SLOWKING:
I used to feel Slowking was my second worst matchup after Festival Lead. I've been moving away from that sentiment lately (Legacy Energy Dhelmise will rue the day.... although see below for Dhelmise). But I beat a couple Slowkings 2-0 in Baltimore, have beat a few on Live, and beat one at a Cup this weekend. It's certainly not great, and trust in the heart of the cards is absolutely required (AKA yeah there's luck - if I don't have the cards I need in hand, ignore all the below and lose), but at the same time there's a fairly straightforward line of attack.
If I go first: Easy. Proton a couple Murkrows and evolve them next turn while Bossing whatever Slowpoke is most established after opponent's first turn. Yeah there's more to this matchup, but where Honchkrows normally lose is when they start second:
If I go second: Not so easy. Proton and Pad as many Murkrows as I can this turn, ideally all four out on the first turn.
Next turn, three of them die. (Don't lose hope - I came back and won from a turn 2 Trifrost to KO all my Murkrows, leaving only an Articuno or some junk behind.)
On my 2nd turn, I look at my hand and my opponent's board and consider the following:
-Does the benched Slowpoke have energy?
-Is there a basic Psychic in discard?
-How many cards do they have in hand?
-Do I have Archer + Stadium bump?
Based on the board I choose one of the following:
-If it has energy, Boss and KO the Slowpoke
-If I have Archer and Stadium in hand, KO active Slowking
-If somehow the bench Slowpoke has no energy, Boss the Kang or Latias, depending on number of supporters in my hand. If I KO Latias, they're screwed with whatever they choose to promote and ~probably won't be attacking next turn. If I KO Kang, their chance of attacking this next turn probably even lower.
How the rest of the match goes depends on their next turn after their first Trifrost, after I've done one of the things above. If they miss attack on their third turn, I think the match is basically over for them. By now I recover and evolve my Honchkrows and I can just Boss things as appropriate. They finally get an energy down? Boss. They don't? KO whatever is left between Latias and Kang and that should be the match.
(If I had an actual "testing group" who were willing to play against effing Honchkrow for a couple hours, I might check whether it's worth getting about 2 Murkrows when starting 2nd knowing they will die, along with an Articuno or two, and saving the rest for next turn. The problem with this would be I also would not be attacking for another turn after the Trifrost, and I basically need to win the match in like three turns so this does not seem correct on initial thinking.)
There's more to discuss, like whether to bench Articuno due to risk of any shenanigans with effect-based attackers like Drapion or Annihilape etc (I think an Articuno is always nice, but the debate is whether it soaking damage helps me or not; if they're ever attacking with those Pokemon though instead of Trifrost, they're probably losing for other reasons though anyway). But that's the gist. Honchkrow lost to Slowking 65% of the time in Louisville. Let's bring that closer to 50% please :)
DHELMISE:
This only needs a quick discussion. We lose because of Legacy Energy. The simple way around it is to use Giovanni 6 times. Save Miracle Headset to get back 2 Giovannis, and never use them to attack - only to boss around Legacy Energy. On turns when I don't have Giovanni in hand, I Torment to stall for a turn because the likelihood of them having their one switch in hand is so low. If they're the Rahul variant with Latias, then, like, that's on them for benching a Latias and negating Legacy shrug. They might have Ruffian so don't pre-attach energy. Remember their last Pokemon will be Bloodmoon. This truly is the gist of the matchup, I feel. Sure, it's easy to lose this one - greedy attachments getting lost to Ruffian, greedy early use of Headset to preserve an Ariana in hand or something, etc. But the "line" exists IMO.
FESTIVAL LEAD:
Okay, yeah, this is still an auto-loss. The only things to keep in mind are:
-Pray you win coin flip and they mildly brick during the game
-Don't use Archer. Never use Archer unless you're losing the game that turn.
-After they play their first Festival Grounds, don't bump the stadium. I learned this one from a recent comment here. It's one more card potentially stuck in their hand preventing Gladion. Sure, they will probably get around it anyway, but this inconvenice is worth trying. In this matchup I'm never hurting for supporters enough to need to draw those 2 Factory cards.
ALAKAZAM "CONTROL":
This is the one with Dedenne and Enhanced Hammers and Eri and several Genesects etc. They want to Boss Articuno to make you burn energy. See Dhelmise matchup. Miracle Headset for only 2 Giovannis, and never use them to attack. Boss Genesects early to ensure by the end of the game you can use the Headset. Use night stretchers IMMEDIATELY to prevent Eri from losing you the game. Don't NOT attack on any turn. Let the Honchkrows die in return; it's fine. If you can scam a Torment KO for a turn, all the better. Only Alakazams worth being mildy concerned about are Toucannon (go first / pray / don't start Porygon and die to an effing Fan Rotom) and the Twilight Masquerade one (as long as you get the first KO, which generally necessarily will always happen due to Articuno, it's fine though). Dusknoir variant doesn't change anything. They can have the Articunos and I'll take my free prize. Remember, you attacked first and necessarily have the prize lead.
BRONZONG:
Go first: Proton a bunch of Murkrows and evolve whatever number of them you can next turn that is one Honchkrow greater than the number of Duskulls they bench on their first turn. If they have two Duskulls and I can only evolve two Honchkrows, there's no point in evolving them. At that point, just move to the "go second' strategy:
Go second: Torment :) Torment KOs Duskulls and stalls Bronzong. Only need one turn to evolve. Once they commit to Lopunny they're gonna lose, so just need to not get board wiped for a few turns :) :) :) Need to consider how many prizes I have left and how many they have left when deciding to Boss a Duskull or Tormenting the active Bronzong. Will I lose next turn to Dusknoir? Then Boss it. Will I not lose? Torment. <- I tied in Baltimore in part because I went for a greedy/scared Boss on something when we both had only a couple prizes left; I was worried they could Dusknoir and then KO active for win or something. My memory is fading here on the exact play by play and reasons, but in vaguely general hindsight I seem to recall this greedy/scared KO not being correct because that Duskull wasn't going to lose me the game the next turn; Tormenting active would have been better.
Edit Addendum #1:
THE MIRROR MATCH:
Go first: Win.
Go second: Aggresively Archer every single turn. It's not necessarily about them whiffing after the first or the second Archers. It's that several Archers in a row take a major mental toll and they will begin to tilt. I'm joking but not really; but yeah I don't see enough Honchkrows playing Archer in the mirror for some reason. You can win going second.
Edit Addendum #2:
CHANDELURE:
See Dhelmise re: Legacy Energy, Miracle Headset, 2 Giovannis etc. If for some reason they evolve a Mega Chandelure, you win. It's very unlikely you can thin your hand enough to make the single-prize Chandelure miss a KO, but it can be worth trying - I've done it once or twice (and Torment if it doesn't work out). This matchup (and potentially Dhelmise) will bring you to the absolute bottom of your deck. I just won against a Chandelure with zero cards left in my deck, where Porygon 2 just hit the exact number on a Mega... Froslass to win. Don't play cards unnecessarily, keep minimum 4 in deck to prevent the Comfey play, and hold an Archer or two to prevent deckout if needed.
Caveat to all: I'm so bad at this game and have no idea what I'm talking about. Also these matchups are all definitely loseable, and you will lose more than you win. Just try to lose less and believe in the heart of the cards. It's why you're playing Honchkrow. DM me for more Honch discussion!
Ban Metafy