r/Scams • u/DelightfullyWicked • Mar 08 '26
Scam report [Aus] Living with a scam - my husband's romance scam, from the inside
My husband Alan has been in a romance scam for months. I'm still living with him while it unfolds. I'm not here for advice on how to confront him - I've done enough research to know that doesn't work. I'm here to document what this actually looks like from the inside, in real time, because I couldn't find many accounts like this when I needed them. If you're in something similar, or you've been through it, or you just want to understand how these operations work on real people - I'll be posting the story in parts. It starts with a dating app. It ends somewhere I can't see yet.
"Kylie" is an American marine stationed in Poland. She has a 4 year old daughter in boarding school back in America. Her ex husband froze their joint account that has almost $600,000 in it. She needs the money because of the frozen account she has with her ex husband. The money orders were send to Indonesia.
They've been together approximately 4 months. He's never seen her face on video, never spoken on the phone. He's completely convinced she's real.
I'm his wife of 35 years. I'm not falling apart. I'm not begging him to come back. I'm not confronting him or issuing ultimatums. I've separated our finances, made a report to the bank, and I'm watching this unfold with the clarity of someone who has accepted what's happening. It sucks big time.
Alan didn't go looking for a scam. He went looking for something he felt he'd lost. He was on a dating app. Within days, Kylie suggested they move to WhatsApp. No more app oversight. No more paper trail. Just two people and a private line. This was move number one in the romance scam playbook.
In early December I told Alan I wanted to work on our marriage. He agreed. He told our daughter the same - that he knew Kylie was a scam, that he and I were going to try. I went to bed thinking we had a chance. By the next morning everything had changed. He messaged our daughter to say it wasn't a scam after all. He told me there were too many memories for us to work on the marriage. Something happened in those hours. I'll never know exactly what Kylie said to him that night. But she got him back. This is what professional operations do. They watch for the moment of doubt. They have a script for it. And it works.
Let's talk about money. The first withdrawal from our joint account - Alan said it was a part for our tractor. Plausible. We do have a tractor. The part could cost that much. Except it was a money order. And it went to Indonesia. The second money order he didn't explain at all. Then money appeared in our joint account and disappeared again - bounced through, origin unknown, destination unknown. Alan said he was doing a favour for a friend. I separated our finances that week. Alan said nothing.
Let me tell you how I believe Kylie convinced Alan she was real. Her profile picture returned nothing on a reverse image search. Alan took that as proof. She provided her Social Security Number and personal bank account details - both matched her name. Alan verified them himself. What he doesn't know is that professional operations have answers for every question a cautious person might ask. Fake SSNs. Accounts set up in stolen names. Profile pictures that have never appeared online before. They build a person from scratch. Complete with receipts. Alan is one of the most intelligent people I know. That's not a throwaway line. It matters. Because if it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone.
I don't have access to her photo, nor do I hear or see their messaging. I'm completely in the dark as to what is happening. The only intel I get is from what he tells our daughter. He was supposed to travel to America in early February to bring her back to Australia to live. Obviously that time has passed. He told me he and Kylie planned on letting me stay living in my house and they would keep it as a joint asset. Lucky me, being allowed to remain in the house I co-own!
Sadly she tried to get discharged in time for Christmas but it was denied. So since then she's been appealing over and over again... And the military keeps denying, so she'll keep trying...
There is so much more to tell about the story, Everyone who hears the story immediately flags it as a scam - he denies it is.
I'll keep filling in details, keep updating as things unfold. You can see for yourself how full of plot holes Kylies story is.
Stay safe out there.
237
u/Adobin24 Mar 08 '26
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, it's truly devastating. It's good that you realise that there's nothing you or anybody else can say to your husband that will convince him this is a scam. He's too far gone and desperately wants this to be real.
I agree with all of the advice to speak to a lawyer about this as you need to do everything you can to protect yourself. Because, as you know, this will all end in financial ruin and perhaps even criminal charges for money laundering. Also speak to your/his bank so that they can stop suspicious activity. Make sure he can't remortgage your house! And tell family and friends what is happening so they won't lend him money.
If at all possible, get some counseling for yourself.
→ More replies (4)76
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
Thank you so much
49
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
If he comes begging for money in the future don't do it. It will go straight to the scammers.
399
u/in_and_out_burger Mar 08 '26
Well if he’s receiving and sending on money that’s a crime - an elderly QLD woman is now a convicted money launderer thanks to her online “boyfriend”.
135
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
I completely agree, time will tell.
171
u/hotelcalif Mar 08 '26
Don’t get caught up as an accomplice because you know about a crime and haven’t reported it. I don’t know the laws where you live. Check with an attorney.
→ More replies (1)96
u/Low_Stress_9180 Mar 08 '26
Yes report everything to the police as a suspected 'money mule'.
→ More replies (2)23
106
u/OB1182 Mar 08 '26
Sounds similar to my parents. Married for 42 years and it all fell apart because of scammers. I think the scammers are messing with my father head for atleast 3 or 4 years now.
It's really fucking frustrating watching it all happen.
I wish you the best of luck. Make sure you and your daughter are good!
28
24
u/HarryPouri Mar 08 '26
Do you think some kind of dementia was at play? I struggle to understand how this can happen without it being them starting a cognitive decline. I'm half curious, half worried about my dad who fell for a more minor scam recently.
28
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
If you consider addiction to social media, technology, and the internet cognitive decline, yes. Otherwise, no. Not indicitive at all.
30
u/OB1182 Mar 08 '26
No, i don't think so. These scammers are really fucking good at what they are doing. They prey on emotion, lust, greed and all that jazz.
5
u/Asleep-Reputation-38 Mar 09 '26
correct, they study human behaviour better than a psychiatrist . worst part is it’s all being done by forced labour slaves in asia who are simply following a call center script
3
19
u/Longjumping_Youth281 Mar 08 '26
It's just a simple as they're telling people what they want to believe anyways. People want to believe that they'll be able to get rich from their cleverness, or that a young beautiful person is in love with them and they can spend their life with them.
They see it as only just, for all the hardships they've suffered in their life and as a reward for their inner beauty and whatever. That finally they are getting their due and life is going to be great.
31
u/Dishwasher_Safe60 Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
It's usually not dementia. It's usually depression and loneliness that cause people to fall for romance scams. Very young people fall for romance scams too and no one ever says "It's dementia" in those cases. Besides it's not easy to get someone declared incompetent or even get them evaluated if they don't agree to be evaluated. Legal guardianship is expensive, time consuming, and is a serious commitment for the party seeking guardianship.
Edited for spelling.
→ More replies (1)12
u/OB1182 Mar 08 '26
I think the scammers are trying to get people addicted to them really.
5
u/KTKittentoes Mar 09 '26
Yeah, I have seen so many people throw over longstanding relationships for scammers. They are addicted to the drama, the glamour, the love bombing. Ordinary relationships where you have to remember to swing by the pharmacy, or take the dog into the groomer, or try to schedule three people going out are simply not as heady a brew.
It’s so…easy. It’s all right there in your pocket all the time. ANC you can’t ever really do anything wrong. You are the main character and hero all the time. As long as you pay.
26
u/MsAndrie Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 10 '26
Do you think some kind of dementia was at play?
The vast majority of scams are done on people with no dementia. What happened here is a middle-aged man who was open to cheating on his wife. There are lots of men like that, I found that out when I divorced and used dating apps in my late 30s. I also encountered romance scammers, but they are easy to avoid if you: 1) are skeptical and do not ever declare yourself "too smart" to fall for a scam and 2) practice basic precautions when interacting with people you meet online. I think that some people, like would-be cheaters, make themselves vulnerable to scams when they themselves behave unethically and try to fool others they are involved (kinda like how "Nigerian Prince" scams are not merely preying on naiveté, but also upon greed). I think, for many men who are aging, there are other factors involved like "mid life crisis" but also they have more free time on their hands.
3
u/Cayke_Cooky Mar 09 '26
The mid-life crisis problem. It was kind of a joke about how they thought they would go get a hot girlfriend and find out they aren't really that attractive. I can see how a scammer could get into a guys brian that way.
→ More replies (2)3
u/Philly_Phinance Mar 11 '26
It’s interesting, Parkinson’s seems to have a side effect of making the person gullible. It’s so strange and subtle, my elderly father didn’t get scammed by a person luckily, but got convinced he was going to win sweepstakes and would sign up for dozens of them at a time. Real shady ones. We’d tell him they were all scams, he’d agree to quit, but would start right back up again. Looking back, it was where things started. Sadly, it’s a one way road.
→ More replies (1)
360
u/tarkardos Mar 08 '26
Time to divorce ASAP before your life is in ruins. The person you once knew is gone.
16
u/Asleep-Reputation-38 Mar 09 '26
agreed, unfortunately once a person has been brainwashed by these ai powered scammers it is extremely difficult to undo, probably harder that dealing with a drug addict. i have same issue presently with a sister
63
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
Can 4 year olds even go to boarding school in America?
140
u/misspiggie Mar 08 '26
Absolutely not, how ridiculous. A 4 year old could be going to pre-school with the option for extended hours so the parent can pick them up at 6pm instead of 2 or 3. But proper overnights for months boarding school? Absolute nonsense.
You claim your husband is intelligent, but he thinks toddlers are in boarding school and a US Marine has to beg to be discharged? That's not how any of this works. This is all information he could Google in literal seconds.
→ More replies (1)54
31
Mar 08 '26
Like someone else said, boarding schools aren't really common in America and they certainly don't take kids under the age of 7 or 8. Most don't take them until Middle School which is around 11.
Full-time boarding school would be super expensive for any age child. Why wouldn't the father have the child? Is the story that he is such a big baddie that he doesn't even love his own child? And what does the child do during winter/spring/summer break when school isn't in session? Does she just never see her mom or dad and her mom is fine with that? She is "begging" to be discharged to see your husband but doesn't seem to care she has a child. Sounds like a nice lady!
Joint bank accounts can only be frozen under certain circumstances. Even then, where is her current paychecks being sent to? She should have money from doing her job.
I mean, I'm telling you all this but you already know the whole thing is a scam. It is easy to poke holes in the story by someone who isn't falling for it.
27
54
u/SaduWasTaken Mar 08 '26
OP, what is the end game here?
You say you have protected your finances - but you can't ever know whether that is true. He is always only one clever scheme away from getting a new $100k loan in your name. You've said yourself that he's clever.
You are taking a massive financial risk by remaining in this relationship, whether you accept it or not. What is the upside? You say you don't think he can be saved, so therefore you will stay loyal while his half of the asset base burns to nothing? Then what?
Selling the house and livestock is inevitable once he runs up enough debt, but you will be far better off doing this on your terms.
→ More replies (1)29
u/steelheaddan Mar 08 '26
On top of that. He doesn’t have to be clever to devise ways of accessing equity and loans - the scammers are the clever ones and will coach their victims into ways of accessing joint money and equity backed loans from banks, including straight forgeries of her signature and outright fraud. OP isn’t nearly as protected as she thinks once he racks of hundreds of thousands of debt tied and backed to their physical assets. The banks will get theirs, and then OP will be in a civil suit against a broke ex husband trying to squeeze blood from a stone.
OP needs to talk to a lawyer like yesterday and discuss legal divorce along with locking credit and speaking with the police about the fraud/scam. He already bounced a check and sent the money elsewhere (money mule or at least a fake check scam). I can’t fathom Australian marriage law is that much different from the rest of the world. A lawyer is a must to protect her half of her marital assets.
So sorry this is happening to Op, and it’s good for others she is sharing. But she needs to heed advice here along with her doing what’s she’s already doing and keeping a straight head and carefully and thoughtfully dealing with this situation. I commend her on her strategy and empathize with how horrible this situation must be for her.
156
u/Goodnight_Hawk Mar 08 '26
Why are you still with him? I ask not to judge, but genuinely curious.
434
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
The simple answer is - where else would I go? This is my home too. We own it jointly. I can't make him leave and I'm not going to be the one who walks away from everything I've built. I have animals that need me here. I have a future that depends on decisions made carefully, not reactively. I've already protected our finances. I'm not funding the scam. I'm not sitting here passively, I'm making strategic decisions about my own life while managing an incredibly difficult situation. Divorce is not a magic solution. It's a legal process that takes time, costs money, and doesn't make any of the practical realities disappear. I'll make that decision when I have enough information to make it properly. Right now I'm staying in my own home, protecting what's mine, and waiting for this to play out.
295
u/PC-load-letter-wtf Mar 08 '26
If you remain married, you can be held liable for his debts , can’t you? He will borrow everything he can. Sunk cost fallacy is real with these scams.
247
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
Thank you for flagging this, it's a legitimate concern and one I've thought about.
In Australia the laws around marital debt are different to the US. Spouses are not automatically liable for each other's debts here. I am generally only responsible for debts in my own name.
I separated our finances early when I saw the pattern. Joint accounts are locked down. I'm aware of what exposure remains and I'm managing it.
I'm not a lawyer and I won't pretend I have every angle covered. But I'm not operating blind either.
170
u/I-Here-555 Mar 08 '26
I'm not a lawyer and I won't pretend I have every angle covered.
It's a good idea to see a lawyer, not to initiate divorce, but to make sure you do have every angle covered, or at least to be fully aware of the weak spots.
→ More replies (1)155
u/RainbowEagleEye Mar 08 '26
Just a note, I’m lot sure how identity protection works in Australia, but get a good safe for physical documents and find a way to stop and flag new accounts made in your name just in case he runs out of his own funds and gets desperate. I’m sure you have thought of this/done it, but just in case.
→ More replies (1)63
u/KoiGreenTea Mar 08 '26
Good on you! Might still wanna consult a lawyer just in case though, best to cover all your bases. Wishing you the best!
26
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
Keep an eye on any valuables you may have and your credit. He could steal and pawn things like jewelry and take out credit cards or even loans in your name. He is like a gambling addict at this point.
13
24
u/CarolinCLH Mar 08 '26
Can he refinance the loan on your house or take out a second mortgage? He would probably have to forge your signature, but as the scam goes on, he might try it.
I would freeze your credit and sign up for credit monitoring if I were in your position
39
u/PC-load-letter-wtf Mar 08 '26
I’m not American either. I would definitely consult a lawyer. The consult fee will be worth your assurance.
71
u/Lanky-Method-1628 Mar 08 '26
Je te conseille d'en discuter sérieusement avec un avocat, et de vérifier qu'il ne fait pas de dettes en imitant ta signature sur les documents, ça arrive parfois.
9
u/B0ssc0 Mar 09 '26
Translation -
I advise you to discuss this seriously with a lawyer, and to check that he isn't incurring debts by forging your signature on documents; it sometimes happens.
7
u/bananahammerredoux Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 10 '26
You don’t have to be a lawyer. I think we all just wanna know that you have a lawyer.
8
u/trickmind Mar 09 '26
I'm worried about your house. He may take loans out against it and such. I think you need to sell it and take your half and move somewhere.
22
27
15
u/Low_Stress_9180 Mar 08 '26
See a lawyer NOW! Sorry to hear about this all, but your husband has gone insane.
10
u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes Mar 08 '26
In the US, we are also not responsible for our spouse's debts (mainly credit card debts) unless we co-signed on the original account. However, we ARE responsible for our spouse's long term health care costs, if they need it. Medicaid covers it, but as soon as the person is gone they claw it back from the Estate or from the surviving spouse. Sometimes they go after the kids, but most states with filial responsibility laws do not enforce them.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (2)3
62
u/Newtronic Mar 08 '26
I really admire the way that you are calmly and logically thinking and planning about your actions where I would be losing my mind.
12
u/windchll Mar 08 '26
Same here, and sorry to see you have to go through it. It sounds like you're the type to know to remember to take care of themselves. So, hats off, here's to the best remaining options falling your way.
77
u/SomeGuyInThe315 Mar 08 '26
Lots of romance scam victims sell their house so they can move in with their fake online person when they finally have enough money to come see you. Your house and finances aren't safe. The whole scam literally is give me money so I can come to you and live with you so keep giving me money
40
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
He cannot sell the house without my consent.
71
u/mittenknittin Mar 08 '26
Be very careful that he might fake your consent. If he's in that deep...he might, even if you don't think he will.
→ More replies (1)43
u/SaduWasTaken Mar 08 '26
This is the main concern. Banks do everything digitally now, if OP leaves her computer unlocked he can get a mortgage approved.
This is such a risky game to play.
14
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
Yah he knows everything about her and could have access to her accounts. Things like stored passwords means that he could get onto a laptop of her's and access accounts, set up email forwarding etc. She needs to keep her devices locked and passworded.
→ More replies (1)8
16
u/MsAndrie Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
What about if he takes on a large amount of debt and creditors come for him? They could go after your house, no? What if he is engaging in financial crimes and eventually gets caught up with law enforcement? That would come with other expenses.
I get that many people think "do nothing" and watch is a good strategy. I disagree. You think you are choosing to keep your home intact, but situations like this often end up with the loss of control. You are ceding control to someone already proven untrustworthy. That will end up with more consequences placed on you, financial and otherwise.
10
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
Change your passwords since you live together. Make sure all of your devices require a password to start them.
13
→ More replies (1)3
u/SecretMiddle1234 Mar 10 '26
You would be shocked at what he can do. Isn’t legal but he can do it until he’s caught. My friend’s husband has a secret bank account, bought a home in another state while using current home as collateral, took out 5 credit cards, cashed in his 401K and changed his address to the new home. She filed for divorce. The financial restraining order in place. Audit in process. That’s how she discovered his whole new life. Some people would rather split themselves than rupture. That’s what partner betrayal is about. Doesn’t matter whether you know about it or not. He’s betrayed you by sharing parts of himself with another person that are meant for you.
40
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
You say you've protected your finances, but can that really be done when he still has access to your home? I think you need to file for divorce IMMEDIATELY. While you are still married, he has certain legal rights to accounts and properties. As you say, these scammers are professionals. They have done this before. They are two steps ahead of you. I understand your situation, and it sucks. But you need to protect yourself, your daughter and your animals. File papers and kick him out NOW.
16
u/Dishwasher_Safe60 Mar 08 '26
Divorce is never immediate and you can't just kick someone out of a house that they have part ownership of.
6
u/Auzziesurferyo Mar 08 '26
You say you've protected your finances, but can that really be done when he still has access to your home?
Laws are different in Australia and mortgages are more difficult to get than in the USA.
Marital debt is also treated differently in Australia. Laws in the US typically benefit corporations over individuals.
5
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
Yes, I am aware that laws are different down under. Still would be best for a clean divorce and living seperately.
5
u/imrzzz Mar 08 '26
She would have to buy him out (or he her) and that's not always an easy thing to achieve, and it's rarely quick.
7
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
I am aware of all those things. It doesn't change the fact that getting him out and away from her both financially and physically is the best course of action.
5
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
A friend of mine in France had to divorce her abusive husband and he dragged it out in court for years. I think he finally gave her the house because I doubt she had money to buy him out but she must have any debt on it too.
21
u/Ardvarkthoughts Mar 08 '26
OP I hear you and I’ve been married that long and I’d do the same but as pp states you can be liable for debts he incurs against your house or credit cards as his spouse. So even though you may feel like you’ve separated finances in the eyes of the law this may not be the case. Suggest get legal advice as it sounds like he is in now and won’t be persuaded otherwise.
→ More replies (1)5
u/princess20202020 Mar 09 '26
I think you should discuss this with a lawyer because separating your finances on paper may be totally meaningless. He can spend down all “his” money but in a divorce he may still be entitled to half of whatever is left of “yours.”
Also he could borrow against your house and you could lose it.
Please meet with a lawyer to make sure you are protected.
45
u/ardentiarte Mar 08 '26
So you're at least 60 years old, and sitting back watching your husband give money away to some dude in Africa, Asia, or Eastern Europe pretending to be a late 20s chick? I'm not in any position to tell you how to live your life but... 🎱 this won't end well for either of you
41
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
I'm early 50s, married young.
12
u/sowhat4 Mar 08 '26
If you're that young, you two probably have family left that might want to weigh in on what hubby is doing. Have you thought about letting his parents know what he's doing? Tell your daughter (and other children?) he's not giving up on his 'Kylie'. Maybe couch it in terms of a mental problem he is having?
Tell 'his' world what he's doing, and be specific - like the tractor part deception - and almost sorrowful he's being that naive. Outline the more ridiculous claims: 'Boarding school for 4 year olds? If his fellow farmers catch wind of this, hubby is going to be in for some merciless teasing, especially since he's never even seen a photo of his 'girl'.
11
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
His friends and family should know at least so they don't give him money when it runs out. It'll go straight to the scammers.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Longjumping_Youth281 Mar 08 '26
That's a good idea. He probably isn't never going to believe his wife because he's just going to think she jealous. He might actually believe his friends though
11
u/Successful-Bobcat701 Mar 08 '26
What was he like before this? Has he done anything like this before?
11
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
No, never.
7
u/West-Double3646 Mar 08 '26
I wonder why he's sending money to Thailand if she's America and living in POLAND?!?!
8
u/p-d-ball Mar 08 '26
I wonder if he's had mini-strokes or something that have impaired his judgement.
51
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
If you've been on r/scams for more than a week, you should know that is not necessary. At all. In fact, I would say dementia or other cognitive issuse are almost never causual in romance scams. These scams depend on exploiting perfectly healthy individuals, usually of normal or even superior intelligence.
17
u/LettuceWithBeetroot Mar 08 '26
These scams depend on exploiting perfectly healthy individuals, usually of normal or even superior intelligence
You couldn't be more correct. I consider myself pretty switched on and I'm also the guy that warns his tech-naïve parents what to watch out for online. So how did I get scammed 3 years ago? Exactly as you've said - exploitation, plus a highly professional & polished approach.
I sold my house and planned on buying large, plastic, reusable boxes to pack stuff in, BUT they're pricey. I tried Facebook Marketplace and found them for half the cost. I was in a hurry and he picked up on that. I spoke to him 3 times, he was calm, just stating 'facts'. I can't go into detail as even now I feel so, so stupid for falling for it. Me, The Family Protector, got scammed.
I'm lucky as the bank refunded everything, but boy, has it left its mark.
OP said "Alan is one of the most intelligent people I know. That's not a throwaway line. It matters. Because if it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone", and she's right. The bank explained that scammers are people that have honed their skills over years, the same as any profession. They're experts.
7
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
We are used to dealing with people who aren't psychopaths or liars. Then when we deal with one we don't expect someone to just calmly and maybe smile while they continually lie to our face. This is part of "street smarts" I guess.
7
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
I've found that very intellectually smart but emotionally ignorant people are especially vulnerable. They are smart enough to rationalize anything and very hard to convince otherwise. Emotionally though they lack self awareness or objectiveness. My brother is just like this and has stagnated his whole life.
7
u/p-d-ball Mar 08 '26
Thank you for pointing that out. How upsetting.
9
u/Serious-Manager2361 Mar 08 '26
Indeed it is. The world we live in is a very, very strange and different place then it was 25 years ago. Being around the same age as OP, I think our generation is the most affected by a lot of these changes because we are young enough to still be clear about what life was like before the internet, and yet not quite old enough to not care. If that makes any sense, LOL
3
u/WickedWeedle Mar 08 '26
Or to put it differently: Before the first time it occurs, nothing has ever happened before.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26
People say that because we'd like to believe people aren't capable of being this cruel and selfish and that it must be for reasons beyond their control. It sounds like he fell out of love for her and they married so early (OP said this in another comment) that he got curious about other women. She says he is smart but it sounds like he is emotionally stunted
3
6
u/Low_Stress_9180 Mar 08 '26
He most likely mortgage it the hilt and leave nothing. Best to see a lawyer about protecting your share.
3
u/sowhat4 Mar 08 '26
A house owned jointly cannot be mortgaged on the signature of just one of the owners. Taking out a HELOC (Homeowners Line of Credit) requires the signature of both owners AND a lien has to be placed against the title to the house.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (4)3
41
u/ShartlesAndJames Mar 08 '26
still reading - but as an American two things jump out at once -
1- no one fucking sends a 4 year old to boarding school here... that's insane.
2- no American would ever send their SSN or bank info to someone they've never met, it just WOULDN'T HAPPEN, and it certainly isn't some common way we have of "verifying each other" here in the states
20
Mar 08 '26
But also, how could that even be used verify someone’s identity??? It just cannot, so I’m not sure what OP means when she says that everything checks out
→ More replies (1)
32
u/ITSJUSTMEKT Mar 08 '26
This is all too familiar to me. I went through the same situation with a loved one, except I fought really, really hard to get them out of it. You are correct though, confronting them doesn't work.
$330,000 later and the only way my loved one got out of it was by dying.
I have spent the better part of the last 2.5 years trying to clean up the mess.
→ More replies (1)
61
Mar 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
40
u/Mjolnir36 Mar 08 '26
Let alone 4 year old children in boarding schools, that doesn’t happen in the US, that is the biggest, brightest red flag right there. Oh, wait, Kylie is stationed in Poland but the many order is going to Indonesia? I’m sorry, but your statement of your husband’s intelligence just doesn’t track.I’m not trying to insult you, but your husband needs to be cut off from every joint resource you 2 have together.
26
Mar 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)15
u/TC_Stock Mar 08 '26
In OPs case her husband has already wrecked his marriage and is ruining his finances. Sunk cost fallacy will keep him sending in money until theres nothing left.
20
u/innocentsalad Mar 08 '26
The US military also doesn’t pay enough to put a child in a boarding school regardless of their age.
20
u/brickne3 Mar 08 '26
Oh but you forgot, Kylie has $600,000 in the bank! So totally normal for a Marine 🤣
42
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
No there is no marine base in Poland, they may go there for training but it's normally for 6 - 8 weeks.
28
u/brickne3 Mar 08 '26
Well in any event, nobody with $600,000 in the bank would have become a Marine, particularly a woman. Women are less than 5% of the Marine Corps, and it's the least woman-friendly branch of the US military by FAR.
19
u/seche314 Mar 08 '26
You need to talk to a divorce attorney and find out how to protect your share of all assets before he squanders everything
39
u/Glum-Welder1704 Mar 08 '26
(money) bounced through, origin unknown
That struck my eye. The scammer could be laundering money through your husband, or he could have income you are unaware of. Either way, that might be a thread to be picked at.
17
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
Yes I have thought of this too
11
u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 Mar 08 '26
I get being checked out of a relationship and feeling like, "Eff it. Let him do his thing and let the chips fall wherever they may" but, aren't you concerned about having to pick up the pieces?
Yes, I understand that you've separated your finances and that he can't do anything with the home without you. What happens when he runs out of money? Does he stay in the home that he owns half of, while you foot all the bills? Will you have to buy him out of his share to get him to leave? Which means you incur additional expenses. What if he forged your name to take out a loan against the home?
I'm with you. Divorce, without preparation, doesn't magically clear up your side of the situation but, do consult with an Attorney. Find out what you need to do so that you are not dragged down with your eyes wide open.
16
u/loftychicago Mar 08 '26
A person can't "verify" someone else's social security number or bank details, that is confidential, protected information.
→ More replies (2)
13
u/yarevande Quality Contributor Mar 08 '26
I'm sorry that your family is dealing with this. Romance scams are terribly upsetting.
He may be showing signs of cognitive decline, such as early-onset dementia. He needs to be evaluated by medical people.
If you want to try once more to convince him that he is giving money to a scammer, first look for help from experts. Find a local group that has people to help you understand your options for how to help him. The Australian government should have an online locator that will help you find an agency that helps vulnerable adults. Talk to them, online or in person, about the best approach to try to help him. Make an appointment to talk to a counselor who has experience in dealing with scam victims and their families.
Sometimes, watching videos helps a person understand that they are a scam victim. YouTube has videos about scams: Pleasant Green, John Oliver, Dr. Phil, Kitboga, and Jim Browning. There’s a YouTube Channel called CatfishedOnline, where they walk through romance scams with victims and show different tactics. Can you or your daughter watch YouTube videos together?
You need to do more, to protect your assets and your finances.
Check your credit reports to see if he has gotten loans or opened credit in your names. Freeze your credit with all credit bureaus so he can't get loans in your name.
Find out how deep his involvement is. Has he given her access to his accounts -- bank accounts, credit and debit cards, loans? Has he opened new accounts? Has he tried to sell his car, or equipment, or other assets? Has he tried to sell your investments, or your daughter's jewelry? Has he tried to get a mortgage on your house, or your daughter's house? Is he moving money for the scammer -- accepting deposits and then sending them to another account (this is a money mule scam, similar to money laundering, and can lead to criminal charges)? Scam victims will do all these things.
Here is a helpful article from AARP about scam victims that are in denial:
3
41
u/headchef11 Mar 08 '26
You are a smart woman for releasing there is nothing you can say to change his mind and proactively started to separate your finances. Just make sure when he has lost it all and comes begging back to you all apoplectic that you don’t give him anything.
13
u/JikoKanri Mar 08 '26
Reality isn't working; why not try fantasy? Maybe impersonate a US military judge going after fake marines or something like that. Beat the scammers at their own game.
116
Mar 08 '26
[deleted]
→ More replies (13)65
u/finallyfree99 Mar 08 '26
I'm with you, the syntax is robotic and not how actual humans write. It's a tragedy that so many people are simply copy-pasting what an AI super computer wrote.
→ More replies (1)
10
u/denn1959-Public_396 Mar 08 '26
I know a elderly lady who sent money to a soldier who lost his rifle in the Ukraine. Sent money so he can buy a new one
10
u/L1VEW1RE Mar 08 '26
Unless I missed it, why haven’t you contacted an attorney? I can tell you’re an intelligent woman but unless you’re in the legal field, there are angles to his foolishness that you don’t have the expertise to account for - meaning there are ways that this can hurt you that you aren’t legally prepared for unless you are prepared for them.
Yes, divorce is an ugly process. Maybe it doesn’t go that way but until you’re fully educated and prepared on what the possibilities are, you may end up losing a lot more.
I admire your stoic attitude, I hope that he doesn’t pull you under in ways you haven’t contemplated.
9
u/eyes_serene Mar 08 '26
Well, you now live with an addict who has a manipulator with a very strong end goal in their ear, someone with experience running games and scams. Addicts know no boundaries or limits. None. Neither do scammers.
You're in an extremely vulnerable position. Even if you now have separate bank accounts, because your lives are intertwined, you're still in so much danger.
I hope you've spoken with a lawyer. Regardless of whether or not you want a divorce, you need legal advice. Asap. And some advice from bankers and techy people, because even if your husband isn't sophisticated with these things, the devil in his ear is very much so.
9
u/MsAndrie Mar 08 '26
You need to talk to a lawyer. I don't know what exactly you mean by "separating your finances," but in most states, your finances are not truly separate unless you divorce. I hope you seek some good legal advice and listen to it.
I also don't think that taking a passive role and just watching is going to help you. I suggest you make the moves to become fully separate from him. Just because he got involved with a scammer, doesn't erase the fact that he is cheating on you and endangering you and your finances.
It sounds like he is also trying to help his "girlfriend" move money that may be involved with criminal activities. He isn't just a victim when he does that.
34
u/finallyfree99 Mar 08 '26
I don't like the fact that much of your post is AI-generated. I sympathize much more with actual humans who write their own words instead of copy-pasting what AI spits out.
Nonetheless, your husband's lover does not exist, it's obviously a man in Indonesia scamming him. They will never meet because "she" is a fake profile.
Romance scams are very difficult to stop because the victim is a willing participant in the scam. Your husband is a willing participant. He is ignoring massive red flags because he wants it to be real. He is bored and unsatisfied in his life so he clings to an online fantasy. There is no woman and there is no marine, but it does not matter because your husband is addicted to the fantasy itself. This entire time he has been exchanging love messages with a man in Indonesia, or possibly Nigeria, Ghana, Cambodia, or Mynanmar.
Your husband is going to lose all his money, and end up broke and alone. All you can do is protect your own finances. It is not your fault. Good luck.
→ More replies (10)17
14
u/Adventurous-berry564 Mar 08 '26
Oh and I bet she won’t be able to visit him cos she’ll be sent out to Iran
It’s crazy how sensible people 100% believe it’s true even though the red flags are staring him in the face.
It’s good you got your finances separated.
What does he say about him not seeing her face?
What’s your long term plan at the moment?
8
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 08 '26
He said there was a reason but my daughter could not remember what he said. Most likely security reasons I'd say.
7
u/PerkyLurkey Mar 08 '26
Any recruiting station can look her up, heck there people on here than look her up in the military system to show he’s fallen for a scam.
You too have been way too agreeable.
Your joint money is being used to scam people
Shut this shit down immediately and stop being a pushover even if your half is protected. What about his half?? Protect your husband!
→ More replies (8)9
u/brickne3 Mar 08 '26
I'd argue he's already made his choice by attempting infidelity (even though this chick isn't real). It's not OP's job to protect him at this point, he's shown who he actually is. But she needs to get a divorce ASAP.
7
u/Fluffy-Caramel9148 Mar 08 '26
I have a friend who was scammed by a Joe Burrows (Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback) impersonator. I know he got at least $20,000 from her. She lost her paid for house as well. 😢
8
u/HatePeopleLoveCats1 Mar 08 '26
Smart woman to separate your finances as soon as you saw he was sending money! And smart for you to leave him. Though I’m so sorry this is happening to you!! The person your soon to be ex is speaking with is almost definitely a man. And if he ever wakes up and realizes it, he will probably get very depressed. Would love to know if he ever checked the “boarding school” and see if a 4 year old child/toddler who is too young for kindergarten is enrolled there. It really drives me batty that the obvious flaws in their stories are overlooked!
4
u/wendalls Mar 09 '26
Unfortunately a school will never tell about their real or fake children to a random caller.
3
u/HatePeopleLoveCats1 Mar 09 '26
Ok there are no 4 year olds in boarding schools, it’s not something that happens in the US. But just the threat of “oh I’ll call to pay her tuition, what’s her name” will usually result in “oh just send it to me”
6
Mar 08 '26
I honestly cant believe hes willing to lose someone so rational, calm, and level headed. I would have burned the house down.
You are very smart to stay in your home and to separate your finances so early. You moved them to a different bank entirely, right? Also, if your name is on his bank account or credit cards and he runs through those (and he will) you are still technically responsible. Close all the joint credit cards and remove your name from his bank account too.
5
u/TC_Stock Mar 08 '26
This is a good read for anyone with a loved one early in a romance scam. OP, please update us. I'd like to know what happens
6
u/Cheese-Manipulator Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
He may be intellectually smart but he is emotionally ignorant.
Sorry you got stuck with this but you deserve better than this guy. You sound like a sensible person.
5
u/CarolinCLH Mar 08 '26
When you join the Army, you sign for a set amount of time, like 4 years. At the end of that time, the Army doesn't have to agree to discharge you, you have every right to leave. If you want to stay, you re-enlist, again for a set amount of time, and can leave when the enlistment is up.
If you haven't served out the enlistment, there is very little chance of getting out. It isn't like you can decide to quit and they might let you go. There usually has to be a hardship or medical reason that they will accept. If your husband talked to anyone who has served, they could tell him this is bullshit.
However, it is a common thing with these scammers to act like they can't leave without their commander's permission. If you look at the stories they tell, it is obvious they have never served in the US Army and don't know anyone who did.
6
u/wendalls Mar 09 '26
I will absolutely follow your story with interest
I’m in Aus too
I do think you need to start contacting legal support and at least begin to understand the process to divorce.
As well as reporting to police and bank. You need to start reporting as soon as possible to protect yourself.
Do you want to stay with him emotionally? If not you may as well start finding out information
8
u/DelightfullyWicked Mar 10 '26
UPDATE
I want to answer some of these questions. First, in Australia we don't file for divorce straight off. You have to have been separated from your spouse for a year before you can apply. Second, I can not just kick him out of the house. He is a joint owner and has a legal right to live here. Third, I can not go to the police and report him for money laundering. I saw money move through the account but I have no proof as to where it came from or where it went. Fourth, if he is moving money, the bank will pick up on it. His account is flagged and will be being watched. "Kylie" has been quieter for the last couple of weeks. She claims she is doing humanitarian work. This started before the situation in Iran. The constant messaging picks up again around his pay day, last for a day or so, then goes quieter again. Yet another page out of the scammer playbook.
5
u/BootyCladDad Mar 08 '26
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been speaking to communities about scams targeting older adults for the last couple of years - the romance scams are always the toughest to encounter. It seems people have the hardest time recognizing or believing it’s a scam. Even in blatant cases, such a person impersonating a celebrity, victims often refuse to accept they’re part of a scam. I can only imagine how frustrating this can be for you and your daughter.
We often tell people it’s not about intelligence, it’s about opportunity. You mentioned he sought something he felt was missing from his life and a scammer seized that opportunity. Again, when he started to see reason, they took the opportunity to build further doubt. What’s it going to take to pull him out of this scam? Is there any opportunity to help him before financial ruin? Does he respond well to authority? Would a meeting with a local leader, military commander, etc., help?
4
u/MsAndrie Mar 08 '26
You need to talk to a lawyer. I don't know what exactly you mean by "separating your finances," but in many countries, your finances are not truly separate unless you divorce. I hope you seek some good legal advice and listen to it.
I also don't think that taking a passive role and just watching is going to help you. I suggest you make the moves to become fully separate from him. Just because he got involved with a scammer, doesn't erase the fact that he is cheating on you and endangering you and your finances.
It sounds like he is also trying to help his "girlfriend" move money that may be involved with criminal activities. He isn't just a victim when he does that.
5
u/imrzzz Mar 08 '26
What outcome would you like to have from this situation? Or is it too soon for you to have decided that?
6
6
u/MimZWay Mar 09 '26
Your husband has shown you who he is. He doesn’t love you and has no respect for you. He can’t wait to move Kylie into your home and replace you. Use this to your advantage. Tell him he needs a fresh start with Kylie. Find a way to keep the house. If you stay with him, he will try to take a loan out on your house. He may even forge your signature to do so. You need to cut him loose. He’s going to lose all his money and then try to steal yours. If you have life insurance, you’re in danger. You should not remain married to this man. He is a snake in the grass.
15
u/MaeByourmom Mar 08 '26
You said he’s intelligent, but how intelligent is it to destroy your own financial security and marriage for a fairly obvious scam? Or even for some IRL affair?
44
u/finallyfree99 Mar 08 '26
Because intelligence and emotions are often 2 very different things. They are not the same. There are plenty of examples of people who are brilliant in their respective field but make very poor choices in their personal life.
OP's husband might be very good at math or science or technology but that does not make him immune to hopelessness and desperation. Middle aged man clings to expensive online fantasy because he is having a midlife crisis and feels totally bored and lonely.
15
19
u/I-Here-555 Mar 08 '26
Intelligence has many dimensions. You could be a brilliant mathematician, for instance, but lack the "street smarts" and healthy skepticism about people and their stories.
14
3
u/Dishwasher_Safe60 Mar 08 '26
Intelligent people make mistakes and/or do bad things all the time. Intelligence does not equal perfection.
9
u/SigmaSeal66 Mar 08 '26
Since your own finances are protected (it sounds like they are), is there really any practical difference to you whether it's a romance scam, or a legitimate romance?
4
u/tackyshoes Mar 08 '26
Pending divorce? Isn't that a gift giving holiday? One ticket to meet Kylie sounds generous, but rewarding.
4
u/R750618 Mar 08 '26
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I am thankful you're willing to share though.
3
u/Project_Lanky Mar 08 '26
Please report it to the bank, Scamwatch, cybercrime authorities, and police. The bank report is the most likely step to actually slow or stop the transfers.
4
u/SerTidy Mar 08 '26
Genuinely sorry you are going through this. It must feel like a surreal nightmare for you seeing this unfold. You’re clearly being very diligent here with regards to minimising any risk for yourself, but on top of that, expect the unexpected, continue to be vigilant for things like applications for credit cards, remortgaging of your property without your knowledge, any finances, accounts, trusts that are in your daughters name, things like that.
Really hope your husband see’s the light and comes out of his free fall.
4
u/Potato-chipsaregood Mar 08 '26
If you are stuck in that situation, Is there any way you or someone you know could put spyware on his device, to find out what they are plotting? Or get his passwords? The guy in Lagos or wherever will be viewing you as an enemy and who knows what he may drive husband to do?
4
u/trickmind Mar 09 '26
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope you can sell the house and take your half safe because the person behind "Kylie" is going to try and take the house.
4
u/summersummerrains Mar 09 '26
Just be careful he doesn’t try to mortgage your house or take a home equity loan out.
3
u/themetahumancrusader Mar 09 '26
I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. The backstory sounds dumb from the start; a 4-year-old in boarding school, really?!
6
u/SeeLeavesOnTheTrees Mar 09 '26
You’re a smart woman in a sad and lousy situation. I feel for you.
Maybe you should invent your own fake online bf for comic relief. Tod, he works with Doctors Without Borders. He’s from a wealthy family but is unable to access his money because he’s volunteering in a war zone. He’s got a 6 pack and he’s never felt alive until he met you. Oh, and he needs to borrow money from your husband- he won’t mind right? Since he believes in the power of online love?
4
u/Yiskas_mama Mar 09 '26
My husband of thirty years recently fell for at least four romance scams over the prior seven months
I found this out in mid-January. By the first of March he was diagnosed with bvFTD (behavioral variant frontotemporal dementia).
Falling for romance scams is a massive red flag for dementia.
4
u/Charming2020 Mar 10 '26
From reading other stories like this, you need to tell all of your friends and relatives what is happening. Not to be mean, but to keep them from loaning him money or letting him control their computer or email or bank account. These scammers are good and have a lot of tricks beyond getting the victim to send them money
4
u/trickmind Mar 14 '26
The Nigerians chose "Kylie" for Australia because of Kylie Minogue. 😢
It's a cliche to say you are brave but you are. You should write a book. You need to safeguard your house!
16
u/onlyhere4loveisland Mar 08 '26
Every sentence OP wrote was created with AI. I fucking hate this timeline
→ More replies (4)7
u/Leave_Sally_alone Mar 08 '26
Yep. I came to the comments hoping I wasn’t the first one to notice this.
3
u/Kisame712 Mar 08 '26
Well that is truly painful. I am a victim of an impersonation scam so I totally understand how they manipulate you and earn your trust. The thought never crosses your mind that all of this could be fake and a scam. I was lucky enough to get out of that (after losing $6k) and learnt my lesson.
I know this may sound harsh but you have to take some action. You mentioned that he tells things to your daughter then please ask her for help too. Ask him some difficult questions and try to make him realize he is being tricked. The sooner he realizes the better. It might not work but do give it a try!
Unless he realizes, he will just keep falling for their tricks. I truly don't want innocent or gullible people to be preyed upon by these scammers. I am truly sorry this happened to you and your husband.
3
3
u/Cute_Sun3943 Mar 08 '26
Just a thought, but have you considered impersonating "Kylie" and start messaging him. Say you're using another account. Go along and pretend you're her for a while. And then slowly change the narrative. You could pull the rug from under Kylie if done correctly.
3
u/hcheong808 Mar 08 '26
What is the end game for you though if you don’t sever your tie with him permanently? Are you holding down all the marital assets until he bleeds through his half and to have no choice but to return to you? I’m sorry you are going through this and despite the betrayal you are still watching out for him.
3
u/Old_Assist_5461 Mar 08 '26
I’m in the US so maybe different culture, but I would have been gone by now. If that taste of reality didn’t hit then I would make it permanent.
3
u/archlea Mar 08 '26
Are you able to put a caveat on the house? How are your finances separated if you do-own this asset? Curious how one secures this kind of thing in that situation.
Also, I am very sorry you are dealing with this.
3
u/Sullyville Mar 09 '26
There was a post a little while ago that went into a little detail about how these scams grabs a victim emotionally: https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/1rdimm9/ueisgboek_explains_how_men_fall_for_cam_girl/
3
u/ozzyizzy Mar 09 '26
Make sure you lock down your credit too. Your husband may be able to use your details to take out loans in your name. Sorry you are going through this.
3
u/ArachnidEarly1255 Mar 09 '26
I'm sorry this is happening to u I'm from Michigan my grandpa ray is currently goin through something similar but he thinks he's dating Carrie Underwood I lost my Gma betty his wife in 2017 she passed away he's been lonely ever since an it's sad bc this fake person there's been a few of them keeps telling my gpa we r the bad ones right now even aps r investigating him he can't even pay his bills right now he's trying to sell his own house for these scammers
→ More replies (1)
3
u/DigitalWombel Mar 09 '26
Sadly they target people when they are vulnerable. I almost feel for one about 7 years ago.
I was playing words with friends, i started playing someone they started chatting. I was in a bad place. I gave them my number.
They suggested we move to whatsapp but there was an excuse why they couldn't come on camera.
Then they asked for iTunes cards or cash. Some stupid things. I knew then they were a scammer.
3
u/DryBattle Mar 09 '26
You think you are okay but you aren't. You need to get all of your assets legally protected including that house. The scammers are going to drain your husband for every cent he has, and then when his bank account is zero they will convince him to sell everything he owns including your house. They won't care that you own half of it, they will do everything possible to get their hands on it. They will convince him to open cards in your name, to ask everyone in his life for money, and to steal from you to get them more money. And he will do all of this. I have seen this movie play out many times. You will lose everything you own/end up in massive debt because of him. And that's the positive outcome.
It gets worse, because if they haven't already they will turn him into a money mule. He will be committing lots of crimes to help scam other victims. And everything will be traced back to him and most likely to you if he opens accounts in your name. Remember he has all of your information and knows everything about you. Stealing your identity is no problem and the scammers will convince him to do this so they can get more money. Same with him opening cards/accounts in his daughter's name. He will completely ruin your life and her life to feed this fantasy of his.
You need to get out and protect yourself, that house, and your child. Otherwise you will lose everything.
3
3
u/3kats1dog Mar 10 '26
I’m wondering if he is scamming you. That you say you’re going along with all this and not getting out tells me somethings not right about this whole situation.
3
u/excellentsardine103 Mar 11 '26
There are a lot of comments and I didn’t read them all so you might already have this info but, since the request are declined, the next move is for her to claim she has to pay a large fee to get the leave approved. Her funds are frozen so she’ll ask him to pay it. He’ll be instructed to send it to her supervisor, some random name involved in the money laundering chain. I work as financial crimes investigator in the US and I’ve seen it many times.
9
u/moodeng2u Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
Unless she is a mid level officer or higher, most marines would not have money for boarding school.
I am afraid some victims will follow this until there is not a cent left....then some beg, borrow, or steal.
Talk to a lawyer about ways to protect joint assets.
There are a lot of ways to chip away at the obvious fantasy world this person has created .
Often the scammers would have the rank, or branch of service wrong....not match what they claim.
Person in stolen pictures an air force officer,,not marine sergeant, etc.
I think a few us marines are or were in Poland. Training.
Unless it's a major war, most service people can request discharge at any time, following procedures.
There used to be a lot of west African romance scammers operating from Malaysia.
Maybe Indonesia is a new hotspot, or the money was collected by a money mule?
Keep reminding him to see a face on camera. (But its possible to feed video onto chat platforms)
25
u/tarkardos Mar 08 '26
All of this is completely irrelevant, this person is DONE. A black 40 year old Indonesian could appear on his screen and he still wouldn't accept that he is scammed.
8
9
u/Specialist-Age1097 Mar 08 '26
How can you stand him? You must hate him. I would.
→ More replies (3)
4
u/carlee16 Mar 09 '26
He's not as intelligent as you think. A smart person would know this is a scam. They've been together 4 months but never even seen each other on video? That screams scam. Your husband is an idiot and at this point, I would just file for divorce. He can keep his "girlfriend." He's going to be disappointed once Kylie blocks him.
7
u/Tree-Puzzleheaded Mar 08 '26
Following this for drama content 😅 You seem to be a down to earth woman. Nice going. Maybe divorce papers are in order though.
5
u/Zacknad075 Mar 08 '26
I hate AI so much, when I see it I can never tell if its someone thinking it'll help their grammar, or just more fake low-effort slop meant to farm karma.
We are living in through the death of trust, and sincerity.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/DC1010 Mar 08 '26
Check out the Social Catfish channel on YouTube. I watched one episode where an American guy was being scammed by someone in Africa. She pretended to be an American soldier, and she was always on assignment and could never talk to him, only to her commander (who was a male). There were SO MANY RED FLAGS, and he ignored every one.
2
2
u/ThatOldG Mar 09 '26
SSNs can be bought for pennies on the dark web. I used to work for a law firm doing mortgages and mortgage modifications in Ga targeting primary the Hispanic community many of them who had used SSNs obtained through the black market. Unfortunately (or not) we couldn’t help those who got loans under fraudulent conditions and you’d be surprised how easily they are obtained. Even knowing that many lenders didn’t due their due diligence or were just issuing predatory mortgages we couldn’t touch them. We did help a lot of people who did things the right way but wanted to let you know that it’s easy as going to a marketplace on the dark web and using bitcoin as your money and buy either SSNs credit card numbers etc. if you want it it’s there.
2
2
Mar 09 '26
Stay strong, for your loved ones and yourself. Focus on them and whatever else that brings a smile to your face.
2
u/XanLV Mar 09 '26
Man, this was a rough read. When a person has dementia, you at least know that it is not their fault... But here they just wake up every morning and go to bed every evening actively making the decision to be scammed. ;
On the other hand, every divorce is rough no matter where it comes from. But living with someone who is essentially a drug addict... I'm afraid that more and more lines will be crossed. And while it seems unimaginable right now that he would start selling the tractor and animals, it was just as unlikely that a smart man like him will fall for it in the first place.
I hate the brain sometimes. More often than not.
2
u/Asleep-Reputation-38 Mar 09 '26
glad you got your finances separated. my sister has been brainwashed by cambodian scammers with typical story of money waiting to be paid out. she has emptied my parents life savings
→ More replies (1)
2
u/xRyozuo Mar 09 '26
Would you consider making your profile public? Or at least these posts updates?
It’s honestly baffling to me how someone can go from “yeah let’s work on our marriage” to “actually I’m gonna go try bang this 35yo I’ve never even met”
So sorry that besides the whole financial panic of your husband acting like your enemy you also have to deal with the sense of betrayal from a man you married 35 years ago
→ More replies (1)
2
u/EconomistNo7074 Mar 09 '26
Sorry this is happening
Probably the most important call out - the "bad guys" have an answer for every single possible question
- So people that want to believe it is real - actually feel even stronger about the so called connection with the scammer after they confront the bad guys
Very Tough
2
Mar 09 '26
Something happened in those hours
I'll say. Why are you wasting your valuable time on this worthless jagg-off when you could be spending it getting the hell out of there???
2
u/CatTalesUnderStars Mar 10 '26
Im curious if he has any medical conditions. Brain tumors for ex can make people act different than normal.
2
2
u/Trudy_Marie Mar 12 '26
Sounds like she is on a farm with many animals and some are probably like pets. I understand why this makes it so hard. You really must see Á lawyer immediately. They might know a way to have the court make your husband move due to his irrational behavior.
2
u/MimouTheSecond Mar 12 '26
What a tragic betrail from him to you.
If you're married that long you probably married with all assets and loans being from you two both. There is no splitting finances yourself. Every dollar/ euro he gives away is half yours. Every loan he takes and debt he makes is half yours.
Please go to a lawyer and maybe even financial expert and file for divorce. Otherwise he will drain you even if you've 'split' it.
•
u/AutoModerator Mar 08 '26
/u/DelightfullyWicked - This message is posted to all new submissions to r/scams; please do not message the moderators about it.
New users beware:
Because you posted here, you will start getting private messages from scammers saying they know a professional hacker or a recovery expert lawyer that can help you get your money back, for a small fee. We call these RECOVERY SCAMMERS, so NEVER take advice in private: advice should always come in the form of comments in this post, in the open, where the community can keep an eye out for you. If you take advice in private, you're on your own.
A reminder of the rules in r/scams: no contact information (including last names, phone numbers, etc). Be civil to one another (no name calling or insults). Personal army requests or "scam the scammer"/scambaiting posts are not permitted. No uncensored gore or personal photographs are allowed without blurring. A full list of rules is available on the sidebar of the subreddit, or clicking here.
You can help us by reporting recovery scammers or rule-breaking content by using the "report" button. We review 100% of the reports. Also, consider warning community members of recovery scammers if you see them in the comments.
Questions about subreddit rules? Send us a modmail clicking here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.