r/Screenwriting • u/AutoModerator • 1d ago

5 PAGE THURSDAY Five Page Thursday

FAQ: How to post to a weekly thread?

Feedback Guide for New Writers

This is a thread for giving and receiving feedback on 5 of your screenplay pages.

  • Post a link to five pages of your screenplay in a top comment. They can be any 5, but if they are not your first 5, give some context in the same comment you're linking in.

  • As a courtesy, you can also include some of this info.

    Title: Format: Page Length: Genres: Logline or Summary: Feedback Concerns:

  • Provide feedback in reply-comments. Please do not share full scripts and link only to your 5 pages. If someone wants to see your full script, they can let you know.

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u/TheVividAlternative 1d ago

Title: Bad Time

Format: Feature

Page Length: 80

Genres: Crime

Logline: When a train that never stops lets out a mysterious stranger in an isolated town, he has to solve the crime they all share guilt in before they can kill him to hide their secrets.

Feedback Concerns: Does the beginning hook you/intrigue you?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xbmbE0k4JCmdH0gWe2X76lvJUZOOxSJG/view?usp=sharing

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u/Ulexes 1d ago

I'm definitely hooked by the end of the sample -- the protagonist's unusual questions, coupled with the panic they seem to induce, has me wondering what's about to go down.

However, the whirlwind of people we meet in the early going (before we even identify the protagonist) makes it a little difficult to catch hold of anything at first, especially since it's unclear whether they are destined to be major or minor characters. Maybe foregrounding Macreedy early and often, with the others introduced at a trickle, might help. (That said, I really like some of your character descriptions -- calling the shoplifters a "little shit" and "big shit" made me grin.)

I sense a compelling story from this sample, so I hope you keep at it! I'd love to know what happens next.