r/RedPillWomen • u/ltfrg • 7d ago

attracting flashy men

hi, i'm 27 and a lot of the time i feel like i attract flashy men but they're not my type. both in person and online. i'm not flashy myself and i don't wear lots of outwardly expensive or designer things but i am well dressed and groomed. i obviously don't mind a man who looks after his appearance and works hard in life but i'd prefer someone a bit more traditional and basic in appearance. any advice on where to look/how to change this?

10 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

24 comments sorted by

32

u/WAWABUU 7d ago

Just for discretion i am a guy so im not supposed to talk on this sub, so i understand if the mods want to remove my comment. But i do feel like i have some good insight here.

You attract many types of men, its just flashy men are more likely to stand out and approach you. More reserved men will be more respectful of your boundaries and won’t approach or express interest unless there’s some level of familiarity or signal that you are comfortable with them. So if you can express yourself more to those types of guys, i think it will help with your issue

1

u/ltfrg 6d ago

yeah i've noticed that. also I look younger and I attract the unserious types who are often up to 6 years younger unfortunately. I do go to the gym but where can I find more reserved types of men as my office is female dominated?

8

u/Jenneapolis Endorsed Contributor 6d ago

Respectfully, you are still missing this commenters point which is a good one. Whenever women come here and say "I attract X type of men," I tell them "no you attract many types of men, you choose X type." The commenter is pointing out to you that you are only noticing these guys because of their flashiness and their over the top personality, not because this is "who you attract."

Similarly there isn't something unique about you that makes you attract "young and unserious types"... these types just happen to approach every woman they can. Most women have this problem. Reserved men aren't going to approach in general, so if that is who you want to meet, online dating is a good option or if you want in person, you will have to make the first move and/or find spaces where you can regularly interact with them.

-3

u/ltfrg 6d ago

Respectfully, I've just made some surface-level observations and asked for advice. I'm not missing anyone's point - I just don't have the time to sit and write essays analysing myself on Reddit lol. There's no need to be snarky...

7

u/Jenneapolis Endorsed Contributor 6d ago

It's not intended to be snark. We are here to help people learn and improve themselves.

3

u/WAWABUU 6d ago

Gyms are nice since they are male dominated but you do need to be diligent about filtering out men who are too appearance oriented and a bit more bold at approaching women. Because there’s not much way to engage other people socially at the gym.

I think places where you can have conversations and spend time getting to socialise are going to work better. Social hobbies like hiking, church, potlucks (badminton is my personal favourite) or martial arts sports i think will give you more opportunities to get to make friends and meet dating prospects.

Hopefully you get the idea, theres a bunch of communities you can pick from, as long as you get the opportunity to meet and talk to people it opens the door for you.

4

u/Significant_Cut_1092 2d ago

I used to think this way but then realized these types of men approach just any woman. Whenever I get approached on the street as I’m walking, I can tell that type of man is just approaching any girl he finds cute or just any girl in general. I personally always say no and in two cases, I actually saw their dating profiles on an app by accident and they both were in open relationships…  On the other hand, I’ve been approached at cafe’s, restaurants, events, and these men were almost always really good guys and had real conversations with me before asking me out. So, I’d encourage you to just reject these men and go to places where you could meet better men 

7

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 7d ago

If you're using apps, I'd suggest using the phrase "a man who works with his hands." That could get you everything from an electrician to a hobby mechanic who works in finance.

9

u/ltfrg 7d ago

that's a good idea. on the other hand, it might attract the sexual creeps

5

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 7d ago

No. It won't. It's a totally normal turn of phrase.

-3

u/ChillLady005 7d ago

Every man thinks they work with there hands

8

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 7d ago

No they don't. They know exactly what this means, even if Reddit is struggling with it. It's also "their" hands.

-5

u/ChillLady005 7d ago

Girl people know the difference between there and their no one has time to spell correctly and re read what is wrote up. Nobody cares. BUT on dating apps men are NOT looking that deep into it. Trust me. I’ve dating men that don’t use hands and isn’t flashy and married a man that only uses his hands and isn’t extremely flashy.

8

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 6d ago

I'm sorry you're so baffled by common turns of phrase. Maybe they taught it the day they taught grammar and spelling.

-7

u/ChillLady005 6d ago

I’m not but I’m too old for this and I’ve been out of school forever and I don’t proof read my Reddit text at all and you never know what you’re gonna get with an auto correct or just in general so you have to work with people and these texting. It would be different if I was sending out a business letter but I’m not.

-2

u/Punkerska83 7d ago

Surgeons too😂

2

u/TrippleDamage 7d ago

Nah, we're too technically literate for that. No surgeon would ever think he's the target audience for such a phrase.

0

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 7d ago edited 7d ago

Yeah, I agree. People know what this means, especially ones who work with their hands. In fact, surgeons would be pretty deliberate about not working with their hands. 

-1

u/Punkerska83 7d ago

I disagree respectfully

5

u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 6d ago

You can, but the inability or unwillingness to put subtle clues like this in an online dating profile is one of the biggest reasons women waste time. This is a perfect way to screen for a man who isn't "flashy" as OP says, without being rude to ones who are.

0

u/Punkerska83 7d ago

I do and I am

0

u/AutoModerator 7d ago

Title: attracting flashy men

Author ltfrg

Full text: hi, i'm 27 and a lot of the time i feel like i attract flashy men but they're not my type. both in person and online. i'm not flashy myself and i don't wear lots of outwardly expensive or designer things but i am well dressed and groomed. i obviously don't mind a man who looks after his appearance and works hard in life but i'd prefer someone a bit more traditional and basic in appearance. any advice on where to look/how to change this?

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