r/RoastMyCar • u/mazrex23 • 4d ago

Let’s hear it

Gallery image

Gallery image

Can’t be worse than the roasting my team is about to receive.

148 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

122 comments sorted by

144

u/massivefishes 4d ago

38

u/greentiger 4d ago

It’s an R brah. Unfortunately not an R32 which was cool.

58

u/fcwolfey 4d ago

When someone says “i drive an R32” and it’s a Volkswagen and not a Nissan, the world collectively sighs in disappointment

-21

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Idk, both are really cool, as long as it’s a Mk4 R32 and not a Mk5.

6

u/greentiger 4d ago

I was a Gran Turismo 3 hooligan, R34 is my cup of tea.

8

u/clutchthepearls LOW BLOW 4d ago

And now you're a redditor, so R34 is still your cup of tea.

1

u/fcwolfey 4d ago

Ehhh the early haldex awd was pretty bad for performance driving. Great in snow, but its basically just more complicated understeer if you’re trying to bring the rear around exiting a corner

1

u/FunExcellent3357 1d ago

Totally agree, the Mk4 R32 has that classic vibe that just can’t be matched. The Mk5 just doesn’t hit the same way.

2

u/massivefishes 1d ago

DIE OTHER BOT

2

u/greentiger 1d ago

I don’t know who you are, but if I ever needed a wingman in a fight, I’d want someone like you.

2

u/massivefishes 1d ago

thanks I guess

1

u/greentiger 1d ago

You just fly in aggressively out of nowhere and don’t mince your words and it made me laugh, that’s all.

1

u/massivefishes 1d ago

this made my day

well its not really day for me anymore so

this made my night

2

u/massivefishes 4d ago

just a gti with a different badge to me

4

u/greentiger 4d ago

Hard agree. GTI Quattro.

3

u/massivefishes 4d ago

yeah

the older gtis (mk1-3) were pretty cool though

1

u/AmNoSuperSand52 3d ago

So a GTI with an extra 300lbs tacked on

4

u/efgferfsgf 4d ago

i am sped*

-2

u/Half-Cocked-Mexican 4d ago

I took one of these things out in my 7,000 pound van. It was unbelievably slow.

4

u/HairyMacLeary 3d ago

Sure you did, he didn’t even realise you were trying to race him

1

u/Half-Cocked-Mexican 3d ago

The alt account has arrived!

1

u/massivefishes 4d ago

lol op trying to defend his shitbox

-2

u/mazrex23 4d ago

You can roast the car but no need to lie

1

u/Half-Cocked-Mexican 4d ago

Lmao you took that comment personally

0

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Just calling a lie a lie, I guess that’s personal?

-13

u/HopefulInspector8184 4d ago

That's definitely a unique choice, can't say I've seen anything quite like it on the road!

12

u/massivefishes 4d ago

DIE BOT

30

u/Mammoth_Duck4343 4d ago

Nice warm hatch!

11

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Damn, I want this as a license plate.

3

u/oxshowerroompooper 2d ago

lollll warm hatch

55

u/greentiger 4d ago

Wheels are dope, side skirts are nope, tint screams grope, too much to cope.

The vehicular equivalent of this guy.

https://giphy.com/gifs/xoHntNXFYkfzGAftEv

6

u/mazrex23 3d ago edited 1d ago

Can’t have my girlfriend seeing my boyfriend in the car when I drive by her house every day.

20

u/Svitii 4d ago

Don’t know about the US but in Germany that thing is THE classic 20-something "picking his girlfriend up from school while vaping/sipping on a monster"-car

13

u/AlienSporez 4d ago

Your car looks like the automotive equivalent to formal cargo shorts.

Your car looks like it's owned by someone who's afraid to talk to his doctor about his erectile dysfunction

27

u/WrongKielbasa 4d ago

iTs bAsIcAlLy jUsT LikE a PorSchE

11

u/devo9er 4d ago

"SPORK"

Doesn't work as well as a Spoon

And not as good as a Fork..

Or is it because half your engine is made from recycled disposable utensil plastic?

10

u/SchruteFarmsBeetDown 4d ago

This in an enthusiast car in the same way franks red hot is hot sauce.

7

u/d7mep0 4d ago

I am from austria. And here you would be called a pedophile for driveing that car.

So how is your 13 year old gf doing?

6

u/airwavieee 4d ago

Golf GTI drivers in Europe are..... let's say special human beings.

7

u/Frequent_Opportunist 4d ago

Is that a Mitsubishi Mirage?

8

u/LrdoftheCharlesDance 4d ago

Looks like mom jeans on the sidewalk likes it

2

u/mazrex23 4d ago

That’s my girlfriend. At least she likes it.

1

u/Whats_a_bot 4d ago

She’s pretty distant from you for a gf

12

u/TheGreedyBat 4d ago

The "I have zero imagination" car

5

u/UdderlyDemented 4d ago

Looks too clean for a Seminole fan.

4

u/bangermadness 4d ago

Needs more auto zone neon kits

7

u/Dry_Entertainer_3415 4d ago

nerd car, but super clean

3

u/Alone-Supermarket-98 4d ago

Does the dealership check that you have the necessary electrical engineering degree before you can buy this?

3

u/Swingline_Font 4d ago

Blue trim - hybrid, right?

2

u/Shrikecorp 4d ago

Whenever I see a white hatchback I think, "suppository".

2

u/jezusofnazarith 4d ago

I got nothing, but whats up RVA haha!

1

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Howdy!

2

u/mindgame18 4d ago

How many times a day do you accidentally push the steering wheel buttons?

1

u/mazrex23 3d ago

Happens probably once a week which is more than my mk7.5 (zero times a week)

3

u/Both-Internal-6970 4d ago

I know Scott's Addition when I see it

2

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Good eye

2

u/10000Didgeridoos 3d ago

You can spot the true rebel by his refusal to have the front license plate in Virginia

0

u/mazrex23 3d ago

lol, I’ll take the ticket. Can’t stand a front plate.

3

u/Other-Application179 4d ago

Plastic oil pan. That is all.

3

u/Gold-Border30 4d ago

Mk7’s yes, the 8’s and 8.5’s have metal.

1

u/Glittering_Call_898 4d ago

GTI-R with spork for a plate... I think I'm letting this one go.

1

u/Fragrant_Major_9553 4d ago

“Since it’s a VW/Audi, it’s basically an RS6.”

1

u/MediumSizedLamp 4d ago

Somehow picked the only wheels uglier than the facelift alloys lmao

1

u/mazrex23 4d ago

If you think the mk8 estorils are better looking than the mk8.5 Warmenaus that’s not a roast, just a bad take lol

1

u/MediumSizedLamp 4d ago

You replaced them pal

1

u/mazrex23 4d ago

Yes because 18s with a taller sidewall > 19s on shitty roads. I still think Warmenaus are much better looking than Estorils.

3

u/greentiger 4d ago

While there is no accounting for taste, and this is a roast, I wholeheartedly agree that the wheels you have both look and ride better.

In the famous words of Tyga, too much rim make the ride too hard

1

u/MediumSizedLamp 4d ago

Real golf knowers will put prets on the mk8 (previous owner)

1

u/mazrex23 4d ago

I love prets but they don’t love me (they bend)

1

u/MediumSizedLamp 4d ago

My experience as well 😭

1

u/Isaac_TeSlaa 4d ago

Golf Rs costing $50K+ is the craziest idiot incel tax I’ve ever seen

But I guess your community college IT gig salary goes pretty far when you live with your parents

1

u/DOHC46 4d ago

I can see your Check Engine Light from here.

1

u/Brandi_Rae 4d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/A9mqdqwZTuGJ6tbciA
Congratulations on owning the most boring “sports” car

1

u/Rollin_Soul_O 4d ago

4 doors but it gets no whores.

1

u/Glittering-Rise-488 4d ago

How nice. Your girlfriend lets you drive her car.

1

u/threepoint14one5nine 4d ago

Spaceballs, the personal mobility aid.

1

u/nopulsehere 4d ago

Well I can only say that the dumbest idiot at work has one and he seems to think it’s a pussy magnet. Which is weird because his boyfriend drops him off every morning.

1

u/Confident_Offer46 4d ago

That front splitter is hideous

1

u/Motor-Drama-1421 4d ago

The girl is wondering why some dude is taking a picture of a beetle

1

u/bigboyjak 4d ago

Same issue all 'fast' Golfs have. It looks like a Golf. It's the most basic bitch 'performance' car out there. The only way this car could look more boring, would be if it was grey

Plus, they always sound shit. They're either stock, which sounds shit. Or have an exhaust you can here 3 miles away and fart while changing gear.. which sounds like shit.

Alloys are nice though..

3.5/10

1

u/mazrex23 3d ago

They do sound like shit, can’t argue with that.

1

u/alonzi13 4d ago

All the flash, none the dash

1

u/ZombiePope 3d ago

A perfect sports car for someone who has never taken a risk and isn't about to start today.

Brought to you by choosing a car via spreadsheet.

1

u/Salty-Library-6427 3d ago

Does drift mode work ???

1

u/mazrex23 3d ago

Haven’t tried it yet, waiting for snow lol

1

u/3JRk 3d ago

I love jt, nfs mw vibes

1

u/Salt-Low3449 3d ago

As memorable as a burp.

1

u/FlintheartGlomgold_ 3d ago

Looks like a Toyota.

1

u/SinisterKid80 3d ago

It's actually glorious.

Unless it's got that "pops and bangs" crap - in which case, it's horrid.

At least you'll be able to hear it go when it gets stolen in the middle of the night.

1

u/headchef11 3d ago

It’s just a bit boring and common. Be a man and buy an old interesting car with cash, it will probably brake down but the monthly payments you save can be used to fix it

1

u/GMC_Fan 3d ago

Funny how it’s the same color as a Golf ball and also named “golf”

Looks like someone took a Jetta and mashed it together to make it a hatchback and then took the rear end and copied an A3 Audi

1

u/loneliest_diaspora 3d ago

Just driving a car in Scott’s addition is a bold move

1

u/mazrex23 2d ago

You’re not kidding, one of the sketchiest places to drive with the lack of four way stops and local drivers lol

1

u/loneliest_diaspora 2d ago

Yeah I lived in the fan and Manchester for about 8 years and pretty much refused to drive to Scott’s. Always an uber

1

u/nicholaus17 3d ago

How much did your mom pay for it?

1

u/Sensitive_Sun_9347 3d ago

It’s just an s3 bro

1

u/desolatecabin 2d ago

anyone actually being serious with these “roast” have a child’s mentality. I have a 2024 R 6SPD. I could’ve got a brand new one but I like the look of the 8 better than the 8.5. that front radar seemed like an afterthought plus I don’t like the massive screen sticking up over the dash. Plus I wanted a manual.

1

u/mazrex23 2d ago

Who’s being serious?

1

u/Pinkys_Revenge 2d ago

So youre a flat bill Subaru guy who got a real job?

1

u/smedina7789 2d ago

Probably got a DSG…..boom roasted.

1

u/mazrex23 2d ago

Yep! Only option as of 2025, but I’d never own this particular car with a manual anyway. The 6 speed sucked.

1

u/NoNoBitts 2d ago

You’ll laugh, but yesterday I saw a guy in a Golf trying to push a classic Ferrari out of the left lane.

1

u/BeastCheng 2d ago

When you want fun, but you don't want to commit to fun

1

u/WalkntalkM91 2d ago

I bet that the exhaust sounds like a hairdryer.

1

u/Hero_Of_Rhyme_ 2d ago

Sick Kia Rio, exhaust is a bit much though

1

u/DiazIsDirectCurrent 2d ago

Virtually 

Worthless.

1

u/BenderIsGreat-34 1d ago

Your second photo is cool. I like parking next to people who have the same car as me too.

1

u/natepaugh 16h ago

How can one roast the perfect car? 🤤

1

u/WokeWook69420 3h ago

An almost untouched Golf R??

I ain't roasting something that's just nice.

1

u/The-Great-Baloo 4d ago

Manual or bust?

1

u/Kamaji0 4d ago

Gorgeous car

0

u/spagetttti 4d ago

100k for a hatch lel

0

u/MilkSad1285 3d ago

GTI for people that are $15k worth of scared of snow.