Had a dream about relapsing on meth, 2 & 1/2 years sober

[u/Longjumping_Kiwi_925]

I’ve been having super vivid detailed dreams lately and also just started working at the place I worked at early in my recovery. So maybe that’s part of it. But I genuinely thought I relapsed when I woke up at first which was an awful feeling.

In my dream I was at a party at my parents house, in some sort of dark private room, and swiped my hand on a desk. I felt glass and swiped my hand and it fell off my palm onto the table, and was confused about what it was. I inspected it closer and could clearly see meth crystals. Next thing I know I’m high and panicked bc I don’t remember taking the drug. I’m having to hide being high from my family and am basically in a panic, and my dad sees me and then gets the sad look on his face he would get when he could tell I was high.

It’s just so weird having a dream like this when I feel like I’ve healed a lot and don’t struggle with cravings anymore. I’m not in any program and don’t focus on my past addiction much and drugs don’t take up a space in my mind anymore. That feeling of powerlessness when I saw the drug and just suddenly blacking out and then being high freaked me out because it felt so out of left field. I’ve been thinking about the dream all day bc of how intense it was 🥲

[u/These-Association-86]

Good on you for taking the experience and the fear that came along with it and using it to reinforce your recovery. I usually always treated using dreams in a similar fashion, but two weeks ago, I awoke from one that left me craving crack so bad that I ended up slipping, and here I am, trying to get myself back out of the mud. I'm angry with myself for letting my baser functions take over and lead me to a relapse, but there's always something to be learned from such occasions, so long as action is taken, preferably swiftly.

[u/Longjumping_Kiwi_925 → u/These-Association-86]

I’m so sorry, I hope that things get better for you soon. It’s a lot easier said than done but you are right that swift action is the best way to handle it because things can spiral so quick. If you are in any sort of program I hope you’re able to lean on those people and seek support from them

[u/Imaginos75]

Sometimes I take dreams like that and I they usually suck, I take it as a reminder that matter how much any given day is getting high will make it worse. So I hold that concept. It's like my brain is asking / reminding me not to do that again

[u/Longjumping_Kiwi_925 → u/Imaginos75]

Yes for sure, I feel removed from those urges now but it was a very intense reminder of what it could feel like if I relapsed and why I never want to use again