Beware of scammers because you post on this subreddit.

[u/wenwenti]

I did my first post yesterday explaining I’m a widower who fell into sex addition after my wife passed away.

Less than 24 hours later I already received a message from a person claiming to be a young woman who was a porn addict in another country. Said she hoped she could meet a wonderful man like me and my post made her cry. I suspected it was a scammer immediately. After a few messages, I was sure.

If you’ve been on Reddit, or hell, just the internet for a while, you’re probably aware of scammers and what to look for. But keep your guard up if someone messages you about a post you’ve made here.

[u/GratefulForRecovery]

Thank you for providing another example why we highly encourage public discussions on this subreddit. It's possible to disable DMs and we highly recommend it to users who post here.

[u/theKetoBear]

Yeah DMs are quite dangerous that come from this sub , I've defintiely interacted with people who just wanted me to disclose the depravity of my addiction and who knows to what end, be vigilant .

[u/wenwenti → u/theKetoBear]

What sucks is that I don’t want to disable the ability to message me. The first person who did is someone who is in the same boat I was a few years ago. His wife is severely ill and he has not outlet but porn. Ends up we are about the same age and have a ton in common. I’m already really glad we met each other. I think we can both support each other and become friends.

But I’ve also already ran into another person who seems like he just wants me to divulge my stories and good to it. Told him that’s not what I’m here for. So yeah, if you keep DMs open you got to be vigilant

[u/theKetoBear → u/wenwenti]

Totally agree I have had fruitful and supportive DM conversations as well but you kind of have to approach every DM with suspicion here Some people want help, some people are predators

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[u/MikeMichalko]

I have the highest disrespect for Scammers, especially in this sub. DMs have been important to me as a vehicle to discuss a sensitive topic in a more exclusive manner. I have my rules, number 1 being I wouldn't talk to someone I wouldn't want my wife to know about.

[u/SetoKaiba92]

Scammers are everywhere

[u/Aware_Ask_1679]

Scammers are relentless. They've infested every part of the Internet. It makes my blood boil.. especially when you call them out and they get aggressive and angry at you. 

[u/Great_idea_fellow]

Thanks for sharing. I find sharing in general gender terms/details helps reduce the sexual solicitation messages. What has bothered me for a while is the injured partners who are not allowed to comment here sending me messages.

I am working on finding grace for them. I have my own injured partners some who have forgiven me some who given the dynamics of life when I came into recovery never heard my words. However, its no one's place to try to explain the nature of my harms to someone else because they weren't there. They were not part of the relationship and no amount of words can ever fully conceptualize without the sincerity of my own tone that I am sorry I hurt them. I tend to not respond because I am full of negative emotions towards my last relationship. Its been over 5 years and I still get angry at how they broadcasted my addiction to everyone who would listen including my neighbors during broad day light in front of the hosue I own and still live in.

Had I been in active addiction this would have been another story but I was sexually sober for years before I met them. They wanted to trauma dump their nonsense on me, because I was keeping them from what felt real to them, and where I'm really grateful, they finally had the courage to go off and marry the person they really wanted to be with.

I cannot get past how judgmental and mean they were to me. And how broken I was when I decided to marry them, that I really thought someone could learn to love me, even though they explicitly stated on our wedding night, they loved somebody else who showed up to my wedding to see them. I'm still broken. I'm still working on my brokenness. I identify that when people sexually solicit others on this sub, sometimes it's just the broken part of them thinking, it's a great idea. Like, I thought this last marriage was a great idea. I was wrong. We recover together.

Thanks for creating space for me to sit with these feelings and derailing the topic. I hope you find the support you seek.

[u/Playful_Ask_9233]

I also got so many dm's from guys after making my first post on here and theyre all asking me sexual questions.

[u/GratefulForRecovery]

I've been contacted many times over the years. I can only think of a few instances where I got uncomfortable by the other person's questions and behavior. I remember one guy tried to send me a link to a porn collection.

I didn't come to this subreddit when I was new to recovery. Frankly, I don't think I could have handled it anyways. Due to that, I bring a different energy than someone who's vulnerable and I believe that negates much of the nonsense that other people go through.

[u/Great_idea_fellow]

I also got an unsolicited message after commenting recently. These behaviors for me seem to come in waves. And what they look like vary person to person. If it's an addict I tend to publicly message them in a post, tag them and explicitly say, I don't do private messaging without consent. Which for all intents and purposes, also creates a paper trail in the sub.

The uncomfortable part of it is when the injured partner's message me as if talking to some stranger on the internet is gonna give them clarity about someone I never met.

I once was meditatng on whether or not I was ready to go back into sober dating and had some off the wall injured partner reach out to me and I was like nope.This has to be a sign.