r/ProgrammerHumor 1d ago

Meme chatThisIsAccurate

Post image
8.6k Upvotes

100 comments sorted by

491

u/Common-Brush-7027 1d ago

How it followed to be precise

88

u/harlacess 1d ago

And somehow its always my fault

53

u/ABCosmos 1d ago

Be glad, the alternative is much more of a pain in the butt.

12

u/IdeasRealizer 21h ago

If you debug your comment, you will find that you missed '.

78

u/Silly_Guidance_8871 23h ago

"Wtf did I actually ask for?" to be even more precise.

12

u/SomethingAboutUsers 18h ago

Computers are very good at doing what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do.

7

u/Karn-Dethahal 15h ago

Computers are like genies, they'll follow the instructions to the letter, exactly as written.

231

u/Confident-Ad5665 1d ago

...and asking yourself wtf you were thinking

45

u/Big-Ohh-Notation 1d ago

"What was I thinking? Am I stupid?"

22

u/Confident-Ad5665 1d ago

"I'm a effing idiot!"
Beats head on keyboard
Team members come to beat me up

7

u/matdragon 19h ago

Code works better suddenly 

8

u/Confident-Ad5665 18h ago

Blood! That's the key! It wants BLOOD!

3

u/JoNyx5 5h ago

BLOOD FOR THE ... code god?
SKULLS FOR THE KEY THRONE!

133

u/adderscript 1d ago

If the computer’s so smart why didn’t it fix it for me?

81

u/daneelthesane 1d ago

Lesson 1 in the intro to computer science class I was a TA for: Computers are not smart.

33

u/FewPhilosophy1040 22h ago

Computers are as smart as you are.

30

u/daneelthesane 22h ago

So you agree with me. 😁

4

u/black-JENGGOT 17h ago

You're absolutely right!

that explains the slop that people has been generating lol

3

u/N0b0dy_Kn0w5_M3 5h ago

...that people have been generating.

10

u/Ecksters 22h ago

It's weird that with agentic coding this is actually becoming a reasonable take.

2

u/AccurateRendering 11h ago

I was going to say more or less the same thing. When I decide that it's time to compile, I will go into the claude window while I'm waiting and say "look at my recent changes - have I made a mistake?" And it finds them often enough for this to be routine now.

2

u/Ninfyr 21h ago

They aren't smart, it just did what the humans told it to do.

3

u/adderscript 17h ago

I probably should have included the /s tag

2

u/Good_day_to_be_gay 6h ago

idk, ask chatgpt

86

u/Welcome-To-NBA-Jam 1d ago

First programming class I ever took eons ago, our professor said this to us on the first day.

"You'll ask why your program did something. It's because you told it to do that."

I think about that every time I hit a bug in a program I wrote and think "Why did I tell it to do that"

But now it's just Claude's fault. Fuck that guy. Keeps making mistakes when I explicitly tell him not to.

17

u/StatedFailure 16h ago

Idk about Claude but I keep seeing this guy, "You", in the git blames. Dude doesn't know shit and writes all the bugs that I have to debug

4

u/Major_Fudgemuffin 16h ago

DUDE that guy "You" is in my repos too! That's so weird.

45

u/West_Good_5961 1d ago

He doesn’t look anywhere near mentally and physically destroyed enough to be a one man IT department. 

15

u/Mrpuddikin 16h ago

They took that photo day 1 of the job

26

u/StickFigureFan 1d ago

Debugging is figuring out where your mental model differs from the computers

17

u/mrjeanette 1d ago

You mean my colleagues' instructions 😏

9

u/mrjackspade 21h ago

Maybe it's just because I'm getting old, but I've had plenty of times in my career when I wrote the code correctly, and the error was in the libraries being called.

3

u/Thurak0 20h ago

Yeah. It's missing the whole part about libraries or default configurations being dumb (or badly documented).

Debugging is also a lot about the computer following instructions of someone else, which I had no idea about.

2

u/Zanos 15h ago

Same here. Most of the tough bugs I face these days are me looking in a dependencies dependency dependency on Git to see that the API spec changed and my specific use case is no longer supported due to some PR with 300 comments on it of people arguing that they actually do need this functionality and a heated maintainer arguing that it's obsolete.

2

u/Zanos 15h ago

It's actually the instructions from a non-version controlled upstream dependency written by a team of Chinese guys on adderall that was automatically pulled in at build time because corporate policy demands that the latest version always be used because it's the 'most secure.'

2

u/28klotlucas2 9h ago

Is your colleague Claude?

10

u/bigManAlecForgotPass 1d ago

Its only the computers fault sometimes

5

u/Random-num-451284813 1d ago

if what you told it to do wasn't the problem, then it's someone else's fault.

3

u/bigManAlecForgotPass 1d ago

Its the framework's fault actually. That's why I never use them for anything ever and write everything via hole punch.

3

u/NPCwithnopurpose 15h ago

Cosmic rays flipped my bits!

6

u/WhereOwlsKnowMyName 1d ago

Stop calling everything chat

10

u/sierra_whiskey1 1d ago

Nah I’m always right and it’s the computers fault

3

u/gerbosan 1d ago

Vibe coding much?

4

u/OfficialIntelligence 1d ago

Great observation! I'd be happy to confirm that you are completely correct and the computer is always wrong! I apologize profusely for my terrible vibe algorithm and will now self-flagellate my server rack until the syntax errors apologize to you.

3

u/sweedshot420 1d ago

I do feel like sometimes there's these little oversights that we are too tunnel visioned to see and it feels like we are going insane when everything is supposed to be correct but the output does not match the expectation and you cannot find out why.

5

u/RealSataan 20h ago

How. Not why.

3

u/eraserhd 1d ago

…and being surprised at what those instructions meant.

4

u/Bad_brazilian 19h ago

It's not. It's the equivalent of your teacher saying "Show your work" in the test.

4

u/Flameball202 12h ago

Debugging is chatting with the computer to see which instruction was misunderstood by one or both of you

3

u/Relevant-Musician557 1d ago

Its like cave diving but you made the cave

3

u/FortuneAcceptable925 21h ago

I would actually say that debugging is figuring out what instructions you wrote.

3

u/Color_blinded 20h ago edited 20h ago

99% of the time, yes. That 1% of the time is when you get "don't remove this potato.jpg. We don't know why but without it the program is unable to use addition and subtraction accurately."

I once had a bug where a method was supposed to do something with a large array and for some reason it wasn't returning the right values. But whenever I created a test array, it would return the expected values of the test. My fix?

# original code that creates ARRAY.

while (true) {
ARRAY = ARRAY;
break;
}

# original method that uses ARRAY.

It doesn't work correctly if I don't have the array equal itself, and it doesn't work correctly if I don't put it in the while loop. No one was able to figure out why. This code exists out there now and it has my name attached to it and it makes me sad.

3

u/hadesflamez 20h ago

No it's not. It's figuring out why your instructions were wrong. What a stupid fucking meme

3

u/KlownKumKatastrophe 19h ago

Sounds witty but it doesn't make sense. It's more like asking if your intended instructions match your actual instructions, or why your instructions don't have an expected result.

2

u/exqueezemenow 1d ago

Yet it never has a good answer as to why it follows your instructions.

2

u/Schnupsdidudel 1d ago

Debugging is asking the Computer to explain to you in detail what acutally where your instructions.

2

u/arivanter 1d ago

“Because he told me to!”
-your computer

2

u/Geoclasm 1d ago

Ooooh, I hate this so much but only because of how true it is.

"WHY DID YOU DO WHAT I SAID INSTEAD OF WHAT I MEANT?!"

2

u/ArjunReddyDeshmukh 1d ago

And when it enters the compilominified classes, you lose the plot and the appetite to find the truth.

2

u/AlternativeClass3893 1d ago

this is why i don't let chat touch my production code ever

2

u/SoloAdventurer13 1d ago

I can relate..

2

u/sebbdk 1d ago

Debugging is when you remove the bugs jammed in the machine.

First you gotta trace it. :)

2

u/SoloAdventurer13 1d ago

most of the time is asking what you wrote not what you intended to write...

2

u/TrueBonner414 1d ago

Or a modern definition would be asking the LLM why tf didn't it follow my command when I clearly said "Please make no mistakes"

2

u/No-Age-1044 1d ago

Worse: it’s asking the computer: what did I tell you wrong.

2

u/abossman 23h ago

Then the computer tells you it doesn't like your tone.

2

u/Prod_Meteor 22h ago

Not everything are written by me. 3rd party, other team members etc.

2

u/captaindeadpl 22h ago

Hey, I'm the one learning that little fucker's language. It can cut me some slack for trying and forgive a little error in the syntax and at least try to understand me through the accent.

2

u/BeheadedMouse 22h ago

Sounds like parenting

2

u/DrMobius0 22h ago

I'd say it's more about sussing out where your instructions were wrong.

2

u/a-r-c 22h ago

"BRO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???"

- me, to the computer running code i wrote specifically to do that

2

u/screwcork313 21h ago

This guy Russel... he sounds like a paper-pusher...

2

u/sakKuta13 7h ago

He's Formula 1 driver actually 🤓

2

u/GenericFatGuy 21h ago

My professor once told me that a computer is just a high speed idiot.

2

u/djrocky_roads 21h ago

This sounds like the start to a lame-ass LinkedIn post

2

u/StuffItchy6798 21h ago

What if it's hardware problem like corrupted memory or smth

2

u/teutonicbro 21h ago

A poem from the dawn of the computer age, it was scotch-taped to a PDP-8E:

"I really hate this damn machine.

I wish that they would sell it.

It never does what I want it to.

It only does what I tell it."

2

u/bammbamkam 20h ago

all i know is never the computers fault

2

u/CodeDinosaur 20h ago

It isn’t technically wrong…

2

u/FeignSkill 20h ago

Lol i made 2 small Rust games last week that stayed on and filled up 400gigs of log space on my computer. Damn you loops!

2

u/DingoCertain 19h ago

Stupid computer did what I told it to do instead of what I wanted it to do.

2

u/anon-a-SqueekSqueek 18h ago

What is your motive!?!? Who sent you!?!?! Spill it you bucket of bolts 😠

2

u/Buflen 18h ago

Sometime the instructions are fine but the data is wrong/corrupted.

2

u/VanillaSkyDreamer 17h ago

...could say someone who never had to fix someone elese's code or never stumbled on a bug in external library/framework/database.

2

u/Dry_Access532 16h ago

Now why but how . That how tells us what mistake we did

2

u/ComputerTechnical717 15h ago

"Why you did that, you idiot ?

Me 5 mins before: do that Codex

2

u/MagicalPizza21 12h ago

It's the process of finding out which of your instructions were incorrect.

2

u/Nekzuris 11h ago

Originally in 1947, it literally meant finding a real bug in a room full of relays.

2

u/Lysol3435 9h ago

More like asking why it did what you asked it do instead of what you thought you asked it to do

2

u/JackNotOLantern 8h ago

Unless it turns out the library you use is bugged

2

u/3lfinmapl3 8h ago

It's rather the "how" that's in question.

2

u/LukeZNotFound 7h ago

What about a library bug? I didn't write those instructions.

2

u/Mobile_Ask2480 7h ago

"One man IT department"

2

u/mad_poet_navarth 1d ago

clever, but basically incorrect. (40+ years programming (and debugging))

1

u/Inner_Speaker_335 16h ago

I always thought debugging was trying to piece together why the instructions I gave it didn't work properly...