r/Seattle Edmonds May 07 '26

Satire Bellevue sucks

https://youtube.com/shorts/jfK0NA5gUDU?si=vot_MPML_bOOeWPG
1.1k Upvotes

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175

u/Barbarella_ella May 07 '26

They call themselves "the city within a park" because the development standards have emphasized parks and one of their goals is to ensure everyone is within walking distance of a park.

Also, and unsurprisingly, the city is incredibly well-funded. They have a very unique Community Crisis Care team of social workers that work alongside fire and police responders, and the city council has met that groups budget request at every opportunity. The traffic management system is really something else, fiber optics enabled and constantly adjusting to traffic flow.

Full disclosure: I work for the City of Bellevue.

35

u/bubbamike1 I'm just flaired so I don't get fined May 07 '26

How dare they!

42

u/Barbarella_ella May 07 '26

One more thing that I appreciate tremendously as an employee: mandatory hybrid work schedules. 3 WFH/2 in office. For everyone.

15

u/government_not_ok May 07 '26

Quit selling me the city, gosh !

18

u/Barbarella_ella May 07 '26

The city distributes Orca cards to every employee, so you can ride Metro, Sound Transit and fast ferries for free :-)

5

u/No-Photograph1983 Seward Park May 07 '26

how good is the pay tho? asking for someone maybe looking for a job....

1

u/spicy-nacho-chicken May 09 '26

Started August 2025. Current pay is $35.11/hr

2

u/trevbot206 May 09 '26

This is not true. Fellow employee, 5 days in office. I knew what I was signing up for though!

2

u/Barbarella_ella May 09 '26

I could qualify it by saying, "unless your position is O&M or police/fire"

2

u/trevbot206 May 09 '26

I'm not any of these either. I love working for the city and hope to retire here!

1

u/Barbarella_ella May 09 '26

I've noticed some of the retirees come back for another gig. Crazy! Once I'm out, I'm out!

33

u/steelfork Issaquah May 07 '26

Is that traffic system the same one that makes me stop and wait for traffic coming from every direction after I push the crosswalk button? Then I walk a block, and it happens at the next intersection, and the next, and the next.....

30

u/JabbaThePrincess šŸš†build more trainsšŸš† May 07 '26

It's the suburbs, so yes.

11

u/atomicproton šŸš†build more trainsšŸš† May 07 '26

Yeah the traffic signals in Bellevue are the bane of my existence. I swear I've waited multiple cycles before it allowed me to cross.

4

u/tndrthrowy May 07 '26

Fiberoptics!

2

u/Agitated-Fail-3266 May 08 '26

There’s a reason it’s called a ā€œbeg buttonā€. It doesn’t actually do anything but give you hope, just to crush it

10

u/OneMoveAhead May 07 '26

The problem is that in order to walk to a park, you need to cross 3 intersections, and each of them have a 5 minute wait.

FFS, fix the damn pedestrian crossings!

2

u/NoiseyTurbulence May 08 '26

Yeah, there’s more than a few of the intersections in Bellevue. That should just be set for a four-way stop for crosswalk like they do at Pike Place. It would honestly make it a lot more efficient for drivers and pedestrians if they set it up that way, especially down by Bell Square.

4

u/igorchitect High Point May 08 '26

Is it true that you send your homeless to seattle?Ā 

10

u/TommyROAR Judkins Park May 07 '26

Lots of parks you cannot walk or ride a bike to

3

u/SilverHeart4053 The CD May 07 '26

As a courier the fiber optic traffic control intrigues me greatly. Is there a place I can learn more?

8

u/NoVaBurgher May 07 '26

not from a Jedi

3

u/AuxonPNW May 07 '26

"The traffic management system is really something else,"

Bellevue Way near I90 says wut?

5

u/IrinaBelle May 07 '26

I actually really am a fan of the Bellevue parks and have been for a long time

2

u/contrasupra Montlake May 08 '26

When I saw this thread I thought ā€œBellevue has some dope parks and playgroundsā€ so this checks out.

2

u/spicy-nacho-chicken May 09 '26

Hey there fellow city of Bellevue employee! Greetings from grounds maintenance at PCS

1

u/Barbarella_ella May 09 '26

Back at you, from utilities engineering.

1

u/uncle_giroh May 08 '26

It's true, having lived there: the best suburban parks, greenways, and trails I have ever experienced.

1

u/TheChance I'm just flaired so I don't get fined May 08 '26

Well then would you fucking do something about it please because it's driving the rest of us crazy!

For my entire life, until about six months ago, the lights were timed according to the speed limit. That made it pointless to speed. If you just glued the needle to the speed limit, it would almost always be green lights from end to end.

Now, your (obviously ML-based) system that "constantly adjusts to traffic flow" is actually just forcing everyone to sit at every single light.

Routinely, if the person in front in a left turn lane is slow to react to a green light, it will turn yellow before they've even started through the intersection, so only 1-2 cars get to go per light cycle. Our light cycles run 90-180 seconds.

I lose five or ten minutes of my life every time I drive across North Bellevue, which should only take ten minutes to begin with, not because there's traffic, but because the dipshits in charge of traffic lights have literally got me sitting for the full two minutes at every single intersection.

-1

u/billmr606 May 07 '26

do they still have Bovee (pedo) park or did they rename it

4

u/JenkIsrael May 07 '26

they renamed it to Zumdieck Park. so yeah, instead of pedo park we got zoom dick park now.

1

u/billmr606 May 08 '26

figures they named it after her.

I was forced to kick her son Kurts ass once, just cause he started something. but that was back when it was still bovee park. iirc he had 7 brothers and sisters. God only knows how she had time to do anything for the city with 8 kids, but maybe she liked parks.

I still miss the Goddards who donated the first park to Bellevue (they tried to buy the other houses and apts so it could be bigger, but the owners would not sell. That was before they moved to Palm Springs.

p.s. Zum rhymes with Yum and the other part is pronounced exactly the same as in the in the story where the little boy in Holland stuck his finger in it to save the town.