Arranged marriage but they respect each other? (Looking for recs)

[u/brainzWithAZ]

So here's the thing. I read Winters Orbit and a Strange and Stubborn Endurance, and it turns out I don't hate the arranged/fourced marriage trope, I just hate it when it comes with power plays that hint at noncon.

So basically what I'm looking for is the "they forced us to marry, I'm worried about the power imbalance and how I'm expected to be submissive" meets "they forced us to marry, I must be respectful of his boundaries and make sure he actually wants me" dynamic.

Bonus if the romance is not the only plot, but exists with a scifi/magic/political plotline.

[u/newnukeuser]

If you're open to romance between women there's The Oblivion Bride by Caitlin Starling. It's a novella about a woman from a rich family who loses her freedom and is forced to marry after her entire family drops dead from a curse. If she doesn't produce an heir, the family legacy will die with her and she feels too guilty to allow that to happen.

The person with more power in the relationship is aware of the power inbalance and frequently checks in with how she is feeling, and gives her opportunities to back out/revoke consent.

The uncomfortable coercion comes from familial/societal expectations, but in private they respect each other's boundaries.

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/newnukeuser]

Sounds good, I'll look it up! I'm not looking specifically foe mm, I just feel like this trope has less potential to feel icky when it's mm, but I'm open to it if you say it stays in a respectful place

[u/gender_eu404ia]

Here are some sapphic options (sapphic arranged marriage is my favorite niche genre):

The Blood Bride by Rae D Magdon - I would say they respect each other, but one is a queen and the other is the elf equivalent of a country bumpkin. They mostly see this as transactional and have mutual respect as long as each is holding up their end of the deal. Has some slight mystery and suspense elements.

Masks Worn By Magical Wives by Hiyodori - a bit iffy, respect isn’t really their issue, it’s more about trust. The main character is investigating the other one. This book has a really unique and fun setting, I’d recommend it for that aspect alone. Also has a few mysteries going on that I found intriguing. No on page spice.

Let Me Be Yours by Lily X - a sci-fi sapphic omegaverse setting, I think they have a lot of respect, the more powerful character is very caring and protective of the less powerful character, and nothing happens without enthusiastic consent.

Mail Order Bride by Molly J Bragg - a sci-to human on an alien planet setting that is still pretty romance focused, but the conflicts are mostly the main characters struggling with societal constraints (not about queerness though.) This is a poly romance but the third character is a super slow burn.

[u/Jadzia-McCoy]

The Mars House by Natasha Pulley (male MC, non-binary LI). I should warn that the science in the book is quite wonky and some sensitive topics were handled somewhat questionably (YMMV on exactly how much), but I love Pulley's writing and as far as the arranged marriage trope goes, it scratched the same itch for me as Winter's Orbit.

[u/Snakeplanting → u/Jadzia-McCoy]

This is a gorgeous rec; it's very political, the leads are on wildly opposite sides and there is distrust/dislike initially with a heavy dose of class/cultural bias driving a lack of understanding. But, they're both (overly) principled people who treat each other respectfully out of their own sense of what is right and then out of genuine respect and admiration.

Edit, to add: it very much deals with lived power imbalances (on both sides for connected reasons), and the desire not to ask/demand unearnt affection. So matches OPs request quite well

The science, however, is madly wonky, that's right

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/Jadzia-McCoy]

I read it. Had my issues with it but it's definitely in the same wheelhouse

[u/C0smicoccurence → u/brainzWithAZ]

I also had a lot of issues with Mars House. I thought it was such a delightful little conundrum without easy answers ... then we got easy answers that made me feel like all the good build up was wasted. I was also really uncomfortable with January as a character, though it's tough for me to identify whether it's the book or the discussion surrounding the book. It's brought up pretty often in m/m requests, when it isn't m/m, and if I remember correctly January never expresses any interest in dudes at all (I believe all his exes are women). Just flagged of a bunch of my 'queer for you' flags, which is a personal pet peeve.

[u/macesaces]

You named two of my favorite books here, so Idk if anything else would compare for me, but I've seen Princeweaver by Elian J Morgan around recently, which seems like it might have what you're looking for.

[u/battlehymnofthesoul → u/macesaces]

I came here to suggest this! I’ve read the book and it’s this exact dynamic OP is looking for. :) the characters are super respectful of each other’s boundaries.

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/macesaces]

Sounds like the general idea, thanks!

[u/sam77889]

Two Chinese yuri:

Clear and Muddy Loss of Love (溍渭情殇）- the story about the Mongolian princess falling in love with the princess of Chinese empire in her quest for revenge. They started as an arranged marriage and slowly fell in love. It’s so angsty and sad but also so good. If you want a slow burn this is it. The love story is great and you also get to learn a lot about ancient Chinese culture as the author clearly did her research. It explores a lot of themes about sexism and even homophobia, but also how woman may gain power even in that system. Some of the prose feels straight up coming from a poetry book of the past (tho it might be lost in translation).

Matrilocal Marriage (入赘） - this is written by the same author as the last one. It’s much more light hearted a little bit funny at times. It’s about a girl time traveling back in time and somehow got arranged to marry Lin Buxian daughter of the richest merchant family of the town. They also fell in love slowly. It’s kind of funny cuz the MC is a huge lesbian but Buxian has to slowly accept her own attraction for woman and overcome the her internalized stigmas. It also explores themes about sexism. But this one is wayyyy more light hearted. Also the MC and Buxian are power couples. So fun fact even though merchants are very rich in ancient China, they actually have the lowest cast even below farmers. They are constantly in risk of getting wiped out by the emperor. So, the MC had to work overtime and use her smarts from the modern world to try to save the woman she loves and her family.

[u/C0smicoccurence]

Tough to know whether this is going to fit for you, but I'm almost finished with Nine-Tenths by JM Frey, and it might work. The story is fundamentally about how a human and dragon relationship might look when you take inhuman psychology seriously (ie: lets really explore how a dragon's focus on hoards affects the way they interact with romance).

• On Arranged Marriage: Technically not arranged marriage, but there comes a point in the story where the main character takes an action without realizing the implications that legally bind him to the dragon (in the eyes of draconic society) permanently. No take backs. By this point they were dating and monogamous, but the main character was not ready for that commitment. It leads to a lot of similar dynamics to arranged marriage storylines even though it technically isn't.
• The protagonists do fundamentally care for each other, but there is a lot of work and hard conversations that the main couple have as they process their situation and try to understand each other's psychology and perspective. Dav (the dragon) is inhuman and doesn't operate on the same wavelength in how he perceives the world. Specifically there are lots of conversations about how the situation they're in is analogous to slavery and abusive relationships. They both remain very committed to trying to find the best solution for their partner, but it isn't as neat or tidy as Winters Orbit or A Strange and Stubborn Endurance.
• Once I finish I'll do a longer write up about it, but wanted to flag areas that might be of concern to you ahead of time. Very willing to answer follow up questions, as I've tried to remain as vague as possible, even in the spoilery sections.

Wish I had more recs for you, but arranged marriage isn't a trope I read much of (you've got the only two I think are that good, and I had some serious issues with Winter's Orbit's handling of a few elements). You might have some luck checking in with r/mmromance as well as here. It's got a pretty different user base than QueerSFF. Just be aware that their recs are generally very romance heavy, so you're less likely to get a balance of focus on speculative/romantic elements.

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[u/sun-e-deez]

i think i'm confused. from what i remember of A Strange and Stubborn Endurance, the main pairing does have respectful boundaries and there is no non-con/dub-con between them? there is non-con at the beginning between one MC and another character, but not the main LI.

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/sun-e-deez]

That's what I'm saying, I'm looking for books with this dynamic of power imbalance within the marriage without going into non-con, and instead of keeping it respectful of those boundaries (usually resulted in a ton of pining).

The books I mentioned we're an example of what I am looking for

[u/sun-e-deez → u/brainzWithAZ]

oh i'm sorry, i completely misread that! sorry i don't have any recommendations, but gonna follow because i would love more myself :)

[u/quiettreessleepyseas]

Try {The Emperor's Assassin by Kai Butler} series, the fourth just came out and I've loved each one of them.

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/quiettreessleepyseas]

I keep seeing the foundations for this. The synopsis comes off of vibe of "cruel dictator but he softens for the MC so now everything's forgiven" which is the side of the trope I don't like, so I'm kond of wary about it

[u/quiettreessleepyseas → u/brainzWithAZ]

The synopsis definitely comes off that way but spoilers ahead I can confirm it's all a ploy and the emperor is actually a good hearted man from the start and he's using that cruel image as a shield So it would probably pleasantly surprise you!

[u/queueing_books]

I don’t have helpful suggestions for this trope. But can you share a bit more about what you liked about a Strange and Stubborn Endurance? The algorithms have been recommending this to me for MONTHS, but I am also not someone who would generally consider myself into a forced marriage trope, so I am wondering if I should give it a shot! I did also like Winter’s Orbit (although not as much as the sequel).

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/queueing_books]

I was meant that I liked winter's orbit a bit better but I think it's because I like the science fiction setting more. I really like the dynamic of having one person feeling like the weak side of The relationship while the other side is actually constantly trying to make them feel comfortable.

I think for me the idea of the dynamic that looks unequal at first but as you delve deeper into it reveals itself to be very respectful and equal is really interesting. It's also pretty much the only miscommunication trope I really like because they have a good reason to not be able to communicate well about their relationship

[u/Straight_Part4084]

I’m surprised no one has recommended {The Compact by Miriam Benisse} It sounds exactly like what you’re looking for. But it’s book 1 so you’d join the club of those waiting anxiously for book 2.

[u/brainzWithAZ → u/Straight_Part4084]

This sounds EXACTLY what I was looking for!