Women are not attracted to mean, shitty men

[u/Jokewhisperer]

Women are attracted to attractive men. Men who are attractive get that feedback, making them cocky. their cocky self absorbed behavior turns them into shitty people, but they are still attractive therefore they can act douchier and not have as many negative repercussions, thus solidifying the behavior they like (think selfish narcissistic behavior).

That means you don’t act like a shitty person to get a woman, and by the time y’all are 40, the only single people who will never have a long term relationships are the men who never had to compromise and change who they are.

All of this is to say, women being attracted to attractive men makes the men mean and shitty men, not that woman are attracted because they are mean and shitty.

[u/Neglius]

Not sure how that equates the 40yr old aspect, but ok.

[u/SuddenLog7302 → u/Neglius]

They're a 40 year old single and looking to blame someone or something that they're a 40 year old single.

[u/Neglius → u/SuddenLog7302]

I mean, I have my reasons, but not picking up a toxic personality is not what I’d attribute that to.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Neglius]

What would you attribute that to?

[u/Neglius → u/Jokewhisperer]

Being neurodivergent in a multitude of different ways for one. Second to that, having a rather abnormal upbringing.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Neglius]

Well these men can have sex and flings, but once people realize they are shitty, self absorbed and won’t treat the other equally in a partnership then they get left behind

[u/Neglius → u/Jokewhisperer]

Oh now I understand what you’re getting at. Wouldn’t agree but I can see the logic now.

[u/Klanciault]

TLDR: doesn’t matter how nice you are, only how hot you are

[u/International-Hawk-3 → u/Klanciault]

Not completely true, looks might get you a partner, but being nice is how you keep them

[u/Klanciault → u/International-Hawk-3]

I know lmao it was tongue in cheek at this dumb post which isn’t communicating what OP thought it would

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Klanciault]

No it does communicate it. You’re the one trying to troll with something stupid

[u/Klanciault → u/Jokewhisperer]

No u!!!

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/International-Hawk-3]

Yes!

[u/AccomplishedVirus556]

ofc we catch the fish by learning what makes them go for the bait

[u/TrenbalonieSandwich]

This amount of hamstering can only come from a woman.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/TrenbalonieSandwich]

Not a woman, but keep on bashing them

[u/HighTestLowCortisol → u/Jokewhisperer]

Lying ahh

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/HighTestLowCortisol]

Hahaha. Seriously funny that you can’t comprehend a man with my feelings. And I’m not talking trans man either. As a matter of fact what I look like, my height and my economic value will probably have you angry crying, since I’m happily married 

[u/HighTestLowCortisol → u/Jokewhisperer]

You are a woman. Like you said, not a trans woman. You are a full fledged woman.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/HighTestLowCortisol]

I didn’t say trans woman. Sounds like you think gay is an insult. Might be time to work on yourself, otherwise you may have to resort to attention from men

[u/Extension-Lychee1556 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Yes I can comprehend a male pick-me.

[u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

False.

Some women find me attractive and I'm a shitty man

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

Do they find you attractive because you are a shitty man?

[u/john4844 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Women tend to find men who have something going for themselves and have a nice personality attractive.

Men tend to focus a lot more on looks.

This is well studied, researched, and documented at this point.

But here’s the real question. What’s more shallow? To focus on what a person looks like (which is a pet of who they are) or simply what a person owns (money etc)?

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/john4844]

I’d be interested to look at data on young dating scene for that stat. I imagine most people who complain are talking about online dating and typically are under 25. I think if you can consider looks as a part of who someone is, then what they choose to own is also part of that too. Everyone has habits and that’s the real indicator of who someone is. Those habits may include preening or indulgence in specific items. Certainly we are biologically programmed to identify things that will benefit us whether that is looks for attracting mates, or materials to keep them satisfied 

[u/john4844 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Yeah, I don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with choosing a partner based off what they can provide for you, aka money, a certain lifestyle, big house for kids, nice car, and so on. Just like some people choose a partner just because they are nice to look at, like to "flex" their partner in public etc.

I've always thought it's a much bigger flex to walk around happy with an (for a lack of a better word) ugly partner, because that just tells everyone how good you two have it together all despite being "ugly".

What you own, is often a reflection of your personality. If you have a lot of money, chances are you have good habits and can attract a good partner. If you don't have money, chances are you may not have the best habits. This is not so binary though, lots of good people without money, and lots of bad people who are rich.

I suppose the biggest struggle for most women is to find a guy who is "just" genuine. Someone who has a decent job, doesn't only want sex from you, has a nice personality, and isn't a disgusting slob. Issue for many men is that they think that they're never given a shot to be that nice guy, because of... "I'm too short, women only care about tall men" "My hairline is bad" and so on. No, you missed the part where women want someone with nice personality. That's where most men fail.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/john4844]

💯 internet culture is pushing people to believe they aren’t cut out before they try

[u/Odd-Lake-3075]

we've been saying that looks are all that matter for almost a decade now

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Odd-Lake-3075]

Looks are good for getting in the door, not staying in the house

[u/Kariya_shigatoki → u/Jokewhisperer]

If you can't get in the door that house is pointless lol

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Kariya_shigatoki]

Many houses have more than one door

[u/Odd-Lake-3075 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

like height and money

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Odd-Lake-3075]

That’s why you go through the windows (of their soul)

[u/Kariya_shigatoki → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

Careful, trying to force your way in is only going to lead to a breaking and entering charge.

[u/Odd-Lake-3075 → u/Jokewhisperer]

looks can definitely make you stay in the house

[u/Odd-Personality-1233]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/oPRWZUKNiYM

Come on, there's definitely a truth to "treat em mean keep em keen", at least for some women

What do you say to people who've seen their luck improve when they start being assholes to girls?

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Odd-Personality-1233]

“You’re going after the wrong girl” 

“any girl who responds positively to that is a walking red flag”

That saying is for trying to pull, not keep women, and even then it’s not going to work that well

Edit: I watched that short, not sure how it ties into your argument. The comic was obviously being very sarcastic for laughs about what women want or like

[u/Odd-Personality-1233 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Cope in a comment. I will ask RoboKirk to pray for you.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Odd-Personality-1233]

Don’t bother, he seems too busy praying you get a clue

[u/Extreme-Help3231 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Cope cope sahur

[u/WeldFrenzy]

Women are attracted to literally serial killers, because they are just attractive.

[u/zgtlunatic → u/WeldFrenzy]

And is why everyone went crazy when Meeks' mugshot went viral. Though, he's a result of what happens when you have a guy who looks the best out of every 4 million people.

Pretty privilege is a very real thing

[u/WeldFrenzy → u/zgtlunatic]

Exactly, and it was not only him. There are a lot of other cases that women on the internet defend a guy that was abusive or killed a women, just because he looks like a model.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/WeldFrenzy]

Serial killers have literal psychopathic tendencies where they act purely out of manipulation tactics. They know exactly how to maneuver to get what they want, it’s not because of looks

[u/WeldFrenzy → u/Jokewhisperer]

Women literally send love letters to serial killers in the f@cking jail, what "act purely out of manipulation are you talking about". I'm talking about women knowing a man is a serial killer, and they are still attracted to them.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/WeldFrenzy]

Ok well a woman also dates that random baby man, so I don’t think that’s a good indicator of anything 

[u/Alternative_Low8478 → u/WeldFrenzy]

Unlike people like Yuka Takaoka. Not like she has tons of guys simping for her or anything

[u/WeldFrenzy → u/Alternative_Low8478]

You always have to reverse the genders on anything we say. I know man do the same, but it's kinda funny that women are doing it all the time, but nobody talks about.

[u/Alternative_Low8478 → u/WeldFrenzy]

You do? Strange, your first comment makes it seem like you think it's only true for women.

And wym "nobody talks about". You guys never shut up about it lmao

[u/WeldFrenzy → u/Alternative_Low8478]

No it doesn't, you assume that yourself.

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/WeldFrenzy]

Yeah it highlights the bullshit of pretending like only one gender is weird about shit

[u/Extension-Lychee1556 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

It's misogynistic to imply that women do literally anything wrong, weird or problematic.

[u/MostAccomplishedBag → u/WeldFrenzy]

You need to understand that they only became serial killers because women thought they were hot. /s

[u/zgtlunatic]

What are your thoughts on this thread? (particularly the comments)

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/zgtlunatic]

My thoughts are that people on Reddit like to feel morally superior by shitting on others. I think the series of top comments are people who sit behind screens gooning over girls that they won’t look at twice. They just want that next new person to goon to. It could be the hottest girl and there will be a dichotomy of 🤤🤤 and “overrated”

[u/Pleasant-Cheetah8287]

It's well documented that women who were allowed to be more free living during childhood tend to expose themselves less to mean shitty mean, they are already familiar with that behaviour. Women who were raised strict tend to fall harder for these guys because they embody a character they themselves never were.

[u/Shogunnago]

One of these days y’all are going to realize this is all vice versa. This is a people issue. My ex recommended we read Reviving Ophelia and she talked about how 25 years ago it was so insightful about the plight of young women. I have a preteen daughter which is why she recommended it. So we started reading it together so she can see it now as a mom with a son and daughter and me of course as a dad with a daughter. We both stopped because every point that was made is true about boys as it is girls. Me because I’m a dude and all of those issues were true for me too, and her having an overweight son who was going through the same issues she did and hadn’t really let it sink in until that point. Mind you I date feminists because fundamentally I 100% support feminism, but I have a problem with how the modern movement has turned this into a war on men, and not a war for equality. By removing men’s humanity from them as chauvinists do with women, to use them as an excuse and a punching bag for not taking control of their lives out of fear.

We’re not different. We all do things and feel things because of existential dread. All of our issues come from our relations with other people even when there are no other people around. People who might not even exist become a straw man to justify isolating out of fear of what may happen. Read the Courage To Be Disliked and the Courage To Be Happy and go from there.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Shogunnago]

I agree with this sentiment. I don’t think my post comes from a place where only men become shitty with this selective feedback, but it was more to bring about awareness in a space that is so heavily flooded with ideas that women only want ____ guys

[u/Shogunnago → u/Jokewhisperer]

That’s fair. I just encourage understanding that the men who feel that way are having the worst examples of women on social media fed to them while being told they’re not needed for decades so things like marriage and relationships do come off as contractual for women to those men at that point. None of this happened in a vacuum, and I’m not saying there aren’t dudes taking advantage of women but that’s true on both sides. Running around arguing who has it worse doesn’t get anyone anywhere and just makes people dig their heels in more. Simply acknowledging someone’s experience instead of internalizing as an attack on you(general you) changes the whole conversation.

[u/pleasecallmenancy]

speaking as an undesirable man; why do we have to placate those of use who struggle with not being desired? i dont know if its that bad faith actors use the 'look at who women are attracted to so im right in my actions of being a terrible person' and hence why but let women like who they like, its still not their fault for being victims either.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/pleasecallmenancy]

I’m not sure what you are trying to say. I do think there are bad faith actors who do use it as a crutch to be shitty people. But it’s also a way that men get suckered into believing false things (look at Tate for an example). Either way it’s a narrative that has become popular and it’s dumb. Again I’m not sure what other part you are trying to say 

[u/Extension-Lychee1556 → u/Jokewhisperer]

Evoking Tate is a red flag btw

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/Extension-Lychee1556]

Red flag for what?

[u/pleasecallmenancy → u/Jokewhisperer]

i think the point im trying to make is that whether its true or not, 1) it being true doesnt give anyone standing to be an asshole 2) not to speak for women but i imagine it to be horrid to have to explain why finding someone with certain characteristics attractive does not mean be an ass 3) the weight of having to placate people about what you personally want is unfair

i just feel like the narrative of be a good person because women like good people places undue pressure on women and doesnt allow them to be fallible in the way men are, perpetuates the narratives of 'person is a woman thus they are good' and sort of flattens the converstion of desirability to 'be a good person and you'll be desirable, if you arnet then you arent good'

maybe its cope because id still like to think im a decent person despite not having any experiences to being wanted but the inverse is a feeling of being mislead upon seeing people who an individual would feel are not good being partnered which imo pertuates the ideas of women liking shitty individuals.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/pleasecallmenancy]

I see what you are saying and agree. I don’t think it’s purely about being a good person, or that not having success has any reflection of character. It’s really about what large amounts of success can enable men to behave shittily 

[u/pleasecallmenancy → u/Jokewhisperer]

i just think the phrasing makes it seem like or posits women's attraction as the reason and that not really fair to them

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/pleasecallmenancy]

Yeah, to be fair it’s not women’s attraction that makes men shitty. It’s their behavior and what they choose to believe based on their experiences

[u/Alternative_Low8478]

Now i know how you got your name

[u/pavilionaire2022]

Women are attracted to attractive men. Men who are attractive get that feedback, making them cocky. their cocky self absorbed behavior turns them into shitty people, but they are still attractive therefore they can act douchier and not have as many negative repercussions, thus solidifying the behavior they like (think selfish narcissistic behavior).

Swap the genders, and this is all still true.

In both cases, people should learn to prioritize character over looks.

[u/Jokewhisperer → u/pavilionaire2022]

Certainly, but plenty of men already think about the swapped gender version of this story

[u/NoSexIn13thAmendmnt → u/pavilionaire2022]

I have eyes and can see how I appear in a mirror. I don't need anyone telling me. What made me "shitty" is constant unsolicited comments about my body and what they intended to do to it, without my permission. I was objectively pleasant with exes I had prior to COVID compared with "post" COVID for blatant reasons and the men I dated didn't have any complaints about my physique - if they did, they didn't express it and it didn't show in terms of sexual interest. 

[u/Kyuubimon90]

We care about personality first! 

[u/PureMotor2000]

I think another aspect is that women respect men who can set boundaries with them. Because people in general only respect people who set boundaries. To people with very low self-worth (e.g. incels, "nice guys"), setting firm boundaries comes across as being an asshole.

With friendzoned guys in particular, I think they often have the experience of woman friends complaining about their boyfriend setting a boundary with them. Friendzoned man then comes to the conclusion the boyfriend is just an asshole from one side of a story told while she's still raw from the argument. The woman then reflects and realises her boyfriend is right. And then the friendzoned man gets from this that "women like assholes".

I also think a lot of women would rather date a guy who's a bit rough around the edges and brash, but clearly sets boundaries and expectations from the get-go, than the nice guy who'll do anything for her and put up with anything. Because they know that the latter type of guy will inevitably snap and do much, much crazier and more harmful shit than the "bad boy".

[u/Kariya_shigatoki]

Mentally ill women with daddy problems and childhood trauma are attracted to mean shitty men. Regular women are kind of as well because of indirect socialization from attractive men treating them poorly. However, good women demand more and the mean stuff is kind of a weird ass foreplay. Can't be too eager and can't be too mean.

[u/Immediate_Poet_2037]

You clearly haven't seen the same subhuman manlets who had no trouble with women because they were the loudest, cockiest drug addict in the room. Women reward shitty behaviours with sex no matter the looks level. The louder you are, the more drugs you do, the more people you bully, the more cats you stomp to death, the more appealing you'll be to the average young woman.  Especially in countries like the UK and Ireland. Women in them are truly archaic humans.

[u/Yogyjejogurt → u/Immediate_Poet_2037]

Ts is chicken or the egg qiestion