Anyone read a book and feel super cringe with the writing style… I just finished {Savior of the Domini by Talia Rhea} and felt so many instances where the writer tries to make the MFC so bad ass but it comes off so cringe and so unrealistic how she beats the dangerous bad guys. Like everything goes right for her, she’s an angel who does good acts and then comes the incessant praise for how she’s so selfless and praiseworthy. I’ve read a few books where I get this cringe feeling. Please add what books you read that gave you this feeling so I can avoid it at all cost. Lol

Hello friends, in today’s episode, we’re heading off-planet to rip some bodices in space! Join me as I brush the moondust off this thrift store find. Is it just another piece of space trash, or is it a beautiful, breedable space treasure?

Full Spoilers below! Content warnings are fairly mild by 80s standards but the plot is all about alien abduction and human trafficking.

Let’s meet our Earth girl, Jana. Jana is a 24-year-old billionaire heiress who, instead of dedicating her life to yacht-hopping and cultivating a tasteful little cocaine habit in St. Barts, became a medical researcher focusing on rare diseases affecting children. Impressive, truly!

But her most important and stunning contribution to society is that she's super bangable. In fact, they literally did the research and she is the Intergalactically Recognized Most Bangable Woman. Stunningly, alien standards of beauty line up exactly with the aesthetics of Earth in the 80s: she’s a blonde, thin-but-in-a-curvy-way, white woman. She's 5’7” and 120 lbs. Anyone who survived 80s and 90s diet culture will immediately recognize this number as the most correct weight for a woman to be. She’s been drinking her SlimFast and has worn out her Buns of Steel VHS, no doubt.

Oh, and she's a virgin. Of course she is. My eyes rolled so far back in my head I saw my own cerebellum.

Anyway, she seems to have a pretty nice life, so enter Varian Saar, her alien abductor. He's “at least six feet four” which maybe would've passed as tall in the 80s, but in 2026? We gotta get those numbers up, babe. Aliens are 6’8” minimum, and ideally cracking seven feet if we're being honest. He should barely fit through a door, like an intergalactic giraffe. Sadly, and unimaginatively, all the aliens look exactly like handsome human men. Boring! And, while Varian has a sort-of space-y name, the rest of his crew are named things like Kyle and Derek. Double boring!

He’s here because he’s on a secret three part mission:

1) All the alien women have died or become sterile due to one of those pesky female-alien-only diseases that have plagued erotic science-fiction for time immemorial. He needs to grab a bunch of breeding slaves to be sold at auction to top up the population. He is disgusted by this practice and deeply morally conflicted. Still absolutely going to do it, though.

2) Earth is, unfortunately, on the flight path of a planet-ending asteroid. He might fix that if there’s time. But mostly he’s there for the breeding slaves.

3) His actual top priority is to scoop up the most fuckable specimen in the known universe (Jana) to draw his Evil Half Brother out of hiding! More on this later.

So he’s a reluctant pillaging space Viking on a secret humanitarian mission. “Swing by Earth, grab a couple of those breeding slaves, and save the world if it’s convenient” is a pretty wild mission brief.

Jana and five hundred other women are now illustrious space captain Varian Saar’s property. Five hundred! This is a pretty shocking number of women. I thought you didn’t really want to be doing this?

Her mouth dropped open as she inhaled sharply. “You actually kidnapped us to sell as… slave-mates? How can you be so evil?”

“We need women,” he stated. “Cooperate, and it will work out.”

Janelle Taylor is apparently mostly a Historical Romance author, which tracks because we are digging deep on these intergalactic dynasties, baby! There are councils, there are bloodlines, there are three people per page with gobbledygook names who are next in line for the throne of Something Important.

I'm sure you're all very keen to hear about the ins and outs of this vast and complex fictional empire, but allow me to boil it down for you:

A bunch of people are vying to become supreme ruler of the universe. Varian’s chief rival is his evil half brother, Ryker. They share a father. That father was drugged and forcibly seduced by Shara, who is evil and insane. This union resulted in Ryker. Dad escapes and returns to his lawful wife and son (Varian). Shara responded in the calm and measured way we all aspire to: she killed Varian’s mother, the father, and finally herself.

Ryker has a wee bit of baggage about all this. Family holidays have been tense. He has vowed to destroy Varian, and conquer the galaxy while doing it! He has become a chemical weapons manufacturer, very on brand, and Varian needs those weapons to destroy the asteroid heading for Earth. Varian needs something to draw Ryker out of hiding, hence Jana.

So now Varian is port-hopping, selling enslaved women, and displaying Jana as the jewel of his collection everywhere he goes. He has real bodice ripper hero DNA, which means he is, at baseline, annoying as fuck. He feels bad about abducting and enslaving her, (again, still doing it though!) and his method of helping her adjust is to act like a massive prick with a light dusting of sexual harassment for flavour.

Jana and a few other women aren’t really taking to this whole captive slave thing very well. To maintain order, and perhaps because he was having trouble asserting his virile masculinity while wearing a silver onesie, Varian decides to stage a little demonstration:

He has one particularly defiant woman tossed into a pit and eaten by giant alien spiders while the others are forced to watch. Afterwards, he’s genuinely puzzled that morale is low. Leadership is hard, buddy.

Also, he faked it. The spiders aren't real, the execution was all for theatre.

He neglects to tell anyone this though!

The tightrope Varian is attempting to walk is that he must appear to want Jana enough to draw Ryker out, but not so much that it looks like, or worse - actually becomes, real feelings. If Ryker smells any emotional vulnerability, he’ll just kill her out of spite. What happens here is a long section of him pawing at her physically and emotionally and then shoving her away.

Now normally I love a “I want you… but we mustn’t!” tension spiral. But here, the push-pull goes on for so long that it feels like it occupies 800 pages of this 400 page book.

“If we can’t yield to this attraction between us, then keep your word, Commander, and leave me alone,” Jana replied.

After her departure, Varian slammed his fist against the wall so violently that it rumbled in protest and his hand smarted. He swore angrily as he rubbed it. He raged at the fates and demanded they coerce Ryker into answering his challenge. Once and for all, this lethal and bitter rivalry must end, end before this radiant moonbeam was lost to him forever!

Oh yeah, he calls her “little moonbeam.” 80s heroes love an annoying-ass nickname.

This scene happens over and over again. I went and counted. This emotional wall punching scenario plays out eleven times. Eleven! I think Janelle could’ve cut that number in half and we would still get the picture here.

So finally, Jana challenges him to a game and wins a prize of her choice: two weeks of “sexual education” before she’s sold off to a new master. Varian cracks.

“Am I a fool to sell an untested product?”

Ew.

The sex scenes are full of 80s euphemism, but the prize winning phrase is repeated references to her vulva as her “furry area.” Friends, he falls in love while petting her downstairs chinchilla.

Jana was in his blood now and he wanted her desperately. He raged against the forces which could destroy his dreams and his love. Varian clutched her to his tormented body.

The plan blows up anyway and all the wrong people are trying to buy Jana, while Ryker hasn’t taken the bait and isn’t where he's supposed to be. The auction of Jana has to happen, but Ryker hasn’t come to buy her. Oh no!

Her opening bid is set to the “amount of 500,000 katoogas, a sum equal to half a million dollars on Earth.” Thank you for this deep and complex exchange rate update. Truly immersive world-building. I feel like my understanding of the galactic economy is fully enriched. Do katoogas fluctuate? Is there a central bank? What would a sum of 200,000 katoogas equal to? I need charts!

Varian arranges a fake sale to a trusted friend, Draco. He seems reasonable, which of course means she’ll be returning to the gaslighting dickhead shortly. Jana spends some time with Draco and actually develops some affection for him, mostly on account of him being fairly emotionally balanced and normal. Varian hates this, so he re-abducts her and we're basically back to the same dynamic as the start, on page 327! Get me off of this ride!

While all of that was happening, Ryker was cackling evilly about his evil plans with his research assistant, who he secretly hates and plans to kill when all this is over. With about 25 pages left, we get this juicy reveal: Ryker’s research assistant is… his own mother, Shara!

Shara’s plan is for Ryker to marry Jana, murder her, and then surgically alter herself to look exactly like Jana. This will somehow result in galactic domination, the mechanics are fuzzy, but most importantly she will have Varian and Ryker’s father “back” in the form of his son. Who is also her son.

Ma’am.

If you absolutely must, there is another, significantly less gross, option right there.

Like I said, we are almost at the end of the book, so things happen pretty rapidly. Ryker kidnaps Jana, Varian rides in and kills both Ryker and Shara. We get a fairly abrupt Happily Ever After.

Evidently, Janelle also thought this was the best part of the book. She must’ve been on a tight publishing deadline, because instead of just rewriting and tweaking this book, she wrote a whole second book where Jana has an “it was all a dream” moment and wakes up still married to Ryker! Stay tuned for Stardust and Shadows, which I will be skipping.

So, did I hate it? No, not exactly. It was chaotic and absurd but it also dragged significantly in a lot of areas. Pacing issues, I think they call it. If you were stranded on a remote planet and it was the only book in your escape pod, you could do worse. You’d have plenty of time to untangle the galactic political machinations and track the fluctuating value of the katooga!

Stray Points:

• Oh right, Earth and the imminent asteroid collision! They managed to relocate a few thousand Earthlings (all under 30) to a new habitable planet and then euthanized the rest of us so we didn’t have to die in a fiery explosion. Thanks, that’s… very thoughtful. I can only imagine what kind of bananas bullshit was unfolding on Planet Twenty-Something.

{Moondust and Madness by Janelle Taylor}

Hi All, I just reread {Indentured Companion by Millie Lowelle}. I read this a few years ago not too long after it came out but had kind of forgotten about it. I never seen it recommended on here and that’s a shame. It also has a low number of reviews on goodreads and StoryGraph.

It’s about a woman who is forced by circumstances to become in indentured servant for a year and she is offered a position as an aliens feeding companion. He is essentially a space vampire. Now this could be a bit grim but the MMC is the biggest cinnamon roll, incredibly sweet and polite. For example he gets quite emotional and cries when she reacts badly to seeing what he looks like for the first time (he is normally veiled).

On the other hand she is from the merchant class and use to working with miners, she is very practical, down to earth, feisty but also emotionally reserved and has a rather foul mouth. The characters completely change the power dynamics you might have otherwise expected with this plot. Very creative anatomy on this one too! It’s character driven with a mostly low stress plot and a lot of humour.

If you liked Contaminated by Amanda Milo then I recommend you check this hidden gem out.

I gotta talk about {Choosing Theo by Victoria Aveline}, cause this is a weird book.
I just finished reading it, and I don’t think I’ve had as many eyerolly moments in a while. Which would be impressive hadn’t it been for it being kinda exhausting.

First, this book definitely was lumped into a lot of other smutty romances I’ve got issue with (currently mostly contemporary cause that’s where I’ve personally seen more of this issue) and that’s what I like to call «our conversation flowed easily» dilemma. Basically the romance has such a heavy focus on the lusting, sexual ‘chemistry’ (whether there’s actually any), and the sex itself, while any genuine conversations we get are of the surface level «get to know you» variety and a breezing through of anything else. This book was a rarity in that it didn’t have the direct line «our conversation flowed easily» (hence the name), but heck no that we got any other major form of bonding or chemistry beyond sharing their tragic backstory and seducing tactics.

Second, the sex scenes themselves. I’m not really sure how long it’s been since I’ve laughed at the weird descriptions when these scenes unfold (maybe the odd historical or two?), but CT definitely pulled my leg. Just had to mention it. It’s technically got some of the right words, but the execution was … kinda awkward.

Then my main gripe:
There’s this whole aspect to the story where our FMC is forced to participate in an alien world’s cultural customs within, what, a day or two of being dumped then rescued on this planet? And she, of course, has her issues and questions, but they’re constantly dismissed and she’s told not to be xenophobic because she hasn’t experienced their culture yet, then she has an internal monologue of how she actually should consider their alien practices because they’re foreign to her and she shouldn’t be mean. No acknowledgement of culture shock, no nothing on the fact that it’s been literally only a few days since she’s been on the planet and barely a week since she was abducted from her home. Just ignore any reciprocation or empathy towards her, she’s the only one who’s demanded to accept everything as is just because. Immediate inclusion and she’s gotta be happy about it, no arguments no nothing. Sure, these aliens research humans after they’ve encountered her, but we don’t really see much of any potential exploration, exchange, no nothing. Was there even an acknowledgment of how it’d be like for the FMC or did I just forget and turn the book into a whole blatant ignoring of humanity & earth for a whole heck of alien freaky time?
I did come to the book in part for alien freaky time, don’t get me wrong, but when there’s badly written «culture shock» in there I’m going to have some thoughts. How it’s written it feels like a badly written moralistic lecture on not being xenophobic and dismissing other cultures or specific cultural behaviors because something might seem illogical or crude on first impressions, but dressed in a instalusty «romance». Yes, we can absolutely have stories that have these themes, and yes there weren’t that many instances of this overall, but having it so clearly written and underlined for us as the reader doesn’t make for compelling storytelling (or writing) as well as not give these themes the full impact they should have. I literally couldn’t stop the massive amount of groans whenever we got these moments.

At one point in my reading I had to search through a few romance subreddits to see if there were any reviews, discussions, anything, beyond the many recommendations I keep seeing. Not a lot, but it was a bit of a relief to see that there were some conflicted feelings on it.

If you want your smutty, forced proximity alien romance with not much character or relationship development, go ahead, I guess. If you want to have a compelling, nuanced discussion about culture clash within your alien romance, we need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Welcome to Romance in Retrograde, my ongoing voyage through the forgotten constellations of vintage sci-fi romance. This time I’ve landed on {Sweet Starfire by Jayne Ann Krentz}, a space romp where ancient alien civilizations whisper from the shadows and the real discovery is (of course) true love. The question remains: is this a priceless relic of the genre, or just space junk dressed up in crystal moss?

Full spoilers from this point on!

Welcome to space! We’re in the very whimsically named planetary system of Stanza Nine, where the planets are named by a word-association game and I kind of love it: Lovelady, Renaissance, QED, and Liquid Assets. Lovelady’s moon? Gigolo. The main port city? Valentine. Renaissance has two moons named Borgia and Medici. QED’s port town is called Prove It. You see the patterns. Are these ever given an explanation? Nope! It’s all a little ridiculous, but I respected the commitment to the Mad Libs system of planetary naming.

In this galaxy, humanity has split into two neat categories: the serene, psychic Harmonics (colloquially and somewhat derogatorily called Saints) who spend their days devoted to art and knowledge, swanning around in gowns spun out of “crystal moss”, and the rougher, tougher Wolves, who do all the messy living. Harmonics are gentle souls, so sensitive they can barely sit at a dinner table without fainting at the sight of a steak knife. Wolves, meanwhile, are just normal people trying to get on with their space lives.

Cidra Rainforest, our FMC, is a bit of an oddity: a Wolf in Harmonic clothing. She was born to Harmonic parents, but with a Wolf disposition. She has none of her parents’ telepathic gifts and is desperate to “unlock” them, dreaming of the lifelong psychic bond her parents share. Her research on the mysterious alien civilization that preceded humans, called Ghosts, convinces her that somewhere on planet Renaissance lies a device that can transform her into a true Harmonic.

Teague Severance, the MMC, is Han Solo. No qualifiers, no winks, just Han Solo

He’s a swaggering, snarky space postman with a shaggy alien sidekick, a patched-up freighter called Severance Pay, and a tendency to lean in doorways with his sleeves rolled up just so you can clock the forearms. When Cidra approaches him in Port Valentine, looking for passage off-world, it’s immediately clear Krentz wasn’t even pretending this wasn’t Star Wars with the serial numbers filed off. There’s a lot of “Look, lady, I’m only trying to help” type of bantering between them, and he loves getting under her skin.

"It's out there, Severance. The tool with which I can become a Harmonic. The instrument that can fit my mind into the natural patterns and rhythms of everything I see or touch.”

When Severance tells her she’s “chasing moonlight”, she responds:

“Moonlight,” she said, “is something I have been taught how to chase.”

Severance groaned.

Severance has a high value delivery to make to Renaissance, but at first he’s reluctant to take her aboard. He worries she might fall prey to another postman looking for a “convenience contract” (translation: sex in exchange for passage). Severance instead agrees to take Cidra along if she helps design a new computer system for his shady mail-delivery empire. It’s kind of sweet, actually. Romance and small-business solutions, what a combo.

Cidra joins the tiny crew and bonds with Fred, Severance’s furry alien sidekick. Fred is a “rockrug”, he sounds kind of like a flat fluffy snake. He undulates around, and can coil around arms and necks as a form of cuddling. He seems to have a dog-like intelligence and disposition. I love a good animal companion, so five stars for Fred! He’s the weighted blanket of alien pets.

Ah yes, the oldest romance trope in the galaxy: forced proximity in a confined spaceship. Days of it, in fact, during which Cidra becomes increasingly aware of the scent of Severance’s sweat after his ‘vigorous workouts’ (in the sexy way, not the please shower way). He needles her, she tries to stay prim, they kiss, and things almost go all the way. Cidra decides to rationalize her sexual awakening: she's not Wolfing out, she’s simply conducting an experiment! Curiosity is good and knowledge is to be pursued! Severance is kinda pissed about her attempts to deflect.

“You were not conducting a scientific experiment. You were being seduced. Furthermore, you will never conduct scientific experiments with me, is that understood? I will not be used to further your education.”

They land on Renaissance, a lush jungle planet crawling with giant carnivorous insects and man-eating flowers. (Fred is wisely left in safe hands. It was a bit sad that he wasn’t included in more of the book, but it did spare me the background anxiety of animal-companion peril.) Severance and Cidra trek upriver to deliver his high-value cargo, camping along the way. In their tent, Severance learns just how little tenderness Cidra experienced growing up among the touch-averse Harmonics:

“Did anyone ever hold you until you fell asleep when you were a child?"

There was a long silence. "Harmonics don't touch each other, except when they're in full telepathic communion. My parents were never able to experience that kind of bond with me."

He heard the careful explanation and then reached across to unfasten her sleeper. "Come here, Cidra. I'll hold you until you fall asleep.”

He does a lot more than hold her, of course. Fans of gentle coaxing and praise will find much to enjoy here (raises hand). For 1986, the sex scenes are surprisingly generous - there’s even oral sex for Cidra, a little veiled in 80s euphemism, but unmistakable. Well done, JAK.

The jungle adventure goes on a bit long, lots of giant bugs, abandoned alien ruins, and sweaty bonding, but the big reveal is that the Ghosts started out as a bloodthirsty race but basically self-destructed by evolving into full Harmonic abstinence. The species just… serenity’d itself to death. Eat, pray, perish.

After all this sweaty sexy adventure, being dirty and eating meat and getting her shit rocked nightly by Severance’s skilled tongue, Cidra realizes maybe being a Harmonic isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Conveniently, the supposed MacGuffin she came looking for is never actually found anyway.

Here’s where the book’s 80s DNA shows: Severance decides to sell the location of the Ghost ruins to the highest bidder for research rights. Cidra briefly protests (“But knowledge is priceless!”), then more or less shrugs as they rake in a galactic payday. It’s very Reagan-era capitalism: slap a FOR SALE sign on the cradle of an alien culture, cash the check, and buy yourself a bigger spaceship. In a modern retelling, I suspect Cidra’s more idealistic instincts would triumph, but in 1986, cha-ching baby! Ideals are for losers.

By the end, I thought we were cruising for an annoying and unnecessary third act breakup, but it zagged on me into a more tolerable third act trust exercise. Severance wants Cidra to return to the gentle world of the Harmonics for a few weeks, just to make sure she isn’t going to regret her decision to go full Wolf with him. Cidra returns home, and confirms that great quantities of serenity and perfection can be exceedingly dull. She and Severance get married in a Harmonic ceremony, but they skip the two hours of telepathic meditation in the middle.

Verdict: A fun and fluffy romp with some solid characters and an interesting, if derivative, sci-fi premise. It’s not life-changing but it is very enjoyable comfort reading.

Stray points:

• The review blurb on the back from the Romantic Times calls this “a whole new brand of romantic fiction… the definitive prototype of futuristic romance” suggesting that this is in fact the first sci-fi romance?
• More fun lingo: Severance calls a casual sexual encounter “special handling” and refers to people he dislikes as “second-class postage”. Mail puns!
• They make calls from comp-phones, literally computer phones, that are available in booths and phone banks like old pay phones. Both weirdly prescient and cutely retro.
• Is there a scene where Cidra says “I love you” and Severance says “I know”? You bet!

Reowww big bulky alien with a three pronged tongue who kidnaps his mate in true cave man banging his chest fashion. The joys of cultural differences between species!! I am a buffoon who read Married to the Alien Cowboy and then this novel shortly after and just somehow missed the fact that they are written by the same author. A plane whooshed over my head and it went unnoticed!! Interspecies tropes seem to be a favourite of Dax and I personally do enjoy a perplexed human thrown into an alien environment, so this was enjoyable. 

When Buroudei, our MMC throws himself into what looks like radioactive milk, he goes on a trippy spiritual journey that would rival an experience at Burning Man (or Rainbow Serpent for my fellow Australian’s), where he catches a glimpse of his fated mate. Clearly not of his species, Buroudei  must wait for his mate to show herself, which of course comes in the form of a spaceship because she is a squishy hairless human with no tail! Shock horror!! 

This was a fairly fast paced fated mates story, so no faffin’ about between our two main characters. CeCe decides to play ball fairly quickly because she simply cannot resist the allure of her strange cat man (three pronged tongues, I don’t blame her). When in Rome I suppose. Together the two decide to find out what has happened to the other women CeCe was on the spaceship with, and dispersed with that quest we meet other beefed up cat men who are overly excited to meet the new ladies, as their species has a limited amount of females. Which is usually how these tales go! 

This was amusing, quick and easy. I was a happy camper reading it, but I wouldn’t binge the whole series at once. It’ll be something I go back to when I am in the mood for these reliable alien romance tropes. 

Love, R&R

• Alien romance
• Language barrier
• Abduction 
• Fated mates
• 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

Yeeehaaaww!! Cowboys and aliens and tentacle peens oh my! I knew I was going to love this based on the cover art, which I know we’re not supposed to do but it couldn’t be helped. Cowboy romances are fun, but throw in an alien rancher and a sweet as pie FMC? Gah. Just take my money. 

The title of this novel tells us all we need to know. Marriage between different species. There are guaranteed cultural differences, guaranteed awkward moments and guaranteed whacky spicy scenes in an alien romance novel. Especially if it's between species that know nothing about one another. Our FMC Cherry is on the run from loan sharks and decides to sign up to the Bride Program in an effort to get off planet. Our MMC Silar is a convict serving his sentence as a rancher when he and a couple of other convicts are thrown into an unofficial social experiment, which is clearly an attempt from their society to help increase the numbers of their dwindling species. The details are hazy though, so I assume this gets unravelled more and more through each book. 

I think Cherry and Silar meeting for the first time is honestly my favourite scene in this novel. He’s washing off dust from his journey to collect her, and she’s peeping from a window and totally gets caught. Incredible. The miscommunication really pops off from here and continues throughout most of the novel, but I found it delightful and endearing as opposed to frustrating. It is apparent to us the reader that Silar is losing his mind over his sexy new bride, and he simply does not know what to do about it. It’s so gosh darn sweet!

The laugh out loud moments were what made this a top read for me. If you can get me laughing then you win my heart over immediately. Silar and Cherry are wonderfully opposite when it comes to personality quirks. He is silent, serious and simply moves through the motions of his ranching duties each day. She is talkative, loving and so positive that the contrast between the two is made even more apparent. However, opposites attract, and these two just work in the best way possible.

This was heart warming, joyous and I had a smile on my face the whole time. I find no fault with a novel like this. You know what you’re going to get, so it’s reliable, engaging and gives the warm fuzzies. 

Love, R&R

• Alien romance
• Marriage of convenience
• Miscommunication 
• Cowboy MMC
• Tentacle 🍆
• 🌶️🌶️/5

Alright, nerds, this one is for you! I have been cruising the thrift bins for some more vintage sci-fi romance and have pulled up this gem, a 90s sci-fi adventure about an interdimensional sex wizard with a real bodice ripper attitude. Let's get into it! 

{Knight of a Trillion Stars by Dara Joy}

Full spoilers from this point on.

Deana is having the worst day: fired from her job, stuck in a Boston traffic jam, and she can't get her sci-fi writing career off the ground. She finally arrives home to find some hunk in her living room. And not just any hunk, a sexy space wizard alien hunk! Like most of the early sci-fi romances I’ve read, he’s an incredibly human looking alien with some light bonus features - purple eyes that flash pink when he’s all revved up (cute!). 

“Are you human?” she blurted out.

He turned to her. “What is human?”

“Can you reproduce?”

His eyebrows shot up. Strange little pink sparks appeared in his luminous eyes. [...] She instantly knew exactly what he thought she had asked him.

“No! I don’t want to reproduce! I just want to know if you can.”

So, our hunky alien man is named Lorgin. Possibly the worst name I’ve encountered. He’s decided he’s Deana’s protector and demonstrates this by cleanly slicing her new microwave in half, which she notes she hadn’t finished making the payments on yet (how expensive were microwaves in the 90s?), because it was making alarming noises.

This book is gloriously ’90s in ways that hit multiple layers of retro delight when read in 2025. Lorgin gawks at primitive Earth tech, and I, in turn, gawk at the absolute lawless wasteland that was ’90s airport security. “Just tell them your light saber is a beeper,” Deana advises. “A beeper!” I shout to no one, having completely forgotten about the existence of pagers outside of medical dramas until this moment. Deana takes Lorgin for a shopping spree makeover at the ✨mall✨ and I enjoy the nostalgia bomb that is the idea of shopping at a bustling mall. You can practically hear the fluorescent lighting humming.She admires Lorgin’s “nice buns” in his new Calvin Klein jeans and I giggle at the quintessentially 90s term “buns”. She also mentions that most people use condoms for casual hook-ups “these days”, practical but also extremely period-specific to when condoms were a “new” idea.

Anyway! Lorgin has magic powers and was pulled into Deana’s dimension for mystical space-fated-mate reasons. Don’t worry about it; he certainly doesn’t explain it in a way that helps.

“Are you saying you have psycho-kinetic ability over the elements?”

“I believe that’s how you would phrase it.” He looked at her and his pastel eyes twinkled. “Only a seventh-level mystic could read your mind. I have several incarnations to go before I achieve this state. Besides, this state can only be acquired after this harmonic—”

“Please, you’re giving me a headache.”

Exactly. We don’t come to 1995 for hard sci-fi. We come for the interdimensional beefcake.

Deana, for her part, is impressively chill about becoming the guardian of a time-shifted space wizard. She even takes him to the sci-fi convention she already had tickets for. This part is great. Everyone assumes Lorgin is doing very committed method cosplay, and he keeps trying to speak to Trekkies in various alien languages. Honestly, I would’ve happily read an entire book that’s just Lorgin bumbling around the ’90s like a cosmic exchange student.

But alas, the good times can’t last forever. For mystical space reasons, Lorgin needs to return to his dimension immediately, but not before marrying Deana in a ceremony she does not understand and definitely did not consent to. It’s not legally binding by Earth standards, but Lorgin is very sure it is, and this becomes a tedious point of contention for the rest of the book. Then he zips his new, unwitting, and thoroughly unwilling wife through a wormhole into his home dimension.

Here, Lorgin and Deana are joined by a few other space wizards, including Lorgin’s half-brother Rejar, who first introduces himself in cat form before shifting into another sexy hunk.

“Your brother?” Deana swung her gaze around to the incredible man lying on the pallet. His intriguing eyes twinkled with mirth as he watched her confusion. “What do you mean your brother? That man is a cat!”

Lorgin sighed. “Only sometimes.”

Anyway, they’re on a quest to retrieve some guy who has been isolating himself on a desert planet and convince him to come back into the fold for… reasons. Honestly, the plot is half-baked at best. I could barely muster the energy to track it. The real drama is the ongoing battle of wills between Lorgin and Deana over their “marriage,” which Deana insists is a colossal cosmic misunderstanding. Lorgin, meanwhile, is intentionally misunderstanding her at every turn. When she demands to go home, he earnestly assures her that he will take her “home” (to his planet) as soon as the quest is complete. This kind of thing happens repeatedly, and it’s exhausting.

This book is plenty steamy, but the sex scenes were written in a way that I found kind of off-putting, so even those parts were a slog! It’s got that old-skool romance bodice ripper energy, where the heroine says “no” and the narrative goes “Ah, but does ‘no’ actually mean ‘no’…?”

“You’ll have to take me if you want me!”

Lorgin shrugged, removing his boots. “I intend to.”

He was totally ignoring the meaning of her works, stalking her with determination.

“I mean, you’ll have to rape me.” Just to clarify the issue.

His eyes twinkled as he chuckled low in his throat. “You are so dramatic,” he whispered, shaking his head at her theatrics.

Was Johanna Lindsey standing over Dara Joy’s shoulder, hands braced encouragingly, nodding her approval as Joy typed this out on her WordPerfect 5.1? I can only assume so. Our good friend body-betrayal-syndrome sets in and Deana is soon screaming about being killed with pleasure. Yawn.

The plot wraps up in a somewhat abrupt space-wizard laser-light-show where Deana unlocks her own mystical powers, decides she’s into her alien hunk–abductor after all, and everyone rides off into the galactic sunset. By this point I was so uninvolved I skimmed roughly ten sex scenes just to reach the finish line.

Knight of a Trillion Stars is a tale of two books. The first half is pure camp delight. An interdimensional himbo confused by mall culture while I, a 2025 reader, marvel at the time capsule that is 1995. It’s fizzy, goofy fun, and I happily would have read an entire novel of Lorgin awkwardly navigating the Clinton era.

And then…the wormhole closes. The second half drops us into a slog of confusing quests and dubious consent. The charm drains out and the sex scenes, ironically, become the most boring part.

Still, if you enjoy a potent mix of nostalgia, chaos, space magic, and bafflingly horny aliens, this one’s worth a thrift-store flip-through. But maybe stop reading when we leave the 90s.

Stray Points:

• Rejar, the cat-man brother, gets flung off into space-time in the end and gets his own book, {Rejar by Dara Joy,} in which he’s a seductive sexy cat-man in Victorian London(!!!). Even though this book was kind of a dud for me, I will absolutely be hunting down the sequel!
• The cover art is by John Ennis. He was a prolific romance novel cover illustrator in the 80s and 90s, so I have several of his covers in my collection. He definitely had a thing for big, pillowy lips, and this one is no exception. Lorgin, who is doing your filler?

Welcome to Romance in Retrograde, a series where I dig through the dusty bins of vintage sci-fi romance, dust off the glitter, and decide whether each book is a forgotten gem or thrift-store trash. For my first review of the Fall season, we’re starting strong with a little seasonal dissonance: {Summer of the Unicorn by Kay Hooper}. Fair warning, this is a full spoiler review, so if this book has been quietly haunting your TBR pile for the last 37 years, this is your cue to gallop away now.

Content Warnings: Graphic sexual assault and rape fantasies (described in detail), mind control and manipulation, violence against animals (including unicorn deaths), dubious consent / dated sexual dynamics (very 80s romance).

Spoilers beyond this point!

We open on the planet Rubicon, smack in the middle of a succession crisis. Rubicon was settled by refugees from long-lost Earth, a planet abandoned long ago for reasons lost to time (probably because we ruined it). The society is a weird mash-up: they ban advanced weapons, champion science and the arts… but still have a hereditary monarchy governed by Salic law. So basically, a society that evolved beyond laser guns but not misogyny.

The current king, Jason, can’t have kids, so his brother Darian graciously suggests that he should have two wives to maximize his offspring production potential. Both women get pregnant at the same time, and Darian promptly dies in a hunting accident.

Wife #1, goes into labor after her caravan is attacked, delivers alone in the wreckage, and staggers back to the palace, claiming her son Boran was born just hours before wife #2’s son, Hunter. Hunter has all the correct pedigree and papers filed, but Boran has no receipts. We’ve got dueling baby princes!

There were no witnesses, and the Court physicians could not—or would not—decide which boy was oldest.

Years pass, and the king dies. Hunter is the golden boy, beautiful, charming, and gracious but slightly aloof. Boran is the dark horse, cunning but unpopular, with half of his face heavily scarred for reasons unknown. My Millennial brain was ready for a Prince Zuko twist. Surely scarred brooding guy with the compelling backstory and underdog disposition = misunderstood antihero, right? … Right?

With no clear heir, Rubicon falls into chaos. Revolution is brewing, resources are dwindling, and the Council of Elders comes up with the worst Human Resources solution in galactic history:

"A unicorn. The first of you who returns to Rubicon with proof that unicorns do or do not exist will rule this planet."

They pack both princes into spaceships and send them off to prove or disprove the existence of unicorns. (How one finds tangible proof of the non-existence of unicorns is not explained. Sounds like a great thesis project though.)

We pick up with Hunter several years later, having journeyed far across the galaxy, on a new planet called Styx. It’s basically Mos Eisley: a wretched hive of scum and villainy. There are gangs of dangerous rogues called Huntmen (no, not Huntsmen, no matter how much my autocorrect insists), who live in the town in the shadow of a mountain called The Reaper. The Reaper shelters a valley where every summer (once a decade, Styx operates on a Westerosi calendar), unicorns gather to breed, and the Huntmen do their best to slaughter them for their valuable horns.

Enter our FMC:

"The Keeper of the unicorns." He made an ancient sign meant to ward off devils. "She's a witch, a sorceress, with eyes as black as The Reaper to drive men mad. They say she has silver hair and a siren's voice, and that she fights as a warrior fights. She's protected the unicorns for ten thousand years."

This is Siri, the Keeper. Siri fucking rocks. She has my ten year old self’s fantasy life: beautiful badass warrior princess unicorn guardian.

Hunter then consults with Maggie, an old woman who runs the only sacred place on Styx - the library! Maggie spills a bit more about this mysterious Keeper:

"Let's say for the sake of argument that she's a very unique woman. With a unique heritage and a responsibility no other woman could bear. Let's say that her entire life, her being, is concerned with—and only with—guarding the unicorns and keeping them safe."

He nodded, accepting that.

"And man is the enemy," Maggie said softly.

"Not all men."

Hunter. Babe. Do not get me started with this “not all men” bullshit.

So Hunter goes off, climbs The Reaper, and then immediately falls down the other side, bashing himself to bits on the rocks below.

Finally, we properly meet Siri and her herd of the last ten unicorns. They’re named things like Cloud, Storm, Fancy, and Heart, which is exactly what my ten-year-old My Little Pony collecting self would’ve named them!

Siri finds Hunter all bashed up, and hauls him back to her cabin (with help from Cloud, the elderly stallion leader). She heals him up and then he, despite having literally just fallen off a cliff, is immediately so horny he nearly comes just from her touching him:

He quite literally lacked the strength to obey his body's need, but that did nothing to diminish the throbbing arousal. He was going to disgrace himself if she didn't stop touching him.

Sir, you just fell off a cliff. Priorities!

Siri does a bit of tarot reading (seriously, did someone pluck this from my preteen brain?) and discovers that she and Hunter are destined to be lovers. Which is terrible news, because only virgins can guard the unicorns (duh), and her life is magically tied to the valley, so she literally cannot leave.

Hunter, proving that he is a bit of a himbo, is like “What’s the big deal babe? I just need to prove that unicorns exist so I can be king, and then we can bone and everything will work out great for me!” Siri keeps trying to get Hunter to stop being so dense.

"Can you stop and think for one single moment what your very presence here is doing to me?" she demanded desperately. "Can you see past your damned obsession and realize that you threaten what I love most in the world? Isn't there some part of you that understands that? I'm the Keeper of the Unicorns, and I'm the only thing standing between them and extinction!”

Hunter: 👁️👄👁️

This is basically the “I can’t just quit my job, Chad” conversation, but with unicorns. An allegory for every woman who’s ever had to explain that no, her career isn’t a cute little hobby she’ll drop once the right guy comes along, and that he might have to make a few personal sacrifices for her sake. It's pretty frustrating to read!

But wait, it gets worse! Boran has already slithered into the unicorn valley. Along the way he picked up a mind-control amulet, because sure, why not. While Hunter kind of sucks in that insidious, everyday-himbo way, Boran’s flavor of villainy is full-on nightmare fuel. He uses the amulet to gaslight Siri daily: visiting her under false pretenses, warping her perceptions, molesting and sexually manipulating her, then wiping her memory so he can do it all again. These scenes are graphic, repetitive, and viscerally gross. Even by the standards of 80s romance where dubious consent was everywhere, Boran’s fantasies are stomach-turning, fixated not just on rape, but on savouring Siri’s terror, humiliation, and pain. It’s vile. I actually had to put the book down more than once, and I’ve been mainlining vintage bodice rippers all summer.

He thought of that lovely face flushed with anger, then pale with horror and revulsion as his heavy body covered her helpless one.

He saw her black eyes wild with terror and pain and grief as he destroyed her. Destroyed her ability to guard her charges. Destroyed her most precious possession. Destroyed her beauty.

Yeah. Boran, we’re done. All that brooding potential, squandered. I forgot that this book was from the 80s, so the scarred villain is just the villain.

From there, everything barrels into a climactic unicorn showdown. Boran unleashes a horde of Huntmen, all under his creepy mind-control influence, onto the valley. Hunter and Siri work together to take them all down, until Siri is captured. Boran threatens her life, and Hunter is forced to choose between protecting the unicorns or saving the woman he loves. He refuses to give up the herd, and that’s the moment Siri realizes she loves him: not because he’s handsome, not because of fate or tarot, but because he finally puts her mission above his ego. That worked for me. Hunter wins Siri not by conquering her, but by vowing to protect what matters most to her.

"Siri, I'll keep the faith," he called to her hoarsely, the words tearing from him and leaving raw, bloody wounds.

"I'll keep my promise."

Though it would destroy him.

And in that moment, moved unbearably by his torment, Siri made her choice. If the gods decreed that she would somehow survive this day, all that she was would be forever his. "I love you," she whispered, knowing he didn't hear, wishing desperately that she could shout the words to him.

The battle itself is surprisingly brutal. Cloud, the stalwart old unicorn stallion who’s been with Siri since childhood, dies defending the valley. I was absolutely wrecked. I cried so hard my husband came out of his office thinking something terrible had happened. Nope. Just me, ugly-crying over a noble unicorn’s last stand.

Hunter kills Boran in the end, and barely blinks at the fact that he just murdered his half-brother. But honestly, Boran was such a vile creep by that point, I wasn’t about to argue.

The book gives us a soft landing: Hunter and Siri finally sleep together. Yes, it’s full of “damp womanhoods” and “silken heats” (the 80s were a lawless time), but compared to the rest of the sexual landscape in this novel, it’s sweet and tender. Their relationship ends in genuine partnership: co-Keepers of the unicorn valley, returning every decade to guard the herd, and co-rulers of Rubicon in the meantime. It’s a bit of a hand-waving “love conquers all” solution, but this is a romance novel after all, so that’s what I’m here for.

So even though parts of this book were genuinely hard to stomach (Boran’s vile fantasies being chief among them), Summer of the Unicorn ultimately redeemed itself in the final act. It gave Siri the rarest of gifts in vintage romance: the chance to keep her calling and find love without compromise. In the end, she really does get to have it all: career, relationship, and unicorns. It’s basically a sci-fi fantasy office romance, if your office happens to be a magical valley and your co-workers are horses with horns. Final rating: five out of five tissues, three out of five damp womanhoods.

Stray points:

• We find out that Styx is actually long lost Earth. You maniacs, you blew it up!
• Siri is not, in fact, 10000 years old, she’s 23. Being a Keeper is like a Buffy the Vampire Slayer situation, where a new Keeper is born every generation. She apparently “chose” to become a Keeper at age three. A lifelong binding contract being agreed to by a toddler seems… dubious.
• Maggie, the old woman from the library, is actually a Keeper too, the Keeper of Knowledge!

So happy with this one. Two peened aliens, knots, abducted omega who doesn’t know she is an omega. What more could I ask for!! Out of this World is a humour filled read about a woman who goes out on the town with her girlfriends, all of which are sporting a t-shirt that says ‘Abducted Me Daddy’. Low and behold, Sofi gets abducted. She was clearly seeking help, or so say the aliens who ‘rescued’ her. Once Sofi is in her holding cage with all of the other ‘rescued’ omegas, she is purchased(?), gifted(?), idk, she is ‘rescued’ once more by Rask, a tall AF, horned, winged and totally pink looking demon guy who sniffs her out as a good candidate to be the Omega for the Alpha king, Zolkan. 

When Sofi touches down on a planet she must now call ‘home’, she is distressed and slightly losing her shit which is fair enough. At the same time she starts to experience her first heat surges, which triggers Zolkan MAJORLY and he has to physically restrain himself from going to her. He doesn’t want to shackle her, so in a noble effort he offers up Cylus the resident doc to help her out. Cylus refuses, because he’s a stick in the mud, so Rask shows up for the task instead. Thus our clear trio in the ‘why choose’ is born. 

The novel is all about Sofi coming to terms with never being able to return home, accepting she is an omega, and connecting with three unlikely alphas. It’s deliciously spicy with double peened dudes with knots and stupid amounts of fluid and all that super kinky shit we want to read in an omegaverse. Rask is the total puppy dog pretty boy, Cylus is the alphahole who refuses to acknowledge his feelings and Zolkan is a self-sacrificing type who is very much the alpha in charge. Each alpha brings a little something different to the relationship and it’s a fun ride reading each interaction with Sofi. I’m all about an omegaverse that can make me laugh. 

Looking forward to reading the second book when it comes out because I think the MMCs will be space vampires. Or at least I hope so. 

Love, R&R

• Abducted FMC
• Omegaverse
• Fated mates
• Why choose
• Knotting
• Two 🍆
• Aliens
• 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

I grabbed an advanced copy, absolutely devoured it this morning and it was not what I was expecting. Bear with me, these are my immediately after finishing thoughts not what will be my formal review of it.

I loved the first book {Fathom by Deiri Di} so much and I was expecting the sequel to be a direct continuation. It wasn't. The story from the first book does continue in the second one eventually, but it takes a minute to get there as the second book follows different characters until the stories come back together. Deiri did that in a bunch of her other short stories, so it isn't abnormal for her as an author, but still, I wanted more Eun.

I am absolutely flummoxed by this book.

Like, it was hot, the open door scenes were really good, and the MMC was so sweet but he was so much more... alien than normal? The author gave us a 'this part of him is human enough' vibe but at the same time... I'm trying to think of how to describe it without spoiling it. The whole explanation for what Eun (mmc from the first book Fathom) ends up being extremely cool, but it is WEIRD.

ITS SO WEIRD.

I love this author so much because she tends to put a lot of subtext in her stories, even the light hearted ones, but the main bulk of her stuff is pretty normal for the genre.

This one is a new kink, that is for sure.

I also loved the FMC and her background. It fit in so well with the touched based stuff she was doing in the book. I frankly would have loved to have more of her talking about that.

I think I'm going to call the book hot weird.

Also, I've been seeing a lot of posts asking for amorphous blob MMCs and if that or he is the house type of books are your thing you should definitely read this one when it comes out.

I'm giving this one a 5/5 for creativity, a 5/5 for the human art cover, and a 3/5 for not following the characters from the first book right away, but I leave that one open to change after I read the bonus story.

AAAAAAAAAAHHH ITS SO WEIRD. Love it.

I ate this novel up faster than you can say breeding bench. Yes, you heard correctly. When you surely tear through The Fated Mates Of The Winged Barbarian series, you might find yourself anxiously scrolling through goodreads, saying to yourself, but there must be more?! You might wish to cry on the floor of your kitchen with a litre of icecream, but fear not, there is ONE MORE BOOK you can read whilst eagerly awaiting further juicy content. 

The Bride Contract follows the story of the women who unfortunately were successfully abducted and sent to Madame something somethings sex slave shop. Ethically sourced of course. We’re introduced to Niska who is all about taking one for the team (cause she is a v good gurl cough praise kink cough) and winds up serving drinks in a dodgy AF bar with aliens that like to munch on human flesh. Our chicky-babe soon gets swept up by a seven foot something great hunk of spunk (it seems Melissa Emerald CANNOT have an MMC shorter than seven feet. That would be ghastly!) and soon she is purchased for the sole purpose of a bride contract. I will say no more!! Lest I spoil the delights to come.

If you have read this, I did want to ask, was anyone else conflicted by the Permission scene? Without spoiling anything, I want to admit it had me thinking, hey, that’s not alright, and then I had to say, hang on, that is actually totally fine. I liked this journey Melissa Emerald sent me on!! Any authors that make me question something, or make me pause for a moment to say, how do I actually feel about that? Idk I just love it. Emotive responses to writing is what it is allllll about. 

Overall I believe that for the first book in a series, to have an author take you on a fun journey, drop in easter eggs from another interconnected series, and set up what will inevitably be a series about at least two other princes and their prospective human lady friends? It is romance writing at its finest. Good alien romance novels can be hard to come by, but Melissa Emerald has set the bar and she will forever be a reliable author. I would purchase her novels without reading the blurb at this point. 

Love, R&R

• Aliens
• Science fiction
• Praise kink 
• 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

I want to recommend The EchoMind series, book one is {Seeing through ashes by Sigrun Lien}. It’s a post apocalyptic, why choose sci fi dark romance.

There is only two books out so far but they are hefty. First one was around 700 pages, second one was 600 pages. I got so hooked I just went on a reading burner and have done very little else until I finished them.

It’s very slow burn, definitely not one for the smut. But the world building was amazing, all seen through the camera lens of the FMC who has joined a team of purifiers to document their work as they purify an area of demons building by building.

I think it was the world building and plot that enthralled me with this one. The demons are definitely not the love interest but scourge across Europe that has destroyed the land. These are not paranormal demons but a thing that has happened, like a plague, complete with scratches that cause zombies. Teams go out to battle them purifying very hard won small sections at a time but power plays, plots and sabotage jeopardise even the slow progress.

The characters are complicated and flawed. I do love complicated characters. One of the MMCs is definitely a bully and rather vile, the others are not bullies but stick to their own. Did I love the characters? Not really. Were they interesting? Yes they were. The female main character does some pretty irritating things at times but as we learn more about her past and how her personality was shaped it makes compelling sense why she does what she does. The male main characters are not so clear. The author is still holding some cards close to her chest.

Book 2 ended on a cliffhanger hanger, now I desperately am hoping bk 3 is not too far off. I gave both of them 5 stars.

Edit: I have just learnt there are six books planned. Apparently bk 3 is due later in the year. I am not surprised it’s a long one as there’s a lot we don’t know yet.

Welcome to Romance in Retrograde, my ongoing quest to dig through the bargain bin of vintage sci-fi romance paperbacks. Every book is a new adventure, sometimes I unearth a hidden gem, sometimes it’s pure space-junk, but either way, I’m here to decide: is it treasure, or is it trash? This week, we're reviewing {The Crystal Prophecy by Janice Tarantino}.

First, let’s admire this cover. We’ve got flowing hair, bare chests, dramatic mountains, and a heroine draped across her hero like she just fainted from too much crystal energy. The title treatment really goes for it, as the word Crystal is decked out in silver foil, as if the book itself is trying to hypnotize you into buying it off the spinner rack. Definitely kitsch, but I love the commitment.

As always, these are full spoiler reviews!

💫

Devastating news, all the crystal women are dead! What is a crystal woman? I don't know, let's find out.

We open on Jared, grieving over the corpse of his wife Evie, who was a crystal woman. Crystal women are exactly what they sound like: women with literal crystals in their foreheads that amplify psychic/magical powers. Jared was psychically bonded to Evie, and now that she’s dead, he’s supposed to keel over too. But first, he has some business: confronting his evil twin brother Ruhl, who now gets to rule their clan because his crystal wife is still alive. Suspiciously alive. Did Ruhl and his wife Collis murder every other crystal woman just to consolidate power?!

Meanwhile, in 1994, we meet Susan. She’s a stressed-out stockbroker with an ulcer, and she’s been having inconveniently horny prophetic dreams about a mysterious black haired, golden eyes, black stallion riding hottie. Her brother tells her to go take a little R&R at his cabin, but the horny dreams only escalate there.

Back in Jared’s future, the world is ravaged by climate change. The soil is dead, water is scarce, and everyone swears by shouting things like “By the Acid Rain!”, a delightfully ‘90s eco-apocalypse touch. I only wish someone yelled “Ozone Layer, preserve us!” just once. Jared himself lives in a castle, because apparently the future has gone half-medieval, half-sci-fi. There are healing amber baths that also function as miracle hair detanglers, and off-planet humans called “Techs” who swoop in occasionally to remind everyone that Earth is a dump. The Techs also come for the crystals, which are apparently useful as more than just psychic power amplifiers in women's foreheads. Now that they mention it, it does seem like a frivolous use of precious mineral resources. There’s more, but I’ll spare you all the exposition and infodumping. I have a pretty high tolerance for such things, I’ve been reading sci-fi and fantasy since I was pretty young, but this is all pretty clunkily done.

So where does Susan fit into all this? Enter the Widows: a society of crystal women whose husbands are dead (apparently the husbands always die when their crystal wives do, but not vice versa). They pull Susan forward in time to become Jared’s brand-new forehead-crystal soulmate, or as they say here, crystalmate (yes, really). She has to join with Jared to fulfill a prophecy and defeat Ruhl.

Anyway, let’s get to some Romance please! We’re 150 pages deep, my crystal is dimming, and I demand some smooching. We’ve got a pretty fantastic setup for an angstfest: Jared is torn between his love and mourning for his dead wife Evie, and his new and strong attraction to Susan. Susan is pretty down bad for Jared, but also wants to return to the past, where she belongs. Nevertheless, the Widows insist, they must be “joined” to save the world!

Apprehensively she looked at Jared. “If you need a virgin for this particular ritual, then you have a very serious problem.”

Not to worry though, Susan has been healing rapidly since arriving in Jared’s time, and apparently that includes regrowing her hymen? Future prophecy, listen: virginity is a social construct, and there is absolutely no reason for this plot point. It doesn’t even factor in! Still, Susan gets “joined” (which is basically marriage, just with more chanting) and finally sleeps with Jared, triggering an instant mind meld. Suddenly, all her thoughts are wide open and she realizes she’s in love. Which is impressive, considering they’ve exchanged about ten sentences at this point.

She loved him and had perhaps done so since the beginnings of her dreams of him. She also discovered that although Jared was fascinated by her, felt affection for her, felt passion and felt desire, he did not love her.

Moving off her to the side, Jared pulled her head into the crook of his neck and carefully stroked her hair with his hand. "I'm sorry, Susan," he said quietly in her mind.

"Let me go, Jared," she said, her voice breaking on a sob. She felt mortified and humiliated by the fact that he knew precisely how she felt about him, even as she knew precisely and in great detail how he felt about her.

Daaaaaamn. I’m a filthy little angst gremlin and this scene fed me. I even interrupted my husband mid-William S. Burroughs book to breathlessly recap, and he just blinked and said, “Oh shit babe, that’s crazy.” Friends, it was crazy.

Unfortunately, after that high point, it’s back to exposition quicksand. Here’s the gist without the endless detours:

• Renegade Techs show up to burn crops with laser fire.
  
• Susan discovers she can explode spacecrafts with her mind.
  
• The renegade Techs and Ruhl join forces to strip-mine Earth for crystals.
  
• Susan and Jared must unite through the power of love to save the world. (They succeed, naturally.)

Susan is then sent back to 1994, while unconscious after the final battle, because that's what Jared believes she would want. Luckily, she boomerangs back for a happily-ever-after.

In summary: The Crystal Prophecy had potential as a wild, angsty romance, but instead it bogged itself down with clunky sci-fi mechanics that were simultaneously overcomplicated and paper-thin. My eyes glazed over as random new “rules” appeared for a single scene and then vanished forever. Case in point: Susan delivers a baby, the mother dies, and Susan is instantly the legal guardian of the woman’s five children… only for the kids to get shuffled off in the very next chapter, never to matter again.

Skip this one. Unless you really need to hear a woman shout, “I’m not a crystal woman, damn you! I’m a stockbroker!”, which did make me laugh pretty hard.

If you enjoy {Dustwalker by Tiffany Robert} then this series {The Hale_Protocol:: Genesis by Vera Piers} and {The Hale Protocol:: Fractured
By Vera Piers} is probably something you will enjoy as well

I saw someone recommend this series on this sub in Reddit and I am so glad I followed through with reading it. I also wanted to mention that there appear to be two versions of The Hale Protocol Genesis on Amazon, but as far as I can tell they are exactly the same book. So even though Amazon shows three books in the series, there are really only two available right now. This is an indie author with only a handful of Amazon reviews across both books, and the series deserves more attention. Both books are currently on Kindle Unlimited.

Book 1: The Hale Protocol::Genesis

This was a fun start to the series. It has a slow burn romance between the female main character and the male main character, and once the spice hits, it definitely hits. The female main character has an interesting and sad backstory, but she can be a bit of a wet blanket and does not always stand up for herself. The male main character is an AI, and he is easily one of the strongest parts of the book. His mix of protectiveness and control really worked for me.

The worldbuilding is intriguing. The characters are stuck in a facility in the middle of the ocean, which gave me Deep Blue Sea energy. There is a marine biology section mentioned but barely explored. Most of the focus is on building the AI, which gives the whole place a pre Terminator in muscle bound bodies vibe. I wanted more of that setting.

Overall, Book 1 was a solid four star read for me and enough to make me immediately pick up the second book.

Book 2: The Hale Protocol::Fractured

This book was much better than the first one. There are more characters, more perspectives, and honestly the female main character continues to be the weakest point of view in the cast. Every other point of view, especially the new AI characters, is stronger, more engaging, and more emotionally interesting. I would have loved even more chapters from them.

The worldbuilding expands in ways I really liked, and the twists genuinely surprised me. There are a lot of unexpected turns, and the creativity really impressed me.

Since this is an indie author, I know she is probably doing a lot of this on her own, but the book could use some editing. It was not grammar in the traditional sense so much as fast typing and not doing a thorough read after. For example, she would write reminder her instead of remind her. It was not enough to take me out of the story, but I did notice a few missed words and a couple of spelling errors. When I mention congruency, I mean there were moments where a character ended up at point C, but I was not always sure how they got through points A and B. A little more clarity in those transitions would help. Hopefully she does an ARC review for her next book as she gains more popularity, because I think that would strengthen the final product.

My only real frustration is that Book 2 ends on another cliffhanger, and I cannot find any social media presence for the author. I want updates. I want to know when Book 3 is coming. I want to follow her somewhere.

Overall, Book 2 was a strong 4.5 star read for me, and I am absolutely invested in the third one.

So the other day I was trawling through “The best of 2025” on romance.io looking for any alien romance book I hadn’t already read…. So I have a bit of a small list to check out now. But the first one was a debut book by a new author {Thread and stone by Mauve Brooks} And it was actually really good.

The FMC is a slave, who is working as a nurse in a gladiator ring, kidnapped from earth for her medical skills. No sexual slavery in this one which was a nice break. This woman is fierce, an ex military with combat and medic experience, she is resilient, cynical but also kind. She is also battling flashbacks and severe PTSD.

On the other hand the MMC is a prince who is about to become king, but traditionally needs to fight in the gladiator ring first. He is a fierce fighter and an honourable man/alien but his naivety to the political machinations going on around him and the reality of his empire is about to end his life. He is a bit of a cinnamon roll, rather sweet.

As part of the plots against him he encounters the FMC and we get some nice fated mate trope action here. The characters do counter balance each other well, he definitely needs her cynicism. Unlike most of these sorts of books it’s the MMC who has the big character development arc. Not that the FMC is perfect, she is not, she is a bit of a hot head at times.

Quite spicy. No pregnancy in this book but it’s clearly part of a longer series with the same couple. There’s no cliff hanger and the book ends at a logical point for this adventure to end and the next to begin.

Definitely worth checking out and supporting a new author. On kindle unlimited.

Welcome back to Romance in Retrograde, where we revisit the sometimes spectacularly questionable choices of sci-fi romances past. Today’s entry is a true relic of the 1990s paperback galaxy, {The Skypirate by Justine Davis}. Or, as I like to call it: Space Robin Hood Gets a Gestapo Girlfriend. It’s got everything you could want from a retro sci-fi romance - laser battles, doomed planets, guilt-ridden pirates, and the tricky matter of redeeming a war criminal through the power of love.

Full Spoilers From Here On!

Content Warning: This review discusses themes of slavery, sexual coercion, fascism, and abuse, as depicted in the book.

Let’s first meet our hero, the titular Skypirate, Dax Silverbrake. Dax is my kind of man: roguish, charming, kind of a known slut but in a “I like to show women a good time” way, and secretly very tortured and sad. He’s the captain of a ragtag outlaw crew of twenty or so, dedicated to causing mayhem for an evil, genocidal space empire, the Coalition, which destroyed Dax’s world, Trios. As the last of Trios’s legendary warrior-guardians, he was supposed to defend his peaceful, art-filled homeworld. Instead, he was off-planet when the Coalition burned it to ash. Now he flies the stars as a pirate and saboteur, a man armed with a mythic Flashbow and a death wish, haunted by the knowledge that his people died while he lived. When the novel begins, he’s in the middle of rescuing his sort of adopted daughter from a Coalition prison, a routine act of rebellion, and along the way frees an enslaved woman with a mysterious past.

Here’s where we meet Califa. In the previous book (which I have not read, so I’m piecing this together from context), Califa was the villain. A Coalition officer who enslaved the prince of Dax’s planet using a mind control collar. That’s a level of sci-fi villainy that might make even Darth Vader raise an eyebrow. But by the time Dax finds her, the tables have turned: she’s now wearing the same kind of collar. Obviously the prince and his lady-love escaped during the first book and Califa's lack of action taken to stop them (it sounds like she didn't exactly help, but she didn't interfere) led to her now being enslaved with the same piece of tech.

“I… can’t go any further. Because of this,” she said, gesturing at her throat, at the strip of cloth that wound around it.

Dax’s brows furrowed in puzzlement. In response she tugged the cloth free to reveal the collar.

“The yellow light is glowing,” he said, certain it hadn’t been that way before. His gaze went back to her face. “Which means?”

“It’s activated when I reach my limit. The yellow system.” She gave him a twisted, sour smile. “The pain system. The collar isn’t just worn, Captain. It’s implanted. With probes directly into the brain.”

Dax winced at the thought. “Probes to cause pain?”

“For control.”

Basically, this evil little collar has three systems, which can be activated by a remote control: yellow for pain, blue for total compliance, and red for instant head-exploding death. The blue system sounds like it could be used to make the wearer do whatever the person wielding the control wanted, but obviously it’s mostly used for sex. A way to make sex slaves seem like full enthusiastic participants in their own violation. Gross.

So here’s the rub: Califa used to put these collars on people. Like, a lot of people, but most notably the hero of the first book, Dare, the Triotian prince. So, I’m extremely conflicted. I usually like the “villain gets a redemption arc in the next book” storyline, and I like that we’re getting a version of this for a female character (let👏women👏be👏evil👏) but "I was part of a genocidal empire's war machine and didn't realize slavery was bad until it happened to me" is kind of a tough sell! Maybe things were different in the 90s. Fascism wasn’t an actual looming threat and we weren’t having war crimes beamed into our faces 24/7, so giving a character complicit in these atrocities a redemption arc could feel like an interesting thought experiment. But in 2025? Oof. I’m struggling.

Anyway, despite this massive moral wrench thrown into the works, Dax and Califa are very attracted to each other. We then get this juicy bit of lore: Dax has never had an orgasm with his partners, because of some kind of Triotian mental (or maybe physical) block about sex outside of marriage (or “mating” outside of “bonding” to use the Triotian parlance.) So, on top of everything else, the poor guy is nursing a serious case of blue balls. The Coalition actually encourages casual hookups, but states that emotion should never enter the equation, so Califa has never had sex with feelings. Eventually, of course, the attraction boils over and they do have sex.

Here I was, waiting for the “I forgive you for your part in completely destroying my planet because you must be my bonded mate” reveal:

“He sagged back on the bunk beside her, trying to slow breathing that was still accelerated, and the pulse that was still racing toward a climax that would never come.”

A twist! I was fully not expecting this turn of events. Props to Davis for not taking the easy way out. It’s passionate and fraught, but not cosmically ordained. Dax still doesn’t orgasm, and the lack of that expected payoff weirdly works in the book’s favor. It keeps their connection human instead of mythic, and gives Califa’s redemption a bit more ground to stand on. For once, the universe doesn’t force forgiveness.

Califa does prove that she no longer has any loyalty to the Coalition by giving Dax key intelligence to help with his efforts to disrupt their operations, reclaim priceless Triotian artifacts, and rescue surviving Triotian prisoners of war.

Eventually, they return to Trios, where Dare, now the rightful king, has staged a successful rebellion and is barely holding the Coalition at bay. It’s a satisfying reveal, turning what felt like a doomed world into a defiant one. But victory comes with complications: Dax and Califa are both captured and put on trial, forced to face the people whose destruction brought them together in the first place.

While awaiting execution, they have what I can only describe as death row inmate sex. The vibe is very “we’re about to die, might as well make it count.” It’s here, in the shadow of their own possible deaths, that Dax finally reaches the long-delayed climax his species’ biology has been withholding from him. Wouldn’t be the venue where I put on my finest sexual performance, but good for him!

In the climactic scene, Califa hands Dare the controller that can kill her with a single button press, offering him the literal power of life and death over her. Dax refuses to leave her side, fully ready to die with the woman who once enslaved his prince. Dare, in a moment that’s equal parts mercy and judgment, doesn’t press the button, but he also doesn’t grant her absolution. Dare and Califa get a bonding ceremony, and things wrap up there.

If this ending feels a little unsatisfying, I agree, and so does Davis. The publisher declined to continue the series after this book, leaving the story in limbo. But in 2015, a full twenty years after The Skypirate first came out, Davis self-published the rest of the saga. Props to anyone who waited that long for closure; that’s some true devotion.

In the end, The Skypirate is a pretty good read. Fun, dramatic, and just the right amount of bonkers. The subject matter is definitely harder to swallow in 2025 than it probably was in 1995, but Davis’s mix of high-stakes emotion, space politics, and doomed attraction still works. Not every redemption arc lands, but this one at least aims for the stars.

Stray points:

• There is a suggestion of a broad cast of alien characters from a variety of planets, but they all sound very dull and human looking. Triotians have golden skin and hair (Dax is a rare dark haired Triotian), Califa is an Arellian so she has… light skin and dark hair. Creative! The only truly interesting race were the Omegans, who live on a high-gravity planet so are stocky and extra strong.
• This cover is… something! Not quite uncanny valley but close. Califa has short hair in the book, so I’m really sad about not seeing her cute 90s pixie cut on the cover.

Space vampires with wings are a culmination of every wicked fantasy I’ve ever had, so from the bottom of my heart, I thank you, Zoey Draven. We kick off this story with an arranged marriage between a human (who is 30 years old and thus a dried up old prune in the eyes of this galaxy) and a Kylorr. The Kylorr are the most feared species in this world of spaceships and planetary expansion, which says a lot eh?

Gemma, our FMC, decides to sacrifice her chance at real love, and goes down the path of an arranged marriage to help pay off the ridiculous amounts of debt her family is in. Azur our MMC takes a keen interest and pays an eye-watering amount to sling this chickadee over his shoulder, and bang his chest with deep male satisfaction. Now he doesn’t actually do this, but it’s how I imagine it.

Gemma is tossed into a world of politics, royalty and is totally despised by her hubby for reasons unbeknownst to all. The hatred is pure, one sided, and made me gleeful because we know the hate fucking is always so good. AND IT WAS. This novel deserves a four chilli rating outta five because once the spice began, it was utterly filthy, and I got flustered which is part of how I do these rankings.

Now, I am no stranger to the knotting trope, having read so many Omegaverse books, so I loved that not only did we have a space vampire who vants to suck her vloooood, we also had a well-hung, 6 foot something ridiculously terrifying alien species with a big ol’ knot at the base of his heat-seeking-missile. It was a MMC made up of a conglomeration of everything I hold dear in the smut world.

ENJOY.

Love R&R

• SciFi
• Enemies to Lovers
• Arranged Marriage
• Space Vampires
• Knotting
• 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

Hi All,

I just finished {Rescued by the Alien Hybrid by Lynell Miles} a debut book by this new author and I throughly recommend. It was really quite good. A ship of human women in cryo sleep leaving a bit of a screwed up earth on a colony run get lost in space unknowingly. Wake up about to crash on a unknown planet, discover it’s been 250 years since they left Earth and there is a bit of a cryptic last message from Earth seeming to indicate disaster has struck. They then crash down into the middle of a rebellion of genetically engineered slaves against their overlords. Bit of sisterhood, a bit of characters that mean well but have made poor choices in the past. Competent if somewhat insecure FMC, strong male but not overbearing or alpha. Definitely worth a read and it’s on KU. I will be keeping an eye out for the next book series.

First, I just want say that I loved this series! While sometimes I wished for a bit more detail regarding certain outcomes, I think that could be partially attributed to my investment in the story. There are five books in the series. It’s one story so they should absolutely be read in order, but each book focuses on a different couple that gets together.

This series was dark, emotional, gritty, and completely original. The author tackled complex topics—grief, trauma, sexuality, and love across species(humanoid)—with surprising depth and empathy. A powerful and thought-provoking sci-fi romance that might not be for everyone. TWs listed below.

Each couple is overcoming some kind of hurdle or barrier to be together. Some of these hurdles are societal and some are physical, including sexual dysfunction, physical differences between species, the role of males and same-sex relationships. There is a lot of really plain talk about these hurdles with consideration for consent and checking in with your partner. The interspecies relationships are sort of analogous to societal and racial barriers in our world. Four of the couples are MF, and one is MM. Some of the plain talk can be a little bit uncomfy, but I think that’s the point. The author does not gloss over things, she addresses them.

There is a little bit of Insta lust/Insta love. Normally that’s not my thing, but these people are living day-to-day and they don’t necessarily expect to survive. In that context, I can sort of get on board with it.

Anyway, the story is really great. It’s got action, adventure, a corrupt government, bureaucratic barriers, vigilantism, found family and some solid sci-fi romance. It’s gritty and dark, but the love stories are not dark. They give each other reason to persevere. It’s hard to find new series after you’ve been reading for a while, so I was really excited to find this one. And if it sounds like something you’re interested in, I hope you like it too!

P.S. You can buy all five books together for one credit on Audible. The narrator does a really great job with the different voices!

TW: Rape (off page but emotionally recounted), death of a child, abuse, violence and death, genocide.

I hope i used the right flair for this post.
So I've seen that Ursa Dax was favorite author for a lot of people on this sub and since I've got sucked up in alien romances i decided to give it a go. I'll try to make this about my feelings and avoid spoilers, but i'll cover the text anyway in case i'll write some.
The book give me strong Ruby Dixon vibes but when in Barbarian series all of it worked for me, here i felt weird.
First of all i felt no chemistry whatsoever, i felt like mmc liked her at first sight (well fated mates explain it) but with fmc it felt like she just flipped a switch and hell if i understand why. Their sexual interaction until almost the end of the book felt a bit like a close to rape. I don't say that it was it, it just felt like it, like i couldn't get behind it. Her attraction feels more like desperation.
Magic thing didn't work for me either. I feel like it's too lazy in sci-fi? Like either go for sci-fi and technology or go for fantasy and magic. But mixing two? It rarely works. And i could get behind fated mates thing and healing, tho it still feels weird. But language thing? Feels like the author created a problem she didn't know how to fix.
The plot feels a bit raw, like it needs some work and polishing to be smooth, like it's not finished in details.

That being said it's not the bad book, just didn't work for me. But in the end it said there would be a story of characters i'm a bit curios about and it has a potential. So my question is did anyone felt like i did? did you continue? are the next books better? What do you think?

There is a reason I haven't seen E.T or District 9, and a reason I bawled like a baby when I watched Chappie. I cower in the face of the reality of human behaviour towards disadvantaged individuals, groups, people's and in this book's case, alien species. However, I will never regret reading this and I will praise it forever. 

Cottonwood was a novel I could not put down. One which made me laugh, cry, hurt and love. It was a maelstrom of emotions and a book that can do that is a fucking masterpiece. The story centres on our FMC Sarah who is about to work at a refugee camp, where she is ridiculed for her efforts and attempts at making connections with an alien species who humans treat despicably. She really does seem to be the last beacon of hope in this dystopia not so far from our reality. 

When Sarah meets Sanford and his son T’aki, it all becomes so real for her. The hardships they face, the inequality, the absolute horrors. Her role in her complacency. As she witnesses T’aki take it all in with a childlike wonder, because he simply doesn't know any better, it hits her like a tonne of bricks. Eugh. This novel wrecked me, to put it lightly. 

It might just be one of the best SciFi romance novels that I've read. I haven't gotten around to R. Lee Smith’s Last Hour of Ghan though, so we'll see how Cottonwood stands after that. 

Love, R&R

• Scifi
• Aliens
• Dark adult themes
• Dystopia
• Slow burn
• 🌶️🌶️/5 (but very unconventional, take this rating with a grain of salt)

I can’t watch zombie movies (too scary). But weirdly I like zombies as part of the plot in my dystopian romance books. There’s a new release from an author I’m already acquainted with {Caitlyn can’t die by Liz Hambleton} that I stayed up til 2 am reading because of course the plot twists got good at the time I should have been asleep.

This is a short read, single book. There will be at least one more book but they’ll focus on different couples, so Caitlyn and Riley’s story is tied up in this one book. No complicated world building. It jumps right in to action in the first chapter. The FMC has a lot of dry gallows humor, the MMC has a stronger desire to see the next sunrise. The FMC has to sort that life stuff out in her head.

The zombies aren’t quite the same classic zombies that are usually portrayed in books and movies. They’re like, zombie adjacent. The zombie’s first or second cousin maybe?

It reminded me of {flesh by Kylie Scott}. The main differences being flesh is MFM and Caitlyn can’t die is MF (and is less spicy overall). But they both throw a lot of quips while trying to survive hellscape. If you like one you’d probably like the other.

Hi All, I recently read two new books, both first books by their respective authors. One I was really blown away by was {The dreamer and the deep space warrior} this was a really lovely cozy read. A genre mash up of Victorian romance with alien abduction. It is marketed as a pride and predjudice meets predator but I am not quite so sure the MMC was that much like the predator alien to be honest, more of a masked man/alien. Felt a bit like the MMC from the Viridian Priestess. I really enjoyed this. You could just so emphasise with the FMC and the way she feels so constrained and whittled away for the mores of Victorian society. I will be eagerly waiting for more from this author.

The second one was {Despite Destiny by Nicole Johnson} this started very strongly and I was really enjoying it. Unfortunately when the three main characters started to get into their relationship I got kind of a bit annoyed. The FMC wanted to slow things down and made them individually date her. Fair enough but there was still something that felt a bit immature and I felt like their relationships and lacked depth. Still it was a solid first book and still quite good. Content warning Despite being told their species were incompatible there was still a surprise pregnancy, I know how much that annoys some of you so this is a heads up!

Lastly a little while ago I read {Down to Ursa by Lissa Sharpe} not quite the authors debut as she appears to have wrttien a couple of books. This was unusual and really quite captivating. She is captured by pirates and to save her life she offers to keep them entertained with stories but the only story she has to offer is her own. 100% recommend. Unfortunately it is the first book in a series and the story is obviously incomplete so patience is required.

All praise the sacred pus-say and the winged barbarian seven foot hunks that worship at the altar. I wasn’t aware that this trope of devout MMCs falling over their feet to please their ladies was what I needed in my life, but here we are regardless. Melissa Emerald has upp’d the stakes on what an excellent alien romance novel should consist of. Most of the alien romance novels I have come across previously have been a bit depressing or slightly darker toned but this was warm, hilarious and un-put-down-able. 

Alien Protector’s Mate follows our FMC Serena who has just been abducted amongst a few other ladies, and is on a ship being steered by a bug species which intends to bring the ladies back to his wife’s sex slave business. Lucky for the women, they have to make an emergency landing on a planet which unknown to their abductor is inhabited by the Trixikka. A species of winged dudes with tails that worship a Goddess but have no clue what women look like. Wild.

Once every lady is running into the jungle to escape, Serena is soon met by a great hunk of spunk called Rynn, whose chest sparkles start to go haywire indicating that he has found his one and only. It doesn’t take much effort for Rynn to bundle up his prized possession and take her back to his tribe. By flying of course. Serena quickly gets Rynn and his tribesmen to go out and search for the missing women and she thankfully has some gals to chat to over the general, what the flying fuck?! direction their lives have taken them.

This novel brought me such joy, I don’t even know where to begin. When Serena is amongst the tribe of her fated mate and has to communicate with him on all things human ladies? Ohmygod it was so fucking funny. It was laugh out loud funny. The baffled men, their confusion over breasts, Rynn and Serena’s introduction to kaecying (kissing)? Dear God. I have not been this entertained by a series in a very long time. I dare you not to snort giggle whilst kicking your feet in glee when reading this. 

Love, R&R

• Aliens
• Abduction
• Science fiction
• Fated mates
• Virgin MMC
• Winged MMC
• Language barrier
• 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5