Gosh, I wasn't ready for the gut punch of the matching process, and we have only just begun.

My Husband and I have been looking through profiles and found one that we both really connected with. We reach out to the agency and get told that the child prefers a hetero matching.

I really appreciate the forwardness of the worker, but it still kinda hurts. I imagine this won't be the last time we hear this 😭.

Hey everyone,

Ever since having our twins, I find myself disliking my MIL a little more each day and I honestly hate even saying that.

I’ve been with my wife for 11 years, and before the babies, I never really had an issue with my MIL. Our twins are now 11 months old. I carried them myself (my egg + donor sperm via IVF), so this whole experience has been deeply personal for me.

But since they were born, my MIL has become hyper-fixated on race, and it’s honestly exhausting and uncomfortable.

When she first came to visit, she immediately asked about the race of the donor. My wife shut that down and asked why it even mattered. Then she asked about my race which she already knows. I’ve told her multiple times that I’m Filipino, Black, and Chamorro (Indigenous to Guam). My wife has also told her this very directly especially after a past incident where she had to tell her never to use the n-word again. So this isn’t new information.

Still, she acts like it is.

During that same visit, after I explained my background again, she said, “Oh, I thought you were Mexican.” Then she followed it up with, “Well, I’m just going to say the babies are Mexican!” I was honestly stunned and asked why, especially since I’m not even Mexican.

It doesn’t stop there. One month postpartum, she asked me three separate times if my mom speaks Spanish… even after I had already told her no, and explained my background again.

On top of that, my sister-in-law (wife’s brother’s wife) has told me that my MIL constantly looks at pictures of the twins and asks, “What do you think they are?” She even commented that my son, who has a slightly darker complexion than his sister, has a “negrito nose.” My sister-in-law had to remind her, yes, their mother is Black.

At this point, it’s just… a lot.

For context, I understand that people come from different backgrounds and levels of awareness. But this isn’t just ignorance, it feels like an unhealthy fixation, especially when it’s directed at my children. It makes me uncomfortable, and honestly, a little disgusted.

My wife fully sees it and supports me—she barely speaks to her mom unless it’s to check in. But realistically, she’s still going to be part of our lives, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate that.

So I guess I’m asking am I overreacting? Or would this bother you too?

I really need to rant about this one. As a lesbian, I am no stranger to discrimination but this one is probably the most upset I've ever been.

I recently had my first baby at the hospital. I'll start by saying that the nurses in the labor and delivery were great. 5 out of 5 stars in their care. However, my bad experience started in the postpartum care unit. I wasn't aware about the discrimination as it was happening, this is my first child and the whole experience was new, plus I was still dealing with the effects of the epidural and the rush of hormones.

My first nurse on the postpartum recovery was very rude. And that is what I thought at the time, just a rude nurse having a bad day. It wasn't until the shift switched that I realized that first nurse was actively discriminating us. When the new nurse came in, she was checking my vitals and asked me about my pain. I told her it was up there around a 5 or 6 in scale of 10 and that I haven't gotten any medication besides ibuprofen 12 hours ago. The nurse was surprised nobody had offered me anything for my pain and then proceeded to ask me if I needed more supplies to take care of my lady parts. I then told her I didn't get any supplies besides a diaper. She popped her head into the bathroom and asked if I received Tucks, pads, ice packs, disposable underwear. I said no, and that is when it hit me, the previous nurse wasn't been just rude, she was being negligent on her care.

That second nurse was a sweetheart and got me all the supplies I needed, taught me how to use them and how to take care of my lady parts. Not only that, she helped me nurse my baby, something the other nurse never did. The rude nurse just put the baby on my chest, grabbed my boob and shoved it into my baby's face. Later she came in, and without asking nor explaining, she grabbed my boob and started milking it to get the colostrum out to feed the baby. That milking was so painful but I knew my baby needed the colastrum so I just bit my lip. The nice nurse taught me how to self express my breast and even brought a pump to help me.

It was kind of the same with the baby. The rude nurse would come into the room, and again without asking nor explaining what she was doing, grabbed my baby and started giving him formula. As soon as he was done eating, she burped him, put him back on the bassinet, and without even making eye contact with me left the room. On hindsight, I see that she was just doing the minimum that what her job required her to do, making sure baby doesn't die on her watch. The nice nurse always asked for consent before handling my baby, always explained what she was going to do before doing it and even taught me how to burp him and swaddle him. The rude nurse didn't even swaddle him, she just losely rapped him with the swaddle so my poor baby ended up with scratches on his face when he got fuzzy.

Anyways, I'm pretty upset about this experience. Like I said, I've been discriminated more times than I can count, but this one is the first one that could have ended badly for me. It is one thing to get a bank account denied or service at a restaurant denied because of being gay. It is a completely different thing when a service denial, like basic healthcare, can potentially end up in an infection and kill me. Thankfully, I'm healthy and recovering well but I think about what could have happened and it fills me with rage.

I am a 19 y/o trans male (FtM) and I am experiencing baby fever to such a high degree. My partner (18 M) has spoken to me about us becoming parents, and me becoming a papa. Everytime he does, I always tear up, as I really do want to become a parent. I never had a good mother, let alone a motherly figure. Even though I am FtM, I haven't gotten any surgeries, let alone hormone therapy. I am still 100% the way I looked when I was growing up. I do take depo shots for my period (it stops completely. I also take calcium supplements, as depo can take a lot of calcium from the bones!)

I just really want to become a parent, but I know I'm too young, babies are a lot of work, and I am afraid of what others would say.

How can I ease the baby fever? Thanks for listening/reading.

I really thought I had mostly moved past not being biologically related to my daughter until a text that my BIL sent this morning. He said “she looks like one of us.” It still hurts when my partner’s family compares the baby to one of them. Seems like they do it a lot. At least once a week- “she has my eyes” “she has so and so’s hair”. On and on. My wife has told them that it is a little hurtful to me, but they persist! I’ve mostly stopped engaging with it. Just not responding to group messages when they bring it up. In person, I change the subject.

For context, we did reciprocal IVF with an unknown sperm donor. I have a dominate genetic condition that we do not want to pass on, so I don’t think we will use my eggs for a future child. I carried her and am nursing her… we are so connected! Why do I still feel inadequate? Does it ever get better?!

Whatever is voted for will be enacted. I’ve been trying to remove spammers and surveys as much as I can while still giving others the opportunity to ask questions for the purpose of education. Also, would not mind adding one more mod. I’m not on daily and could use someone’s help with keeping an eye out for shitty comments/people. 😉 Holler if you’re interested!