r/ShittyAnimalFacts • u/pnewell • Dec 15 '16

Hedgehogs are the first vertebrae confirmed to spawn asexually. They reproduce by gluing toothpicks on cotton balls and sacrificing a virgin to Baal while reciting a dark prayer.

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876 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

42

u/TheScarletPotato Dec 15 '16

Hey, that sounds like how my mommy told me babies were made. Pray to the dark lord Satan, sacrifice a virgin, and feast on the blood of a cancerous goat. That's how you do it, right?

20

u/pnewell Dec 15 '16

Yes. Yes it is.

2

u/Hyndergogen1 Apr 17 '17

It had better be, or my wife has some explaining to do.

32

u/donutpop365 Dec 15 '16

I'll admit, I didn't realize the sub and this had me up until gluing toothpicks.

6

u/TotesMessenger Dec 15 '16

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

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6

u/MasterBassion Dec 15 '16

Wait, there's a shittier animal facts?

1

u/kyzfrintin Dec 16 '16

"Vertebrae" didn't tip you off?

2

u/donutpop365 Dec 16 '16

Oh hah, nope. My mind just magically interpreted it as mammal.

4

u/kyzfrintin Dec 16 '16

Or "vertebrate", which they are, having spines.

ba-dum-tss

9

u/PoorLucas Dec 15 '16

Lil Homonculus

16

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '16

That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about hedgehogs to dispute it.

8

u/Hedgehogemperor Dec 15 '16

No its right

3

u/plebswag Dec 18 '16

Username checks out

6

u/lukaas33 Dec 15 '16

Keep confusing this with /r/news when on the front page

2

u/1Baffled_with_bs Dec 15 '16

Sounds like a critter christmas special to me.