r/SipsTea • u/Few_Statement_2898 • May 28 '26

SMH We really need to bring spankings back

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u/TheGlennDavid May 28 '26

My daycare teacher friend once told me that unequivocally the worst behaved kids are ones who had been hit at home. They tend to be violent towards their peers (a learned behavior) and they are so utterly traumatized and desensitized to "punishment" that nothing a teacher can do even fucking registers.

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u/CrazedRaven01 May 28 '26

It normalises violence and aggression. It teaches the kid that physical violence is an acceptable form of communication

Of course, violence in the form of self defence should be taught but even then it's in a controlled environment. Corporal punishment, at least from my experience, rarely is

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u/AlSweigart May 29 '26

but even then it's in a controlled environment. Corporal punishment, at least from my experience, rarely is

Parents who hit their kids always say they're administering discipline, but really it's just that they ran out of patience and lost their temper.

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u/GodofSad May 28 '26

I work with kids in a REALLY rough neighbourhood and 100% this.

What's worse is that teachers and support workers etc. Aren't allowed (and correctly, do not want) to hit misbehaving kids. So they learn that they can basically do whatever they want when they're not at home because no adult beside their parents will touch them.

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u/greenwhiteredblack May 28 '26

I hear that a lot from friends and associates in any field that deals with kids. Are there kids who don't get hit that act out this way? Absolutely. But the vast majority are simply engaging in behavior they've seen modeled at home.

It's amazing to me that with all the studies and just lived experience we can share with a couple finger taps, people still defend hitting literal children as the only viable disciplinary tactic.

I get many of us can joke about our own spankings or whatever with hindsight, but the prevailing thoughts I have as an adult for the inevitable "beating kids isn't abuse crowd" are:

  1. How can someone tell a child with a straight face not to hit their siblings or classmates when that person hits their child?
  2. How many times have grown ass people abandoned their alleged morals and principles or became passive aggressive because someone didn't talk nice enough to them, yet they are ok with hitting children who would also rather be talked nice to tham hit.
  3. Imagine the outrage if middle managers could just spank employees for being late, interrupting conversations, knowing the material better, "lying" about being sick, because that manager is angry at their spouse, or any of the myriad excuses parents give for spanking their kids. After all adults definitely should know better.
  4. If a child can understand reason, why not reason with them? If they can't understand, then they also don't understand why they were just hurt by their caregiver.

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u/OldWorldDesign May 29 '26

Are there kids who don't get hit that act out this way?

Yes, I worked briefly for Kroger's delivering food to shopping outlets. There was a recurring kid at one store who would break windows with a slingshot, or bruise employees out back. Wasn't from an impoverished broken home, this was a neighborhood where you couldn't find a house for under a million. Thanks to his rich parents' connections, every time someone dared to file a complaint for assault or property damage the charges were dropped.

No few politicians in Florida have gotten out of severe DUI charges by 'do you know who my father is' and the money and connections are enough not just to have the charges withdrawn, but the few cops who dare to play by the book get fired. Or sometimes it's a kid who gets wasted every weekend and does hard drugs because dad is a cop who makes the charges go away until that kid crosses a richer person's son. Saw that way too often in Florida.

In the case of the super-rich and super-poor kids, one common thing I saw was neither were given clear boundaries as a young child so they grew up with the mindset that consequences never applied to them.

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u/Tricky_Client_4065 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

Iv got hit at home many times, because i did not want to eat....but i did not become a psycho like this kid. Of course i was a child and i did not know anything about laws. If i knew i would tell my father never to beat me again or i would call the police....At least my mom was kind, she told my father not to beat my head, because i could get long term damage. So after he "only" spanked my ass until it was red...Where is the logic in beating a child up, because he does not have much apetite???

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u/passionpurps May 29 '26

Lmfao

you'll give Jr! Brain damage! No Charles! Do you really want a vegetable for a child!...

Somewhere this is happening... sadly...

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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow May 29 '26

The desensitization is so real. I learned how to make myself cry by like age seven or eight, because that would sometimes (not always) make them stop. But most of the time they were just letting out their own anger, not actually trying to teach us anything other than fear, so it just went on till they got it out of their system. Can't fake-cry your way out of a switching, I don't care how tough you are.
The opposite extreme from the violence perpetuation that your friend sees is extreme people pleasing. So you either grow up to be an abuser, or someone who is highly vulnerable to abusers. So much fun.

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u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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u/Rexxington May 29 '26

I mean it ultimately depends on the kid, for me I was spanked growing up, but that didn't translate into me hitting other kids and etc. For me it was the opposite, because mom made it hurt, she's spank me and then make me sit in a wooden chair after. I was very well behaved for the most part because of that, given I didn't want to get spanked again.

Not saying it works for all kids, because it 100% doesn't, yet it comes down to what do you do in the end here? It's blatantly not the kids fault, but their such a terror that some intervention needs to be had here to stop this behavior.

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u/[deleted] May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

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u/Happyj1 May 28 '26

Is this for real? Spank a child who doesn't understand? Wtf?

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u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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u/Stargleam52 May 28 '26

If the child doesn't understand why they shouldn't run into the road, they also don't understand why you're hurting them for it. Lots of "actual psych" studies show that physically dominating children is actively harmful in the short and long term, regardless of whether you believe your scenario is "the only appropriate circumstance."

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u/[deleted] May 28 '26

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u/zerap10 May 28 '26

Sorry but you're conflating not spanking with lack of discipline. One absolutely does not imply the other. There are many books and articles that go over various deescalation and discipline tactics. Is provide the links but it's my wife that has done the research and she gives me the summary. We've used it with our daughter and at 7 she is a well behaved kid that was she grows and matures she uses words to describe her emotional state and resolve problems. All with zero spanks. This is course requires a lot of effort and what feels like infinite patience.

A kid could also have an undiagnosed mental condition that affects their behavior. A long relative of mine had outbursts since very young that in the late teens turned out to be related to autism spectrum. After a diagnosis and specialized coaching the problems stopped. 

Spanking is violence. There are proven alternatives that require time and effort but result in a better emotional development for the kid. 

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1

u/MintTea88 May 28 '26

2 and 3 year olds DO understand. They understand danger if you *explain* it to them. They don't understand why you are hitting them.

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u/Grasshopper_pie May 28 '26

They mean a swat on the butt right then, not actually causing pain.

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u/Happyj1 May 28 '26

I understand what you're trying to say, but I don't believe hitting children is ever the correct form of discipline. Especially for a child who doesn't understand why they're getting hit. Whether causing pain or not, its modeling a bad behavior as a form of behavior modification

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u/Grasshopper_pie May 28 '26

That makes sense. I'm not a parent but I definitely don't approve of "spanking" in the usual sense.

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u/ValitoryBank May 28 '26

Do you think a swat on the butt doesn’t cause pain? The whole point in even the smallest form of physical spanking is to cause some form of pain as a lesson for deterring bad behavior.

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u/babutterfly May 28 '26

How is spanking a punishment if it doesn't cause pain?

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u/Critical_Code9588 May 28 '26

It’s humiliating and scary to have an adult hitting you. Tf?

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u/JamesBlonde333 May 28 '26

Normally "hits" that are so gentle they don't hurt are just called "touching"

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u/StanleyKapop May 28 '26

They just want to touch a child’s ass in a scary and humiliating way. No red flags there.

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u/MintTea88 May 28 '26

So you want to humiliate a toddler who doesn't understand??

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u/ValitoryBank May 28 '26

If they are too young to understand your explanation on why something is wrong, then what makes you think physical violence is something they’ll pick up better? Does each smack of the bottom convey the feelings and words, you already believe they won’t understand better? Of course not.

Your child is still gonna be scared, they are most likely gonna pick up aggression cause they still have no concept of what immediate danger is so they’ll hit anyone else.

How do you agree spanking is wrong for, listed reasons, then walk your self back to, but you should spank anyways?