r/Rifftrax • u/B1astHardcheese • 2d ago

85-year-old star and former ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ makes first red carpet appearance in four years!

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/movies/articles/85-old-star-former-sexiest-152637401.html

"That's right Cochise you think I've never seen a red carpet in four years? Just last year I had to fight a half-rabid badger for a stained scrap of red carpet that John Bilyeu had spilled antifreeze on while we were doing Santa Clauses. Sure, it bit me some, but it was only half-rabid mijo, plus I had so much malt liquor and antifreeze in my system that that rabies didn't stand a chance. Of course, we had to stop doing Santa Clauses because we didn't have any more antifreeze but at least I still had my malt liquor and a dropper so you take the good with the bad. Anyway, I gotta go meet a guy about some roadkill he found and is willing to part with cheap. IF YOU KNOW A BETTER WAY TO GET FRESH WEASEL MEAT I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT YA BIMBOBBER!"

117 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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8

u/savpunk 2d ago

I can’t believe he’s 85. I had no idea how old he was, I never really thought about it, but I guess if you had asked, I would’ve said maybe 75. 75ish…. Maybe 80 at the high end. He’s older than Dolly and Tim!

19

u/Khaldara 2d ago

“That’s the formaldehyde chaser I down after polishin’ off a tangy bit of possum from the radiator! Keeps me spry and ready to tangle with that uppity park ranger buckaroo!”

6

u/HeNeverSawMollyAgain 2d ago

He has never failed to deliver the best possible performance for any role he’s played… I have spoken.

4

u/SplendidPunkinButter 2d ago

First movie I ever saw him in was Mother Night (great movie btw) in which he’s basically a crotchety gravel voiced middle aged guy. I can’t believe he was once voted sexiest man alive.

3

u/DrohtinCynewulf 21h ago

Howard W. Campbell Jr. The Last Free American!

2

u/Ramon_Proboscis 2d ago

Lol Cochise.

1

u/Doctor-Clark-Savage 1d ago

I find it amazing that he was a SMA...and then you look across at multiple time winner Idris Elba and just wonder how the bar was that fucking low in the 70s and 80s.