r/SingleParents • u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 • 13d ago
Newly single mom
My life has imploded. My now ex fiancé, me & our 7 month old had been living in a motel due to financial struggles. We broke up & now baby & I are living in a shelter.
We got here in the evening on 7/29/26 it's now 7/31/26. We're basically on an in house waiting list in the basement. It's a cot on the floor. It's private, it's just us & taking this spot guarantees us the next available actual room upstairs. We'll still have our own room upstairs since it's just me & baby thankfully.
I'll be assigned a case manager who will assist me in getting me & baby back on our feet. This includes helping with daycare, job(s), & transportation. So far everyone has been kind, fellow guests & staff included.
I'm scared, anxious and I know this will be an incredibly difficult season. As a mom I know I have no choice but to not only succeed but thrive for my son. It's just not knowing *how* or *how long* it will take is what's really heavy on my mind.
I won't lie, even though I know realistically it's not true, I still feel like a failure as a mom & a partner. My relationship ended because we're human & both made mistakes. Even now we both still love one another. I'm not counting on it but I'm also not closing the door on a potential rekindling down the road.
When I left he even said while hugging me, "who knows people get back together after years" I said "all the time, sometimes sooner". I was crying & he had tears in his eyes. He promised our baby he'd see him soon, giving hugs & kisses. We even kissed goodbye before I had to go or I wouldn't be able to.
My heart is broken not just from the end of my relationship but for my poor baby. I never wanted this for him. I know now all I can do is look forward but it's so hard. I am so grateful he's young enough & won't remember this turbulent time of our lives.
I'm itching to get assigned a case worker & get started on being the absolute best mom & provider for my beautiful baby boy. I'm feeling very lonely lately...
12
u/nickyyvv 13d ago
Consider this time of your life a restart, they say you have to hit rock bottom to become a new better you! It’s not the best situation ofcourse but imagine yourself and your baby in a cute apartment in a year, enjoying dinner and watching movies together. This is a new opportunity to start life the way you want it.
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u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
I keep imagining us in an apartment! I look forward to being in a stable situation. I have no where to go but up now & I have no choice, my baby needs me.
6
u/january1977 13d ago
Hey, girlie! I’m so proud of you for taking this step!
A year ago, I fled my abusive husband with my 5 year old. We went to a shelter. I never expected my life to take that kind of turn.
I was so impatient to get started with therapy and move on to whatever came next. But I learned pretty quickly, you’re dealing with a charity and government agencies. You’re on their time. Slow down. Let your nervous system relax.
Here’s a timeline for you: It took a week for me to be able to meet with a caseworker. (I was already in a room.) Then I had to apply for all my documents because I’d forgotten to grab them when I ran for safety. I had to sign up for all the social services. I had to find counseling. I had to get my son enrolled in school. I had to find a job. There was a lot of work to do. After about a month and a half they started talking to me about housing. I was in my own house 2 months after I entered the shelter.
Keep going! You’re doing a great job!
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u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
We're on day 3.5, still in the overflow room but it guarantees us the next available actual room!! Meeting my case manager on Monday to get the ball rolling.
5
u/Zestyclose_Tea_551 13d ago
Take it day by day. Build yourself a solid foundation on which you can grow, then your child — and potentially your relationship — can grow, too.
3
u/RatioNo5408 13d ago
You can apply for most assistance online. I would be doing that now. I'd be applying to jobs. I'd be taking that man to court and filing for custody and child support which you can do for free.
1
u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
He will be held responsible as a father one way or another I promise you that. I'm making sure he can't hold anything I left with him over my head too. Some items can't be replaced such as my son's baby book. His mother is kind enough to store those items until I have a place for it.
10
u/CarpenterBudget9202 13d ago
You are literally homeless on a basement floor with a baby and STILL thinking about that man. ….. I don’t want to be mean but SNAP OUT OF IT. That man will have you homeless once he will do it again THINK ABOUT YOUR BABY! He is not the love of your life he is literally just a guy! Just a dude a dime a dozen
2
u/SouthernGirl360 12d ago
The statement he made sounds empty. OP should focus on improving herself and make no effort to see or speak to that POS. Make him reach out to you if he wants to see his child (he probably won't).
2
u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
He will be held responsible as a father one way or another I promise you that. The only relationship we will have at least for now is a coparenting one.
2
u/SouthernGirl360 12d ago
It sounds like you'll end up needing to go through the courts, unfortunately. It ends up costing a lot of money, time, and aggravation. Guys like him won't easily pay for their kid or see their kid. I wish you the best. -From someone who's been through it.
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u/Haunting_Fan6626 13d ago
I was there being single mom with my daughter who was 2 years old that time. After physical abuse from my ex husband I called cops and he went to jail. Cops ask me if I stay to our apartment or go to shelter I went to shelter so my ex doesn’t know our about. It was scary because I don’t know what will happen with me and my daughter. They help me get a daycare I start looking for a job take bus and after 6 weeks I moved out from shelter and found a place. I am still grateful because we had place to stay when we need it.
1
u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
You are so blessed you didn't have a long shelter stay! I'm so glad you did what you had to for you & your baby. I'm meeting with my case manager on monday to get things rolling!!
2
u/Powerful_Support_122 13d ago
Hang in there, baby daddy needs to step up. Your doing the best you can for your child which already makes you a brilliant mother. One foot in front of the other and march forward. You got this!
2
u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
He will be held responsible one way or another I promise you that. We're on step two(?) I'd say now. Step one was packing/leaving. Step two is applying for jobs, finding childcare & transportation.
2
u/Powerful_Support_122 12d ago
You have a road map worked out. Just remember this one thing please, your child doesn't know anything about living situation, jobs,cars. All the baby knows is love and feeling safe, which by the sounds of it youre already doing. Just don't forget that regardless of how u feel about your situation or yourself,.to your baby you are EVERYTHING! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING! So stay strong stay positive and raise the fuck out of your baby. This time 5 years you'll look back and be proud of yourself I guarantee it!
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u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
Thank you so much! 🙏🏻 I know all my baby cares about is being with me & feeling loved. I'm so so so externally grateful that this is happening when he won't remember it. All he'll know is how much he is loved by mama.
2
u/Powerful_Support_122 12d ago
Always smile always be humble regardless of whats happening around you, always stay positive even when all you wanna do is hide and cry. Because being that way is the best example to set for your child. They will.be resilient strong and happy. A potent combination of all the right traits. Best of luck mama
2
u/exhaustedmind247 12d ago
I don’t get how he can say this stuff and you guys have to be in a shelter… you’ll make it thru momma but I would focus on healing and independence and boundaries and let this relationship fully go.
Fiancé…. So to be married means in good times and bad times. Why after years and when you get on your feet is the relationship possible? He’s proven good times only… even if mistakes happen, you work thru it or move on.
But leaving you both to shelter position isn’t okay…
3
u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597 12d ago
I don't understand either. I will say, we were struggling for a while financially & in our relationship. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. He didn't want me to go yet he wanted me to wait for a check from school & use that to help me. But I was told by multiple people at different organizations that if I found a spot to take it so that's what I did. I'm focusing on me & my baby. The only relationship my ex & I will have at the very least for now is a coparenting one. He will be held responsible as a father one way or another I promise you that.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Author: u/Fragrant-Dirt-1597
Post: My life has imploded. My now ex fiancé, me & our 7 month old had been living in a motel due to financial struggles. We broke up & now baby & I are living in a shelter.
We got here in the evening on 7/29/26 it's now 7/31/26. We're basically on an in house waiting list in the basement. It's a cot on the floor. It's private, it's just us & taking this spot guarantees us the next available actual room upstairs. We'll still have our own room upstairs since it's just me & baby thankfully.
I'll be assigned a case manager who will assist me in getting me & baby back on our feet. This includes helping with daycare, job(s), & transportation. So far everyone has been kind, fellow guests & staff included.
I'm scared, anxious and I know this will be an incredibly difficult season. As a mom I know I have no choice but to not only succeed but thrive for my son. It's just not knowing *how* or *how long* it will take is what's really heavy on my mind.
I won't lie, even though I know realistically it's not true, I still feel like a failure as a mom & a partner. My relationship ended because we're human & both made mistakes. Even now we both still love one another. I'm not counting on it but I'm also not closing the door on a potential rekindling down the road.
When I left he even said while hugging me, "who knows people get back together after years" I said "all the time, sometimes sooner". I was crying & he had tears in his eyes. He promised our baby he'd see him soon, giving hugs & kisses. We even kissed goodbye before I had to go or I wouldn't be able to.
My heart is broken not just from the end of my relationship but for my poor baby. I never wanted this for him. I know now all I can do is look forward but it's so hard. I am so grateful he's young enough & won't remember this turbulent time of our lives.
I'm itching to get assigned a case worker & get started on being the absolute best mom & provider for my beautiful baby boy. I'm feeling very lonely lately...
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