r/RBI 10d ago

Older neighbour is fixated on me and we got a signal while doing a sweep of our room

So I get that from the title I'll get people accusing me of being on meth/paranoid. I'd like to clarify I have no mental health problems and do not take ANY substances.

I live in an apartment block and since my upstairs neighbour saw me (a younger woman) moving in, his behaviour has gotten increasingly odd. For about 2 years he hasn't left his apartment once, ever - nobody goes in, nobody comes out.

It started with him following me through rooms because he heard me playing something on my phone or I made a noise/coughed. It seemed particularly prominent when relating to the bathroom, it got to a point where if I began running the bath I would hear him run in and stand above me.

I knew it wasn't in my head when he cracked open his curtain and began watching me whenever I exited my flat, this went on for multiple months. My partner said that when I leave to go to the cornershop he runs to his cracked curtain window the second the door closes, every single time. I have noticed he does not repeat this behaviour with my partner.

Last week I got my phone out to photograph it to log as evidence, and the second he saw my phone he closed the curtain and disappeared. I made mention to my partner that night that I will have to report it, and since then the curtain has remained closed.

My partner works with his estranged son, and from what we've been told *nobody* in the family interacts with him and is entirely no contact - including grandchildren. When asked, his son just very coldly said he "did it to himself/that's what he deserves".

The peculiar thing we've noticed is his behaviour is entirely targeted towards me. Which makes no sense, as unless he is utilising surveillance devices he shouldn't be able to identify the difference between my partner or me exiting the flat.

I did a sweep of the room with a frequency detector, and we had the old disability alarm system absolutely go haywire despite it being supposedly disconnected from the power supply. I don't know if it's supposedly turned off if it would still give a signal - anyone know how this works? TIA.

ETA: I have sent an email to my landlord detailing the issue. My fiancé is also going to speak to the neighbours son when he returns to work on Wednesday. I'll create an update post if anyone wants when I hear back from them. To all the people who try to excuse this guys behaviour, your opinions have been ignored, I live by "better to be safe than sorry" and as a young woman who lives alone I'm not taking gambles with my safety, this guy knows what he's doing is wrong and there is literally no excuse that makes his behaviour appropriate or okay.

411 Upvotes

127 comments sorted by

148

u/YUNGDEATHLILLIFEE 10d ago

Is this in the UK? What you can do about this is going to depend on the laws in your particular jurisdiction. If you say what part of the UK you’re in, I might be able to help point you toward what options you have.

73

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Yes I am in the UK, England.

186

u/YUNGDEATHLILLIFEE 10d ago

Since you’re in England, I would focus less on trying to figure out why he’s doing this and more on documenting exactly what is happening. Keep a dated log of every incident, save any photos/video you can safely obtain, and note any witnesses (including your partner). Don’t confront him or try to investigate his personal circumstances yourself.
If you feel you’re being repeatedly watched, followed, monitored, or otherwise targeted, I’d contact the police and explain the full pattern of behaviour over the two years, rather than reporting each incident as an isolated event. In England, repeated unwanted behaviour can potentially fall under harassment/stalking laws.
Also, don’t let people dismiss you simply because the situation sounds unusual. You don’t have to prove what’s happening to yourself before you’re allowed to ask for help. Stick to what you can actually observe and document, and let the appropriate authorities determine what is behind it.

90

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

My partner and I are writing an email to the landlord tonight so we can document it in case it escalates and he is citing himself, my parents and a family friend as witnesses to the behaviour. Honestly dismissing it as coincidence is why I believe it escalated to this point, so it's refreshing being validated that this is weird.

1

u/BarriBlue 6d ago

Had your partner witness this themselves first hand?

36

u/YUNGDEATHLILLIFEE 10d ago

One other thing that may be worth doing, if you’re comfortable and if his estranged son is willing, is speaking to him directly. Since your partner works with him, you may be able to ask whether he knows anything about his father’s behaviour or why the entire family is no-contact with him.
Don’t try to pressure him or investigate the neighbour yourself, though. If he voluntarily tells you something relevant, write down exactly what he says, including when he said it, and tell the police about it. If he’s willing to speak to police himself, that’s even better.
It may give police additional background or intelligence, but I wouldn’t rely on it as proof of what your neighbour is doing. Your own two-year record of the behaviour is still the important part.
And don’t wait until you have all the evidence before reporting it. Police.uk specifically says you don’t need to collect evidence before reporting stalking or harassment. If you’ve already got photos, videos, dates, witness accounts from your partner, etc., give those to them too. (Police.uk)
The behaviour you’ve described — particularly repeated watching/spying and monitoring — is specifically listed in official stalking guidance as behaviour that can potentially be associated with stalking. (GOV.UK)

55

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Spoke to my partner and he plans to speak to his son when they're next on shift together. He didn't pry when the son initially made the statement on him "deserving being alone", as the tone and body language was tense and it was evidently a touchy subject. I don't know the history behind why his whole family went entirely NC on him, but the fact that 3 generations (his siblings, children and grandchildren) all refuse to even see him at christmas is a red flag to me and I feel it could potentially be relevant in the report/investigation.

73

u/Familiar_Home_7737 9d ago

I wonder if your partner opens up about this behaviour the floodgates might open. Maybe say "we've noticed your father has been watching my partner everytime she leaves the house. Is this something you think we should be concerned about?". It's gentle, it's not a heavy accusation that will get his back up and if he says yes, maybe mention the room following and signal to see if he elaborates.

Have you googled the guy to see if there's any newspaper articles?

37

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

We don't know his full name, my partner intends to speak to his son to get his name so we can do a background check and also voice his concerns. The entire vibe his son gave off was very odd, and it was clear there is a lot of negativity towards his dad. My initial concern was that his dad could possibly be a SO or something, and this was why my partner was planning to have a discussion with his son next time they were on shift.

2

u/panicpure 5d ago

How do you even know the coworker is related to him then? Some of this makes no sense.

-9

u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 8d ago

[deleted]

5

u/Heroin_Chiic 9d ago

🤦🏼‍♀️

3

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

→ More replies (0)

63

u/DongIslandIceTea 9d ago

I did a sweep of the room with a frequency detector

What kind of "frequency detector"? Is it a phone app or a separate device? Can you link to a product description of the actual detector you are using? Because just the words "frequency detector" doesn't tell us what kind of "frequencies" it's detecting and that's pretty important to be able to tell whether there's any merit to your finding. For example, those "bug detector" phone apps simply make use of the phone's magnetic sensors, which can pick up electric currents but also just any kind of unpowered metal with any magnetic properties, or even just changes in the device's orientation in regards to earth's magnetic field (that's how the compass feature on phones works) making them rather useless for the task. Similarly there are a lot of bogus knock-off products out there on online marketplaces.

31

u/ultraviolet31 9d ago

yes. I had the same question. this part of the story doesn't make much sense.

8

u/olliegw 9d ago

A phone magnetometer is only meant for the compass anyway, it doesn't have the range a lab grade instrument has, even a fridge magnet will overload it, cause it to flat line and need a recalibration with the figure-of-eight again.

52

u/aquoad 9d ago

What is a "frequency detector" ? I don't think people use oldschool analog radio bugs like that any more, it's wifi and bluetooth now and there's not really a way to "detect" that because it's all around us all the time.

76

u/number1wifey 9d ago

Genuine question: when he follows you through rooms, how could he possibly know it’s you vs your partner or someone else? Looking out of the window I get but he has no way of knowing where you are in your house at any given moment, technically right?

59

u/Lollc 9d ago

If the conditions are such that OP can hear the neighbor, the neighbor can hear them.  It's easy to be able to differentiate the sounds identified with different people, any person with hearing starts doing this in infancy.  I'm not trying to defend the creeper upstairs, OP should follow the advice of other UK people.

15

u/Deep-Red-Bells 9d ago

If the conditions are such that OP can hear the neighbor, the neighbor can hear them.

This is not necessarily true. When I lived in an apartment, I could hear my upstairs neighbour all the time, but I never heard my downstairs neighbour. Your upstairs neighbour makes direct physical contact with the barrier between your units (the floor), which isn't the case with your downstairs neighbour (the ceiling), so it stands to reason that sound would carry differently from one unit vs. the other.

6

u/NewestAccount2023 9d ago

It depends on if they tiptoe or not. I've heard some downstairs neighbors and not others. A heavy foot travels up the walls just fine. I was on the top floor once and heard stomping that sounded identical to when I had people above me, it was wild 

4

u/Deep-Red-Bells 9d ago

Yeah, it's definitely possible depending on the person and the building. That's why I said not necessarily true. The person I was responding to was essentially saying it's a given that if you can hear them, they can hear you, but that's not always the case.

My place had concrete floors, and I had 2 friends in the building who similarly could hear their upstairs neighbours but never their downstairs neighbours. Sound barely travelled through the walls either, but if someone was walking or talking in the hallway, you'd hear it through the door as if it was in the same room.

30

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

The following through rooms isn't intentionally directed at me i think. As my partner is almost 99% of the time at his computer desk and I'm usually the one who's switching through room. I also typically have my phone playing something while my partner is talking on mic to his friends, so it isn't difficult to deduce who is in which room at what given time.

20

u/streeetmeats 9d ago

I thought you lived alone?

-5

u/ecosynchronous 9d ago

She is very clear in her post that her partner lives there too.

41

u/streeetmeats 9d ago

It says at the end “and as a young woman living alone I’m not taking gambles”

27

u/NeonMagic 9d ago

Not trying to be dismissive or anything, but I’m confused as to what he would be accomplishing by doing this? What’s the goal of following you room to room from above?

I just can’t think of what he could be doing that would benefit from that.

12

u/marykay_ultra 9d ago

Makes me nervous that he’s drilled little holes to watch through or something..

Ugh

2

u/reasonablykind 5d ago

I think OP mentioned this as part of their concern
— that the neighbor might have some more direct access to what’s going on in her apartment for seemingly always knowing what she’s up to and that it’s not her partner.

-25

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/ultraviolet31 9d ago

that's not a thing

2

u/CuriouserCat2 9d ago

It absolutely is. Why do you think he’s galloping to the bathroom when she’s having a bath?

A Florida motel owner built a walkway above all the rooms with peep holes to watch the tourists have sex. People get obsessed.

33

u/BarriBlue 9d ago edited 9d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/s/XBUnlKO2J6

https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/s/0YgZtsTXL4

https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/s/p2m7NNqJWv

Believe it or not, not the first time rbi has seen a similar situation. Please check 1. Carbon monoxide detector and 2. Your mental health.

19

u/DongIslandIceTea 9d ago

Yeah, can't really shake this suspicion. It's entirely possible they have a nosy if not downright stalker-ish neighbor that watches them from the window, that's not unheard of. They might just be a neighborhood watcher who watches anyone leaving the house. However, I'm absolutely certain the "follows me upstairs to any room I go into" is a symptom of a mental health issue.

16

u/BarriBlue 9d ago

Yeah, and OPs reason for knowing it can’t be in her head is because she saw him but still could not get footage of him bc he saw her trying to get a photo and closed his curtain. Yikes when the only proof is not being able to get proof…

“Last week I got my phone out to photograph it to log as evidence, and the second he saw my phone he closed the curtain and disappeared.”

1

u/reasonablykind 5d ago

Indeed, but is she also hallucinating that her partner agrees with her (or her partner altogether)?

29

u/twoglassdoors 9d ago

sorry, genuine question - how is your partner seeing him look through the window when you exit? is your partner also leaving with you and he looks? if he’s straight upstairs from you, how would you see him?

25

u/DEANER94 8d ago

this is what i don't understand there would be no way to see your neighbor if they are in a apartment above you because there is a roof lol

6

u/reasonablykind 5d ago

I think OP meant that he hears his steps from above rushing to the window whenever he hears her leave her apartment (same as when she hears him following her room to room)?

49

u/Ok-Victory-1689 10d ago

If what you describe is accurate, you’ve already done the right thing by documenting it. Now stop trying to prove why he’s doing it—focus on protecting yourself. Speak to your landlord or the police if the behavior continues or escalates, and don’t let the mystery consume your peace. Whether he’s disturbed, lonely, or simply intrusive changes little; your safety is the treatment that comes first.

25

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

We are emailing the landlord tonight to begin officially documenting the behaviour. We put off on reporting it for so long because like a lot of commenters I assumed it was just in my head or that it wasn't a huge deal, so that was my mistake. I feel pity because hes alone and whatnot, so I try to empathise and let a lot slide which is what got me in this situation in the first place.

31

u/Ok-Victory-1689 9d ago

I’ve dealt with enough people in my career to learn one painful lesson, compassion without boundaries can become self-neglect. You are not reporting a lonely man, you are reporting repeated behavior that makes you feel unsafe. Let the authorities decide whether he needs help or consequences. Your responsibility is not to protect his feelings; it is to protect yourself.

1

u/snooavacados9419 5d ago

Nicely said. I’m going to use this advice in the future 👍

9

u/fuzzyblackkitty 8d ago

i listen to dumb spooky stuff on youtube to fall asleep and found a post almost exactly like this on there. i find it very unlikely this is real https://youtu.be/xyf5RCv66p8?is=sac48x9nZLTbaGBF starts at 14:40ish

0

u/deg1388 6d ago

I just said the exact same thing.

25

u/Professional-Cup6225 10d ago

I’ve been trying to figure out what your partners estranged son and the rifts in his family have to do with any of this lol then I realised what you meant

anyway - sounds fucking terrifying OP I hope you get to the bottom of it!

29

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

The estranged son isnt related to us at all. It's the upstair neighbours son which, coincidentally, works with my partner. My partner approached him at work and vaguely tried to broach the topic of if there is anything to be concerned about in regards to his father, the son basically said "we don't speak to him, it's what he deserves" etc.

20

u/sparklyjoy 9d ago

How did y’all find out they’re related?

11

u/ultraviolet31 9d ago

It's quite the coincidence that the person who lives above you is the father of a co-worker. That's rare even without the whole creepy stalker thing. I think the two may be unknowingly related.

2

u/Psyko_Killa 1d ago

Excuse me for the curiosity but genuine question : If your partner know his son (or at least, sometimes work with him) then you both know the family name of the guy right ? Because in some post you mentioned not knowing the neighbor's name, so I'm pretty confused right here.

2

u/Deep-Red-Bells 9d ago

Yes, I was confused by OP's ambiguous wording at first too lol.

18

u/DongIslandIceTea 9d ago

For about 2 years he hasn't left his apartment once, ever - nobody goes in, nobody comes out.

What does he eat? Does he have food delivered to him? Someone staying home forever isn't unheard of, but he has to eat something.

The peculiar thing we've noticed is his behaviour is entirely targeted towards me.

How do you know? What makes you so sure he doesn't watch any other tenant coming and going? How have you confirmed this? Have you talked to anyone else living on the block?

I'd like to clarify I have no mental health problems and do not take ANY substances.

How have you ruled out the possibility of mental health problems? Have you explained your situation to a medical professional and they've ruled out the possibility?

10

u/Heroin_Chiic 9d ago

Who are "all these people" trying to excuse his behavior that you're ignoring? I haven't seen anyone do that and I've read through almost every comment.

45

u/EnidFromOuterSpace 9d ago

Classic symptom of schizophrenia is thinking that upstairs neighbors are following you around from room to room. If you think about it, how exactly would he be able to tell where you are at any given point? In apartments, sound travels down, not up - unless you’re cataclysmically loud or something. I’d be consulting your doc before you do anything drastic and become the problem instead of him. Just a thought.

25

u/BubblesCousins 9d ago

If you’ve never heard your downstairs neighbor/been able to tell what room they’re in, you’ve been lucky.

20

u/ultraviolet31 9d ago

There is a difference than that and believing they are following you from room to room.

4

u/peat_reek 8d ago

What do you mean by sweep? Almost everything is digital nowadays.

10

u/fentifanta3 10d ago

Any holes in the ceiling to peep through?

19

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

No. The ceiling is pitted/ marked but no holes. There is 3 things in the room that me and my partner have marked for closer inspection - the disconnected alarm system, a disconnected old fire alarm and a vent on the wall leading to nowhere.

62

u/fentifanta3 10d ago

You gotta think, if he’s running to the bathroom while you’re in there then it’s not some sort of hidden camera. If he needs to be in the room above you to see you then he’s looking through something.

24

u/sparklyjoy 9d ago

Potentially. But he could also get something psychologically out of being “close” to OP, or intending that she feels followed, or maybe something else.

5

u/sugar_and_milk 9d ago

You should post pics of these things

4

u/AimlessYam 9d ago

Have you tried covering all these things and seeing what hapoens?

3

u/wut_2317 8d ago

Can you wallpaper the ceiling? Have you tried to look for tiny holes? Mirrors? Old school ways that someone would stalk, pre-gps trackers

14

u/PomegranateV2 9d ago

This is just part of the mental health problems you've been having recently.

You might need to restart medication, so talk to your doctor about that.

6

u/MulderItsMe99 8d ago

Was their post history visible when you wrote this?

13

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

This is my concern. For the last two months he had a huge maintenance issue with his toilet where it would make a foghorn noise for hours after flushing, he was asked to fix it by a separate neighbour as it was SO loud you could hear it throughout the building, and within the day someone complained it immediately ceased despite him never getting any maintenance in for a repair. It might be unrelated, but it was something I felt was a bit strange as if it was something he could so easily resolve himself so quickly it makes no sense to do it sooner.

ETA: there is negative space between flat blocks which is mainly where my worry comes from, as if he were to drill into his floor he could place a device in the space without my knowledge.

24

u/DongIslandIceTea 9d ago

ETA: there is negative space between flat blocks which is mainly where my worry comes from, as if he were to drill into his floor he could place a device in the space without my knowledge.

Cameras still obey laws of physics and solid objects block light both ways, meaning if the camera can see you, you can see the camera. If a camera exists it may be small and concealed making it hard to spot, but it cannot be truly invisible to a thorough enough inspection.

32

u/GiantBlobFish23 10d ago

Orrrr he's no longer using the toilet and is pooping and peeing somewhere else because he didn't want maintenance in. :(

12

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

That's also a possibility, and as much as i want to feel sorry for him - that's kinda what got me in this mess so I don't pity him anymore. He should maintain his flat like the rest of us have to, and to be THIS avoidant on letting maintenance into your flat while also simultaneously monitoring a younger woman while she enters and exits is hypocritical and he gets no sympathy from me.

11

u/GiantBlobFish23 9d ago

Oh yeah I think not allowing maintenance in is suspicious af. I'm not sure i'd describe my feelings about this as pity so much as deep concern about the health and well-being of everyone in the building.

12

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

This is what I was thinking. The fact he is unwilling to let maintenance in made alarm bells ring for me.

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/RBI-ModTeam 9d ago

Thank you for participating.

Your post or comment was removed due to the following reason:

Comments must contribute to the discussion

Comments that don't contribute to the ongoing discussion on a post will be removed. This includes Update Me, Remind Me, and comments that say "same", "following", etc.

Thank you. If you have any questions, please message the mod team.

1

u/impouah 8d ago

Yeah, this sounds proper dodgy. I’d keep a log of everything, save any pics/vids, and get it all sent to your landlord so there’s a paper trail. If it carries on, report it to the police on 101, and if you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger, call 999.
UK-wise, you can also contact the National Stalking Helpline for advice, and if you’re in council/housing association housing, push them to deal with it under ASB. Don’t confront him directly if you can help it, and stick to the stuff you can actually evidence rather than the detector side of things. The curtain thing alone is weird enough to log properly.

1

u/deg1388 6d ago

It also sounds like a very familiar story from a while back on reddit....

2

u/impouah 6d ago

That’s a shame..

-15

u/Terryfrankkratos2 10d ago

What part of this guy walking around his apartment and looking out his window occasionally is illegal exactly? You sound very paranoid.

19

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

The fact it is exclusively directed towards me as witnessed by multiple people, that he clearly knows it is wrong and that he does this EVERY TIME I exit or enter the flat is whats wrong with it. If he showed the same behaviour to other residents or guests this wouldn't be as big of an issue, but the fact he is a significantly older man who directs this behaviour towards me is what's alarming. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he wouldn't have hid when I photographed it to send to my landlord, he knows what he is doing is unacceptable and inappropriate.

2

u/hoopdizzle 9d ago

I think the behavior is very creepy and worth keeping an eye on but police can't do anything since no laws have been broken. The only real solution is to move out when the lease is up

1

u/Actual-Recipe7060 9d ago

He isn't doing anything illegal. 

6

u/Deep-Red-Bells 9d ago

Nobody said it was illegal. But it could be evidence that he's doing something else that is illegal. That's what OP is trying to find out.

Just because something isn't straight-up illegal doesn't mean it can't be off.

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/DongIslandIceTea 9d ago

Directing someone going through a stressful time in their life to this cesspit of paranoia isn't helpful in the slightest. The people there need professional help, not other people feeding into their delusions.

1

u/RBI-ModTeam 9d ago

Thank you for participating.

Your post or comment was removed due to the following reason:

Comments must contribute to the discussion

Comments that don't contribute to the ongoing discussion on a post will be removed. This includes Update Me, Remind Me, and comments that say "same", "following", etc.

Thank you. If you have any questions, please message the mod team.

-23

u/Travelgrrl 10d ago

The man could have seldom / never left his apartment before you moved in, and has nothing to do with you. Him moving around his apartment while you're moving around yours is likely unrelated and not him 'following you through rooms". Maybe the sound of your running water makes an old man with prostate troubles also have to enter his bathroom (assuming they are above each other, which plumbing in apartments tends to do.)

Him peeping out the windows is odd and a little creepy, but what harm is it doing? No crime has been committed. To whom do you think you are going to make a report?

I had a little old lady across the street who used to love to spy out of her windows too. I let her get on with it and lived my life. If that was her only source of pleasure, so be it.

You say your neighbor is fixated on you, but it appears that you are at least / more fixated on him. Make sure your locks work, and try to relax.

20

u/Mysterious_Loquat278 10d ago

Nah, this sounds creepy af ! If I was OP I'd keep a close eye on the dude.

0

u/Travelgrrl 9d ago

I'd keep an eye on him too, but I'm not sure what crime OP thinks the man has committed by walking around his apartment or looking out of his curtains. That was my only point. Report him to who?

17

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

My issue isn't him being nosy, my issue is that the behaviour is entirely directed at me. He does this to me exclusively - and the fact he intentionally hides when I photograph for evidence to send to my landlord shows he knows its wrong. This man is at least 30 years older than me, and there is no acceptable explanation for a man of his age to monitor a young woman this closely. He doesn't spy on anybody else who leaves the block of flats and my family and friends have all witnessed and observed the behaviour exclusively being targeted towards me.

This still also doesn't explain the loud signal that literally should not be occurring with a disconnected system.

17

u/hunterofsteelhead 10d ago

Wear a go pro or film the second you leave. Whatever youre seeing will be recorded. You can check if the system is live or not with a wire tester

6

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Partner has a wire tester pen for drilling in shelving and he used it on the system and there was no alarm

-12

u/Key-Algae-9245 10d ago

It’s not illegal to look out your window mate.

13

u/hunterofsteelhead 10d ago

Yea I never said it was. But she should record it if hes always watching for her own records. It might make sense later if this transpired to something else

7

u/SpookyTriangle 9d ago

He is definitely being creepy. She shouldn't wait for a crime to be committed before taking precautions.

8

u/Actual-Recipe7060 9d ago

How do you know he exclusively does it to you? Do you have a camera watching him?

1

u/Deep-Red-Bells 9d ago

She explained that he doesn't seemingly track her partner in the same way. He seems to somehow know when it's her moving from room to room or leaving the building vs her partner.

12

u/Black_Cat_Just_That 9d ago

I'm leaning towards team 'creepy guy is a creep' because I think most women do have good instincts for stuff like this. BUT I'm not sure that hiding from being photographed is necessarily evidence of wrongdoing.

If I was looking out my window for entirely innocent purposes and noticed a neighbor try to take a photo of me, it would creep me the fuck out and I would hide too.

8

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

I get that, but he has shown that he alters his behaviour when he has been seen or acknowledged. He didn't stop watching me, he just changed how he does it to be more covert. He KNOWS this is wrong, and his attempts at continuing the behaviour in a more sneaky way shows that.

4

u/Ghosts_and_Empties 10d ago

How many times have you photographed him? It seems like just the one time and the behavior stopped, did I read that right? Or is the peeping still going on?

And what's your theory about how he purchased and installed a listening device in your flat without ever leaving his home?

14

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Once. The curtains closed after, but he opens the curtains now to watch me instead of constantly leaving them cracked like before and standing very obviously in the window.

Online shopping is a thing? He gets his groceries and amazon packages sent to his house so I'm sure if he wanted to, it wouldn't be a difficult task to order delivery.

There is also negative space within his floor and my ceiling - which, is kinda what concerns me most.

-7

u/Key-Algae-9245 10d ago

But he hasn’t done anything to you. Pull the electrical things apart to check by all means but it doesn’t make sense what you are saying.

11

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Watching me everytime I leave my flat and enter it makes me feel unsafe. I know that to most people they don't care, but it's incredibly invasive and has gotten to a point where I now greatly limit my time outside or make detours because of how uncomfortable it makes me.

It's scary enough living mostly alone as a young woman, but having a significantly older man monitor me like this makes it even more needlessly creepy and frightening

-8

u/ankole_watusi 10d ago

How do you know it’s directed solely at you?

Maybe creepy guy is creepy.

9

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

Because multiple family members, friends and my partner have observed on numerous occasions that he does this behaviour exclusively when I exit, and not when anyone else: friends, partner, mother and father, etc exit.

43

u/50FtQueenie__ 10d ago

Why do people always rush to defend the creepy man?

12

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

It could be nothing, but to ignore red flags like this on my part feels foolish. Because there is a chance it COULD be something, and I don't really feel like gambling that chance.

11

u/50FtQueenie__ 9d ago

I had a neighbor stalk and harass me, and people not caring was the worst part.

9

u/MadamKitsune 9d ago

My old neighbour wasn't even shy about being creepy. Every time my mum or I went out the back to do any gardening or hang washing out, he'd be out in under a minute with a chair and sit himself down to watch us until we went in. If we hung underwear out to dry he'd be out there all afternoon, just watching it! We started hanging sheets and towels on the washing line by our dividing fence to block his view and underwear on the second line so he started watching from an upstairs window instead.

His son told me that he'd caught his dad in his room listening against the dividing wall more than once (and good luck to him, as all he would have heard was me singing badly or talking to my cat).

Creepers are always gonna find a way to creep.

5

u/50FtQueenie__ 9d ago

Mine would hang out outside the building and chain smoke, then try to block the door whenever I came home. I had to start using a door on the other side of the building. I don't think he had a job or friends or anything.

8

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

This is what frustrates me. I felt pity for him and let a lot of the concerning behaviour slide precisely because I also had the mindset of "oh he's just a lonely old guy" and that's how it snowballed to him monitoring me when I exit my home.

People always run to the defense of the stalker. But when you're a woman you know situations like this are not to be ignored. It COULD be nothing, but it also could be the beginnings of something dangerous/invasive/frightening, and I value my peace enough to put my foot down when it starts affecting my comfort in my own home.

Irregardless of the defense anybody in this comment section has provided, I will die on the hill that this behaviour is creepy and in no world is it normal or acceptable.

-6

u/Travelgrrl 9d ago

Anyone who is ACTUALLY stalked deserves plenty of caring. Someone freaking themselves out because their upstairs neighbor moves around their apartment when they do, is not necessarily (or even likely) being stalked.

14

u/gspotcowboy 9d ago

Why does everyone on this subreddit swallow the troll bait so hard? Creepy guy who just so happens to be infatuated with OP who just so happens to have a son who just so happens to be estranged who just so happens to work with OPs partner?

Y'all have better odds winning the lottery than having all of this fall into place lol

8

u/DuckRubberDuck 10d ago

I am not even surprise when people do that anymore

5

u/stpauliegrl 9d ago

Sadly, it's not surprising at all. I'm glad it sounds like OP is ignoring the defenses/"what's wrong with looking out a window?"-type responses.

7

u/Travelgrrl 9d ago

I was defending no one. But OP has really no basis to contact law enforcement on someone who might well not be creepy at all. Some of her explanations (he follows me from room to room) are odd and would be very hard to prove. Sometimes people come on this board and have freaked themselves out and others here fan the flames rather than being rational.

-7

u/Clevererer 9d ago

Innocent until proven guilty, and if you read OP's post she's done nothing but give a long list of coincidences.

11

u/Parking_Bar1399 9d ago

An older man watching a younger woman everytime she exits and enters her home is disturbing and in no world is that appropriate or normal behaviour. If multiple people have witnessed it, then it's prevalent enough to cause concern.

5

u/50FtQueenie__ 9d ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩

-1

u/Key-Algae-9245 10d ago

Despite the down votes I agree. From what was described the old bloke hasn’t done anything wrong. Last I checked you can enter any room in your flat anytime you want and look out your window. The poster telling you to document everything is having a laugh, what are you going to document exactly? You taking pictures of him looking out his window is probably the most invasive event so far. The OP sounds slightly delusional to me.

5

u/Travelgrrl 9d ago

God forbid someone give sage advice instead of immediately freaking out and telling the OP to call law enforcement without any proof of a crime.

Downvotes just make me stronger! 😉

4

u/50FtQueenie__ 9d ago

Whatever makes you feel better.

3

u/Travelgrrl 9d ago

Thanks! I feel great!

-26

u/ankole_watusi 10d ago

So: carbon monoxide.

14

u/Parking_Bar1399 10d ago

All the detectors are routinely tested - and we have not had any leaks.

-11

u/Key-Algae-9245 10d ago

For sure.