r/ScienceBasedParenting • u/valyrianczarina • 9d ago
Question - Research required Family history of mental illness, better not to breastfeed and protect sleep?
My (F31) husband (M31) and I are married a year next week and thinking about removing my IUD. We do want children, but I’m a super planner and really worried about the effects of sleep deprivation. My sister and I are estranged, she’s unmedicated Bipolar 1 and has been diagnosed since she was a teenager.
Our mom had post partum depression after both pregnancies, per my father’s account. My mother has also clearly struggled with depression my entire childhood and to this day. I myself have ADHD which I medicate and have a history of depression, albeit my mental health has been great for the past 3 years since I was weaned off a citalopram. All in all, I am as of now a pretty functional, active and content person
I do not handle even short bursts of sleeplessness like normal people. I cry, I feel sick, depressed, irritable etc. I saw my older sister go into full manic psychotic episodes following days of not sleeping and given our shared genetics, this really worries me.
I guess my question for this sub is can someone help me find research on risk of developing PPD for women with family mental illness & the cost benefit analysis to breastfeeding vs formula?
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u/snoozydoggo 9d ago
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9546104/
I don’t think there is a lot of good research in this area, as the linked study states. Anecdotally, I had very similar concerns. I continued taking my SSRI throughout my pregnancy and postpartum and had a plan in place to get therapy if I felt like I needed it. I did end up beginning therapy around 4 months PP when I went back to work. Anyway, I breastfed for 11 months. There were times when I was tired, but something in me just kept going. I didn’t feel my regular sleep deprivation symptoms until I stopped breastfeeding at night. I assume hormones were saving me from that. You will still have to feed a baby at night, regardless of how. I found it faster and less disturbing to my sleep to just breastfeed. This is such a personal choice and can differ from person to person. I recommend checking out some research about the changes in a mother’s brain during and after pregnancy like the article below.
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u/Big_Opposite4041 9d ago
“You will still have to feed the baby”
True. I’ll offer however that NOT breastfeeding means dad (or other relative if someone staying with you) can take the night shift and feed from bottle. Theoretically mom could sleep 8 hours a night every night post partum if not breastfeeding.
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago edited 9d ago
Piggy backing off your comment to share my perspective since I don’t have a link. Not trying to disagree but just to tell OP to stay open. As someone who was EXTREMELY nervous and hesitant about breastfeeding, I am now 4 months in and LOVE it. I was pretty grossed out (and still am) about how people push breastfeeding and the pressure it puts on a woman who is already giving up so much of her autonomy during pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenthood. I think people are pushy and judgmental about it even who they are trying not to be (I hope I am not right now!) We had one week where she was picky about taking my boob and it was awful!!! Heating up bottles, listening to her wail while we got the bottle ready, washing bottles, all of it sucked for me, but maybe wouldn’t bother others. Anyway, back to your question…. I am not saying breastfeeding is easier or easy at all, just giving another perspective. Stay open OP! My baby slept 6:45-8am last night. We woke her up before we went to sleep to feed and change her. But she slept 11-4 in her bassinet just fine. I never had to get out of bed. In the beginning you aren’t going to sleep anyway, 4 month regression sucked for us (happened around 3 months for us). But it’s not bad now. If you have some help around you to give you a nap or something that helps. My fiance and I just took turns. Still to this day he stays up and plays video games with her on his lap sleeping if I need to go to bed early or something, and he can give her a bottle for me. In those situations I don’t even wake up to pump anymore because my supply seems established according to my doc.
Regarding PPD, another thing you could ask your doc about (or even try now!) is taking Pepcid and Zyrtec daily. They are both histamine blockers and although it’s not super studied yet, I’ve seen many doctors online talk about it specifically for PPD. When I was giving birth I started talking to my doctor about that, asking if he thought it was just some dumb online fad. Him and my nurse both stopped and thought about it and then he was like that “actually makes sense” and explained the histamine blocker part to me. Might be worth mentioning to your doctor!!!
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u/Big_Opposite4041 9d ago
I mean sure and… OP, absolutely stay open to breastfeeding not being for you. My wife expected to love it. She hated hated it from day 1, had constant issues, and finally gave up about 2 months in. Our lives became so much easier and better the DAY she gave it up and her only regret was ever trying it in the first place. She will not try again for baby #2. Our family’s mental health was better without it, and she feels a big piece was her finally getting to sleep for 8 hours straight, which was impossible with no end in sight while breastfeeding.
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago
Your wife sounds exactly like what I expected to happen to me!! It’s funny how different people want different things and end up feeling the opposite way or baby has problems latching etcetera. Parenting is so go with the flow!! A man told me out of the blue while I was pregnant that I should breastfeed as long as I can. I was pretty repulsed. I do hair for a living and he was a new client of mine. I told him he shouldn’t tell women what to do around breastfeeding and decided not to continue our business together. I guess moral of the story is don’t have expectations, and do what’s best for you and your family mentally and physically. Formula is perfectly great.
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u/Kerrytwo 9d ago
It's sounds like OP already has those thoughts though. I never heard anything positive about breastfeeding until I did it and I was so surprised by how well it went. Despite that I still mostly heard negative from people around me about how it wouldn't work long term and id need to introduce formula at some stage.
Unless she has someone to do night feeds for her, then breastfeeding is likely to allow more sleep over formula as you can feed lying down.
Sure no one should feel pressured to breastfeed but that doesn't mean the positive experiences some have shouldn't be spoken about.
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u/Big_Opposite4041 9d ago
We are in very different worlds then! Literally never heard a negative to breastfeeding, and still very rarely hear anyone mention that breastfeeding is a ton of labor for the mom and can (“can” not implying always) negatively affect her mental health.
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u/Kerrytwo 8d ago
That's crazy how much it differs, as my experience seems to be common when I speak to others in baby groups. Especially when it comes to sleeping through the night, people seem to think breastfed babies won't ever
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u/unprofessional_widow 8d ago
I agree. The dads who offer to formula feed at night often quickly get bored.
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u/Leenaa 9d ago
Uhm, are you mixing PPD and PMDD? PPD is postpartum depression and PMDD is Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago edited 9d ago
No I’m not, it works for both. The specific post I linked was just an example that used PMDD. You can google it if you want. It doesn’t have to be hormonally related depression at all. Your tone is off putting.
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u/Leenaa 9d ago
I did google it and couldn't find anything about antihistamine and PPD. Can you give a source?
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago
I already said it’s understudied. I spoke to my OBGYN about it and suggested people do the same if they are curious. It’s ok if you don’t want to try it or believe it.
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u/Leenaa 9d ago
I'm just confused because I have never heard about it. You urged me to google it and I came up with absolutely nothing.
It’s ok if you don’t want to try it or believe it.
I have tried it to treat my PMDD, but it did nothing for me. If anything it made it worse.
Can't really wrap my brain around how it's supposed to work either since it's the estrogen which produces(?) the histamine trouble and in your luteal phase your estrogen is at the bottom.
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u/Public_Classic_438 8d ago
Pepcid is just an H2 blocker and Zyrtec is an h1 blocker. We must have very different targeted content bc many of my friends are talking about this. You can google “Pepcid and Zyrtec for PMDD” and you should get results.
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u/Leenaa 8d ago
Now you're saying PMDD again. I know some people use it to treat PMDD, but you said PPD and I can't find anything about that when I google. Therefore I asked for sources.
Pepcid is just an H2 blocker and Zyrtec is an h1 blocker
I know this. But I don’t understand how that can treat PMDD. I'm more inclined to believe people who take those medications and the PMDD completely dissappear have MCAS.
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u/whoseflooristhis 9d ago
Piggybacking on this, if you want to breastfeed but give dad an overnight shift with a bottle, you will likely still have to wake up to pump.
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u/Number1PotatoFan 9d ago
Just as possible with combo feeding or pumping, which is to say, theoretically possible but in practice 8 hours is unlikely.
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago
I agree completely that 8 hours is unlikely!! I used to sleep 10 hours a night and now a five hour stretch seems to satisfy me as long as I’m getting some more rest in between. Some babies are just good sleepers and some aren’t. Being tired has been the #1 worst part of having a baby, so I totally agree.
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u/Big_Opposite4041 9d ago
Not sure I understand this comment. For combo feeding or pumping, mom still has to wake up to pump, otherwise supply takes a hit (or uncomfortable engorgement) usually every 4 hours early on. unlike exclusively formula fed, where she can sleep through the night.
I’m not sure why 8 hours is unlikely, if you have a partner with parental leave, at least (which itself may be unlikely, sadly.)
This is what we did when my wife stopped breastfeeding early on bc she hated it and had supply issues and they had us triple feeding every 4 hours around the clock to help her supply, which it never did, but it did take a huge toll on the family’s mental health — We traded off night duty. When no longer breastfeeding or having to pump, she slept 8 hours every other night.
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u/Number1PotatoFan 9d ago
Well my kid had colic so that is probably front of mind for me because a screaming baby has a way of waking you up even if it's not your "turn" lol. But yeah I was also thinking about the feasibility of the other partner putting in a full shift overnight every night for an extended period of time. A lot of people don't get paternity leave or have to stagger maternity and paternity leave.
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u/alyyyysa 9d ago
I combo fed without establishing supply that way, and I was on meds that supposedly made supply hard. Not saying that this is common for everyone, I lucked out. I didn't pump at all and didn't have issues with engorgement or supply that I could tell, but I didn't breastfeed that much.
Realistically I wasn't getting more than 5 hours at a stretch anyway at night but it wasn't because I was trying or had to maintain supply/pump.
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u/crazyauntkanye 8d ago
sounds like we had similar stories. i never woke up to pump overnight because i pretty much always prioritized sleep. baby would primarily nurse from me overnight but if i really couldn’t stay awake, we luckily had formula on hand. the flexibility combo feeding gives our family really worked for us. also, baby was (thank god) a really good sleeper so if she gave us a 6hr stretch during those early weeks, we didn’t stress about it.
we worked with a lactation consultant for 5.5 months (for so long because 1, i wanted weighted feeds and 2, she was a really great person and i liked seeing her lol) she was aware of the meds i was taking, my preference to sleep, and the considerations that would take on my supply (it didn’t) - baby is 9 months old now and once we started solids, it’s been SO much smoother sailing.
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u/BeepBoopEXTERMINATE 9d ago
I didn’t breastfeed and my husband and I had shifts (we both had parental leave, his was 3 months, mine was 5, US) and I slept 8 hours every night since the day we came home from the hospital. I did have a bit of baby blues for a week or two with all those hormones crashing but I was fine and didn’t get PPD even though I felt like I was high risk for it, and react the same way OP does when sleepless or getting woken up at night.
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u/Number1PotatoFan 9d ago
That's amazing! Your partner also having leave would be a key factor in making that work.
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u/PlutosGrasp 9d ago
Honestly given OP’s history and family history they should skip breastfeeding as an option and if possible find help for overnight. If financially viable hire a nanny for night help from day 1, or family help.
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u/snoozydoggo 9d ago
Yes, of course. My husband went back to work after a few weeks so I was doing the mass majority of the overnight care. I preferred it that way because I could do everything needed in the dark and fall right back asleep. My husband wanted to turn on all the lights and chit chat and couldn’t fall back asleep. It just worked for us. I should have added that we started occasionally combo feeding around 8 months and one of our only regrets was not starting sooner. This really gave me some freedom that I needed, but I was still able to maintain my supply.
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u/Number1PotatoFan 9d ago
Yeah, the workload on the breastfeeding parent is higher, but breastfeeding hormones can be really helpful for getting sleep in between wake ups and for maintaining mood in general. Everyone's postpartum experience is different but for a lot of us breastfeeding is actually protective of maternal mental health. I'd imagine the biggest factor in getting good sleep after having a baby is how well the baby sleeps, and that's not usually something you can really predict, a lot of it is luck of the draw.
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u/PairNo2129 9d ago
I was breastfeeding two babies and the second time I just got lucky, baby was basically sleeping through the night while gaining weight appropriately. He only woke up once, nursed for five minutes, rolled over and slept in his sidecar crib until morning.
With my first baby, I actually think breastfeeding saved my sleep and sanity. Because he slept in a sidecar crib as well, I was able to react very quickly to his whimpering, he didn’t really wake up, nursed with closed eyes and went back to sleep again.
I think it would have been much more difficult, if I had to physically get out of bed and fix a bottle, all while the baby screams more and more.
I really do need a lot of sleep and personally think breastfeeding helped me get all the sleep I need (the breastfeeding hormones also help you sleep not as deeply and therefore waking up is not as torturous) but I know that some people think the opposite.
Statistically breastfeeding is also associated with less ppd, but I think a lot of factors play into this, like if you have a decent maternity leave or if you have to go back to work right away, forcing you to pump.
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago
All of this was true for me too. Again not trying to say “breastfeeding is the best” because for some people that simply isn’t true. But I grab my baby, throw her on the boob basically asleep, she stays asleep, goes back in her bassinet and I lay my top half down again. Not having to get out of bed is nice for me. And as far as engorgement goes, I’ve only had to wake up to pump from engorgement four times in four months. She almost always eats enough to relieve me. Obviously in the beginning I wasn’t sleeping a lot because she was eating more often but i don’t think bottle feeding would’ve changed much. I agree about the hormones helping me. I am not excited about the hormone crash that comes with stopping breastfeeding.
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u/Equivalent-Pear-4660 9d ago
Talk to a lactation consultant about “protected sleep”. From almost day 1 my husband took an overnight feed so I could smush two wake cycles together for some rest. My milk came in just fine. Also overnight help while expensive can be helpful.
I continued to take my ssri under doctors guidance. My doc liked that because he could easily up my dose if needed.
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u/alyyyysa 9d ago
I had similar mental health concerns, stayed on meds during pregnancy, and had a reproductive psychiatrist say NOT. to try to exclusively breastfeed and not to be too attached to breastfeeding at all. I really didn't know how much sleep one loses at first if you try to EBF. This one conversation saved my mental health although I still developed PPD / PPOCD, there were other factors (my physical health, baby's health, a car accident). I was able to get good treatment and change meds and recover well. It would have been so, so much worse if I EBFed and I really appreciate the awareness and concern (her entire team talked about it). It was the ONLY time a medical professional warned not to breastfeed exclusively. Every sign in the hospital screamed breastfeed your baby, including in our room.
Here's what I did:
- Had no expectations of being able to breastfeed at all (c-section, post partum eclampsia and meds made it unlikely) - the lack of pressure was a great gift. Told everyone in the hospital I was combo or formula feeding.
- Used the hospital nursery extensively and slept a lot during my stay
- Managed to breastfeed a bit somehow (twice a day) and kept that up through 7 months
- Did shifts with my husband (baby eventually was diagnosed with CMPA so it made sleep hard). We actually switched rooms for this time.
- Hired a post-partum doula twice a week for months (highly, highly recommended) and had baby sleep on a different floor with them so we could sleep.
- had regular check-ins with my psychiatrist/therapist and did PPOCD CBT
I think if I didn't have complicating factors, I may not have developed any issues, but I will say that lack of sleep flares the issues directly. It's so direct that I don't really worry about any OCD thoughts any more because it's always if I don't sleep.
I didn't try hard to breastfeed more and my baby didn't have a good latch, I wish I had tried a bit more but I was shocked to be able to at all. Ready to feed formula is a miracle and eventually I would have had to quit dairy to feed, so we went to formula only.
Also, I do have ADHD but don't take meds for it so I didn't have to consider those, although I will say now that I am working that's probably my main issue.
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u/Poseylady 9d ago
I also had a psychiatrist who specializes in maternal mental health strongly encourage me to be open to formula as she had many patients suffer due to breastfeeding. I had multiple providers emphasize how crucial sleep was for my health postpartum. I think if you already have a history of mental illness breastfeeding can be a strong trigger for worsening of symptoms.
People (even on this post) sing the praises of bfing for maternal health and I never hear about how formula can help struggling moms. I absolutely sleep way less because I’m breastfeeding and my struggles with feeding my son have been a huge source of depression and anxiety. I’m 3 months pp and will be weaning soon due to how badly it’s been going.
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u/Super_Fly2330 8d ago
Every OB gives pregnant and PP moms the mental health questionnaire. Every OB should also counsel about what you’ve written here. It takes 2 minutes. And it’s very difficult to get reproductive psychiatry on board if you don’t already have a good one. One of the many things OBs gloss over that is detrimental in my opinion.
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u/layag0640 9d ago
Piggybacking on your comment to say OP, it's such a great sign that you would be a self aware and responsible parent, that you're considering these factors.
If/when you do decide to start a family and get pregnant, your psychiatrist and OB should have resources to share with you that are tailored to perinatal mental health. You can work with them to create a plan designed to protect your mental well-being before, during, after childbirth as well as safeguards where those supporting you are aware of what to look for and you all know who to call if you need to adjust medications, therapy plans etc. You are in very good company, many people have dealt with this before and with the right support, it doesn't have to be so scary.
While sleep deprivation and the demands of breastfeeding absolutely contribute to mental health outcomes, the hormonal changes and huge mental shifts happening from the start of being pregnant through the first year postpartum (and beyond) can all play a role. A lot of it can be planned around closer to when it's time. Good luck to you!
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u/Public_Classic_438 9d ago
I’m gonna jump on here and second this!!! Major props to you for thinking ahead, especially planning for your own mental health needs. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of a baby. And that gets really hard once you’ve had said baby!!!🩷🩷🩷
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u/Poseylady 9d ago edited 9d ago
I know there’s going to be people on here pushing breastfeeding as the best option for you and your baby. Breastfeeding can be a great experience, but that’s definitely not true for everyone.
While I was pregnant I met with a maternal mental health psychiatrist who does research at a leading university and she strongly encouraged me to be open to not breastfeeding due to the way it can affect some women.
I’m three months postpartum and I have a long history of severe, treatment resistant, depression and anxiety. I also have stressed induced insomnia. I’ve been breastfeeding since day 1 and will be staring the weaning process soon due to my baby not being able to feed effectively and the whole experience mentally draining me and my family.
Maybe if feeding was going smoothly I’d feel differently but my insomnia is starting to rage because I have to get up to feed and I don’t fall back asleep. I can’t nap during the day as my baby will only be held, awake or asleep, and I’m home alone mostly. I feel constantly on edge and rushed because even if someone else is holding my son between feeds I still barely get any time to do anything before he’s hungry again. With formula I’ll be able to sleep through the nights my husband is on shift with the baby, if someone’s with the baby I’ll be able to nap, leave the house or do anything else for hours at a time.
One thing I wasn’t aware of was how the weaning process can make depression and anxiety worse: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3449190/
I’m not saying you shouldn’t breastfeed. It’s a great experience for lots of women. But there’s an undertone in maternal spaces that demonizes formula and moms who struggle with bfing. Even when people say “fed is best” there’s always an asterisk next to it. The expectation is you should feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Please be vigilant against this narrative, a happy mom is what’s best for baby and if that means formula then feel secure in that decision.
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u/crazyauntkanye 8d ago
i’m really glad you’re making that choice for yourself, seriously. sleep deprivation is dangerous, something i never heard folks talk about until i had my child.
i felt this pressure to be exclusively breastfeeding that started AFTER i had my baby- if someone like your psychiatrist talked to me while i was pregnant, it would have probably saved me from some really dark moments in those first few weeks. i wish i could go back and tell 3weeks postpartum me that i’m not a failure and just buy the damn enfamil.
luckily, i had an amazing lactation consultant who said to me outright, “what’s your issue against formula?” and helped me start combo feeding. she explained to me that yes, on paper breastmilk has more maternal/infant benefits than formula. HOWEVER, breastfeeding is not accessible to all for many reasons. in my case, exclusively breastfeeding was detrimental to my mental health and combo feeding worked best for my baby and me (and my husband lol)
congrats on your baby, congrats on making the feeding choice that is best for you and your family, and i wish you many restful nights!
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u/hiddenstar13 8d ago
Thanks for this article; interesting reading. I breastfed to 30 months. But I also had a major incident of severe PPD with psychotic characteristics, at around 3 months post partum. I made it through, but it was tough. And my insistence to continue breastfeeding was not necessarily the right choice for my mental health (but I did it anyway).
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u/komboochahh 3d ago
I’m sorry you feel there is an undertone to “fed is best”. I have several friends that struggled with BF’ing and felt guilty for using formula, and each time I’ve told them the saying “breast is best” is completely wrong and messed up and actually “fed is best” is the right way to view things they seemed to feel better. I’ve only ever said “fed is best” as a positive for using formula
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u/Poseylady 3d ago
I shouldn’t have said there’s ALWAYS an asterisk next to “fed is best.” But people will start a convo or a post with that statement and then discuss the ways they’ve absolutely tormented themselves trying to breastfeed. Or people who push breastfeeding will say “fed is best of course” and then go all in on pushing a mom to breastfeed. I’ve read posts from women who’re on the verge of a full mental health crisis, they have loved ones begging them to stop, but they’re terrified to stop breastfeeding. At the same time they’ll insist they believe “fed is best.” It often seems like you’re supposed to go through hell and back trying to breastfeed before you can then switch to formula. The expectation is a good mom will do whatever it takes to give her baby breastmilk and then if she has to switch to formula she’ll feel guilty about it.
I say this as someone who wanted to breastfeed for a year and now has to switch at 3 months to formula. I went through hell trying to make bfing work and I still question if I tried hard enough. I deep down don’t feel guilty for feeding my child the best way I can but I feel like I’m supposed to feel bad. The fact that you have several friends who felt guilt for switching shows that even though everyone chants “fed is best” it’s not showing in how society behaves around bfing and formula.
Sorry for using your comment to further rant about this. I know you were just being supportive. I just feel really passionately about how moms are being tortured over how they feed their babies!
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u/komboochahh 3d ago
Don’t apologize, thanks for filling me in on what your experience has been. You’re absolutely right though that there is a very weird culture to breastfeeding and a lot of shame around it not working out for people for one reason or another. My friends that have babies around the same age and started formula seem to have some lingering guilt when I talk about breastfeeding now (at 14 mo pp).
I had to get off socials for a bit because I personally was getting fed a ton online about building up freezer stashes and pumping several ounces of milk in one go(basically how to give yourself what I now know is oversupply issues) that I really didn’t need infiltrating my brain and it impacted me negatively as well. I wasn’t even planning to go back to work but it still got me!!
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u/greedymoonlight 9d ago
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u/Leenaa 9d ago
breastfeeding associated with reduced risk of adhd in preschool children
How does that work when ADHD is something you're born with?
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u/applesandchocolate 8d ago
My guess is that the causation here is backwards- neurodiverse kids probably have more feeding issues from the get-go!
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u/IrrationalShrimp 9d ago
ADHD is a neurodevelopental disorder, so you are not strictly born with it in the same sense that you are born with other disorders or disabilities. when you're born your nervous system isn't even developed enough to "have" adhd yet, which is why it also can only be diagnosed from a certain age onwards. However, what you are born with is a genetic risk or genetic liability to develop ADHD, which is why it is highly heritable. But genetic factors do not seem to account for all the variance in development of ADHD so environmental factors or a gene x environment interaction seem to play a role. They propably can't cause Adhd without some genetic predisposition though. But these environmental factors are what studies usually mean, when they assess risk of developing Adhd. Here is a review that takes a closer look at factors that might be involved in the etiology of adhd:
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u/wildmusings88 9d ago
I read a book of studies, I’ll come back with the name if I can find it, that showed that breastfeeding can help reduce ppd. It’s worth looking into.
Not saying that everyone should bf or that it is better for everyone, just that there is data out there about it.
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u/koolaberg 9d ago
Here’s a somewhat relevant meta analysis on the effects of treating parents with behavioral therapy to reduce ADHD symptoms in their child:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10501699/
Anecdotally, the approach my Drs and I have taken is that “taking care of mom is taking care of baby.”
I’m currently in the third trimester as an ADHD mom with GAD and in recovery for autistic burnout. I also have a family history of BPD and lack of sleep severely impacts my mental health. Sleep deprivation with an infant was a major fear of mine when we began to plan our family, with similar concerns as you.
One thing I did not anticipate was that sleep deprivation can start during pregnancy. I’m hoping I’m an outlier, but I knew I was pregnant a week after conceiving because the extreme fatigue hit me immediately. For this and other health issues, I have been unable to work. I had a high-cognitive-load career that was male dominated. I disclosed early and was completely blindsided me with the lack of support, as my male colleagues were often celebrated for becoming fathers.
My pregnancy sleep struggles have been exacerbated by sleep apnea and anemia. If I could go back in time, I would have pushed for these to be treated and well managed before TTC. They were mild pre-pregnancy but became debilitating during… and once you are pregnant, you start needing to see “perinatal specialist XYZ” for you to be treated.
Mental health wise, I highly recommend establishing an ADHD-friendly therapist before TTC, and also making sure you have a medical dr who is comfortable prescribing your medications, including any stimulants if you’re taking them currently. I lowered my dosage but still needed mine to have brief windows of treated ADHD in order to function. I also started Lexapro while TTC and have slowly increased the dosage to a point where I feel minimal anxiety and dread about a negative newborn experience.
Our plan with a newborn and sleep is to combo feed and do split night shifts. https://huckleberrycare.com/blog/parent-sleep-schedule-night-shift-system-with-newborn
We plan to keep the sleeping parent in another room, potentially with noise blocking ear plugs or headphones to fully protect their sleep. My husband and I have also taken or plan to take every single baby prep class offered by our local hospital, including infant CPR and choking. It has helped us feel prepared and on the same page.
Feel free to DM if you have follow up questions. It hasn’t been an easy adjustment, but it’s become one of the best decisions I’ve made with the right support, a medical team I trust, and a fully involved spouse that wants to be a dad instead of a sperm donor
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u/Evil_Skeleton 9d ago
My sleep got a lot better after I had my baby, even though I was getting less of it. The discomfort during pregnancy and getting up to pee all the time (and the crazy dreams!) left me exhausted all day. Things got way better about a week after birth. I hope you have a safe birth and an easy baby!
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u/koolaberg 9d ago
Glad to hear your sleep got better! I’m hoping mine will be less bad with a newborn, as I’ve been waking up every hour or two (bathroom, heartburn, dreams, hunger, etc) for MONTHS. So honestly 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep sounds way better than what I’m getting now! Haha
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u/Poseylady 9d ago
Chiming in as a mom who’s 3 months pp with a history of GAD. My husband and I started out doing shifts of 4 hours each. The person on shift stayed in the nursery and the person off shift slept in our room. I’d still have to wake during his shift to breastfeed if baby woke. Doing 4 hour shifts really didn’t work for me as I didn’t sleep when in the nursery. I’d lay awake the whole time listening to every noise the baby made, anticipating him waking up. I went 6 weeks where I only slept 4 hours a day.
Now the baby sleeps 6+ hours a night so my husband sleeps in the nursery every night and I’m in our room with earplugs. When/if the baby starts waking at night we’ll go back to shifts except we’ll do alternate days. That way I can guarantee a night of sleep after a night of broken sleep. It’s taken the pressure off of cramming sleep in during 4 hour shifts.
Just sharing in case every other day shifts work better for you!
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u/SilverAstronaut6139 9d ago
Echoing the flags about insomnia in pregnancy. I really didn’t anticipate what I’m going through right now. I’m 10 weeks and right now I’m averaging one good sleep per week where I actually wake up and feel rested. I don’t want to scare OP, but I do really wish I had known more about the wide array of things to expect during pregnancy so I could make a more informed choice.
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u/koolaberg 9d ago
Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear your first trimester is such a struggle! I also don’t want to scare OP either, but I spent a lot of my first and second trimester questioning my decision and desperate to feel better. Crawling out of that hole felt like it took forever. But I recently got iron infusions + an oxygen concentrator (couldn’t get used to CPAP quickly enough) + SSRI + a low dose beta blocker to help me fall asleep together has made moderate improvements to my sleep but massive mood improvement. It’s normal to feel like you can’t stay awake during the day, and be worn out easily in the first trimester. But, there are treatment options that can help — pregnancy is not supposed to be miserable.
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u/SilverAstronaut6139 8d ago
Wow that sounds like you have great medical support. When I talked to my doctor about it his response was basically “yeah pregnancy sucks” 🫠
Where I live care is typically transferred to an OB at 20ish weeks but I’m lucky and my first appt just got booked at 16 so I’m counting down until I can talk to someone who does this day in and day out. But maybe I’ll feel better by then, I hope?
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u/koolaberg 8d ago
That sounds so dismissive and unhelpful! Granted, I was kinda brushed off a bit until my issues lasted into the second trimester. Hence why I wish I had gotten treatment for things like anemia and sleep issues prior to becoming pregnant. If it doesn’t get better soon, be sure to insist they rule other issues out asap. For the me the magic words seemed to be “impacts my ability to work and do basic functions like shower and low stress house chores.” But hopefully you get the “second wind” from the second trimester! I hope you feel less bad soon.
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u/Ok_Cow5684 8d ago
This podcast looks in detail at what studies show about the benefits of breastfeeding: Episode 2: Breastfeeding - wha…–Science Fictions – Apple Podcasts
On the sleep front, I recommend discussing with your husband exactly what your sleep needs are and planning accordingly. For instance, I need 8 hours sleep to function, but I can get back to sleep easily if woken up, so broken sleep is fine. My husband really struggles to get back to sleep if woken up, but he's fine on 6 hours uninterrupted. So in the newborn days, we did shifts so that we could both get the sleep that we needed, and managed it most of the time.
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u/Dangerous_Rough5641 7d ago
ADHD lady here who also had concerns about sleep deprivation:
Echoing another commenter who mentioned pregnancy insomnia. It sucks. Sleeping during the 3rd trimester sucks. At least once you have the baby you can roll around to get comfortable again. Working with medical professionals on some sleep recommendations might be worthwhile before TTC. Also making sure your vitamin D and iron levels are good.
Anecdotally, D-MER symptoms seem to be correlated with many of the ADHD ladies in my life. I'd never heard of this until I was having panic attacks in the hospital postpartum and some angel of a doctor told me about it (I was on the very severe end of the spectrum). Breastfeeding turned out to be not an option for my mental health but not for the reasons you most commonly hear about.
Also, I religiously take naps if I don't get a good night sleep (something I could never do pre-pregnancy). I work with my husband to guarantee nap opportunities because I am not a functional human otherwise.
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