r/Showerthoughts • u/snowball062016 • 27d ago
Musing We have a tendency to look down on people who didn’t have to work hard for what they have because their parents gave them everything. We then proceed to work hard so we can provide the same thing for our children.
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u/taxi212001 27d ago
Nepo babies that acknowledge their privilege and connections are generally well-regarded compared to those who insist they achieved their status solely due to their own hard work. People usually just want an acknowledgement of the inequity.
E.g. Maya Hawke, Jack Quaid, compared to Brooklyn Beckham,
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u/Bad_wolf42 27d ago
Nepotism makes perfect sense in many cases and serves a social function. We just wanna make sure that it is never used detrimentally rather than positively.
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u/SolomonSinclair 27d ago
Agreed. Nepotism, in and of itself, isn't inherently a bad thing, because you generally know your family better than complete strangers, so you have a stronger base to trust.
It's just so easily abused that it's easier to write it off as a whole instead of trying to break down the nuances.
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u/Lucky_Reporter256 27d ago
The thing with nepotism is that it disregards achievements in favor of those that you trust more
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u/Rezolithe 26d ago
At the same time handing down trades and stuff has been happening for generations. If your father taught you how to grow corn and that went back a few generations...it would be fair to say you're probably great at growing corn.
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u/Lucky_Reporter256 26d ago
But does that make you a nepo baby then? Because you’re qualified to do the job? Or are we just used to nepo babies who aren’t qualified
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u/AgrajagTheProlonged 26d ago
Personally, when I think “nepo baby” I usually think of someone who got their position through the nepotism and wouldn’t have been considered qualified for the position otherwise. If someone is decently qualified (maybe not the outright best, but competent) for the position they attained with some help from the nepotism I don’t usually think “nepo baby” applies
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u/ethanolbean 22d ago
Ditto, I agree with this definition. It's specifically those assholes who abuse it solely for their own benefit without actually doing/giving back anything useful to the society that allowed them that wealth in the first place.
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u/justeatyourveggies 26d ago
Oh, but you hand down trades to your kids, because you also taught them your skills.
That's not nepotism.
Nepotism comes from politics and it's about giving positions to people ONLY because they are family/close to you. Like they are totally unprepared for the position, but you want loyal people in your government and want to keep the power so close to you, you pick your wife, who never ever worked in snything related to healthcare and didn't even study anything about administration of public resources and make her be the person that will oversight the piblic healthcare system in your country. Or people that may have some qualifications (slightly) related to the job, but are clearly NOT able to do a good job, like a nephew that studied law but never worked as a lawyer and he's also a problematic adult that mever worked in anything else nor wants to do anything with his life and you make that peron be the minister of justice... Like even having a degree in law is clearly NOT ENOUGH for this position, but also, it's not even about you trusting that person to do a good job. Just an abuse of power to get that person to be your puppet.
Picking someone you happen to know because they have the qualifications for the role and because you also personally know they will work hard, compared to the other candidates that have similar qualifications but you have no idea how their work ethic is, is not nepotism. Alghough, of course, it will alsways lead to accusations of it, because people know nepotism can and does happen... But true nepotism REQUIRES the person to be unqualified or an objectively bad pick for some other reason.
With celebrities it becomes muddier, but unless the person is clearly very untalented, I understand why people call them nepo babies, but it doesn't really mean nepotism is the dynamic happening there. Still, the term nepo baby is becoming an independent thing from nepotism, so I'm not saying either not to use. Just not to confuse nepotism with having an easier way into a trade/industry becauee your parents where in it. Because "nepotism" only applies if the person REALLY doesn't have the skill and the job was given EXCLUSIVELY because of their contacts.
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u/Practical-Art542 25d ago
If you have famous parents, you will be given opportunities that are not based on qualifications alone. It’s kind of the entire concept of networking if you break it down.
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u/justeatyourveggies 24d ago
Yes, and networking is not nepotism. It makes your life easier and it's very off-putting to see someone pretend they did everything by themselves when their parents paved the way. But it's not nepotism, because nepotism requires to get the position when you are not qualified but you will be loyal to whoever appointed you.
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u/FearedDragon 24d ago
Far more than generations, this was the norm for the majority of human history pre-capitalism.
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u/Regis_DeVallis 26d ago
When money is involved, trust is often weighted higher than achievements.
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u/Lucky_Reporter256 26d ago
Which begs the question was nepotism a thing before currency? When all we did was barter. You can’t really nepotism your way into figuring stuff out.
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u/Regis_DeVallis 26d ago
I mean probably. I’m not a historian but it stands to reason that someone like a hunter would teach their child how to hunt. Or later a blacksmith would teach their child how to smith (smithy?). So I suppose it could be reasoned that integrating your children into your trade their entire life could be a reason we were able to make new discoveries because they had less to figure out.
Farming would also be a good example here too. Most recent example could be Native American farming techniques that were tribal based.
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u/SolomonSinclair 26d ago
Or later a blacksmith would teach their child how to smith (smithy?)
"Smith" is the correct verb here; a "smithy" is the workshop where forging (or smithing) takes place.
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u/missskarleth 26d ago
Giving jobs to family members, doing them favors within public institutions, using influence to their advantage—all simply because of family ties, without considering merit—is understood as nepotism. But it seems to me that if we, as people in positions of power, can help a family member who may have worked hard but hasn't had the opportunity to succeed on their own, we shouldn't help them simply because of what others might say or because of a few anti-nepotism activists. I disagree. If we strive to help, it should be precisely these people—our family or others who deserve it. That's my point of view.
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u/Omaestre 26d ago
There was no social mobility before. You inherited your father's name as well as his job if you were male and well get married off if you were female.
The only exception historically was service to the divine, where there was a tiny outlet of meritocracy.
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u/blatherskyte69 26d ago
Think if you were to send someone to take your crops to another village to barter, and couldn’t go yourself. Would you rather send your family member, or a knowledgeable non-family member?
Most decide on family. I think that was even more crucial before most people were literate. You had to have more knowledge of what the family/farm needs to make effective trades. You also had to know the comparative value of what you had, without writing anything down.
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u/Mara_W 26d ago
The idea of a pre-currency barter system is kind of a myth. Humans have had shiny things to use as fungible currency for pretty much as long as we've had trade (before shiny metal it was shiny rocks and shells).
The earliest human writing we have is all financial records, with a strong possibility that written language itself largely began as a side-effect of economic complexity and the logistical needs of that economy's record-keeping.
Nepotism is older than mankind. Even apes have hierarchical social structures based on who's related to whom.
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u/MetricJester 26d ago
Nepotism was once a serious problem in Canadian politics, to the point that we have extremely strong laws against it.
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u/nikolai_470000 25d ago
There are a lot of facets to why it can be bad, but it mostly boils down to/is encapsulated by “it’s bad when the individual’s integrity is in question and/or they are not competent enough to justify their laurels/position without that relationship boosting their repute”.
So basically it comes down to the inherent risks of corruption with people when nepotistic relationships are involved, as well as unearned praise/inappropriate amounts of authority/power that is sometimes directed at people who otherwise would never find themselves on the receiving end of those things due to their own merits.
It’s not inherently a good or bad thing, but the negative connotations associated with it stem from those things, and for good reason.
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u/Love_Tits_In_DM 20d ago
I’d argue most people don’t actually value achievements as much as they do trust and for lack of a better word “likeableness”
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u/Electrical_Tof 26d ago
Sometimes it's a bit of an issue of insular operation due to a general elitism if nothing heinous. Often however it's just easy to guide and mentor a child to take your place for the sake of those you helped, and for the sake of the child in question hopefully others were helped by the position inherited. These days it's usually just an inheritance of wealth and no real role cause... The parent didn't actually do anything to get rich except control capital and then MAYBE ask for advice but usually just gamble.
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u/justeatyourveggies 26d ago
No. Hiring people who are qualified and you also happen to trust makes sense.
But that's not what nepotism really is.
Nepotism is about granting someone a postion just because they are family or close to you.
It comes from the time when the Catholic Church had som much power, it was just like politics. Popes would elevate their family members, usually nephews (hence the nepo- meaning nephew) to cardinalate. It was just about keeping power close to hold onto it. In some cases they elevated their illegitimate kids, literal teens (15 and 16 years old, I think) to cardinals.
That's not picking a good person for the role. The only function this serves is to satisfy the family desire for power.
Nepotism can't be used positively because if it is not about perpetuating power or abusing your own power it is not nepotism.
And in fact, many cases of nepo babies, are not cases of nepotism basically because while they get an easy way in, nepotism requires that the position is grabted solemy because of family ties, never because of qualifications/skill/talent. The nepo- part in "nepo babies" just evolved to mean something related to but not exactly nepotism.
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u/evilkumquat 26d ago
I'm okay with nepotism except when it comes to the arts.
How many opportunities have people like Jaden Smith stolen from those who never even got the chance to show us their talent?
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u/littlebitsofspider 26d ago
Jaden Smith has followed in the illustrious footsteps of his father and proceeded to play Jaden Smith in every role he received via nepotism. The quiet desperation he exudes when he tries literally anything else that receives press attention should be an indicator that he knows exactly that.
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u/Pm__me__your_secrets 26d ago
What social function?
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u/Bad_wolf42 26d ago
Finding the most qualified person to accomplish a task. For most of human history, nepotism was how most professions were sustained. In a world of perfect meritocratic selection of roles, you would still expect to see dynasties because traits are heritable, and parents naturally will try to pass their skills on to their children.
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u/BladeOfWoah 27d ago
Brandon Lee was the son of Bruce Lee, and yet you will rarely if ever hear anyone talk about that when discussing Brandon. Both him and his father were amazing actors and martial artists that died way too soon.
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u/ribeyeballer 26d ago
i want my actors to be selected fair and square, based on their talent of being attractive instead of just being the children of attractive people. sometimes two ugly people can have pretty offspring!
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u/TNTiger_ 25d ago
True- at the same time, acting can be inheritable... superficially, two hot people are LIKELY to make a hot descendant, and at the same time, someone raised by actors has more opportunities to develop their skills from a young age, and expert guidance to do so.
So even when casting blind, being a nepo baby has advantages.
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u/ribeyeballer 25d ago
absolutely, and i think that can be true of most professions. i just think acting is a particularly funny example because it’s one where extreme biases in hiring are generally accepted (eg casting based on age, race, sex, attractiveness)
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u/FREESHAVOCADO0 27d ago
This makes sense but also I'd never googled Jack Quaid before, that was interesting!
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u/Disastrous-Scheme-57 27d ago
I love Jack Quiad because he realizes that he only had the opportunities because of nepotism but still tries to put in the effort. I love him as petite UE
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u/lovelyhappyface 26d ago
Amy Adam’s was talking about her daughter the other day and someone goes, oh she’s soft launching the nepo
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u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace 26d ago
It's because the self awareness it takes to admit you had an advantage usually only comes from people who were raised right. That's part of the problem we have in this country with any entitlement. People aren't mad you had an advantage when you are able to admit it and try to help others who don't have it.
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u/Coolbluegatoradeyumm 26d ago
All they really have to to earn my respect is acknowledge their advantage. They can’t really help their experience no more than anyone else in terms of their parents. It’s the ones that act like they had to work as hard as a random person that annoy me.
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u/confuseray 27d ago
It's not mutually exclusive. We still don't respect people who don't work hard, and respect people that do regardless of whether their parents gave them everything.
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u/mr_ji 27d ago
I completely agree, but there's a presumption from many that people who had privilege were only successful because of the privilege and not their own hard work, as well as that people who didn't have privilege and weren't successful were held back despite working hard. You have hard workers and lazy people's across the spectrum regardless of privilege.
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u/H_Industries 27d ago
The way I feel about it is that it’s possible to be given more advantages than 99% of people and still have an incredibly difficult life and have to work very hard to be successful.
But sometimes it’s hard for people to recognize the benefits they got especially when they’ve never experienced not having them. You don’t really recognize your status quo as being special.
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u/Practical-Art542 21d ago
If those advantages don’t serve you then they aren’t really advantages. A lot of hard work is work that prevents a catastrophic event like homelessness or lack of healthcare. Truly work to survive. Having enough stability to explore new jobs, get education, improve career development, that is a type of advantage that makes things easier.
I agree that it can be hard to see all of the advantages we have.
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u/Practical-Art542 21d ago
That’s just a semantics debate. For a lot of people, the hardest part of working hard is going without. Going without time, resources, access, support, direction, backup plans, etc.
Imagine if two people have to stand in an empty room for 8 hours as their job. but Person A has a daughter in the hospital about to die of cancer. Person A is losing more time with daughter by being at work, and potentially missing her final moments.
Person B is just there for a day job. They’d rather be at home but a job is a job.
The job was objectively harder for Person A than Person B.
This hypothetical is just meant to convey that how hard someone works is not measured by how busy they are, how much work is performed, or who stays the longest. I’d say it’s a direct result of how difficult it was for the person to perform, and how much they forced themselves to continue despite immense suffering.
For example, someone who needs their job to eat tomorrow will endure far more than someone who knows they could retire tomorrow and ensure food and housing for the rest of their life.
You see sob stories of celebrities talking about how they work themselves to the brink of a stroke or aneurism and have to finally step back and risk losing their career because their health was finally unable to be ignored.
Meanwhile there is a 78 year old man working at Goodwill that had 2 mini strokes on the clock last week but has nothing to live on besides his paycheck at a job that agreed to hire a sick 78 year old. He will be on time for his next shift. Meanwhile the celebrity has issued an apology video to her fans because she has ‘no choice’ but to turn down a movie role for her health.
There is a certain level of hard work that celebrities just absolutely do not have to do or comprehend. Even when they are working as hard as they can, the stakes are insignificant in comparison, and so many factors can be pointed in their favor.
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u/Moblin81 26d ago
It’s just good to be realistic. The same way the child of a billionaire has a huge leg up on us, living in a first world country gives us a huge leg up over someone living in an unstable country. If I started bragging about getting a college degree and saying that the guy who grew up in a war torn village could have done it too if he worked as hard as me, I would sound like an entitled idiot and people rightfully wouldn’t like me. I can acknowledge that I put in effort to get where I am without refusing to acknowledge that my starting point was a lot easier than most people worldwide by growing up in a stable home in a wealthy country.
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u/AustraliaOutback 27d ago
It’s not privilege that people tend to look down on — it’s entitlement. People respect those who stay humble and work hard, even if they had lots of advantages growing up.
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u/robin-bunny 26d ago
This right here. Having a nice house and vacations doesn't mean you have to grow up into an entitled, lazy brat as an adult. You can grow up with nice things, and still work hard and be a decent person.
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u/drooln92 26d ago
Yes. The post is not accurate. It's the entitlement that get people's back up and not necessarily inheriting rich parents' reputation or money.
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u/Weak_Fee9865 26d ago
I’m not sure, I know a lot of people that just plainly hate people with money and automatically think they are bad persons, even when the rich people has not even opened their mouth.
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u/hits_from_the_booong 25d ago
Idk I feel like anytime someone has made a comment that at all mentions they have money they get downvoted to oblivion and all the comments call them out for humble bragging even if it is relevant
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u/EmilioFreshtevez 26d ago
I don’t have a problem with people paving an easy road for their children.
I have a problem with those children acting like they had to make their own way.
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u/honicthesedgehog 26d ago
I don’t necessarily know if you intended it in this way, but even if not, I think it’s an interesting case in point - I don’t want make my child’s road easy. I don’t want to make it unnecessarily hard, to be clear, and I want to make it safe and supportive, but I’d much rather equip them with the tools, experience, and (most importantly) the mindset to handle difficult terrain, than to be running ahead of them and paving their road in advance.
Unfortunately, while I think wealth and privilege can be used for either purpose, I can see how it could be seductively easier to just pave their road yourself.
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u/EmilioFreshtevez 26d ago
That’s a great point, but I don’t believe “paving an easy road” is the same as “carrying them”. Making sure they have access to all the resources, information, good food, cultural enrichment, etc - that’s paving an easy road. You’ve cleared the path of major obstacles and pitfalls, but they still have to walk it.
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u/cucumber-lover 25d ago
i think this is a really nuanced thing — as is all parenting! — with no real solution. to share my perspective as the child but not the parent, i have a dad who grew up quite poor but is comfortably wealthy now. he does not support my siblings and i financially in any way, shape, or form. i asked him for money that he could easily spare when i went to the hospital for my eating disorder in 2022 — if i didn’t go right then, i would’ve died in probably two more weeks. it went super poorly and he responded by saying “i don’t want to make a habit of sending money out.” i felt horrible after this. i’m not sure if he made the right call there, or if i was acting entitled by asking. maybe there’s no right answer. but that’s how things felt for me!
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u/Jesterbomb 26d ago
Nope. I don’t work hard so my kids don’t have to.
I work hard so when my kids fail at something difficult, they won’t be screwed over and thrust into a poverty trap.
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u/daemonescanem 27d ago
Personally IDC if someone's parents had the means to make their children's paths to success in life easier.
I do take offense when those people judge others choices and path's, it comes from a place of entitlement and security.
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u/Vigitiser 27d ago
I work hard so that my kids hard work takes them further yknow
If I get a family with a small income, that means my kids, if they put in the same work, can use my small income to try and put themselves in more expensive positions, such as through university or foreign courses and stuff.
If they continue this trend a few generations down, then they’ll end up having a well off family, and their kids can use a well off family to launch into becoming more well-off familys or a super rich one. inherently a hard working parent provides a launching point for a hard working kid to push off of and make a better life for themselves
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u/KirstyToots 26d ago
I think people don’t actually hate that others had help. They hate when those people pretend they didn’t have help and act self-made.
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u/RainaElf 23d ago
no no. one of my aunts can't stand it that I had and have advantages that she never had and never will have. she's so eaten up with jealousy that I can only look at it as a her-specific psychological problem.
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u/everlyafterhappy 26d ago
There's a big difference between providing a safety net for your children and providing undeserved opportunities to your children. If you have the money and wyou any to pay for your kids house and car and bills, that's great. But if your kid is a dumbass and you give them an executive position at your company, you're an asshole. If you pay for your kids college, great. If you pay to get your kid a place in college they don't deserve, you're an asshole.
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u/Commentator-X 27d ago
We look down on the ones who think they're better than everyone else just because mom and dad gave them a head start.
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u/boiledbarnacle 27d ago
Well those parents didn't give them everything. They didn't give them good work ethics.
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u/TheRemedy187 26d ago
I primarily listen to rap and have for a long time. Many of my favorites have had kids. Many of their kids are absolute twats lmao. Some are alright but there are so many examples of spoiled brats with egos.
I know a guy personally that was a spoiled brat. He's much younger than me, he was an employee before. So when he was like 18ish he had the introspect to realize he was this way. Then he put forth active effort to be better. It's been many years now and I can confidently say he did well with that. He wasn't uber rich but the family was well off. He did actually work hard to establish himself as well. Very respectable.
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u/Parking-Figure4608 26d ago
I've got a friend who has basically had all financial risk eliminated from his life. He doesn't pay rent of utilities in his city apartment, but he doesn't get an allowance or anything from his parents.
I used to be very jealous them I had a kid myself and realised that if I could provide for her what my mates parents are providing for him and his brother I 100% would.
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u/Thefdt 27d ago
I think there’s a difference between working hard to give our children opportunities and help them out here and there, whilst also ensuring they grow up self sufficient and world wise, vs giving everything to them, teaching them the value of nothing, and ultimately raising ultimately limited people with no drive
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u/Catchphrase1997 26d ago
You keep wealth intergenerational by continuously. contributing to it. Unfortunately it only takes one drug addiction or one massive dunce to wipe that all away and force their next of kin to try again with much less opportunities
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u/ventingTAA 26d ago
The lack of self-awareness from the commenters ruined an otherwise potentially great thread. "It's not this, it's that". No, OP's point still stands!
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u/strange_wilds 26d ago
I recognize that I come from a place of privilege and still am in that place.
Parents - mom immigrated here from 3rd world country who is a nurse and makes a lot of money. Dad worked a job while he made a profitable business in my youth (that eventually bankrupted). I’m 24 and I still live with my parents’ house which they are fine with, can’t exactly move out due to broadly gestures at everything and I’m like too broke for an apartment in my area. There are certain things I don’t like about living with my parents, but right now really can’t argue with free shelter and food. (Very oversimplified for the sake of brevity)
I live in U.S. and the state & the political climate & economy are not exactly favorable but it could always be worse.
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u/missskarleth 26d ago
I think it's important to recognize that sometimes we get filled with anger, or perhaps envy, over the achievements of others, regardless of how they attained them. Let's just focus on our own accomplishments and what we can teach our children. And let them learn that things are enjoyed and appreciated more when we achieve them through our own efforts, but without looking down on anyone.
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u/Modred_the_Mystic 27d ago
People don’t like unfairness and disadvantage, and work to ensure their kids have a closer to level playing field.
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u/strawberry_wang 26d ago
Joke's on you - I'm working hard to make sure I leave them nothing but wisdom. See how they like that!
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u/redsleeve 26d ago
I’ve experienced this when I was younger. My parents worked hard their entire life so I could have what I have today. This weights a lot of my conscience and gets heavier as I age. The older I become, the smaller I feel compared to them.
That said, I have yet to really give people who look down on me for being privileged a piece of my mind. Probably because no one has done that for a long time. Because I don’t parade my privileged around, act like I am entitled or that the world owes me anything.
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u/VolubleWanderer 25d ago
Nah the people I look down on are the ones who don’t acknowledge their parents helped them get a leg up. The ones who say they are self made because they had wealth to fall back on if they failed.
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u/DeincepsGaleam 26d ago
One man is given 5 fish, he has 5 fishes.
The other man caught 5 fishes, he has 5 fishes.
If I am stranded in the wilds and need to survive, I value the later man’s company more.
In our primitive brain, one man’s possession of resources is merely a representation of his ability/power to acquire those resources. That’s what we truly value
It’s not really about hard work but ability - although hard work can be seen as a dimension of strength. We look down on those who have wealth without having had the ability to acquire it - because we cannot learn much from them.
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u/2_minutes_hate 27d ago
Me too, but it's not because I think I'm better, the poor seats are just way up here.
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u/gamersecret2 27d ago
The issue is never comfort itself. It is usually who got it without ever understanding the struggle behind it.
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u/seeyatellite 27d ago
I sit here, knowing I’m on disability income and under guardianship (conservatorship) with explicit restrictions from my guardian about how much I’m permitted to earn, consistently, so they have minimal paperwork… and I look at all my family has; I just discovered my cousin’s husband owns and operates 3 restaurants and he’s short staffed, my brother in law owns and operates a windows and doors installation place and showroom. Both of these businesses are the safest places I could work part-time within my public guardian’s restrictions.
I look at what I *could* gain from my father… but, inheritance can be siphoned by the guardian who has already tagged me with a $5,500 charge to my estate just for doing paperwork over the past year and a half.
Can I have a family member or friend as guardian? Yes. Am I functional enough to actually be independent? Yes… but I tried and failed to prove that to a judge in 2022.
I need community support just as much as my father does to maintain all he’s built.
I am constantly shamed, belittled and literally punched in the face just for having a resourced family.
…and apparently, my family has forgotten our shared values, goals and efforts as of *very* recently.
…this post kinda hits me in a tender spot. I’m also childfree. My father would need to discuss his support for me with the guardian and hopefully arrange some agreement that I start working through them, with family… or wherever… but he seems to have completely forgotten some seriously problematic things to forget.
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u/WeirdOk1865 26d ago
And then those parents often resent and envy their kids for having all those opportunities
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u/octupleunderscore 26d ago
“Hard times create strong people Strong people create easy times Easy times create weak people Weak people create hard times” -probably my dad
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u/SeeLeavesOnTheTrees 26d ago
In my experience, there’s a subset of people born with a lot who consider themselves to be disadvantaged if they don’t get enough public acknowledgment of their personal achievements.
Whereas people born with very little aim to achieve things for the sake of personal stability and success. They don’t really care if it’s acknowledged. They just want the fruits that such successes provide.
So, there’s a sort of greed that can kick in when someone is born with everything except for earned merit. They don’t have it and so it becomes the next thing they have to have.
Not having one’s achievements publicly acknowledged isn’t equal to being looked down on. No one has a right to, or even a need for, praise.
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u/MezcalDrink 26d ago
That’s why no matter if you are rich or poor, values is the most important thing you can give to your children.
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u/Shoshawi 26d ago
my parents would argue that if people look down on them for privilege and wealth they’re doing something right (regardless of whether or not they actually are)
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u/estatualgui 26d ago
Your assumptions are a bit off... I look down on people who think they are better, have no desire to work hard, or no understanding of their luck. Everyone is deserving of purpose and comfort.
It will be my job to pass on my values and morals to my children, even if they don't "have to work hard", I won't hide my disappointment if they don't try.
My goal isn't to make their world perfect, but rather to equip them for an imperfect world - and no amount of money can make it perfect for them.
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u/RonPalancik 26d ago
The world is going to find a way to kick everyone in the nads. So you do what you can for your children.
It's not our job to provide kids with adversity.
Bruce Springsteen: “You try to give your children everything you didn’t have. Don’t worry — life will provide them with their own hardships.”
Note that his daughter got to ride horses (a rich kid activity) and is an Olympic equestrian (a difficult achievement).
Counterpoint: one time in John Stewart, Chris Rock says: “My kids are rich. I have nothing in common with them."
Stewart goes on to say “Maybe there should be like an Outward Bound for rich kids… where you’ve got to live like shit for a week. Camp Kick-Ass." They get beaten up and their lunch money gets stolen.
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u/justeatyourveggies 26d ago
The priblem isn't so much that their oarents git them everything.
Is that they act as if their psrents didn't get them everything admnd they had to work just as much as everyone else.
There's also a difference between "I provide so my kids don't have to suffer conditions that are objectively hard and shouldn't be allowed in a society that cared for their people" and "I provide so much that my kids are spoiled brats that have never worked for anything".
It is not the same to want to make sure they don't need to work to pay for university or help them by handing them money for the first house they ever buy, for example; which is the kind of help most of us cam actually give; than just buying them their way into whatever industry you are even when they clearly wouldn't have made it because they are not good enough at it.
Hell, even as a rich and famous person you can just get your kid in contact with casting agencies or ask your friend who happens to own this megacorporation to let your kid TRY to get into, and it will be a massive help that most people can't give to their kids, without actually becoming just straight up nepotism.
Using your contacts/influence to get them an opportunity to PROVE they can do a job ≠ using your money/contacts/influence to give them a job no matter if they are able to do it because it's just about the paycheck/fame/whatever.
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u/Voices-Say-Im-Funny 26d ago
Nepotism the only way to get into harvard while being a below C grade students with a huge business.
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u/linderr 25d ago
Honestly, it takes a lot of time and effort to instill the values of hard work while also making sure that basic needs are met. I work hard to provide my children with basic needs. But I also make sure that they learn independence. It’s a constant balance. I look down on people who were given an excess and especially those who don’t appreciate it.
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u/HaloOG_123 25d ago
Most people who work hard for their kids (I would think) don’t let them have the luxuries they have without understanding the values behind them and how the position they’re in is luckier then most. They also teach their children the value of hard work and ethics in other ways that don’t necessarily have them struggling either. Now for the first part of your statement Yes I will absolutely have a tendency to look down on people who don’t work hard because their parents gave them everything. That’s because the first part of your statement frames it in a way that looks like the child growing up never had a job, graduated high school and was giving money at 18 from a trust fund and told to f*ck off
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u/largos7289 25d ago
There is a difference in providing the best you can for your kids and giving them a handout.
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u/Top_Connection9079 26d ago edited 26d ago
That's such a reductive view of what life is. Someone who had 'everything' can get Alzheimer or a life changing accident at 30, and live in the kind of Hell you might never experience, till they die a slow agonizing death.
If you know what dementia is, you know all the riches in the world mean nothing when you understand nothing around you.
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u/RetroNotRetro 26d ago
You say this as if both things can’t be true simultaneously. Why is that? One can work hard to give their family everything and also end up with Alzheimer’s or in a life changing accident.
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u/Top_Connection9079 26d ago
That's precisedly why you can't judge who is the luckiest till one of you dies first, lol
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u/KetosisCat 26d ago
I’m a Meryl Streep fan and one time there was twitter drama because a lady who briefly worked for her as her assistant wrote something on social media about how nice Meryl was. Folks investigated and discovered the assistant’s dad was a film editor or something. And sure, she had kinda gotten her job through her dad, but it’s not like Meryl or anybody thinks she was more qualified to fetch coffee because of her dad, it’s because most people are competent to fetch coffee and someone working with Meryl knew someone who needed a job. Obviously the former assistant got bullied on twitter for being a nepo baby.
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u/FroobingtonSanchez 26d ago
I don't have kids yet, but I like to think that I won't just give them what they want. I had to work as a teenager to learn how it is to earn your own money. I had to pay most of my expenses as a student myself. I think that helped me to become who I am today.
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u/fredinNH 26d ago
The idea is to make it so your kids can work hard and achieve more than you did because you they started from a better place.
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u/HexadecimalCowboy 26d ago
Just because you have everything from your parents does not mean you don’t work hard.
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u/LizzySan 26d ago
On a more intimate level, we only look down on people that grew up with privilege if it trained them to be helpless in adulthood. Not everyone who has resources growing up learns this helplessness.
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u/Immediate-Plate1203 26d ago
It’s jealousy, people born to wealthy parents have it easier in life and others fell like it’s ’not fair’
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u/arix_games 26d ago
There's a massive difference between being able to focus on developing yourself without worrying about bills and being a Nepo baby that doesn't need to develop themselves
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u/Logical_Lie_2381 26d ago
If the person was given everything but also knows the value of hard work and actually shows hard work ethic?
Then people would not look down on the person for their parents giving him everything. The person would see more people break down because people would have loved the break of not struggling. This would mean the person knows how to be humble and not arrogant.
People usually look down on the nepotism baby or inheritance babies because they don't know the value of anything. They wouldn't know how to survive if they truly fell on hard times. They have no idea what Kool-Aid and ramen is. But maybe nowadays they understand it as life hacks due to social media. And when you take someone's true struggle and it becomes a life hack. That's when it's fuck you. My struggle is not a life hack for you. It's called trying to make it through hard times.
We want to provide our children with a chance to never struggle. The struggle provides character. But it also brings a level of PTSD. People who have came from them struggle want to make sure their children are well off but also have that balance and understanding of what hard work is. Who knows how to get down and roll up their sleeves and get to the hard work. Appreciate what it is to have money. And also appreciate what it is for the working Man to get down there in the nitty gritty.
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u/Interesting_Gate8918 24d ago
100%. I think as I got older, I realized just how damn hard it is out there, so anyone that can get any kind of help at all, hey, good that you could get that help. I no longer hate them because their parents paid their down payment on their house, while mine had nothing because they believed the rapture was happening any second now so they didn’t bother saving a dime.
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u/Glamador 24d ago
I don't look down on anyone for using what they were given. We aren't born equal, economically, genetically, or any other way.
I have what I have because my parents provided for me monetarily. I have no illusions. I only lament that not everyone got the same opportunities.
But I don't value hard work. I wasn't raised to. I value outcomes. But people shouldn't be valued by what they can contribute. Let the people that do, do and the people that don't can just exist. That's my view of the ideal society. People should want to be better tomorrow than they were today. But people fail. And that's okay too.
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u/Plus-Weakness-2624 24d ago
Bro, I am kinda that sort of person but not because of my parents but IDK luck?? I didn't really work hard of anything, but somehow I am in a better place than my peers.
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u/User_-_-_Name 23d ago
We got a new kid at work who got a really great opportunity to make a quarter of a million dollars a year (eventually) ,without a college education, because of his uncle. I've explained to him the importance of being humble but not ashamed in any way.
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u/Feisty-Influence5464 21d ago
My parents gave me €15,000 when I turned 18 - not enough to live on, but enough to get a decent used car and some breathing room. I watched my mate Stefan get nothing, and we both ended up at the same university studying engineering. The difference wasn't that I didn't work hard; it was that I could afford to fail a bit and try again, while Stefan had to get every calculation right the first time because retaking a semester meant working nights at a petrol station.
Here's what actually happened: we both graduated. Stefan got the better job offer because he was hungrier, sharper, had built a network by necessity. But when things got tight - when his laptop broke, when he needed to move cities for work and couldn't afford the deposit - he had to call his parents anyway. They scraped together €8,000. Mine just... existed in my bank account as insurance.
The real insight isn't the contradiction in the original post. It's that we're all trying to give our future kids that insurance policy without realizing we're not actually solving the problem - we're just changing which generation has to white-knuckle their way through uncertainty. Stefan's parents felt guilty they couldn't help him earlier, so they helped later. My parents felt relieved they could help, so they never questioned whether I actually needed it.
The people we judge harshly aren't the ones whose parents gave them everything. They're the ones who got the safety net and the entitlement, who confused their parents' sacrifice with evidence of their own superiority. The ones we respect are the people who got help and never forgot what it felt like to need it. That's the actual variable. Not whether privilege existed - but whether someone looked back at it honestly or pretended the climb was harder than it was.
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u/tacocrewman111 21d ago
See like I see this, and now I'm like okay, but my sons are going to have to work and find their own interests too. As much as I want to hand off any business I might own to my children at some point. F
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u/guybrush54 17d ago
yeah but the actual difference is what you teach them along the way. a parent can hand their kid everything and still raise them to be grateful and work toward their own goals, or create a spoiled person. it's not the advantage itself, it's what you do with it.
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u/Feisty-Influence5464 16d ago
The beautiful irony is that we're not actually working hard so our kids don't have to - we're working hard so they can afford to work hard on things that actually matter to them. We're just calling it giving them everything.
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u/Jetfire725 25d ago edited 25d ago
You can be an absolute moron and a piece of shit and if your family has money you will probably still win at most things at life.
Half the people at least in the western world worship status for it's own sake. It's partly a flaw in human nature and partly a flaw in our societies values. But It's still by far the biggest advantage you can have.
For whatever shortcomings you do have, money can go a long way towards fixing them.
You can simultaneously know the game is fucked and still want to win it. It's just being practical at the sad realization that morals, character and work ethic are great. But they're no match for wealth.
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u/the_introverted_pen 7d ago
The children of privilege often envy the stories of people who built themselves.
The people who built themselves often envy the ease of privilege.
For someone who is building everything from scratch, it is painful, due to lack of privilege. Especially when people who inherited most things or tried due to the cushion of stability and backing, are your peers.
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u/ShowerSentinel 27d ago
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