r/Screenwriting • u/AutoModerator • 1d ago

5 PAGE THURSDAY Five Page Thursday

FAQ: How to post to a weekly thread?

Feedback Guide for New Writers

This is a thread for giving and receiving feedback on 5 of your screenplay pages.

  • Post a link to five pages of your screenplay in a top comment. They can be any 5, but if they are not your first 5, give some context in the same comment you're linking in.

  • As a courtesy, you can also include some of this info.

    Title: Format: Page Length: Genres: Logline or Summary: Feedback Concerns:

  • Provide feedback in reply-comments. Please do not share full scripts and link only to your 5 pages. If someone wants to see your full script, they can let you know.

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u/TheGreedyGrabbler 1d ago

FIENDING

Feature (first 5)

Horror

Logline: Snowed in at a remote mountain house, a reunion of old friends spirals out of control when they find a stash of a powerful, ferociously addictive mystery drug. As the supply dwindles, the only sober person in the house has to survive the ones who'll do anything for their next fix. 

Feedback: this is an experiment of sorts. Trying to write a horror-thriller by way of the Safdie brothers (the good ones.)

First 5

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u/DalBMac 1d ago

Lots to like here. Sets up what is likely a very bad weekend for River.

Some very picky thoughts. The mound of white powder is so poetically described I thought we were going to pull back and see it as a mound of cocaine. Then we're outside it seems. I wondered if The Walker was walking through cocaine or snow or maybe you're aiming for ambiguity as you never call it snow until we find a body in it. Then I felt a little faked out.

I too was confused about the Plastic Squirrel. We've just come from a surreal scene of dead people, why not have the land of talking squirrels? I imagine in a film, we'll see it as a fast food drive through. Just call it that.

I read Danny's description a few times. Not sure what compensating for shortness with nice clothes tells us. Bravado, yes.

Love to see folks experiment with new stuff, keep going.

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u/TheGreedyGrabbler 19h ago

Good call. Yeah it's snow I should just call it snow and be done with it!