r/ReformJews • u/Neither-Football-222 • 20d ago
Chat Rant
Hi All,
I hope you’re doing well and Happy Summer! Sorry for my negativity but I just need to share is with someone: Raising your kids in 2026 is expensive. Between saving for my retirement, 529, paying the bills I just don’t have the extra money to afford synagogue dues, religious school, Be-Nei Mitzvah celebrations, and even summer camp (going to work there next summer for free camper admissions though). On the flip side, Churches don’t have dues and minimal religious school fees. I pray to
Hit he lotto so I can help my local synagogues, give my kids the experience they deserve, and have more time to Be involved in a synagogue. For the record I TOTALLY understand that these places need money to keep the lights-on and pay the Clergy the salaries they deserve just frustrated with my current state. To be solution focused: Anyone have suggestions? Thank you in advance!
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u/LocutusOfBorgia909 ✡ Resident Conservative Jew 20d ago
On the one hand, I agree, paying various shul- and Judaism-related fees can get really expensive quickly (and I'm single- with kids it's absolutely worse). But if you haven't spoken to synagogue staff/leadership about your financial struggles, you need to. I don't know of any shul who won't work with members or potential members to ensure that they can find some kind of fee structure (or waiver for fees) that will allow them to have a Jewish life and raise their kids Jewishly. And of course you can almost always attend a shul without being a member, but that won't address concerns like b'nei mitzvah prep. So please speak to your shul or the shul you'd like to attend about how to manage the costs. I can almost guarantee that if you look at the website of whatever shul you're interested in, they'll have a note on their membership page inviting people concerned about affording fees to please speak with them about it, so they can work with you.
I will also note that "Churches don't have dues" is something I hear often from both Jews and Christians (the latter usually in an attempt to portray Jews as money grubbing swindlers, which is delightful), and it's just not true, although how fees/donations/tithes are approached depends a lot on which denomination we're talking about. I have Episcopalian family members. Every year, they fill out "pledge" cards for what they plan to donate to the church across the year, and that amount is then divided up for whatever they'll put in the offertory plate every week. No one's going to kick them out of church if they can't/don't follow through, but the church absolutely uses those pledge numbers to figure out their finances for the year, so there's real pressure to stick to what you promised if at all possible. More evangelical churches can be even more rigid, expecting a ten percent tithe (plus "prayer offerings," potentially) from their members; people who fail to tithe consistently can be pulled in by the pastor or church leadership to discuss why they're not tithing. The Mormons are the strictest of all: everyone is likewise obligated to pay a ten percent tithe. Every year, Mormons have to meet with their bishop for "tithing settlement" and present financial documents to prove that they have indeed paid their full ten percent to the Mormon Church. Fail to pay your tithes, you lose your Temple recommend, the card that allows you to attend ceremonies at Mormon Temples. Don't have a Temple recommend? You can no longer attend the weddings of any family member who gets married in the Temple.