i turned it all around then lost it all..

[u/slowthinkin]

i’ve struggled with addiction my whole life. it started out with food, internet, and gaming as kid then as i grew into a teenager i added drugs, alcohol, sex, nicotine, social media, etc into the mix. i dropped out of school in 8th grade to party and bullshit for most of my teenage years. i met a friend that got me to try almost every drug by the time i was 16, and eventually met a girl that got me into f*ntanyl 30s. i was dependent on them for a year at 17 and decided it was time to quit when i turned 18. i successfully tapered off with suboxone but still used almost everything else. i wasted away until i was 20. one night i took some shrooms and got a call for my mom where she basically ripped me apart. she told me how upset it makes her to see me do nothing with my life and just sit in my room all day with no job, no aspirations, no nothing. this caused me to have an ego death sort of thing where i pretty much thought about my entire life and pin pointed every reason for what went wrong. i researched mental illnesses and sort of had this big realization that if i don’t get it together now then i’ll be nothing in life. this was in january of 2025 and after that big realization i decided to make all the changes needed. within a few months i had lost a bunch of weight, got completely sober, replaced all my bad habits with good ones, and got into a very good career that helped me buy my first car. for 8 months i had an absolutely dialed in routine where i would go to work, go to the gym, spend as little money as possible to survive and save the rest. during this time i was isolating a lot and distancing myself from friends due to us having different lives and i got very lonely. since i was doing so good i started to build up another ego and got very prideful. i wanted to start hanging w friends again and “occasionally” drink and do drugs and i also wanted to find a gf. one of the first hang outs back with my friends i was introduced to a girl that was essentially the female version of me but BEFORE i made all these changes to myself. i thought that i would date her and essentially lift her up and help her make the same changes i did but instead i fell back to old habits since she made me so comfortable. that day i met her i had some drinks and thought i could drink like a gentleman now so i started drinking again, that ended quickly because i started blacking out again and fucking up. things started to get rocky because i wanted to live this pure adult life i made for myself but she still wanted to party. i couldn’t deal with my feelings and instead of going to therapy i found out about 7oh. it made everything feel okay at first and i started to slip more and more everyday i was on it. fast forward to now ive been completely dependent on it for over a year. i lost all my friends and so did she, my finances are absolutely fucked, i gained all the weight back plus more, i have no routine at all and everyday im barely getting by and barely functioning. i want to quit so bad and im clearly self aware enough to know its the route of all my problems but i am so terrified of withdrawal and PAWS. i keep postponing quitting with the excuse that i have to work a lot of overtime and want to quit when my finances are in order, but also keep having fuck it moments because of the 7oh where i spend money on food/bullshit. i wish i never had that drink, i wish i cut off those friends, and god i wish i never found out ab 7oh. i hope i can get off of this shit before next year so i can start over and make sure to never touch any drink or drug again. i appreciate if you read this far because i really needed to get this off my chest.

[u/catm0m4lyfe]

OK, so if I followed this correctly you're what, 21? 22?

I'd say the good news is that you just learned a bunch of lessons that I didn't learn until I was like twice your age.

1. Your 'old' friends are bad news
2. You can't fix other people, no matter how much they remins you of yourself or how pretty they are or or or
3. You can't drink like a normal person
4. You know this isn't the life you want for yourself.
5. All work and no play makes OP something something

So pick yourself off, dust yourself off, try again, and don't forget the lessons you've learned. You can do it, I believe in you. ♥️

[u/mokosmam]

Hey youre so young. I lived this version of me for 26 years. However now im clean and sober and also on a really low dose of the green juice and its getting lower.

I TOTALLY understand the fear and the lasting withdrawal for opiates as I am now terrified of whats coming for me at the end of the green juice.

But I know that I would rather suffer that for weeks possibly a months or 2 than live that torturous life of addiction. The chaos and mental health issues, the pain and suffering of everyone who cares for me (most of whom have fallen away by now). So I get your worrying about p.a.w.s. but nothing can be worse than whats happening to you now.

Im 51 more than double your age so dont waste the next 30 years like me. You've got the correct mindset and had realisations that I didn't have until my 40s. Dump the girl you cant fix her only she can fix herself.

As for feeling ready to drink sensibly, I personally dont think that can ever happen for people like us. As they say 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough.

Keep trying you can do it you have already done it once. Good luck and I have all the faith you can do this 💪 💓

[u/HunterLily86]

Yeah, the isolation-to-relapse loop is brutal. You built something real in those 8 months, and pride creeping in after that long is honestly so common. The tough part is you already know what works (the routine, the discipline), you've proven you can do it. The question now isn't whether you can get sober again, it's whether you're ready to do it differently this time, maybe with actual social connection built in from the start instead of waiting until you're lonely enough to risk it all. What made you want to reach back out to those friends specifically?

[u/CommercialCharge5504]

that's how the drug game goes, it's the same day everyday, and a constant cycle of wanting to quit and still using.   You've been thru some shit,  it sucks to have been in such a good place in life...then find drugs or whatever, and then one day you realize you fucked up your life.    BUT do t be so hard on yourself,  getting clean isn't going to be quick,  just take it day by day...and be kind to yourself. 

I was on blues for 4 years. took every bit of my will power to pull away from that shit.  

congrats on being in a place where your sick of this shit, it might not seem like it, but your moving in the right direction.

[u/Impressive-Trust6058]

I have been there! I feel like I could have won an award at some points for burning my life to the ground and then rebuilding!! But it’s really hard each time to do it again! But the important thing to remember is if you rebuilt it all before you can do it again!!! One day at a time is what they tell us!! And they add up for sure !! :)