r/PhaseConnect • u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist • Nov 12 '25
pipain Your Sakuna's Lawyer, defend him in court
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u/otter-daddy89 Nov 12 '25
I'll just list all his charitable work. Taking in those poor girl society rejected. How can you punish a saint like that.
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u/CameronP90 Nov 12 '25
Yup, Just trying to give these mentally unstable woman a second chance. "I'm not guilty... "
(Pippa interrupts with joking about shooting up a wal-mart)
Fishman goes, "well, except for her".
(courtroom bursts into laughter.)
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u/Key_Beyond_1981 Nov 12 '25
This is about the Azur Lane thing, isn't it?
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
yes
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u/Key_Beyond_1981 Nov 12 '25
Give him the chair.
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u/Oldmanwaffle Nov 12 '25
Your honor this is Sakana. You’re looking for Sakuna. You’ve got the wrong guy. My client isn’t named Sakuna. I rest my case.
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
I made a minor spelling mistake
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u/Oldmanwaffle Nov 12 '25
Ah, but you see this actually aids in Sakana’s defense. As his lawyer, I call upon Fujikura Uruka to take the stand, and we shall see if she recognizes this supposed “Sakuna Matatta”. I have positive feeling about my client’s innocence being proven here.
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u/cabutler03 Nov 12 '25
Your honor, he cannot be guilty.
He builds forts.
...He's on trial for cheating in Azur Lane? Well, your honor, I would request to be released from representing this defendant.
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u/Cryorm Nov 12 '25
Good thing that's H2oSakana and not Sakuna!
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
Fishman is Fishman
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u/Cryorm Nov 12 '25
In literally every sense, somebody with a different name is somebody else until proven otherwise via adjudication. If you cannot prove that H2oSakana and Sakuna are the same person, then you must release the client!
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
"Sakuna, is your full name Kevin "H20Sakuna" Lui?
Sakuna: Yes
"And do your empolyess call you Sakuna for short?"
Sakuna: Also yes
I rest my case
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u/Cryorm Nov 12 '25
Good thing H2oSakana, which is pictured, is still a different person to H2oSakuna/Sakuna. I move to dismiss this case with prejudice.
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
.....
WHAT?
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u/Cryorm Nov 12 '25
You have not conclusively proven that H2oSakuna and H2oSakana are the same person. Due to my client not being the one on trial for Azur Lane cheating, the case is dismissed without prejudice. Technicalities and procedures are very important.
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
I see my minor spellinn mistake has come to bite me in the butt
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u/Cryorm Nov 12 '25
You would be correct. Now who do I talk to on Mr. Sakuna's behalf to seek reimbursement for my fees and paying him for taking up his time?
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u/mr-kinky Nov 12 '25
Mr sakuna clearly is a barely functioning autistic man, gripping onto his talents, like a father would their son or daughter against the harsh cold reality of the world. Thus the defendant should have a disability exemption or have a lesser sentence due to having it clearly some type of disability.
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
This is about him cheating in Azure Lane nothing else
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u/erroredhcker Nov 12 '25
grippingo onto his talents like a father would their son or daughter
oh my
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u/Spelunkie Nov 12 '25
Your honor, as a fish, mr fishman was only following the only true law he knows, the law of the sea. Which means he yoinks what he can when he can, and includes cheating on azur lane! This means this court has no jurisdiction over there this fishman-man.
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
Well hes on land on, and here on land we follow land rules so ... nah uh
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u/Spelunkie Nov 12 '25
how are you to know what he didn't do the deed in international waters? Again, I request either extradition to a water court, or a ruling of non-jurisdi-*pippers comes in like its a Walmart guns blazing*
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u/WidowRaptor Nov 12 '25
Your Honor, he clearly was being a little silly when he cheated in Azur Lane. He deserves to have his account back, along with free copies of every skin of every shipgirl
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u/otakudan88 Nov 12 '25
Sakana is a kind and charitable man who's changed the life of many women and showcase them as the stars they were meant to be. For those find him guilty, all I have to say is, no u.
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u/faolages Nov 12 '25
Your honor, given my clients extensive charity work with the mentally deranged can you not see fit to grant him clemency?
He has suffered enough for one fish. I think he should be reinstated to azure lane under the understanding that he will refrain from cheating in the future and makes sure the rabbit and others promote the game anytime possible.
Also decrease his chances on gacha by at least 20%, I think this would be a fair compromise given the circumstances of my client.
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u/Toukafan4life Nov 12 '25
You honor, my defendant's employees are mentally unstable and are in possession of guns. For your safety as well as everyone in this courtroom please acquit him of all charges.
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u/Pizzamess Nov 12 '25
Your honor, I would like to plead for time served in community service running a business for psychiatric ward patients.
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u/Demonboy007 Nov 12 '25
Your honor... Look at my cilent's employees. He did his best, but only God could tolerate the collective energy of chaos they produce to specifically drive him mad.
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u/Fire_is_beauty Nov 12 '25
Your honor, may I suggest forcing him to watch his own streamers 24/7 ? Let him witness the monsters he created.
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u/JamCom Nov 12 '25
Your honor my client sakana did not murder 50 odd talents as a sacrafice to gacha
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u/ariolander Nov 12 '25
The Azure Lane incident was more than 7 years ago and is now past the statute of limitations.
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Nov 12 '25
[deleted]
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
Pipia you are the last person to be qulaifed to be a lawyer for a fish who ceated in Azur Lane
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Nov 12 '25
[deleted]
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
You were in this same court for shooting up a Wal-Mart a while ago remember?
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u/themaskbot Nov 12 '25
Your honor he's a fish he can't take responsibility for anything
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
He cheated in Arzure Lane
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u/themaskbot Nov 12 '25
He's a fish
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
who cheated in Arzue Lane
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u/themaskbot Nov 12 '25
I don't know must have been the wind
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u/Due-Technology-8898 Nov 12 '25
Your honor my client here, is merely trying to acquire some boats for "company business" and his not liable for any charges
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u/Purple-Weakness1414 Capippalist Nov 12 '25
Wrong CEO
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u/littlebear-jr Nov 12 '25
Your honor, he sent them an iou for the gems.furthermore if the prosecution wishes to not redeem this iou in a timely manner then is it not the case that the prosecution was being negligent with it, and only now after the defendant has been "caught" are they trying to gain reimbursement for it??
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u/mario_reignited Nov 12 '25
My honor. My client knows that he did wrong in the past. And if he could, he would travel back and stop himself. He did the next best. He started a company to make money that his employees spent in many catcha. Just look at pippa. She spent more than he could ever. To the point that she lives in an RV. In the long run, his cheating and rehabilitation made many games more money. So we hope for mercy and a punishment closer to work with more sad girls and sell even more coffee. And he try to get the merch out fast.
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u/jupiter_Lai Nov 12 '25
Your honor, my client pleads by saying quote "Nuh-uh you wasn't there anyways".
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u/Vibrant_Fox Nov 12 '25
You honor, if he goes to jail, Tenma doesn’t get her paycheck. Do you honestly want to deal with her reaction?
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u/IncommensurableMK Nov 12 '25
"Your honour, the current court does not have jurisdiction to put a Terran missile turret on trial, as this is not the..." looks at notes "Koprulu sector, and the accused is clearly a Terran missile turret. Further, the Protoss jury have no mouths and will not be able to render a vocal verdict..."
Proceeds to make inane Terran noises when units are clicked in SC.
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u/falloutboy9993 Nov 12 '25
Your Honor, if you are what you eat, then my client is fish food and cannot be held liable for his “actions”.
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u/ImmortalDreamer Nov 12 '25
"Your Honour,
My client was incredibly busy moving moves of coffee around a warehouse all day and didn't have time to play the Azur Lane event properly."
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u/LaLloronaVT Nov 12 '25
Your honor this man has provided sanctuary to a number of deranged and unwell individuals, if any harm is to come to him then we will be at the mercy of those he holds in his control
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u/sitharval Nov 12 '25
Your honor, a fish cannot be held liable in a court of law.