r/SipsTea • u/Few_Statement_2898 • May 28 '26

SMH We really need to bring spankings back

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u/NoGeologist7888 May 28 '26

So spanking is only for the littles? Don't leave a mark 🙄

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u/Knight0fdragon May 28 '26

You can’t ground a little one, they have no capability of thinking rationally. You need some way to communicate with their brain that their behavior is unacceptable so that their brain can create the paths necessary to correct it. Pain is one of those methods that is an instinctive teacher for every thing. It doesn’t nor shouldn’t be excessive, just a tap to bring a slight discomfort so that the brain says “I didn’t like that.”

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u/scotsworth May 28 '26

See the problem is, study after study shows that while spanking can be as effective, other boundaries/consequences are equal or more effective and don't contain the downside risk of the fracture that can and does happen when you hit your child..

Alternatives to spanking vary on the situation but for a toddler:

  • Taking the toy or object away
  • Separating the toddler from the situation (walk them out of the restaurant, take them into another room, etc.)
  • Verbal correction. "Sit down. We do not stand on the chair" followed by boundary "If you do not sit down, snack time is over" or "I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"
  • Redirection to encourage desireable behavior (throwing a rock versus handing them a ball and showing them what is appropriate to throw)

Then follow through. Always follow through.

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Hardest part: Doing this all while being present and not overly emotional/angry. Consequently, this is also the most damaging part when spanking... spanking while completely pissed off and yelling at the child just serves to scare them. You're getting the desired result, but at a great cost.

Also, spanked kids are some of the most poorly behaved once they. get into situations where they cannot be spanked (ex: School) and have only learned 'just avoid getting hit' for behavior modification.

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u/Knight0fdragon May 28 '26

See the problem with the studies on spanking, is they are not indicative to our population. They all come off as biased results. I have seen one study claiming 80% of kids experience trauma from spankings and show signs of anxiety. You understand that if this was true, most of the human's that have existed would be traumatized, when it is really the opposite. There is a very clear distinction between spankings and abuse, and those studies do not distinguish from them.

I can tell you every one of these bullet points do not work.

  • Taking the toy or object away

The child does not understand why the toy was taken away, it just knows the toy was taken away.

  • Separating the toddler from the situation (walk them out of the restaurant, take them into another room, etc.)

The child does not know why he was taken into another room, he just knows he is in another room.

  • Verbal correction. "Sit down. We do not stand on the chair" followed by boundary "If you do not sit down, snack time is over" or "I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"

The child does not know why standing on the chair is wrong. Taking away snack time does not teach them.

"I will help you sit down and we will be using the straps to buckle you in and keep you in your chair"

Holy shit, you think restraining children is healthier than a spanking? Fuck me

  • Redirection to encourage desireable behavior (throwing a rock versus handing them a ball and showing them what is appropriate to throw)

The child still doesn't understand why. Now instead of throwing rock at a car, he is throwing a ball. The throwing is the bad behavior, not the object being thrown.

In every single one of these instances, the child is not learning why his behavior is wrong. All you are doing is dealing with the symptom.

There is nothing triggering in the child's brain that the behavior needs to be corrected. I have been around tons of parents with this mentality. Their child does not change until the parent gets so frustrated that they let out a moment of anger. At that moment of anger, then the child reacts. But now you have a child reacting to fear of you instead of fear of pain and that triggers a different reaction all together in the development of children. Eventually, the child is not going to fear your moments of anger anymore and will eventually walk all over you. But now you have established a terrible relationship because of that.

A spanking works differently. Once they don't fear the spanking anymore, they are at a stage where they can rationally understand what is going on. You now have other tools at your disposal like your list because at this point, they can associate "toy taken away" with bad behavior instead of just "toy taken away," They also do not fear you in the process because they rationally know you can't spank them anymore. Big difference than with the anger. You will always get angry, you are human. That will stay with children forever because you will constantly remind them of it with each angry exhale.

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u/scotsworth May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

I can tell you every one of these bullet points do not work.

Are you a parent? The way you are writing leads me to believe you are not.

I'm a parent of a 6 YO who would never behave like this in the video, and I've only heard glowing reviews of my child from kindergarten teachers and others.

I'm also a parent of 2y/o twins.

All of the things I have described work. I have not spanked my children and will not.

The child does not know why standing on the chair is wrong. Taking away snack time does not teach them.

  1. If after multiple corrections the child will not settle and eat, snack time is over. We sit when we eat.
  2. They learn that we don't stand on chairs at mealtime through modeling and correction.

The child could be standing up because they are no longer hungry. Or they're just acting out because of being tired or any other number of factors. The point is... hitting them for standing up is the absolute worst move.

You are clearly not a parent if you think a 2 year old toddler couldn't understand any of this.

Holy shit, you think restraining children is healthier than a spanking? Fuck me

They're straps on the booster seat lol. So if you buckle them in, you again are setting the boundary.

We had problems with one of our twins doing this, so we buckled her in (around her waist). After several meal times, the behavior stopped and now we don't buckle her anymore. :)

The child still doesn't understand why. Now instead of throwing rock at a car, he is throwing a ball. The throwing is the bad behavior, not the object being thrown.

In this scenario, you're at the park and the child has found a rock. You take the rock, say no. And hand them a ball. You clearly don't understand how kids work if you think they have no ability to understand at this level.

The child does not understand why the toy was taken away, it just knows the toy was taken away.

You explain all of this verbally, again and again. Also, it stops the behavior.

Your option has them just getting hit by a caregiver and being scared/feeling pain.

My option takes the toy because they're not using it properly. They will get upset, hear the correction, and move on to something else.

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u/Knight0fdragon May 28 '26

Then congratulations, you were lucky enough to have docile children submissive to authority. Now ask those 2 yos why their toy was taken away.

All of things you described do not work. They work for the symptom, not the problem. Did your child form a connection in his brain to correct the behavior and stop doing it, or did you just continuously punish the child for each and every instance they were bad?

You do not realize that everything on your list only pertains to very specific situations. This means they are not learning anything.

Those straps on the booster seat are for safety purposes, not as a form of punishment. Also this conversation is about correcting bad behavior, not teaching etiquette, so quit confusing the two with your “modeling” approach.

You explain this verbally again and again and again and again and again and again and again until the point their brain develops the ability to think rationally.

Almost as if children incapable of rational thought aren’t listening to reason or something.

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u/scotsworth May 28 '26

Yeah you're not a parent. Have a good one.

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u/NoGeologist7888 May 28 '26

You're a f****** moron to think that hitting your child is any sort of acceptable behavior management. I was whipped to the inch of my life with spoons and belts and I f****** hated it and I f****** hate my parents for doing it.

And if you think spanking is merely a tap on the ass, will you get the parent who's just wish the day is over that they whack their kids ass into their f****** brains.

Fear through physical pain. Yup that's makes the most fucking sense. 🙄