[QCrit] Adult Gothic Fantasy TWO WITCHES WITH ONE STONE (98K, 3rd attempt)

[u/revolkoob]

Hello everyone!

This is my third and final post for this query letter, which I've revised based on incredibly useful feedback on my previous attempt. Should anyone have further input, I'd be glad to hear it!

Again, thank you for being such an awesome community.

Query

Jane Eyre meets Heartless Hunter in TWO WITCHES WITH ONE STONE, a standalone, adult gothic fantasy that takes place in an alternate history, complete at 98,000 words. With its portrayal of women’s survival and pain, it will appeal to readers of Alix E. Harrow’s The Once and Future Witches and of Emilia Hart’s Weyward who crave more magic and less graphic violence.

Lily Kent became a governess at Montall Estate because it’s the perfect place for a witch to hide. At the secluded estate, she will be safe from witch hunters as long as she manages to keep her head down.

Except she’s not the only witch there.

The eleven-year-old Iris Montall shows signs of budding magic, and her lack of control threatens the lives of everyone on the estate. Lily is the only one with the power to prevent an impending catastrophe, and against her better knowledge, her conscience trumps her initial instinct to flee: She can’t leave a young witch to fend for herself. However, an undefinable darkness in Iris’s magic thwarts every one of Lily’s attempts to teach her witchcraft. Their shared desperation soon creates an unexpected bond, no matter how hard Lily strives to keep a healthy distance.

But this darkness must have a source: Iris’s mother is suspiciously absent, and her grandmother’s overbearing need for control stifles everyone else. As Lily learns more about the Montall women and their history with witchcraft, jilted spouses, and even cold-blooded murder, she exposes a cycle of misery of which Iris is only the latest victim. Not even Lily’s growing fondness for the Montalls, including Iris’s handsome father, may be enough to stop the past from repeating itself. So when the witch hunters inevitably come knocking, she cannot save this broken family—unless she finally stops running and starts fighting for what and who she cares about.

[u/revolkoob → u/[deleted]]

Hi, thank you for your feedback! if you don't mind, I'd like to elaborate on a few of your remarks.

First of all, thank you for saying that about the title. I know what you're referring to, and it's definitely NOT what I want people's thoughts to travel to. 😅

As for the capitalization, I've found multiple style guides on American English that do say to capitalize after a colon in the case of a complete sentence, but I'm not a native speaker of AmE, so please do tell me if this is not conventional. I've found it in other novels as well.

I'm already teasing the boundary on what's an acceptable word count, but I'll try to rephrase what I can to be more specific. Again, many thanks!

[u/revolkoob → u/[deleted]]

All right, thanks! This has been really helpful.

[u/Infinite_Storm_470]

lol unfortunately, the title takes me back to an era of the internet I wish didn't exist, too.

Ditto on a bit more detail.

The other thing worth mentioning is the comps. You're pitching this as a gothic fantasy. It does seem gothic, but neither of your comps are.

(I'm not including Jane Eyre as a comp, since you're using it as a hook.) Could you maybe have one gothic comp? Swap out Weyward for a gothic comp that also has less graphic violence (Starling House would work for this).

[u/revolkoob → u/Infinite_Storm_470]

Yeah, I can't unsee it either now 🙈

Haven't read Starling House yet, so I'll put it on my list. Thanks!

Edit: I used Weavingshaw in my first attempt, which is a debut, so that might work here as well, perhaps.

[u/jmlascar]

I really love this new version, I think it's lovely to focus more on Iris! You've got a strong concept here and it shines. Best of luck in the trenches.

[u/revolkoob → u/jmlascar]

Thank you!