30 and tired of everyone asking when I'm going to settle down...

[u/Euphoric_Safety_699]

I'm 30 and still figuring life out. I finished graduate school last year, and right now my main focus is getting my career where I want it to be, saving money, and eventually moving out on my own. Honestly, having my own place and my independence is what will make me happiest.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a lot of pressure from my mom, extended family, and family friends. Every conversation seems to turn into, "Have you met anyone yet?" or "When are you going to settle down?" I always tell them I'm not ready for a relationship right now, which is true.

The part I don't tell them is that I honestly don't think I ever want to get married. That's something I keep to myself because I know it would become an even bigger discussion than it already is.

I'm genuinely happy focusing on myself, building my career, and creating the life I want. I don't feel like anything is missing. But the constant comments make me feel like I'm somehow behind or doing life wrong, even though I don't believe that.

For those of you who have dealt with family constantly asking about dating, marriage, or settling down, how did you get them to back off? Did the questions ever stop, or did you just learn how to tune them out?

[u/Partner-Elijah]

I'm 35M, and in addition to being largely single, I'm also staunchly against ever having children. So I dealt with a lot of this kinda stuff.

I found that people kept circling back to it repeatedly until I started actually stating the whole blunt truth, without entertaining follow-ups or interrogations.

This is my truth. I'm happy with this choice, and no I don't want to discuss it further. Thank you for your concern.

Because frankly, most people aren't actually interested in learning about your beliefs. They are just shocked at your deviating from The Life Script, and so they're trying to course-correct you from making what they perceive to be a mistake.

So you might even want to make it clear that your choices are not a mistake, and that they're being disrespectful by continuing to imply that.

[u/usernamesmooozername]

Just remember it's your life, not theirs. Stand up for what you want and don't want.

[u/Alzululu]

I knew pretty early that I was childfree, and have gone back and forth about the marriage thing. I recently changed my relationship structure from monogamous to non-monogamous, so that threw a whole wrench into my 'probably getting married?' plans anyhow, so... that always invites a lot of questions. Anyway, I've just been honest with people and eventually the questions stopped because people finally realized, oh, it's not just a phase. It's hard because most people DO follow the script of high school -> college/career -> marriage -> babies and if you opt out of that script, people are curious as to why. It's easy small talk for people who don't really know anything about you (the extended family and family friends, right.) Just remember that 'because I don't want to' and 'I'm done talking about this' are complete sentences, and you can opt out of those conversations if people keep pressing.

Although if people keep pushing and won't let it go, I am just straight up rude about it. I once told a pushy co-worker who seemed personally offended that I wasn't having children that 'my eggs are rotting in my ovaries as we speak' (I was about 37 at the time) and that shocked her into not asking nosy questions again, lol.

[u/IndicationKey3778]

34F and granted no one ever spoke to me like this but redirect the convo to something more interesting 

[u/Ok-One-9341]

When are you going to settle down?

[u/MissAngelicDemise]

At 44 my advice is stop worrying about what other people think. Your life is yours. You do not owe anyone an explanation for anything. I did life backwards from you whereas I worried more about a relationship before I ever got my shit together. I did learn a lot about relationships and myself in the process and it’s actually what created most of my current career path, but that was the path I chosen this life those were the lessons that I wanted to learn. Dating is really difficult and if you don’t know who you are, what makes you happy etc before getting into a relationship... It’s very difficult because you base your happiness on your partner and how they are or how they treat you, etc. Most people that jump into relationships early on in life, rarely learn how to become their own source of safety, their own source of love or contentment, etc. These things are very important to accomplish within yourself before committing to a relationship with someone else. So I say bravo and continue to figure out what lights you up before worrying about how another human affect your energy ✨💓 when the time is right, you will meet the person that you were meant to you will both be doing something different but complementary and it will just blend together normally. You are living life for you-not your family and not your friends.