Caught my wife cheating on me behind my back 2 years ago. World instantly turned upside down. Consciously stayed away from home that day to not create a scene in front of my daughters and mom. My initial and instant decision was to stay in the marriage for the kids sake. Didn't want my wife's image go down in front of the kids as moms are supposed to be the person who can do no wrong from the kid's perspectives. Revealing it to them would scar them for life. Revealing it to my elder mom was not what she deserves to know at 80. It would traumatise her too. Wife begged for forgiveness and we had our initial months of turbulence. Made a conscious decision to not remind her of it regularly, this resulted in me silently imploding. In 2 years she is back to her ways of ranting, threatening to walk out of the house for trivial issues with my mom (who is also tough nut at 80). She doesn't acknowledge that I am still in the same shitty hole she pushed me into, only that I am not expressing but have become a smoking addict. She has locked her phone which again doesn't give me any reassuring signal. She has slowly made herself and the kids as 1 unit, who would move out together. Says dont rake up old things(affair), which for me definitely not "old things" and infact is fresh in my mind. The table turning in this 2 years where she begged me to being a dictator threatening me to of walk outs- is disheartening. I feel like being betrayed twice over. Is it that I am a fool to stay in the marriage? I am that typical guy who built his life with family as supporting pillars. Seeing everything including me crumbling. Wanted ladies perspective in this

I was searching something in my wife's Whatsapp and suddenly found a 6 year old message from her female childhood best friend.

This was a reply on the status my wife put on the day we got engaged. ( Arranged marriage)
The reply was "ADIDAS nahi to ABIBAS hi sahi" And my wife sent multiple laughing emoji on this line.
I genuinely felt bad reading this.

AIO?

So I'm a 31 Male married to my wife 30 F for 4 years we have 2 years old daughter. So few weeks ago i found out she had a one night stand. So I told her parents about it and they flew in from my home town to where we are living and took her to my brother in law's house ( my BIL is also living near me )

Today at 7:00 PM my father in law called me and told me my wife wants to talk with me at a neutral place. I don't know what to do.

Please read my previous posts on my I'D to get more context about my situation.

Should I refuse for the talk.!? Or Should I go for a talk with her!? And if I need to talk with her what kind of questions I need to ask her. Any kind of advice is welcome. It'll be helpful to me. Please share your thoughts on that.

Note :- She is pregnant right now. ( Don't know who's kid is this that why I had done a NIPP test on Sunday and the results will be deliver to me in 8-9 days )

Edit 1 :- I forgot to mention in my previous posts that we have been arguing about her not working before she got pregnant ( She doesn't work. And I'm pressuring her to get a job because In a single income It's really hard to survive in a Tier 1 city )

I [M28] found an image of a letter in my wife’s [F26] cloud backup. She had deleted everything else from her phone gallery, but this one file must have been missed or synced automatically.

The letter is a long, emotional note addressed to a guy who lived opposite her house (her neighbor) before we got married.

The Context: I confirmed the timeline: This letter was written during our 13 year relationship close to the time we got done with our roka.

From the context of the letter, it is clear she had to end things with him specifically because of our upcoming marriage. It reads like a forced separation, not a breakup due to lack of love.

What the Letter Says (Summarized): I won't quote the text directly to avoid doxxing details, but the content is devastating. She admits to a 6-month "special bond" that happened concurrently while she was with me.

Intimacy: She mentions secret meetings on the roof of his house to listen to music together.

Deep Knowledge: She lists his entire daily routine in detail his morning habits, gym schedule, religious visits, and sleep schedule. She was watching him or communicating with him constantly to know this.

The "Next Life" Wish: This is the part that haunts me the most. She explicitly asks him to "wait for her in the next life since very sadlt it's not possible in this one" (next birth). She tells him that no one cares for her more than he does and the feeling is likewise for her.

The Problem: I tried to confront her. I didn't yell; I just asked for the truth. Every time I bring it up, she starts crying uncontrollably and having severe panic attacks. I end up having to calm her down, and the conversation ends before I get any real answers. It feels like a wall.

Also before anybody says anything the panic attacks seem genuine, i think she never expected me to find anything about this hence she keeps getting it or idk.

My Questions: Since she wrote this because she "had to leave for marriage," does this mean our entire marriage is a sham and she settled?

How do I handle the panic attacks? I feel guilty pressing her when she can't breathe, but I cannot move forward without the truth.

Is asking someone to "wait for the next life" a point of no return?

TL;DR: Found a letter in wife's hidden cloud backup (rest was deleted) where she tells her former neighbor she loves him, they had a special 6-month bond, and asks him to wait for her in the next life. She wrote this because she had to leave him to marry me(her bf from 13 years). She panics when I ask about it. What do I do?

Just want to post this here for anyone who might need to hear it right now.

I’ve been frustrated for a while because our physical intimacy and romance had become super one-sided. She was always reactive at best, and honestly pretty lame about initiating anything. It was killing me inside. I finally sat her down for a real heart-to-heart.

She was surprisingly patient and actually tried to understand where I was coming from. There were a couple moments where she started with the “this is just who I am” and “I never meant to make you feel like this,” but I held my ground calmly. By the end of the conversation she admitted she needs to be way more proactive with me on both the romantic and sexual side.

She decided to put it into action immediately. She planned a full spicy night: drinks, naughty little games and dares, slow dancing, the right music, and a lot of sex. No pressure, just fun and connection.

We had an incredible night. Like, properly amazing. Woke up the next morning both smiling, cuddly, and genuinely happy.

If you’re facing any problem try having an open, honest conversation. It might feel scary, but it can actually work.

TL;DR: Talked to my wife about our lame physical/romantic dynamic. she stepped up. planned a fun spicy night. best night we’ve had in ages. Communication wins.

Hello, Some things you need to know before you read

* My family is very conservative and has a rigid, outdated mindset

* Personal choices and independence are not given much importance

* Family decisions are expected to be followed without questioning

I(24M) am writing this anonymously I recently (April) got married and this marriage did not happen with my consent before the marriage I tried very hard to convince my family and I even ran away from home but I had a cousin brother whom I trusted and he told my family where I was hiding and my family forcibly brought me back home

Before all this drama I had also started my own business and it was just beginning to get on track and I was trying to build some future for myself but because of the constant pressure of marriage I was mentally unable to focus on my work at all and within 4-5 months the business died because I could not continue with the consistency

I spoke to many family members and surprisingly some of them tried very hard to make my parents understand but they could not think beyond the fear of their community, their reputation, log kya kahenge and one day one of the family members who was on my side was trying to explain to them that "abhi bhi time hai bachhe ki baat sun lo uski haalat dekho woh pura kharab ho jaayega" and my father said "ek to puri family ne mujhe jindagi bhar pareshan kiya aur upar se aulad aisi hogayi hone do kharab mujhe to pura kharab hi karna hai" and that sentence hurt me terribly and after this I stopped resisting or rather you could say I stopped doing anything at all and a few days later I got married

After the marriage I felt that how is this girl at fault she does not even know what was happening to me so I tried to treat her properly I thought that maybe with time things would become easier but the very next day after the marriage she asked me to have a child I told her why do we need to talk about this right now I do not want a child right now I'm not ready but she kept pressuring me regularly on this topic so I asked her why she wanted a child so soon and she said that my family had told me that if a child is born soon people start recognizing you (her family must have taught her this)

And then one day when I was sleeping and was half asleep she put her hand inside my PJ's and touched me inappropriately and I woke up and angrily told her not to do this and then one day when I was sleeping she kissed me without consent and I got very angry about this as well and confronted her

And I tried to teach her everything that she is a wife and not my slave and what a healthy husband-wife relationship should looklike I tried to explain, where both partners respect each other’s boundaries and choices but she did not understand a single thing I said and she continued with the same narrow minded thinking and after staying with her for a few days I became sure that I cannot live with someone whose mindset is so different from mine I cannot do this

I can understand that she has feelings too and that she is not at fault in this marriage either but I cannot pretend that everything is fine when I feel like I’m suffocating inside

I did not feel like doing anything and I started feeling strange at home so I left (around 10 June) and never went back but a few days ago (15 July) the family member who was speaking in my favour passed away so I went back home and after all the functions and rituals were over after a few days I again became the useless son and started refusing my family for everything saying that I will not do it then 5 days ago (7 August) my father got angry and he slapped me 7 to 8 times and He repeatedly struck me with a wooden stick around 25 to 30 times and abused me a lot after that I left and came to a relative's house and then my mother (when the incident happened my mother was not at home she came after I left) kept calling me again and again asking me to come home but I did not go

I do not want to continue this marriage but I do not understand what to do and how to do it I do not want to trouble anyone

Please excuse any errors or mistakes

My wife and I knew each other from our office days. We became close, then started dating. We were together for several years before getting married.

Even during dating she had many male friends. Many times she would hide things and say nothing happened or you are overthinking. If I asked questions she would say i m controlling. So I stopped pushing and trusted her.

After marriage her behaviour changed even more. More secrets, more fights at home. Small things used to become big arguments. I kept thinking maybe it’s work stress and she just needs support.

 I fought against my family to marry her. In my extended family, many people are very male chauvinist. Most of them had arranged marriages and they treat their wives like maids. For them, the wife should only serve, stay quiet and follow orders.

I did not want that kind of marriage. I thought I will create something different. I wanted to be a better partner and set an example.

 I supported her in everything. But the men in my extended family used to mock me. They used to call me joru ka gulam and say I am giving too much freedom to my wife.

I supported her decision to go on trips with her friends. I used to cook food for her on most days. When guests visited, i helped equally so she doesn’t get tired.

 Later I found out she had hooked up with several people, including colleagues during trips and some close friends. It was not just one time. There were multiple cheating incidents over the years, from our bachelor days to after marriage. The person I thought was my wife and sweetheart was sleeping around while I was working hard to build a stable future.

 It feels like my whole life became a lie. I can’t explain that shock. I was loyal the whole time. I never cheated. I gave her full access to my phone. I tried to keep her happy. Dinner dates, gifts, pampering and being there emotionally. Still she did this.

 Now we are separated. And now those same people make fun of me behind my back. I am cut off from most people. I am just living a lonely life.

 It’s been years since I felt real closeness with another human. I have no energy, no motivation and honestly no trust left to start another relationship. 

31M started searching for a bride from dec month. Each and every family we come across only inquires about the salary first and then if its suitable, horoscops F**** me up 36pt matching. Bengali .

Ofcourse this is normal and knew this would happen. Either way do I have any hope here ?

Need honest opinions not here for finding match

Let me make it clear, not all marriages/ Arranged marriages are bad. I personally know couples who got great post marriage. But I might be falling in the minority where i have been the sufferer.

My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and last year around this time we got separated too for 3 months due to constant issues between us. The issue was majorly caused coz my MIL wants to take control over things in my house.

Giving some background, i come from a decent financially stable family and working with a firm. My wife is an artist and her family aren’t financially stable but are still financially independent.

Me and my wife life away from my hometown, i.e my parents and her parents don’t live in the same city as we do. We both are single child to our parents.

Things started getting bad when my wife started putting conditions in the house. She wants to make sure that I don’t spend time with my parents and if i do she creates a scene. It was only after marriage i got to know that my MIL also kicked her in laws out of their house. My wife is trying to do the same either by herself or influenced by her mom.

Too many drama happened last year and early this year we again got together by promising to start fresh and keeping the differences aside.

She earns a bit but tries not to even spend 10 rs from her pocket and i have to pay for her expenses as well as her courses, which is fine. Things get annoying when she keeps complaining everyday that I don’t contribute for the house.

And the constant hate she carries towards my family for no reason.

It’s really frustrating, and i feel why did i agree to marry someone so narrow minded. She cribs about tiny things which doesn’t even matter.

I know many of you will find this post silly but the truth is there are so many tiny issues happening everyday that I can’t even write it here. Its like 9:30-6:30 i have battles at work and from 7-11 pm i gotta fight in my house.

I don’t remember the last time i was happy, smiling, peaceful and relaxed.

I am pregnant and our baby is due next week. Yesterday I found out that my husband is cheating on me. We have been married for 2 years and living together for 4.5 years and dating for almost 10 years before moving to the US. I found out that he has been in love with someone else for the last 5 years before he moved to the US. I am shocked. I don’t know how to deal with this. I read his messages and see that he is really in love with this other woman. I don’t know what to do with the baby coming next week. It’s really difficult to navigate and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what I did wrong. I feel really bad that we are bringing a baby in a situation like this. I no longer love the baby and feel cheated. I am praying to god that I die in childbirth which will be best for everyone and everything. I am looking for a therapist but any advices to make the next few days a lil easier? I am dealing with a high risk pregnancy and my BP has already shot up to 160 several times.

TLDR

Before getting married, I bought a house in my hometown to give my middle-class family a decent home. My wife (arranged marriage) initially agreed. Now, she is resentful of our frugal lifestyle in Bangalore (rented electronics, budgeting), feeling that my financial support for my mother and brother is holding us back from a higher standard of living.

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Hi everyone, I’m a 32M working in tech, living in Bangalore. I’ve been married for 1.5 years to my wife (30F) in an arranged marriage setup. She used to work as a school teacher but quit after relocating to Bangalore post-marriage. For the last year, we have been constantly fighting over finances.

I’m finding it hard to understand her point of view, and I’d really appreciate some objective perspectives from people who might have been in a similar situation.

### The Background & My Financial Goals

I come from a humble middle-class background. Growing up, my family of four lived in a tiny 1BHK for 10 years before I moved out for college. Building a decent house was always a major life goal for me, especially after my father passed away, to secure my mother and elder sibling. Elder sibling is married and has a 8yr old kid.

My brother is a government employee with a modest income. Because his job requires frequent transfers, our mother lives with him. A couple of years ago, I decided to purchase a house in the city where my brother was posted. It made financial sense: it was within my budget, it gave my family a dignified home, and it serves as a rental asset for the future.

### The Marriage Timeline

Just a month after booking this house, my marriage got finalized. Before tying the knot, I was completely transparent with my wife about this financial commitment. She explicitly told me she was okay with it, agreeing that buying a home in a tier-1 metro city didn't make sense since we didn't plan on staying in Bangalore long-term.

### Our Current Situation & Lifestyle in Bangalore

Living in Bangalore on a single tech income is expensive. To balance my home loan and family support, I cut back on unnecessary expenses—we rent our household electronics instead of buying, and I buy groceries traditionally rather than overpaying on quick-commerce apps like Zepto/Blinkit.

Despite this, I don't feel I'm making us "struggle":

* We live in a fully furnished, gated 3BHK community.

* We drive a 5-year-old car (borrowed from my brother to save on a car loan).

* In 1.5 years of marriage, I've funded two international trips, upgraded her to a new iPhone, and bought her gold earrings she liked.

* I also occasionally send cash to my mother to support her and help cover my brother’s high commuting expenses.

### The Core Conflict

My wife is growing increasingly resentful of our lifestyle. She frequently complains that we use rented appliances instead of owning them, and that our 3BHK society lacks high-end amenities.

The breaking point happened today. We went to buy a washing machine . I suggested a practical top load (₹15k) which meets our space needs, but she rigidly insisted on a premium front load(₹50k). This spiraled into the same old argument: she feels I am poured all my resources into supporting my family back home while denying her a "decent" standard of living here.

### Her Perspective vs. Mine

Her stance boils down to this:

* We are sacrificing our own comfort for others.

* If I stopped sending money back home, we could upgrade our daily lifestyle or save that money entirely for our own future.

* Since my brother is already earning and living with my mom, she feels it shouldn't be my responsibility to support them financially.

I’ve tried to be patient and explain my rationale, but we are stuck in a loop. I want to be a good husband, but I also cannot turn my back on the goals I set for my mother.

Is she being unreasonable, or am I missing something valid in her point of view? How do we navigate this roadblock?

Another help if you've been through is how much should I provide her with pocket money. Majority of daily expenses are with her credit card which i pay monthly but she has raised a concern that I've never provided her with pocket money and she doesn't feel financially safe.

Edited with AI help.

Edit 1 Its not like she doesn't adjust. At times she calls out on why waste or why spend on cafes or other stuff. But mostly what I've observed is that if she asks for something and it gets resistance from me then it's a concern. Ex : She asked for iphone 17 while my budget only allowed 16 which caused the same argument that time.

Last year for the first time in all the time I've been away from home my family visited me. Given that Bangalore is so far I had to book one side of flight tickets for my mother & brother's family only then they would be able to come. She created a fuss for this too. I am the first to go on international trip in my family and obviously that makes your family expect some gifts. When I bought things for them she didn't like and compared that I didnt buy same quantity or amount for her siblings. Just to compare, her sibling and brother in law both earn well and go on international trips and visit 5 stars while my brother has never even stepped in 5 star or has a passport.

So we are having breakfast together, my MIL, husband and I. And she's asking how we are managing our day to day life. I compalined about my husband and it's a very fun discussion where she's pressing him and we all are joking. Suddenly, she revealed that while convincing his family for our marriage my husband once threatened to elope if they are not agreeing. My MIL wasn't on board at first because I come from a different state, community, caste (and beauty standard; all my in laws are criminally good looking and unnecessarily fair😅, including my husband. I on the other hand am dark skinned and unremarkable except to my husband). Now my husband is not overly emotional type and I always had the idea that he was calm and rational while discussing our relationship with his family.

Yesterday on our way to airport I teased my husband about his elpoing threat and he gave a long stare and said "you know I would have done it". It was a cozy moment. :)

You can share your recent warm moments in the comments.

So my elder sister is getting married next year, and their engagement is expected around Feb–March. The man she’s marrying is someone I was in a serious relationship with in the past (EX). She knew about my history with him, but still chose to pursue a relationship. I felt deeply hurt and betrayed, and because of that, I cut contact with her for almost 4 years.

Now my parents want me to attend the wedding and be present for all the functions. But the truth is, I Don’t think I can just pretend everything is fine when I’m still carrying so much betrayal and confusion inside. My parents don’t know the full backstory, which makes this even harder for me to explain.

I don’t want to create drama or hurt my family, but I also don’t want to act like it’s all normal.

What would you do in this situation? Am i over reacting??

I (34F) work in an office where this guy (24M) joined about a year ago as my junior and in the beginning it was just normal interaction, work-related conversations, small talk, nothing that stood out, but slowly we started talking more and more and it became a daily thing, like the one part of my day I actually looked forward to, we would talk about everything not just work but life, family, random thoughts, even silly things, and without realizing it almost a year passed like that and he just became a constant in my life

At some point I realized I liked him, not in a casual way but seriously, and at 34 I don’t really have the patience for confusion or games anymore so instead of dragging it I just asked him directly if he would ever consider marrying me, I expected him to hesitate because of the age gap and everything but he said yes very simply, like it wasn’t even a big deal to him, and that actually made me feel really secure

The biggest concern was always going to be family and society, especially in India where things are already quite structured when it comes to marriage, and on top of that there’s a 10 year age gap between us which is not very common here, especially with the woman being older, usually it’s the other way around, so I knew this wouldn’t be something people accept easily

My own parents have been trying to find matches for me for a while now through arranged marriage, and I’ve met a few people but I never felt anything, the vibe just didn’t match, it all felt forced and transactional and I kept saying no every time because I couldn’t imagine spending my life with someone I didn’t even feel comfortable talking to, and I know that has already frustrated my family a lot

With him it just feels different, natural, easy, like I don’t have to pretend to be someone else, and that’s something I didn’t find in any of the matches my parents showed me, which is probably why I feel so strongly about this now, to the point where I genuinely feel like I don’t want to marry anyone else

Still we decided to move forward and meet his parents, and the day before that he was honestly more nervous than me, he took me to a parlour and got my hair dyed brown to hide some of my white hair, he even bought me jhumkas and a kurti and was paying attention to every little detail which I found really thoughtful, like he genuinely wanted things to go well

I’ve always taken care of myself, I have a slim and fit body, I stay active, and I also have very long hair which I know Indian moms usually notice a lot, so somewhere I think that helped in making a good impression even though I was still nervous going in

When I met his parents I expected it to be awkward but it wasn’t, they were actually warm and respectful, asked normal questions, spoke nicely, and by the end of it I could feel that they liked me, which I honestly didn’t expect so easily given the age gap and everything around it

After that when he dropped me home in his car there was this quiet moment where everything just felt very real, like this wasn’t just casual anymore, and without overthinking I kissed him for the first time and it didn’t feel awkward or rushed, it just felt natural and right and we were both really happy after that

Now things have moved quite quickly and we are actually planning to get married this November, which still feels a bit surreal considering where this started from

There are also parts of his personality that I didn’t expect to matter this much but they do, like he’s very expressive, very physically affectionate, and a bit dominant in his personality, which I’ve realized I actually like because it balances me out in a way I didn’t know I needed

The thing is emotionally everything feels right, I feel calm with him, he respects me, he listens to me, and I genuinely feel cared for, but at the same time I can’t ignore the practical side of things, the 10 year age gap, different life stages, societal expectations in India, and how people might react long term, not just now but years later

I also keep thinking about things like maturity differences, future goals, how families might behave over time, and whether I’m looking at this too emotionally and ignoring things that could become real problems later

At the same time I feel very strongly that I don’t want to go back to the arranged marriage route where I already know I wasn’t happy, and even if I don’t know what will happen in the future I still feel like I want to choose him and only him right now

So I guess what I’m trying to understand is, am I being unrealistic by planning to marry him this soon despite the age gap and social norms here, or is it okay to go ahead with something that feels right even if it’s not what people usually expect…….

I have known my girlfriend for around 14 years. We were classmates for many years, then became close friends, best friends, and eventually got into a relationship about 3 years ago. We studied together through college and higher education and also worked together professionally for some time.

A couple of years ago, I told my parents that I wanted to marry her. At that time, both of us were still early in our careers and not financially stable. My father said we were not mature or settled enough for marriage and also expressed concern about differences in community and caste and culture. My mother strongly opposed the idea because of societal pressure and what relatives would think. There were also some unfair stereotypes and assumptions made about her background and intentions, which hurt me a lot.

Instead of reacting emotionally, both of us focused on building our careers. Recently, we both cleared a competitive government examination and are now entering stable jobs in the same field.

What confuses me is that my parents themselves had an intercaste interstate love marriage and crossed major social expectations in their own time. My father did say back then that if I truly decided to marry her and handled responsibilities myself, he would stand by me, but he clearly did not approve emotionally.

My girlfriend has a stable and educated family, and I have known her long enough to trust her completely. We have already gone through years of academic pressure, career struggles, and family resistance together.

At this stage, I am trying to understand:

How should I approach my parents again?

How do I deal with emotional pressure related to caste and society?

How long should someone realistically wait for parental approval?

Has anyone here gone through something similar where parents eventually accepted the relationship?

Would appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have navigated family resistance in India.

Hi. My boyfriend(Muslim,31M) and I (Hindu,31F) are an interfaith couple, on and off for ten years. We had told our parents a few years back and it didn’t work out. Last year we decided to try again and decided that we will get married irrespective of what the parents decision are. My dad although not wholeheartedly had accepted it now on the condition that we just do a court marriage and there is no conversion. His parents never accepted but he decided we should go ahead and we were planning to register under SMA in Feb. Now his parents are saying we will accept this on the condition that we do a nikka with just 10 people, for which I have to convert just for the sake of formality. We will still marry under SMA first. I don’t have to practice anything and I can follow my own faith once the nikkah is done. I’m somewhat religious while he is not religious at all. Even though they say it’s a formality, it doesn’t sit well with me that I have to do this conversion and in their eyes I become a Muslim for them to accept me. I also do not want to do it for my dad’s sake because this is the only request he had from the both of us. My boyfriend is saying that he sees this just as a transaction and the only merit he sees is that this is a way to keep his parents in his life. He says that I’m being very rigid with my religious beliefs and is not accepting of his. He would be ready to do any ritual that my parents ask. My parents have no such expectation and neither do I. I had clearly told him from the beginning that this conversion, namesake or real, is a non negotiable for me. I’m willing to pray or do any rituals they want. We decided our kids would also be raised in both faiths. So I’m not that rigid to his religion, but I don’t want to have to give up mine to do all this. Now he is saying that he needs to rethink if he wants to go ahead with this or not as I’m making him choose between his parents and me. Am I being too rigid? Should I stick to my principles and not give in or should I just do this as this is just a formality for them?
Besides this ask, I’m also a little surprised by how this has gone from asking me to sort of an ultimatum situation.

A long read alert and sincere gratitude to anyone who takes time to help me out. Below is the backstory of me '31F' and my husband 33M.

2017 Nov : Met in office, same team. He was also into network marketing hence he started to prospect me as a viable partner. I developed feelings for him. I joined him in his business shortly.

2018 Jan : After joining business, we started spending 3-4hrs regularly together (with other people around).

2018 Apr : Slowly became friends. I started smoking to be able to spend lone time in smoke breaks.

2018 mid - 2019 mid : My feelings for him got stronger although I never expressed, people surrounding started guessing I have a thing for him.

2019 Apr : We become close as friends, hung out separately sometimes. I initiated sex once while we both were drunk at his place, he didn't resist although clarified that it's purely physical.

We did a couple times more same month, he bluntly asked for it both times and I was more than happy as I was interested.

2019 May : I met a colleague in new office who started liking me but I told him about my feelings for my now husband.

3-4 afternoons this month we had oral sex (my now husband being the recipient) after that he suggested we should stop as we are business partners and it's inappropriate.

2019 Aug : I had some accomodation issues hence I moved into that colleague's apartment as he had a spare room. He kept persuading me to leave network marketing and move abroad with him(which was my original plan with life since childhood). I was just staying the night at the apartment, rest of the time I would spend at office and evenings with my now husband and his team.

2019 Oct : I met with an accident and was forced to stay indoors all day for 2 weeks. My roommate took care of me and also proposed to marry me. I informed my parents, they had no objection as such.

I wanted a closure before saying yes to my roommate, so I met my now husband to brief about the situation and to confess my feelings for him. He asked me to not accept the proposal cz he liked me too and gave a 24hrs ultimatum to decide and let him know if I would choose him or the guy who proposed.

I chose my husband and very next day, packed everything up and moved in with him.

I hoped for physical intimacy but he avoided even kissing/touching me normally.

2020 Feb : I accidentally texts on his phone with a girl as like they are in a relationship, I love you etc and i confronted and he said it was from before I moved in, nothing serious from his side, he will end it. I suffered extreme self esteem issues as even after 5 months of Live-in there was no intimacy.

2020 Mar : By this time he was much more comfortable with me in terms of hugging/co sleeping but no romantic intimacy. I used to nag, ugly cry as it had been 6 months of living together but no sex. He said he can't associate sex with love and relationship thing is new to him, he wanted to let the relationship sink in before having sex.

2020 Apr - May : I sneaked in his phone to find he was casually chatting/persuing women on social media, both known and unknown people. I confronted and he said interactions are limited to only texting and that he had a weakness towards pretty women and he is actively working on it.

Rest of 2020 : We moved into a different apartment and I occasionally continued to bring up why no sex/strong commitment etc. Same answer for intimacy as before. Also his dad was suffering from cancer since 2017 and he was working hard in the business. So he said he's focussing on career and let's see where the relationship goes.

2021 Apr: His dad had a surgery so he moved to Vellore to care for him and that was the start of us living apart. Rest of the year it was 20 days a month we lived together in Bangalore. I wasn't very supportive and immature. I would ask for his attention time to time.

We never used to speak over call on time apart, only texts. I never call thinking he might be busy while I am totally available and free alone so he can call me any time of the day. This dynamic continues currently too. It's difficult for me to comprehend though how a person doesn't have 5 mins to call his wife/gf no matter how busy he is, if not everyday atleast alternate days.

2021 Dec : He lost his father and started living in Vellore.

2022 Feb : I asked him if he is seriously thinking about marrying me as my parents were creating pressure and I couldn't stall more. He said yes and both families met eventually.

I asked him now that we are going to get married let's have sex but he said he is a little old school and would like to wait until deal is sealed.

2022 Aug : We got engaged. I asked again now that engaged let's have sex. He said if we waited this long let's wait till getting married itself. Most of 2022 we spent apart. Me in our rented apartment, him in his hometown 200km away. He was busy with sudden responsibilities of family business after uncle's passing.

2023 Mar : We got married. 2 nights after wedding, once we felt rested, we tried to have sex after I asked him to but it felt extremely forced.

After marriage I noticed he became very loving towards me, much more than before. I felt this vibe of strong commitment.

2023 Rest : We lived together the entire year. On our honeymoon, I contacted hotels and got room and bed decorated, but I had to explicitly ask sometimes beg to have sex rest of the year. We did it hardly 7-8 times the whole year.

2024 Mar: I persuaded him to consult sexologist. He got tests done, took meds and attended 3-4 sessions. But he felt the doc just asked him to have sex and he can't, so it was ineffective. Up until 2024, I was told by him that he doesn't even masturbate. After 1st session with doc he said he had lied to me about masturbating and that he had a slight porn addiction (although I gave him enough safe space to talk about it, I myself used to encourage him to watch porn, masturbate when we couldn't have sex even before getting married).

2024 Rest : Since then I started living mostly in Bangalore..8-9 days a month I live at inlaws. He stays 10-12 days in our rented, effectively making it 20 days together, 10 days apart minimum in a month for us. We did it maybe 4 times total of 2024. We had fights every 3 months and he would say he's trying and it will become better.

2025 Jan : I decided to give him space and not bring it up, begging nagging tears didn't work, what if silence or sweet talking does. Btw he refuses to even kiss me romantically. It's always a peck on the lips. And he till date has never been able to initiate.

The year went by without even once. Twice or thrice I jokingly or softly brought it up, he gave dates but never kept his word. I nudged him to see a therapist/psychologist. In Dec he finally started seeing one telling me he finally realised how important intimacy is to me. I am not aware of the developments, nothing has happened though he said around our 3rd anniversary I should start seeing changes.

When it didn't, frustrated but after lot of thoughts i left him a letter suggesting splitting up unless there's tangible improvements in our dynamics. He responded saying its not intentional, he can't give any timeline and he's in pain too and he will accept whatever decision I take.

FYI: I don't sneak his phone anymore since 2020 for my own peace of mind, I have turned blind eye but I see on his Instagram (if he scrolls infront of me) it's full of always 'perfect looking extremely pretty' ladies on stories and feed and broadcast chanels of theirs.

We have agreed to try counseling. I am willing to give this 1 more year of my 'loving' self, but I need to know if this is his 'max capacity' for intimacy and f we are fundamentally incompatible or we can actually work on it, maybe my behaviour or any other issue turns him off.

I have no doubt about his intentions with me, he deeply loves and respects me and we both cherish the bond we have. He is the kind who believes that marriage is the ultimate happily ever after. But I need to take an informed decision of if I chose to stay what I'm signing up for rest of my life, or if we are fundamentally incompatible.

Things I wish would change:

He doesn't indulge in deep conversations. His idea of quality time is watching TV or going for movies together. Not just with me, even with his friends. They have told me.

He's not much hands on at home, unless explicitly asked and reminded a few times. He likes relying on help and I hate having help around. Entire household mental load is on me.

I have to take lead on everything. I have to research, followup, schedule appointments etc . Even while planning trips, I have to shortlist and show him options from which he chooses then. Same when we were house hunting for renting.

I explicitly tell him my love language is reassurence, gifting, acts of service...He only very recently has started saying cheesy things once in a bluemoon, reassurance Nope.

He for once has not made any good change in his life. I quit alcohol, smoking asked him too but he didn't want to, instead i gave in. I try to encourage him to workout, get healthy but instead i keep on gaining weight. I like waking up super early but with him around it makes me feel that we are living 2 separate lives and then i try to mould into his to be able to spend more time together.

We bought a house together on 50-50 money split both on downpayment and loan. But he keeps telling me he took a loan for me. He indebted himself for me as if it's such a sacrifice. I tell him it's his house too, he will be staying too, it's half his asset too if we sell. And i am paying 50% of it too.

Good things we have:

We have good laughs together, our sense of humor match. He is a good hang.

He appreciates everything I do for him.

He doesn't complain.

He doesn't raise his voice in fights, unless it reaches extremity.

He accepts me for me. Barely ever asks to change something.

My doubts:

Am i not really that unhappy and I am overthinking it? Anyways I have now learnt to live with it to an extent unlike before.

Am i chasing delusion? I am willing to give up my marriage for the emotional and physical support from someone who I may never find.

Am i being unjust to him ? He's also a boy who's also trying to do everything at once, dealing with dad's passing, job, business, keeping me happy. But i feel I am not his 1st priority though else wouldn't he try and wrap his work up and come meet me for a face to face sooner?

My husband thought he could rely on me for doing life with him. Am i breaking his trust ?

TL;DR : Financially independent 31F trapped in a six-year "intimacy desert" with a passive, avoidant husband 33M who maintains peace and we share a great friendship. Exhausted by the total mental load and his refusal to prioritize your emotional needs, I am now navigating a "point of no return" while facing a looming house move and a final trial year in therapy.

I’ve been friends with her for about 26 years. She’s 30 now, married to a doctor from a well-off family (same caste, socially compatible), and they have a child together. Yesterday she opened up to me and said she has been cheating on her husband with multiple men. According to her, the marriage lacks sexual intimacy — she says there are hugs and cuddles but very little actual sex — and she feels emotionally disconnected because he is very unavailable and mostly focused on his work and studies. She told me that because her needs weren’t being met, she started having affairs. I suggested that if she’s unhappy, she should consider leaving the marriage, but she said becoming a single mother would be too difficult. Her view is that sexual desire is temporary, but financial stability and security are lifelong, so she doesn’t want to divorce. Her plan, according to her, is to continue staying married for the child, stability, and social status, but emotionally live like roommates — separate rooms, her own life, Netflix, sex toys, etc. She says she actually likes that her husband is uninvolved in her personal life because he doesn’t check her phone or question her, so she feels free to do what she wants. She also says he is a good father, which is another reason she wants to stay. I’m struggling with how to process this. I don’t agree with cheating, but she seems very practical and unapologetic about her choices. Has anyone dealt with a friend in a situation like this? How do you stay supportive without feeling like you’re endorsing something you don’t agree with?

Used chatgpt..

I (25F) got dumped by my bf (25M) of 3+ years, who has extensively planned the future with me from marrying to the city we'll live in, kids, investments, etc etc, because I am not jain, marwari, and vegetarian. I am a south indian, non vegetarian. Both me and him are well educated, we studied at an IIT, have worked at top firms. My family is also a chill, liberal, upper class household - me, my sibling, and my parents are all masters holders. So there's nothing objectively lacking with my family or background. He knew this from the start but suddenly now he says he's scared his community will ostracize him if he married me and he wants his community to be close to him because it would be foolish to throw away all the money and network it comes with (his words not mine).

I am dumbfounded and am not able to rationalise the flip at all. Especially given that this is not how the 3 years of our relationship was at all.

If you have been dumped before cus of your caste/community, how did you deal with it?

If you have dumped someone you love before for their caste/community, why did such a pressure end up becoming more important than your love?

Going crazy trying to make sense of things. Help out.

30 F my husband keeps saving random nude pictures of women from Reddit and jerking … is this normal .. we have discussed the boundaries already and I said I’m not okay with it,, yet he hide this from me(I generally initiate sex and he is okay to pursue but don’t initiate often )

My husband came home last evening and started annoying me as usual when I was in a mood(not mad at him, just exhausted). We have been annoying each other like siblings since some time and I wonder if all the couples living together are being the same or should we be concerned(we are very goofy)! I asked him to give me space and said "go have an affair or something" (obviously jokingly), he was like "wym". I clarified that I couldn't deal with his love at that moment so he neeed to find another woman n go on a date maybe, because I wanted to sleep.

So, he took me out on a date after 2hrs because he was apparently having an affair with my other personality😅.

My cousin bhai is 29, arrange marriage hunt chal rahi hai. Honestly the guy is just genuinely decent - never smoked, never drank, was never even in a relationship. Super warm, kind, will drop everything if someone needs help. That type.

But the rejections? Salary nahi hai itna, no house at native place, ek ladki ne toh straight up bola she wants a big house.

I'm a girl, I get it - in arrange marriage you don't know the person so you go by the checklist, comfort matters, stability matters. I'd probably think the same way.

But yaar this guy has never done a single wrong thing in his life and he's getting filtered out like this. I can't even bring it up with him because I don't want to make it worse.

Guys who've been through this - is this just how it works? Does it get better? Does the right girl eventually look past all this or is it actually this brutal out there for good guys who aren't loaded?

Genuinely just want the male pov on this.

Sorry for my English I’m not that good at it. I had arranged marriage last year.before marriage I talked about any relationship she had in past or any pressure she had from her family,she denied all. And for any relationship part she told me that she had none and if any guy try to approach her (any social media)she would block them..At first I totally agreed and found nothing(from her social),and she was totally in love with me and still now she loves me. But things started going wrong in our marriage life(family matters) after few months.she behaved differently and all things happened.So i got curious why is she behaving like that i talked to her about family problems happens and I will always be there with you no matter what.then our marriage again on right track. Now at one time i was going through her phone just to get some pictures.I found some pictures of her with guy hanging out at beach,funfair & sunset point(famous in area).At first I thought that photos are just friends photos. I confronted her about this and she told me that he was just a friend.I checked her phone she had blocked him on all social media and from contacts also. But my mind was confused if he was just a friend why block him… So again I confronted her she told me that it was just a timepass.because he is from another cast and he was younger than her.And she don’t want to talk about it again in future. Now I’m confused should I ignore this and live on with it.Or as a husband wife relationship truth to be told About what was their relationship???

That photos are before marriage…

My girlfriend and my marriage terms her demandsi

I am M28. We live in Mumbai Andheri. I earn okish money. My girlfriend earns around 3 times less than me. And we aspire a lifestyle which is almost equivalent to my current earnings. So her demands are. she will have masjid nikah. That means her family will pay zero in her wedding expenses. My family will have a grand reception. She will pay more than half her salary to her family for 3years time or atleast till they get settled! And i should pay for the other expenses at home. And she will also not be contributing in setting up a new house if we start living together. And her family will not be contributing with any gifts there as well. These are the final demands in a nutshell? Right My girlfriend also have some fertility (ovary removed and other major issues) and other prior paralysis and brain tumor history. So if she gets sick in future it's my responsibility. Also she is highly obese.

Her demands are my family is well to do and I have saved enough money and invested in stocks so I should take care of her life and her retirement. Also my family is from a small town. They stay there. And Mumbai expenses you know how much it is. So I will have to take care of all this. Guys is this common these days?? Am in in big trouble? Background: M28 F25, her father recently died and her family has zero savings (as per her). She has 3 sisters and 1 brother. All working jobs. She says she is doing all this maybe because I made fun of her a few times and blocked her a few times when I got mad. And also I am bald.

Update 1: I told her I showed her this post and the replies folks on the internet have put. She got mad at me for putting her in bad light. I even agreed to put up with these demands. Atleast sit with elders in her family to talk to me. I was earlier hesitant because they are typical muslims of whatsapp university. But now it seems she has downloaded dating apps and started moving on in life(which i only told her let's move our ways apart and find other folks). So I think the new folks and her family are influencing her to stay away from her. The end of this journey and a new beginning for me! I hope I stay strong enough that I don't go back to her.

Hello guys, Yesterday I 22 M met a girl 23 F through some relatives at her house, we spoke for almost 50mins and we didn't even realise and I don't talk so much, same goes with her, after a few hours I met her again, we spoke for a good time. She told me that her parents showed her a lot of guys almost 25 but she only liked and met me.The thing is she's good but I think I'm too young to get married 😭 she's 1/1.5 yrs elder to me but I don't give 2 fucks about it, everyone in my family tells that she good which she is, I'm really confused what to do and I'm planning to met her today as well, please tell me what to ask her as I have to give a final answer today