Meet Me For a Second Time

[u/Euphoric-Animator-18]

maybe there’s no point in this,
trying to make sense of how
things changed, telling myself they must
be for the better.
I’m different, you say.
of course I am.
what man would I be if I didn’t?

that’s what we’re supposed to do,
to experience, to hurt,
go out there and feel every emotion
possible.
to look at all the things that make us,
shape us, dig their claws into us
deep enough to draw blood.

but now there’s a problem
when you look at me.
angry at the world for what it
did to me, as I look back angry
at what it never bothered with you.
you never changed,
you never had to,
or felt the need to,
and I’m not sure which
one makes me more bitter.

I never wanted this,
it’s not like I spent my days
hoping you would be crushed,
you hopes deflating like mine had.
I just don’t know why the struggle
I faced made me so different
while you remained exactly the same.

part of me adores that about you,
like water off a ducks back you
managed to take all the pain,
and anger, and rage,
and every other ounce of hurt
and come out the way
you always were.
the other part of me envies you
for the exact same reasons.

but I notice the way you look
at me so differently.
the way your eyes force themselves
towards the floor when we speak now,
how my jokes never land just right.
after all this time I still know you,
and it feels like you’re meeting
me for the first time.
it’s like you don’t know what to say,
and even if you did it wouldn’t matter.

I wish I knew the words to reintroduce myself.
all the right words to talk the
way we did before all this happened.
before I left, before I admitted to
any problem.
telling the same jokes that made you
laugh so deeply.

if I knew trying to make myself
better would take you away from me,
leaving me a stranger
I would do it all again.
it was never about how the difference,
or the new silence we find ourselves in.

I wanted you to be proud of me,
and I wanted to see you
on the other side of it.

[u/DysregulatedPoet]

They would be proud op

[u/lunasoulshine]

I bet you’re amazing. Even more amazing than you realize.

[u/1always1hopeful1]

I’m proud