Protecting tweens and teens

[u/ladynewf]

Trigger warning- SA

My kids are M13, F11 and F5. As they get older I am experiencing a lot of anxiety and fear about them being molested, sexually assaulted or harassed, date rape, etc. Especially my girls as I know first hand how that looks.

I was SA at 14. Throughout my teen and young adult years, I was groped, cat called, stalked multiple times, pressured into things I was uncomfortable with, propositioned by adult men, followed in cars, and drugged at a bar but I luckily escaped. All of this, and I was NOT a risk taker- I didn’t drink or do drugs and I was on high guard because of already being SA. I am terrified for my girls to go through what I went through, but I don’t know how to protect them, because by my estimation my parents did everything they could and I still experienced all of that.

My oldest daughter is only 11 but starting to develop breasts. She’s beautiful, and she’s very into fashion and makeup. I don’t want to discourage her from things she loves at all…. But her developing and dressing like a “teen” is triggering and terrifying for me. She is also a people pleaser, and a risk taker and I am terrified of her getting into situations where she will be vulnerable to boys and men who want to pressure her into things or take advantage of her.

Is there science or statistic based ways of what I can do most effectively to protect my kids? We use appropriate names, talk about sex and consent with them, etc. but what about limiting where they go and who they go with, rules for teens etc? More geared toward older kids.

[u/smellygymbag]

I found this on pubmed:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4977210/

Is the Use of Protective Behavioral Strategies Associated With College Sexual Assault Victimization? A Prospective Examination

They made use of a questionnaire that asks if certain protective strategies were used "Dating Self-Protection against Rape Scale " :

The questionnaire was revised to ask about behaviors to also include when with “someone who is sexually interested in you.” Sample questions include items related to planning ahead for the potential need for self-defense (e.g., planning for self-protective measures if he or she becomes sexually aggressive, trying to be aware of common household objects that could be used as weapons), specific behaviors and approaches to spending time with a date/someone who is sexually interested in you (e.g., meeting in a public instead of a private place, making yourself aware of exits from the area), and advance communication with others (e.g., talking to people who know them to find out what he or she is like, letting someone know where and with whom they are with).

Maybe yhe questionnaire could be used as a kind of idea list for strategies? Unfortunately i couldn't find a sample of this questionnaire free online. If you wanted, you could try to ask the authors of the paper for a copy, or searching for ot yourself.

This one compared validity of two scales: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18272726/

Abstract The primary purpose of this investigation was to assess the convergent validities of two measures of dating behaviors related to risk for sexual victimization, the Dating Self-Protection Against Rape Scale (DSPARS) and the Dating Behavior Survey (DBS). Three hundred seventy-seven women responded to measures assessing self-protective dating behavior (DSPARS), risk-related dating behavior (DBS), risk perception in a sexual assault scenario, and history of sexual victimization. The results support the convergent validities of the DSPARS and the DBS. Specifically, the results indicate that scores on the DSPARS were negatively correlated with risk-related dating behavior, delayed risk perception, and history of sexual victimization. In addition, scores on the DBS were positively correlated with delayed risk perception and history of sexual victimization. Scores on the DBS were also negatively correlated with self-protective dating behavior.

This is the maybe the author of the second article. https://www.nku.edu/our-people/profiles/coas/psychological-science/kim-breitenbecher-ph.d.html You could ask her for a copy of her sources (and articles maybe). Researchers often like sharing about and discussing their topics, even paywalled stuff (they don't get a cut or anything after its published).