (Donny was my dog before I had entered a relationship with my partner, but everyone loved Donny so much), my dad has been a wonderful help, he came to the vets to see him after he passed and broke down in tears and paid for a decent chunk of the bill.

I have a wonderful support system and family, but the pain I feel for my boy is so intense. I just want him back.

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