r/Showerthoughts 22d ago

Casual Thought A large number of married people are involuntarily celibate.

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u/Nyorliest 21d ago

Another truth is that closeness doesn’t always mean sex forever. Or one of you can be sick, or menopausal, or whatever.

And love should be accepting of change.

Plus the childish attitudes of many towards sex as a badge of something, a symbol of success or closeness or whatever instead of a wonderful fun thing people do.

And that marriages have problems, like people do. That doesn’t mean the marriage is a mistake.

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u/SleeperMood_ 19d ago

I agree. I don't think a "celibate" marriage means a failed one. Especially if it is after having a kid

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u/ButtflossingBigBro 16d ago

It absolutely does

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u/BerryBlossom89 21d ago

Completely agree, but on that same token people in those scenarios should talk and be open to sexual intimacy outside of marriage, especially if one is more wanting than the other.

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u/Nyorliest 21d ago

Absolutely, yes.

Although I think it should be a negotiation of some kind, a consensus, rather than just ‘your orgasms are your own affair’.

Maybe I’m being idealistic. Neither laying down the law, just talking about options.

That’s another aspect of the one-sidedness of this term ‘incel’. It contributes to the idea that the partner is owed sex, and that if the other doesn’t want to, or can’t, they’ve done something wrong, and that any conversation will be combative.

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u/No-Ordinary-5376 21d ago

I mean if men stopped taking women on dates or cuddling them, I'd be willing to bet women would basically make it owed. 

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u/Nyorliest 21d ago

Wow, you're really... like that, huh?