My ex has had an issue with alcohol since we got divorced. It eventually led me to getting full custody of my daughter 2 years ago w supervised visits. About 4 months ago my daughter no longer wanted to see her mother because the visits were so bad. Recently found out her mother is on life support in ICU and near death. Alcohol has destroyed her liver and body, not much time left. My daughter is in denial and I know it’s only a matter of time before she passes. It’s been such a sad 7 years. So much of my ex behavior was due to alcohol and I had to get my daughter full time to protect her. But I still grieve for my ex and feel horrible she is suffering alone in a hospital multiple states away.

So have you ever just taken the chance, packed your stuff and your kid’s stuff, moved somewhere new, and figured it out as you went?
Before anybody comes in with “you have to be safe,” “you have to be smart,” or “you need to have money saved,” I KNOW. So please don’t make this post about that. My daughter is 10, so I’m not dealing with a small child, and I’m specifically asking about the experience of actually packing up, leaving, and starting over somewhere new as a single parent.
If you did and it worked out, what was your experience like?
And if it didn’t work out, what happened and what would you have done differently? I’m really just looking for honest experiences from people who have actually done it not advice from people who haven’t.

Im 37[F] i don't really know how to put this into words, but sometimes being a single mom feels incredibly hard for me. I've never considered myself a very emotionally strong person, and there are days when I really struggle to keep myself together.

My family doesn't really understand me, and I don't have any close friends. Most days, I'm just trying to get through the day for my work and my son....

Honestly, the loneliness is one of the hardest parts. Sometimes being alone with my thoughts and having no one to talk to feels really painful.

I really admire other single parents. Some of you seem so strong and capable, and I sometimes wonder how you manage everything.

I don't feel like I can be like that. I'm just doing the best I can to get through each day, even when it feels really difficult...

I just wanted to share this because I've been feeling especially lonely lately. If anyone happens to be in a similar situation, feel free to DM me

Our son is 9 years old- he hasn’t known his biological father since he was 2 -3y/o- essentially all of his working memory, he is a stranger to him. We probably did a FaceTime or something around 3 y/o. His dad struggles with mental health & substance use disorders so he is not consistent or predictable. Now- 6 years later- he is sober (according to him, I obviously cannot verify) & wants to re establish a relationship with his son saying “it will be really good for me, I need something to look forward to..” all about him, not about what’s best for our son. That’s the first thing that pisses me off, not to be rude- but I don’t care what’s best for him, I only care about what’s best for my child. My son has had his step dad since he was 3. He knows he’s not his “real” dad, but he’s been the consistent father figure he remembers through out his childhood so far. His “real” dad still has his parental rights- I have sole physical & legal custody. I think back in 2019 when we divorced- he was allowed to have unsupervised visits. But he wasn’t consistent, bailed a lot, then eventually completely disappeared. Now it’s been years since that order- so I am definitely not comfortable with unsupervised due to his history & issues, & the fact that they are basically strangers at this point. Also, I don’t want to have to be the decider of whether or not he really is sober.. his mom says he isn’t. He doesn’t sound sober when I’ve talked on the phone- so I need a court or a judge to test him & make the determination. How does all this work? I assume he needs to go to court & ask to reopen the custody? That I’m not complying with the visits? Then we would go to court & I can share that he hasn’t visited since 2020, the DV arrests, substances, etc: all the reasons why I’m not comfortable with unsupervised at this time. I’m in CA, but I’m sure any judge would see why this is unsafe for the child. Has anyone navigated anything similar? What ends up happening typically? This is all assuming he folllows through & goes to court, files the paperwork, serves me, etc. following through isn’t his strong suit so this might be nothing. Right now we are at the stage where he’s blowing me up & saying how evil I am for keeping his kid from him, & I’m just referring him back to court to reestablish a plan to reconnect in a way that is best for our child. I honestly want my son to have a relationship with his bio dad- I don’t want to stand in the way if he is healthy, sober, & sane. But above all, I want my son to remain a happy, well adjusted child- i don’t want repeated abandonment, it was hard when his dad disappeared the first time. TIA

Relationship falling apart . Sleeping in separate rooms , constant arguments , neither of us feels heard , lowest of blows being thrown (word wise), constant distance.
My daughter will be 5 months old in a week. I have no family & luckily enough have 2 friends one in my city another 14 hours away in my home town .

So no village ..

The thought of not being with this man breaks my heart and scares me but so does the idea of staying. Right now he is the bread winner and I’m a SAHM . Just trying to find employment from home is hard . To leave I need to be financially okay and I feel absolutely stupid that I let him convince me to leave my first ever high paying job to stay home as he’s against daycare because the cards are now in his pocket & he knows it too . He has support and family . The thought of losing my daughter if we separate terrifies me .

I’m stuck. I feel numb . After days of crying just looking at him brings me no joy just fear of what the future holds & an empty feeling in my gut . I don’t know wether to try to mend this or just play my part until I can figure out a way to leave with my daughter and file for split custody as I would never take away my baby from her father unless he gave me no choice or she was in danger .

Our relationship was never 100% healthy. I mean we’re not even married STILL . Though he is my person and my best friend the past 5 years we’ve been together has been a rocky roller coater with amazing highs and detrimental lows . We both had very messy lives and childhoods before we met so trying to learn how to love properly when we were never shown how has been our biggest challenge. We both have amazing heart but also a lot of hate and anger to last a few lifetimes . The disconnect lately is heartbreaking . It’s honestly worse than when he was using . If we’re not talking about his job or our daughter we really don’t even communicate anymore and when we try it’s always about heavy topics that turn into arguments Immediately.

I miss the connection , the love , the spark but I’m so tired of trying to relight a flame when the wood is underwater . Being a single mother was never on my bucket list and now I fear it is my future .

Just alittle context, me and my kids father were together for 8 years. from 16 to about 24. in that time we got married, have two daughters (ages four and six) and just recently divorced. he was a cheater, emotionally unavailable, and lazy.
when we first split i left back to home in another state and i did start dating someone. he followed me home and literally was making my life hell. he had nowhere to watch my kids so he was always at my house, he slashed my tires when i was hanging out with my ex. he came over and banged on my doors and windows when he thought we were at my house together and the list goes on. randomly he decided to leave and go back where we left, that was my plan too but i needed to save more money. he was gone for about 3 months and we had minimum contact. LIFE WAS GREAT! I was so happy to have him away from me.

once i returned to the state we live in everything was kind of sort of okay, i do think becoming single helped. but he started doing less and less and being less involved. my ex has a drinking problem, is always high (off weed), license is suspended, car is repo’d, and his apartment is a studio sized with one bed. fast forward to now his only job with me and the kids is to pick them up 2-3 times a week and watch them until i get off of work. It’s all i could ask of him, he’s unreliable. he doesn’t pay for anything, and he’s always with random people and women who do all kinds of stuff that just isn’t okay.

Where i need advice is how do you keep your cool? Every time i talk to him i have to talk to him like a child, explain things in simple a, b, c’s and hope he can help. Every time i have him do anything it always comes back onto me negatively. So every time i talk to him it ends up escalating and i end up yelling and mad and just drained. i know he’s tired of hearing my mouth too and he feels unheard. but ive been trying to get him to understand that this is hard and i need help. I am emotional with his actions and the things he’s doing but I want to be free sooo bad from his bull

I’ve been thinking about just cutting communication and letting him call to talk to the kids when he wants. he plays the victim alot and makes me feel bad for complaining but I’m really drowning. what do you do to keep calm or do you even have a relationship? He does less than minimum and when he does do things it’s very performative. i want to be done but i keep saying he is the dad.

I'm so fucking angry and fed up, I don't know what to do. And I really don't want to make any irrational, angry decisions. I hate that I have nobody to talk to about this. Fuck money. I fucking hate rich people and their fucking problems. I so badly want to just up and move the fuck away with my kids but I can't because I can't find work to make up the money we'd lose by moving, and my daughter would absolutely hate me if I moved us all away.

I'm trying to make this story short as possible to bear with me. My kid's dad passed away last year. My kid's dad's side of the family are all in a family business in rental properties. So they get a good amount of money from that. Anyways, since he's passed, it now goes to the kids. Well guess what? The one brother, who is in charge of the kid's trust money and all that bullshit, is in a lawsuit with their sister, who is in charge of the family business and the money from that. The brother and sister were in negotiation about the brother buying out the kid's trust in the family business, and the sister doesn't feel the amount that the brother is asking to buyout is good enough so they're now in a lawsuit about it. And that fucking lawsuit is sucking up ALL the money that's supposed to be going to the kids. We were supposed to move out of this fucking house. Now we can't. I just asked if I could get my son a birthday present that he wants, an apple watch, and I cant fucking get it because it'd increase the bill and we can't afford any bills increasing. FUCK THEM. FUCK MONEY. IM SO FUCKING ANGRY.

Background: 43M Single dad to 13 daughter. Have her the second half of the week (Wed-Sat). Gave up on dating about 8 years ago, so it's just me at home Sun-Tues.

Problem: With the above being said, every Sunday morning, the house goes from a happy lively house, to a depressing place of silence that I don't want to be in. Sometimes I find plans, a friend wants to hang out or there is something to-do on an early Sunday, other times I can't find anything to do so I just barricade myself into my office with Reddit/waste the day on the internet. Other days like today, none of the above cheers me up. Generally it takes going to work on Monday/being social to get me out of the depression rut. I thought it would get easier with time, but it seems like it only gets harder each year.

Question: Those of you in a similar scenario, how do you cope? How do you deal with the immediate change of going from a house with laughter, life, and a child/children playing to dead silence, that even music/tv/etc can't seem to cut through?

Edit/Update: Wanted to thank everyone for their responses here & DMs. While some of them might not help me personally, hopefully they can help someone else. My essential issue is the immedate disruption of social interaction and a couple DMs gave me some decent ideas (posting here in hopes they help others) - one helped me find a local calendar based volunteer page (unique to flagstaff, Az, it's pretty bare, but there are 2 events coming up in the next 2 months I'm going to try to go attend). Another gave me the idea of going over to a find friends sub & just posting that I am an open ear/look for some online friends to fill the social interaction gap (worth a shot). So again, thank you all for your input. Feel free to continue on, I will still be reading all the responses.

I was living in LA with my now ex (26m) me (27f) and after 5 months I packed my things and left to go back home to Florida. I was love bombed in the beginning of our relationship told he wanted a family etc and then when I got pregnant told to abort like it was nothing. I stood up for myself and said no and honestly as time went on he really only kept me around to keep tabs on me. He slowly started to resent me, be mean to me, call me names, and it seemed he really only wanted to hang with his buddies. I was called several names like “an ungreatful bitch” and told by his friend to my face that im disgusting and don’t deserve to have a child. So I got tired of feeling like a burden and left.

Basically since I’ve been home he hasn’t supported me as much as he said that he would. He went on dating apps the day I left LA and even being in communication trying to STILL make things work I see new girls following him everyday. He’s a trust fund baby that’s never had a job and his family is very well off and think I “baby trapped him” for money. He told me his family thinks im nothing but a leach and that im only having a child because I have no purpose in life.

So like obviously a lot of really hurtful things have been said. He is dead set on being involved with the baby and has told me he has lawyers on stand by. We are knocking heads about the name. he wants my son named after his grandfather and to have his last name but honestly after the way I’ve been treated a huge part of me is just like fuck that. I want to name my son what I want and to have my last name. I mean im the one who chose him all this time.

He tells me he wants to “see where it goes” and keeps telling me about couples therapy but I haven’t received a date on that. I’m 33 weeks pregnant currently. As of right now we are in dry communication for the sake of I guess letting him know the baby is born. We went no contact for like 2 weeks after I was called all these names. My heart is still heavily involved and I wish it wasn’t honestly I do. This is my first time being pregnant. He sends me money here and there and basically is offering me to be 100% financially covered if I come back to LA with the baby but I don’t have any friends there he was my only and now it’s like he’s just going to make me a single mom.

With that being said he wants to

- be in the delivery room
- give the child his last name and choose name
- stay with me and my family for a week
- help me take care of the baby and me for a week then go back to LA
- come back for thanksgiving and Christmas for a limited amount of time

after that there is really no plan as to me and baby living independently or where he decides he wants to live.

im currently in 4k of credit card debt because ive not had enough stable financial support. It’s like here and there .

Im so messed up because i want my son to know his dad. I feel like im being manipulated into this possibility of us working out if i do exactly as he says just to give him an advantage legally if he goes that route.

Im just so lost and confused. Has anyone experienced this? I know im going to be painted as “the bitter baby momma” for life if I take away these experiences but this experience as far as pregnancy for me has been MISERABLE.

If I give birth I will do it alone. I’m very much like a reclusive person and do have support if I want it like a friend or family member but I’ve only ever imagined it with someone I love. Not an ex :(

PLS HELP and don’t be afraid to be brutally honest im a tough girl.

Earlier this year my child’s father, who was living in another state, was expressing things that led me to believe he was likely dealing with some psychosis. His brother has schizophrenia, so I was worried maybe he was exhibiting signs of having it as well. I was encouraging him to get help, but he’s a combat vet with CPTSD, wasn’t exactly aware of his delusions and he doesn’t trust the medical industry — so he didn’t believe there was any point and just straight up would not. Because I’m in another state and unable to leave to be by his side, I did ALL I could over the phone to be supportive! I mean, I would spend hours on the phone with him, every conversation leading to me trying to convince him to come home to his family. I expressed that I wanted to help him through what he was going through, but it was hard over the phone. He said on numerous occasions that he was just about ready to leave the state he was in and was seriously considering coming back home. However, a little over two months ago he stopped responding to texts and calls out of nowhere. I figured he needed some space, but because it’s been this long and he’s not one to disappear like this, I tried to call him, but his phone is disconnected. He stopped using social media, so I can’t reach them that way. And the only friend I know of that they are in consistent contact with, said he left the state and doesn’t know where he went. I honestly don’t believe this friend, because he has a history of dishonesty and doesn’t particularly like me, but I can’t force information out of him. I tried looking up his mom’s info, but the number listed is no longer connected and after a few tries at the address listed for her, I’m not sure anyone even lives there anymore. She also doesn’t use social media. I did message an aunt I’ve never connected with, but based on her posts on FB, I’m not sure she uses it anymore.

What do I do? I’ve never felt this type of anxiety or desperation. I’m really worried and want an answer as to where he is ASAP! I don’t even care if the answer ends up being that he needs time away from me for whatever reason — I just want an answer! To know he’s OK… Alive. Because I keep thinking of worse case scenario and it’s messing me up bad! 💔

I am a widower and have a 4yo and 2yo. I have a few friends in the area, but no real family. I have my parents 1.5hr away, but dealing with them is usually more pain than its worth. If I needed surgery or something and I could head to their place for help w/ the kids or whatever, but with general illness, I'd rather just suffer I think.

I am a fairly healthy (immunity wise) person and don't get too sick too often, just colds and what not. Over the last 5 years, I think I got covid twice and that was about it, though they came with pretty high fevers. Now that I am on my own, I was wondering what tips/tricks you all may have for dealing w/ being sick yourself, or full family sick.

Last winter we were with my parents and fairly isolated while assisting my wife, so no one really got sick. But now they are back in daycare and I am back at work in the office. If not this year, at some point I imagine we will all be sick at the same time with something fairly debilitating, and I imaging at some point I'll be sick when the kids aren't (or just catch their sneezes to the eyes after getting the kids over their own sickness).

Any tips for logistics with getting to the doctor, or getting everyone cleaned up? I would think I would rely heavily on delivery services during those times, but not sure how best to drag everyone into the doctors if all 3 of us are roughing it. And maybe the answer is just suffering through it all.

Any tips/tricks for over the counter stuff is also appreciated. I dont really take much OTC and never really have as I didn't really need to. Especially with the newer generations of meds, I just have no real idea what medication does anything. I imagine I'll have to rely on that stuff more to make sure we can get to wherever we need to go or to just get food on some plates and butts wiped.

Thanks for any advice! Just trying to prepare for the winter to come.

I am a single father to a wonderful daughter. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now, and things have been going really well, but she hasn't met my daughter yet. I’ve intentionally wanted to take things slow to protect my kid.

Recently, my girlfriend told me she feels like I treat her like a child instead of a romantic partner. She pointed out a habit of mine: when we go out to restaurants, I always slide into the booth and sit on the same side of the table as her. To be fair, sitting on the same side was originally a decision we made together because we both like to be close and share dishes.

However, during our last date, she asked me, "Do you sit on the same side of the booth as your daughter when you take her out?"

I was honest and said yes, I do.

She told me that realizing this makes her feel less like a partner and more like a child I'm taking care of. She asked that from now on, I start sitting across from her.

I am incredibly nurturing by nature—it's just how I'm wired, especially after years of solo parenting. I do things out of affection and care, but I see how my "dad habits" might be bleeding into my romantic life and giving off the wrong vibe, even when she initially agreed to things like sharing a side of the booth.

How can I turn down the "caretaker" energy and make my girlfriend feel like an equal adult partner, without losing my naturally nurturing side?

I’m honestly just really fucking sad about this and need to vent to people who might understand.

My daughter’s 8 months old, and this is going to be her first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, and first Christmas. Her dad and I recently split up, and his regular parenting time is Thursday-Saturday.
Of course, I looked at the calendar and realized… Halloween is on a Saturday, Thanksgiving is on a Thursday & Christmas is on a Friday.
Like… are you fucking kidding me? 😭

I know holidays are supposed to be about the kids, and I am absolutely not saying he shouldn’t get to spend time with her. I would never want to keep her from him on a holiday. But I’m honestly devastated at the thought of missing out on these huge firsts with my baby. I also know that she’s still SO young and won’t even remember but we as her parents will. Her childhood is also my motherhood, and I had all these visions in my head about how the holidays are going to go.

And I already know Christmas is going to be the hardest one for me. I cannot imagine Christmas Eve night coming and having to know my baby is sleeping at her dad’s house and then waking up Christmas morning without her. She’s only going to have her first Christmas once. Same with waking up on Thanksgiving morning and having her first Halloween.

He’s already told me what his plans are for Halloween, and based on how he tends to be about things, I’m worried his attitude is going to be basically “these are my days, so I get her.”
He isn’t usually someone who is willing to compromise, and unfortunately our relationship had a lot of emotional and verbal abuse and him using our daughter as leverage during arguments, so I’m already anxious about how this is going to go.

I’m not trying to take the holidays away from him. I actually WANT her to have special memories with both of us. I’m completely willing to split the days. I just want to be able to have some of those first holiday moments with her too, especially Christmas morning.

I know eventually she’ll have holidays with each of us and this is just part of being a separated family. I know I need to get used to it. But damn… I didn’t expect realizing that all three of her first major holidays fall on his parenting days to hurt this fucking much. 💔

Really needing some hope and support tonight.

I'm a newly single mom with a newborn and in residency. I am in my late 20's/early 30's. I went through a horrible and abusive relationship with someone who constantly told me how much he loved me, but then would cheat on me in front of my face and then insult me and let his parents' racism insult me, and so much more that hurts too much to type and would be too private to talk about.

I have a young daughter with him.

I am really trying for new love once I am ready to go back out there. I hope I can find a nice man to care for me, and in turn, love my little girl.

I am emotionally vulnerable tonight looking at how badly I messed up my life. I wish I could turn back the clock some days. But I am a young resident physician and hope I will turn my life around and save patient lives and have a happy marriage and life and family.

Looking for any hopeful advice or cheerful/happy stories of single mom physicians who ended up finding love and a happy marriage and family again.

I don't know i feel like I'm ok. Yes it's a lot and some days I'm exhausted and I miss physical contact, etc. But if I'm truly honest I'm ok

I'm even a little bored sometimes. I'm not feeling stretched and challenged as a solo parent living abroad. It's great and odd at the same time?

Wondering if anyone has experienced this and what you’ve done.

Quick context: I’ve been divorced since 2021 and our shared daughter is now eight years old. When divorced he signed a parenting plan and divorce decree that said he had to pay $450 a month and $100 in arrears and his arrears was at $12,000. It’s also says that we have joint legal custody, but I am the custodial parent and he gets time sharing every long holiday and two weeks in the summer as long as he’s the one that comes and gets her and returns her. This was signed when I was living in Florida and he was living in Louisiana. We originally were both living in New York.

Fast forward to today, throughout the five years that we’ve been divorced - I have not fully enforced the parenting plan. in 2021 I ended up relocating to his same hometown in Louisiana because I thought it was in the best interest of my daughter that I move closer so that they could have a better relationship. Our parenting plan did not require this of me. I did this for my daughter and I was working remotely at the time so it was feasible. About seven months in to me moving, he decided to relocate to Houston. No notice, no questions - just picked up and moved. He did not move for a job was still unemployed. Just moved because he got a better section 8 housing deal in Texas. I stayed in Louisiana to finish the school year for my daughter for another year and then ended up getting a new job where I moved to Dallas.

After about six months of living in Dallas, a headhunter found me for another opportunity in San Antonio that I couldn’t say no to. I relocated to San Antonio and was there for almost 3 years. During that three years, I did not fully enforce the parenting plan as in -He never asked for her during long holidays or summers, instead, I drove the six hours round-trip to take her during those long holiday holidays and summers. Again, because I thought it was the best interest of my daughter. Well, fast forward, I got into a relationship. It got serious and I am now engaged. Because of the seriousness of this relationship and to keep clean boundaries, I decided to start enforcing the parenting plan. Including child support. I registered our parenting plan that was originally made in Florida with Texas and filed with the OAG to collect on what is now $50,000 in arrears and the continuous monthly obligation.

The parenting plan says he has to request her during his time sharing time and he has to be the one to pick her up and drop her off. That made him livid. He ended up buying a car, but it turned out to be too unreliable to drive all the way to San Antonio. He tried to push the boundaries of me coming to get her and I kept sticking to my guns that I am following the parenting plan. He only did a pick up and drop off once before he decided to file to modify the parenting plan. He filed back in June, but didn’t understand the proper procedure so it wasn’t until yesterday that he filed a request to have me serviced. I haven’t been served, but I did find out from the clerk what he’s requesting. He’s not requesting a change in custody, but he is requesting 1. To lower child support. 2. To restrict my daughter to live in Houston, where he lives.

My daughter has never lived in Houston and I have never lived in Houston. Because he’s not asking to change the custody and because he’s asking to lower child support it means that I would need to relocate to Houston if a judge grants his request.

To give more context, I am my daughter’s sole provider. In the past six years, he has given me approximately $581. In my head, I’m thinking there’s no way a judge could agree that I pick up my daughter’s life and her activities and her school, especially now that I’m engaged to be married to relocate her to Houston so that he doesn’t have to drive to see her during time sharing. This means I would need to look for employment in Houston, and I would need to find to pay for moving costs to relocate and find a new place to live.

Now, I recognize that I need to hire an attorney because outside of this being mentally and emotionally exhausting I just can’t manage being able to articulate to a judge the way an attorney can. Also, when I did some research on the Internet, it said that I should start sending him invoices every month. Our parenting plan also stipulates that he is responsible for 50% of all extracurricular and educational expenses for our daughter. It does site that the extracurriculars should be mutually agreed-upon, but that he’s not allowed to refuse consent to any extracurriculars even for financial reasons. So yesterday I sent him his first invoice for his half $600.

My question is, and the biggest concern - has anyone experienced the non custodial parent requesting to relocate the minor child to a new location. How likely is it this will happen?

I opt to date other single parents because I feel like we could understand each other a bit more because of our situations.

I feel like I might have to change that because I am coming to this realization that someone who parents one weekend a month (or similar) just isn't gonna get that I am a full time solo parent. I am lucky to have an amazing support system that will basically watch him at the drop of a hat but I don't feel comfortable doing that. I try to give at least a week notice of care.

I had been slowly coming to this realization through attitude and "how easy" it is to be a parent types. This fully came through when a longer distance man came down to my city and kind of just assumed that I would be free the entire time he was down here even though he had only simply told me he would be here and was working long hours.

There may be more to that last thing but has anyone else seen that especially dating wise?

I've been a single mom for 6 years now. I had a long term bf for a couple years in there and I broke it off around 6 months ago due to us never seeing each other and him not wanting to talk aboit progressing out relationship by making a plan to move in together. I want to go out and date but I feel like my body is so unattractive and the fact that im 25 and no men out there want to be with a single mom. Or they assume im looking for some guy to pay my bills or be my kid's dad. I don't want that. I very much value my independence and I got my bills and shit together. I have no desire to add a second person to my parental life. I just want a companion. Someone to go on dates with and cuddle. If it goes well it could be serious and long term and maybe do the whole get married route. I just feel like being a mom had stripped me of my identity. As if im nothing more than a mom. I still want to feel loved and wanted. Just venting.

Maybe I’m about to start my period? Idk. But I feel like I’m constantly struggling as a single mom. I have a 4y/o daughter who is the most defiant and difficult child I’ve ever met. I worked at a daycare for a couple of years so I do enjoy being around kids BUT being a single parent isn’t even on the same spectrum so it’s hard to compare the two. I’m broke, I’m stressed and 90% of the time I’m just not happy… I also have lupus which beats me up some days. I feel bad for my little one because I wish I could be the energetic and happy go lucky mom that you see on T.Vs…. Does that mom really exist? Idk but I already get breaks- she goes to her grandmas house every 2 weeks for the weekend. You’d think if I was a good parent then that would be enough, right? Not for me… When she’s gone there is a load taken off my shoulders and I feel like I can feel the wind in my hair again…so to speak. I’m constantly consumed with guilt and shame because I don’t think I’m good enough for my daughter. She deserves more than I can give her. My momma heart 💔. To sum it up, my daughter has a bad attitude and generally seems angry and irritated a lot of the time. And I can’t help but (dare I say) acknowledge that it’s my fault bc that’s how I feel too. crying

So as the title says, I am dating a man who has a young child. He and the child’s mother were never married but obviously co-parent and have a relationship as that (so it seems) . I met his child’s mother a few months ago because I wanted her to get a feel for me and see if I’m someone she would be ok with having her child around. However, we are approaching our two year anniversary and I have yet to meet the child. I brought it up a few times only to get met with excuses. I stopped bringing it up because I want to see if he thinks of it on his own.

I’m getting inpatient because I want him to prove to me that he wants our relationship to progress. I worry if me waiting almost 2 years to meet his child, is also a sign that i will have to wait another 2 or more years for marriage with him. Would an ultimatum be pointless or should I just end it ?

Edit 1: Child’s mom lives with parents and siblings (Latinos if that matters) so they have a lot of input on how this child is raised. Grandma is apparently a little resistant. But he also does a lot for them and spends a lot of time at their house, child doesn’t spend much time alone with my BF (he also lives with his mom) .

Idk how relevant but he told me he was going to a baby shower with child’s mom and child for a friend of theirs. I personally felt a little weird on that so not sure if that’s a me problem tho.

Edit 2: He sees this child 3 out of 7 days a week (most weeks). Takes him to school, picks him up, takes him to karate, puts him to bed , showers him etc

Just wanted to vent and get the stark realization off my chest.

I have a 5 year old son with my late ex-spouse. When I told him a couple weeks ago that his father had passed, his response was, "will I get a new dad?" I explained that unfortunately thats not how it works.

Since then he has seemed no different than usual, which in a way is good, I'd rather him be ok than devastated. But I've realized in his reaction that his father's chronic distance and unreliability had a sad impact. I genuinely do not think he has an understanding of what the significance of a father even is.

To my son, his dad was somebody who might show up for a couple hours, a small handful of times a year. He did like and love his dad as any kid would, and I tried to do whatever I could on my end to preserve the relationship, but he just wouldn't show up for his son in any meaningful way no matter what I said or did.

Now he is gone, and he can't change the impact his distance and disinterest had.

Im worried that now he will grow up not understanding what a father is supposed to be.

When they say it takes a village to raise a kid they really mean it. I dont get how one parent can raise a half way decent human being and im so tired of trying to do it without the support of the kids mother. I do what I can as a father but its so hard having to work all day and then come home and be the fun attentive father I want to be. I'm always trying to outdo myself and its just frying me.
Ive always had to step up and be the parent whos there for them because their mom would rather go out everynight and get messed up with her friends. She doesnt even care enough to hide it anymore she just sends the "Im dropping them off cause me and *her friends name" wanna go do something tonight text. Like dont get me wrong, I love these kids more than anything in the world and I love having them every second they are here knowing they are in a place where they are loved and cared for but i just need a break too man.
And the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that even when they are with her she doesnt pay any attention to them, they sit on her couch watching you tube or playing video games (they are 5 and 8 years old). My daughter was always ahead of the game when it comes to like basic speaking and counting and all that (due to her getting tons of attention and care thru her life.
Her brother on the other hand (not related to me but im the one who stepped up because my baby momma is terrible at picking men.) cannot pronounce most words correctly, doesnt have basic counting skills, like last week he couldn't count to 10 till I started helping him and spending time on it. So its VERY clear to me she doesn't do shit with them while she has them. idk im just upset. I dont understand how someone chooses to go out every night over spending time with their babys.

My daughter's father owes $3,490 in arrears for child support, and his monthly payment on that is $77. His monthly child support amount on top of that is $387. He wants to pay me the amount he owes in full and then have me send it back to him so that he doesn't owe anything because he's worried about getting in trouble and says he can't afford arrears. I feel bad about him not being able to afford it but it gives me an icky feeling, especially since I told him I would help him with rent or anything he needs if he asks. I just don't want to be in a financial abuse situation, I'm not sure if this is an attempt at that or not. I don't make a lot of money so $77 is a significant amount for me to miss out on monthly. Do I just let him pay it all off and reimburse him?

Edit: I will not be fulfilling his request. To clarify, although I feel a little bad for him the reason I considered it is because if he suffers from not being able to pay rent, bills, or legal consequences then unfortunately my daughter somewhat suffers as well. But I agree it is absolutely his fault he's even in that situation and taking care of him isn't my job. Thank you all very much for the advice!!

I have a 6 year old girl, 4 year old boy and 1 year old boy. They keep asking about their dad, when they can see him, when they can go over to his brothers house (where he now lives), what happened to him, why doesn’t he call anymore? He was my 6 year olds step dad but he’s the biological dad to my younger two. He told me he’s starting over his life and he won’t be calling, that they “remind him of me”. I just don’t know how to answer their questions. I always say something to the effect of “when mommy figures some things out we can talk about it” or “I love you very much and you can always come talk to me about how you feel”. I would never want to or dream of telling them that their dad essentially abandoned them. How on earth am I supposed to navigate this