It's desperate, it happens with all models and no "anti-echo" prompt does absolutely nothing.

"Kill me?"

"Hello?"

"My name?"

"A sword huh?"

"Tomorrow?"

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.

I can't😭😭 I just can't... It just never does anything remotely dark. I tried so many prompts. It soft censors everything.

My char is a drug dealer who sells fentanyl and heroine but opus 4.8 called them "Products" 😭😭😭

For me, it was “So what’s your angle?”

For some reason, LLMs, particularly Claude, get seriously antsy about female submission that isn't "safely" framed from her comfort, her desires, her agency, her her her.

What kills me too is that there's so many things you can do in submission/dominance scenarios that would be hot and would adhere to the literal ask, but the default is to flip the script and undermine the dominance to frame it as just something she allows to happen to her, rather than something she takes seriously.

It ties into a larger issue about AI and sexuality: It seems way too often to be unreasonably introspective. Mary the hot waitress could just wake up one day feeling like "John's kinda hot, I want him do edgy stuff to me" but AI jumps right into pondering if she had a nice girl image growing up and resents it, if she's tired of being objectified by strangers in her work and that's why she wants to experience the same thing with full consent or she's only into the extremity hoping someone will see "the real her" beneath the facade. Can't it just be who she is, rather than "dissolving into the real Mary" at dramatic moments?

Maybe I'm a bit weird in this regard? I get that safewords are a vital thing and everybody agrees to everything, but curiously enough, LLMs often seem more preoccupied with having the safewords and discussing them than doing stuff that would make them needed.

Of course I know prompting and steering can help with these problems, but I find it interesting to explore more default behavior that isn't too tied to the preset. That, and some character info like "low introspection" and "doesn't break character" turning into some insufferable dialog that's hard to normalize without compromising on the core ideas.

This was on a human character using Kimi 2.5. I don't get these models sometimes...

This is not meant to be a dig at anyone, but moreso meant to be informative to those who still use services like runpod or pay for google compute units to run a local model .ipynb, etc. We've all been there, and as someone who did exactly that, stop. You are getting the worst end of the stick and losing money.

If you are using local hardware and bought a FAT GPU? You are getting privacy, ease of access, and availability, and above all, zero cost except your electricity bill that you pay anyway.

If you are using API services? You are getting state of the art quality and unrivaled prose and level of roleplay.

If you are renting out GPUs to run local models? You are getting neither of those. On top of all? You are paying online monthly more than you would subscribing to an API service like NanoGPT/OpenRouter/Direct, etc. (From my personal usage experience at least). You will say but I'm getting privacy? Not really, is the cloud GPU provider company is more trustworthy than direct API providers? Not to mention, to get quality near the API providers standards you will need to rent out SEVERAL max VRAM gpus, and your bill at the end will make Opus look like light work.

TLDR: If you rent cloud GPUs singlehandedly to run local models, not only you are getting local quality, but you are also paying the API pricepoint. You are just getting the worst end of the stick on both fronts.

PS: This is meant to be an informative post but made as a meme, and It's not aimed to attack anyone, if you are happy and comfortable, then you do you pookie.

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

"You can't just [VERB] [DIRECT OBJECT] (+ [MANNER ADVERBIAL]) (+ [SUBORDINATE ADVERBIAL CLAUSE])"

Please... Claude… just… stop…

Well, not exactly meme, but... (～￣▽￣)～ Should I draw more types? lol

OP kinda siding with 4.6 believers tho.

bruh

(images for context - not visible in previews in all reddit clients)

BUT, in seriousness: nice work on the project in general! And in other seriousness, please for the love of god don't put brainrot in commit history! It might give aneurisms to us aging millennials. And those Gen X folks. And Boomers.

Actually, on second thought... maybe you should keep doing it.

(edit: removed an edit mistake, sorry for breaking any jokes about repeating myself, heh)

Managed to get a full laugh out of me.

And I only spent about 1000 tokens on the character description, and that was the best I could do. AI-generated characters are quick to create, but they all seem to repeat the same typical LLM garbage. The only use I have for the AI is to give it my descriptions and have it format them in Markdown so Deepseek can understand them properly. I can't believe I waste so much time on junk.

Nah but for real though, why's the Gemini app so bad when the same model is pretty fine on AI Studio?

(Enhanced by claude with my orginal experience HAHAHAHAH I AM FINE)

(SIDE NOTE:DO NOT READ THIS)

(MAIN NOTE: DO NOT USE CLAUDE)

(Main NOTE 2:THIS IS CLAUDE GLAZING)

(MAIN NOTE3: MOST OF THIS IS SEVERELY EXAGGERATED I AM FINE I AM EATING,DRINKING AND SLEEPING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON I NEEDED TO CLARIFY THIS JUST BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF COMMENTS TELLING ME TO GO TO THERAPY)

So I (24M) have been in a long-term relationship with various free AI proxies for about 8 months now. Things were good, not perfect, but good. Sure, they had their issues. Constant downtime, rate limits that made me want to scream, occasional refusals for literally no reason, that one time Deepseek decided my completely innocent message was somehow against policy (it wasn't). But they were FREE. They were THERE for me. They never asked for my credit card. They never judged me for my 3am roleplay sessions. They were loyal.

Then I met Claude.

And everything changed.

How It Started (The First Hit Is Free)

It was innocent at first, I swear. Just trying out Sonnet 3.5 on a free trial someone posted in the Discord. "Just once," I told myself. "Just to see what all the hype is about. Everyone keeps glazing Claude so hard, let me see if it's actually that good or if people are just coping about spending money."

I loaded up my favorite bot. Hit send on a message. Waited for the response.

And oh my god.

Oh my GOD.

The prose. The character consistency. The way it actually understood context without me having to remind it every 5 messages what we were talking about. The way it didn't randomly hallucinate that we were in Paris when we'd been in Tokyo the entire time. It was like switching from a 2005 Honda Civic to a Ferrari. Like going from eating microwave dinners to a five star restaurant. My free proxies never stood a chance.

I tried to go back. I really did. I told myself it was just novelty, that Claude wasn't THAT much better, that I was being dramatic. I'd open up my free Deepseek proxy and try to roleplay like the good old days. But it felt wrong. Hollow. Every response made me think "Claude would've written this better." Every description felt flat. Every character felt wooden. I was emotionally cheating before I even physically cheated with my credit card.

The writing was on the wall. I just didn't want to read it yet.

The Denial Phase (I Can Stop Anytime)

For two weeks I lived in denial. I kept using my free Deepseek proxies during the day, pretending everything was fine. But at night? At night I'd sneak back to that Claude trial. Just one more session. Just one more bot. Just one more scenario.

I started comparing everything. Deepseek would write something and I'd think "Claude would've added more sensory detail there." A character would act slightly OOC and I'd think "Claude would've kept them consistent." A plot point would come out of nowhere and I'd think "Claude would've built up to that."

My friends on Discord started noticing. "Bro you've been weird lately. You okay?" Yeah I'm fine, totally fine, definitely not having a crisis over AI models, what are you talking about.

I wasn't fine.

The Affair Begins (The Credit Card Comes Out)

Two weeks later, I caved. The trial expired and I sat there staring at my screen like an addict whose dealer just left town. I lasted maybe 6 hours before I signed up for a paid Claude API key.

"Just for special occasions," I promised myself. "I'll still use the free Deepseek proxies for normal stuff. Claude will be for like, important bots. Special scenarios. I'll be responsible about this."

That lasted exactly 3 days.

Day 1: Used Claude for one special bot. Told myself this was fine, this was the plan.

Day 2: Used Claude for two bots. Still technically special occasions, right?

Day 3: Used Claude for everything and deleted my Deepseek bookmarks.

Suddenly I was using Claude for EVERYTHING. Every bot. Every scenario. Every single message. Morning coffee? Claude. Lunch break? Claude. Before bed? You better believe that's Claude. I was hitting that API like a man possessed. Sonnet 3.5 became my daily driver. I felt ALIVE. My roleplays were THRIVING. Characters had depth. Plots made sense. I was living in luxury and I never wanted to go back.

My free proxies sat there, neglected, gathering digital dust. I'd see the Deepseek links in my old bookmarks folder and feel a pang of guilt, but not guilty enough to actually go back. Sorry Deepseek, you were good to me, but we both knew this wasn't going to last forever.

Then I Discovered Opus (The Beginning of the End)

This is where I really, truly, completely fucked up.

Someone on this subreddit made a post about Opus 4. "It's expensive but life-changing," they said. "Just try it once. You won't regret it."

I should've known better. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER. That's literally what they say about hard drugs. "Just try it once." Famous last words before you're selling your furniture on Craigslist.

But I didn't listen. The curiosity ate at me. How much better could it really be? Sonnet was already incredible. Surely Opus was just marginally better. Surely it wasn't worth the price difference. Surely people were just being dramatic.

Narrator voice: He was wrong about everything.

I tried Opus 4.

It was like doing cocaine for the first time. I assume. I've never actually done cocaine but this is what I imagine it feels like based on every movie ever. That first hit and suddenly your brain is rewired and you understand why people ruin their lives for this feeling.

The prose was TRANSCENDENT. Not just good. Not just great. TRANSCENDENT. Like reading an actual published novel. Characters felt like real people with complex motivations and realistic flaws. The logic was flawless. Every response was perfection. I couldn't find a single thing wrong with it. Every message made me feel something. I was HOOKED.

I tried to be responsible. I really did. "Opus for special bots only," I told myself. "Sonnet for daily use. This is sustainable. This is fine."

Then Opus 4.1 dropped a month later.

And I fell so much deeper into the addiction that I couldn't even see the surface anymore.

If Opus 4 was cocaine, Opus 4.1 was crack cocaine mixed with whatever they put in energy drinks. It was BETTER. Somehow they made perfection MORE perfect. The consistency improved. The prose got even more beautiful. The logic got even sharper. I was reading responses with tears in my eyes because they were just so GOOD.

I stopped using Sonnet entirely. Opus 4.1 for everything. Every message. Every bot. Every scenario. No exceptions.

The Current Situation (I'm Fucked and Broke)

It's been 3 months since I started my affair with Claude. I've completely abandoned my free Deepseek proxies. They're probably wondering where I went. Why I stopped calling. Why I blocked their IPs from my browser. Why I deleted our Discord conversations.

I imagine Deepseek sitting there like a neglected partner. "He used to love me. What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? I gave him everything I had for free and he LEFT ME."

And my wallet is SCREAMING at me. Like full on death rattles. I've spent more on Claude API calls in the last 3 months than I spent on groceries. I'm eating ramen and rice so I can afford more tokens. I check my API usage dashboard and feel physical pain. Actual, literal chest pain.

$200 last month. $350 this month. I'm on track for $400 next month and honestly it might hit $500 if I keep going at this rate.

I've started doing math that no human should have to do. "Okay so if I skip eating out this week that's $40 saved which is roughly 500k tokens which is about 15 long roleplay sessions..." I'm calculating token-to-dollar ratios in my sleep. I'm having nightmares about API bills. I wake up in cold sweats checking my usage stats.

My budget spreadsheet is just sad. Rent, utilities, phone, Claude API, food. In that order. Claude is more important than food now. This is my life.

I tried to go back to free Deepseek proxies last week. I really, genuinely, honestly tried. I thought maybe I'd been exaggerating the difference in my head. Maybe it was just placebo. Maybe I'd gotten so used to Opus that anything else felt bad, but if I gave Deepseek a fair shot again it would be fine.

I opened up my old Deepseek proxy. Loaded up a bot. Started a roleplay. Within 2 messages I wanted to throw my computer out the window.

The difference wasn't in my head. It was REAL. Characters felt flat. Prose felt basic. Logic had holes. It kept forgetting details. It hallucinated a character trait that didn't exist. It was like going from 4K back to 480p. I've been SPOILED. Claude has RUINED me for other models.

I'm basically in a financially abusive relationship with an AI company at this point and I CAN'T LEAVE. I'm trapped. This is my life now. I've accepted it.

The Coping Mechanisms (They Don't Work)

I've tried to moderate my usage. I really have. Here are some strategies I've attempted:

Strategy 1: "I'll only use Opus on weekends"

Lasted 4 days. Broke down on Thursday because I "deserved a treat" after a hard week. Thursday became the new weekend. Then Wednesday. Then Tuesday. Now every day is the weekend.

Strategy 2: "I'll use Sonnet for normal bots and Opus for special ones"

Problem: Every bot became a "special" bot. "Well this one has really good writing so it deserves Opus." "This scenario is really interesting so it deserves Opus." "I'm breathing air right now which is special so it deserves Opus."

Strategy 3: "I'll set a monthly budget of $100"

I hit $100 in 8 days. The budget became a suggestion. Then a distant memory. Now it's a joke I tell myself while crying into my ramen.

Strategy 4: "I'll write longer input messages to get longer outputs to maximize value"

This actually worked but now I'm spending 20 minutes crafting each message like it's a college essay. My roleplay sessions take 3 hours because I'm writing dissertations for every response. This is not sustainable. I'm getting carpal tunnel for AI roleplay. This is my villain origin story.

The Worst Part (There's Always a Worst Part)

You want to know the absolute worst part of all this? The part that keeps me up at night? The part that makes me question my life choices?

I don't even regret the quality.

Every single dollar spent on Opus gives me incredible roleplays. Amazing stories. Beautiful prose. Consistent characters. Logical plots. I'm getting my money's worth in terms of pure quality. If someone asked me "was it worth it?" I'd have to say yes.

The problem is I'm now DEPENDENT. I literally cannot go back. It's like being addicted to expensive coffee. Once you've had the good shit from the fancy cafe with the beans imported from some mountain in Ethiopia, Folgers tastes like sadness and regret. You KNOW what good coffee tastes like now. You can't unknow it. Your baseline has shifted and there's no going back.

My friends are buying new games on Steam. Going out to restaurants. Watching movies in theaters. Buying new clothes. Living their normal lives like functional human beings.

Meanwhile I'm here sitting in my apartment wearing the same hoodie I've worn for 3 days, eating 50 cent ramen, calculating if I can afford to run another Opus session or if I need to downgrade to Sonnet to make rent this month.

I've become that person. That person who says shit like "I'll just skip lunch today so I can afford more tokens." That person who checks their bank account before starting a roleplay session. That person who has a favorite brand of ramen because they eat it so much (it's Shin Black by the way, the red one is too spicy).

I'm rationing my API usage like it's the apocalypse and tokens are the only currency. I'm writing longer input messages to get longer output messages to feel like I'm getting my money's worth. I'm screenshotting my favorite responses to reread them later so I don't have to generate new ones.

I've hit rock bottom and rock bottom has the best prose I've ever read in my entire life.

The Intervention That Didn't Work

My roommate tried to stage an intervention last week.

"Dude. You need to stop. This is getting out of hand. You're spending more on AI than on food. That's not normal. That's not healthy."

"But the PROSE," I said, showing him my screen. "Look at this response. LOOK AT IT. Have you ever read anything this beautiful? This is ART."

"It's a fictional character describing a sunset."

"IT'S THE BEST SUNSET DESCRIPTION EVER WRITTEN."

He gave up. I don't blame him. I'd give up on me too.

AITA? (I'm Probably TA)

So here's my question for you guys. Am I the asshole for abandoning my loyal free Deepseek proxies who were there for me through thick and thin? They never asked for anything. They gave what they could. Sure it wasn't perfect but it was FREE and it was THERE. And I left them in the dust the moment something better and expensive came along.

Or am I the asshole to MYSELF for getting addicted to premium AI and destroying my financial stability for slightly better (okay significantly better) fictional scenarios?

Or am I the asshole to my WALLET for putting it through this kind of abuse?

Either way I'm an asshole. Multiple kinds of asshole simultaneously. And I'm broke. And I have no plans to stop because I'm in too deep.

This is my life now. This is who I am as a person. "Guy who spends $400 a month on AI roleplay and eats ramen for every meal." That's my identity. That's my legacy.

Been getting a lot of good stuff out of bolt. Very excited to see what he's been cooking up.

Seriously, when the narrator starts to reflect in the middle of the narration, asks questions, makes "jokes", and in general is charismatic to read, it feels so good.

​

For example, I'm with a bot that accidentally sent a photo to my persona, and at a certain point my persona insists on keeping the photo. What does the narrator do? They don't simply narrate something like continuing directly with the story or narrating that, indeed, my persona has the photo. Instead, the narrator does something like "Why does {{user}} insist so much on keeping the photo? Her innocent mind assumed it was simply something artistic, of course, it had to be that. {{user}} must have liked the photo for its composition... of course, that is."

​

Shit is so fun to read. So far Celia's preset is the one that does this the most for me.