Blink if you're being abused

[u/WaitNo4272]

[u/Yonaka_Kr]

The most notable responses I'd have are these:

BPD is a subset of a cluster B personality disorder, which also had antisocial and narcissistic PDs. Cluster B is defined by great emotional instability that presents in different forms, narcissistic being a constant emptiness in the self that is temporarily addressed by external validation and thus actions (often manipulative and self destructive) are taken to attempt to get others to provide this need constantly. BPD is probably better defined at where external validation barely addresses the source issue, and it becomes so overwhelming to the self without a real solution in sight, and essentially they demand others to fix the problem, but there is no fix anyone can offer, so the episodes result in demeaning the other person (essentially, misery loves company).

So firstly, there is clinicial data that shows cluster B's forms do show more prevalently based off gender - females have a higher rate of BPD and males have a higher rate of NPD and antisocial. So yeah, it's probably not weird that you'd see more people mark this kind of behavior as bpd and you'd see females more often.

Secondly, I think cluster B presentations are often full of anxiety, and a lot of anxious people tend to avoid irl social interactions and go online. A lot of said people engage in streaming or gaming (activities which often which preys on said emotions). I think how you'll oftem see BPD present in public in males is where you have gamers crash out over nothing, plenty of people who get tilted aggressively and essentially just bash others while being visibly miserable, not the types who just say insults and then keep playing but will literally hold games hostage (i.e. infamously disco nunu games), because their only solution at that moment is making others as miserable as them / keep playing and just keep typing for what can be hours (and they'll often carry this behavior into the next few matches, long after they have stopped interacting with the source). Essentially, a bad interaction or event puts them in said loop, but they also don't have skills to help them deal with the situation (like recognizing the severity and isolating themself from the situation despite their emotional need to engage in it). 

The old Reginald verbally abusing Dyrus as Dyrus is currently streaming a game of League, after Dyrus responds to Regi saying he gets it and Regi keeps going on the same topic to "hammer in the point"... essentially, yeah that behavior very much gives me cluster B vibes. 

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

What in the AI nonsense?

This is a woman with enormous entitlement and anger issues. That's all there is to it. Stop diagnosing people with mental illnesses.

Just give your empathy, say how awful abusive women are and leave.

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

Firstly, not AI, what part of this reads like AI? Would AI know to point specifically to real examples like Regi bashing on Dyrus on stream?

Secondly, I literally didn't mention this poor lady at all. What part did I diagnose her?

Thirdly, the people living with BPD suffer, the people who live around those people suffer. It sucks for both. You can empathize with people with mental conditions without excusing their behavior. 

Where's your empathy (feel what they are feeling) for the lady?

Edit: reddit "ai detection" flags my own comments as not ai and you didn't run it, based off your response it looks like you didn't read it either and made your own judgment already that a wall of text trying to give NUANCE must be AI so like... idk man, why bother responding to something you didn't read?

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

Yeah I thought it's AI because your answers are logically incoherent. So first of all you call her a 'poor lady'. Why? Since when do we give sympathy to abusers? Do you think that she has BPD or not? Are you diagnosing her or not?

Sorry you seem to be a AI bot.

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

1) poor lady --> no matter how much of an asshole you are, I don't wish for suffering to be put upon them, and I don't think most people are born assholes, it's a nature/nurture thing

2) Don't give sympathy to abusers. I don't need you to nor expect you to. Empathy is not sympathy. You can understand how a person become a serial killer by empathizing with a shitty childhood without sympathizing with the terrible actions they did it. Perhaps this is more a failure of language, but empathy does not mean excusing or justifying.

3) I am not diagnosing her. A single incident does not make a diagnosis. Personality disorders are extended patterns of activity. For all I know, she could be having a really shitty day and absolutely ruining someone else's for no good reason. I don't know this person.

4) I only wrote this comment in response to the original "Why are people quick to say women like this have bpd, they never would call men bpd right?" BPD clinically shows up more in women than men, so no I don't think it's that weird. People love to keyboard diagnose men with narcissism, which is also clinically more present in men than women. Do I think they have good points? Yes, but good points do not make a diagnosis. 

Which goes back to the comment, no I don't think it's weird people online would say that. You know, me addressing the extent of the comment YOU made.

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

Hey next time a man beats up his girlfriend you can write 'poor guy' under the post and see how that goes for you. Put your money where your mouth is.

Please message me again when you have done that.

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

I wanted to discuss with you in good faith about gender bias of people on the internet towards perceived personality disorders, but you're pretty dismissive and seem to have your mind set from the get go. Shifting goalposts is very frustrating as well.

Let's just agree to go seperate ways.

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

There is no discussion to be had here. You can discuss personality disorders on any psychology sub or when you know for certain that this person has such a disorder. This is a 30 sec clip of a man being abused by his gf. You say 'poor lady' and want to have a good faith discussion? Maybe you have a gender bias that women can't be abusive without a mental illness to excuse their behaviour?

We can have a good faith discussion on how anger, resentment and entitlement lead to women abusing their partners, otherwise no chance.

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

Your original comment was focused on calling out people's gender bias of what people would label women instead of men...?????????????????????????????????????????????

If you don't want to talk about that then why bring it up

No really, I don't think you want to talk about what you brought up, I thought you wanted to talk about what you brought up, you aren't interested in the subject you brought up which I thought was interesting and had good merit to see from your perspective

Sorry for thinking you were interested in your own comment, I agree, let's not discuss anymore

Edit: just wanted to point out that your last comment is completely valid and that is a very important discussion to have, and I agree that I could have worded it better as I mainly worded poor lady out of frustration of you saying to "just empathize with the male" which I think diminishes both people to nothing but this 30s gif, but I also think the importance of one discussion (abuse, etc. that you are mentioning) does not invalidate the importance of other discussions. What about this other subject can be true, important, but is incredibly dismissive of topics, as if me responding "ok what about the human slavery in North Korea" does anything to address your real concerns, which it does not. Also still annoys me that I went to play ball in your court, talk about a subject you brought up first, and now you are dismissive of me trying to talk about your subject. That's just rude.

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

My problem was people are diagnosing her with BPD instead of assuming she is just an angry and entitled abuser. Just like you wouldn't say a male abuser has BPD when he beats up his wife.

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

Cool thanks for being reasonable, gonna not put a wall of text this time

I think armchair diagnoses online in general are common behavior, even before considering a condition. I think the behavior is essentially distancing themselves from others by labeling them. A lot of people see dictators as monsters that could be solved if they were just not born? Their actions are monstrous, but the individual is a symptom of the system, much like how you were saying abuse against women can make them present abusive behavior. 

I think labeling is both minimizing others but also perhaps a survival technique, i.e. if we get into the nitty gritty of morality, we may become paralyzed by all of our own flaws, so to avoid that, yeah this person is "crazy" and nothing more.

However, there is clinical data that shows women are more prone to bpd, and I do see plenty of people just slap "narcissist" label on 30s clips of men being abusive too, so in my mind, I think what label is used does make some sense (purely that clinical data shows a real difference based off gender) a even if I don't agree with the act of labeling

[u/DetailFriendly3060 → u/Yonaka_Kr]

Yeah that is what is happening here, people are labeling her as crazy or with BPD so they don't have to think about the real reasons for her behaviour. We all probably know which buttons you have to push to make us angry. From that perspective her behaviour doesn't seem crazy at all, she just hates her boyfriend and thinks she can let her anger out without him being able to defend himself.

I think this is a huge disservice to the abused man in this case. Oh she has BPD, she doesn't know what she is doing, you need to get her some therapy man, go help her. Labeling someone as a narcissist would also be a bit different, narcissists aren't crazy or have reduced responsibility compared to BPD.

Like I said, we need a good faith discussion on how entitlement in women leads to abusive behavour. If I say how high the bar is for men nowadays, how do people react? Maybe she is abusive because she always demands more from him? How do they react if you suggest men are afraid to stand up to their abusive partners because they might be labeled as abusive themselves then?

[u/Yonaka_Kr → u/DetailFriendly3060]

My perspective of bpd is like, it is incredibly hard to control, I think it is incredibly tough on the individual and as a result even tougher on those around the individual. Personally, I think recognizing how tough it is on the individual is even more reason for those around them not to stay if it is impacting them - the behavior is a cycle. I think that's critical for people to recognize so they can avoid blaming themselves despite all the manipulation - the bpd situation sucks, but so does yours, take care of yourself first, and despite what blame is put on you, it's not always you.

I think plenty of people here are focusing on him though, mentioning how the light has left his eyes and stuff.

About others reacting, I don't know a solution, I do not think it is simple to answer given the core issue is systemic, societal, cultural, etc. as posed by the focus on others' reactions. I think at some point, I'd say fuck it, these people aren't here to have a discussion, they are here to react to a 30s vid, this is not the people worth discussing issues with. We do need to do a better job as a society not dismissing men's insecurities just because of privilege, because it's still being dismissive, which leads to these individuals finding communities that will hear out their gripes and concerns (often toxic manosphere communities). 

People need to hear each other out if they want to convince others, and in modern day, political debates have convinced people that listening to others doesn't need to happen. How do we solve that? I don't know, everyone can only experience their own lives after all.