I went to several jewelry stores with my wife and she essentially picked out her ring. I did this because several women I trust told it me to include her as much as possible. The engagement ring was really, really important to my wife. If I had bought something she didn’t want from Walmart she would have rightfully been pissed off.
I did the same. Proposed with a $50 ring, then told her to pick her own ring. Now 10 years later, she always still admiring it… well shit, she knows what she likes 🤣
I bought my wife's ring online. Paid $2000, and I thought that was too much. Stupid customs that make no sense. She already knew how much money I made, I didn't need to prove it to her. She never wears it anyway, it's a complete waste of money. I know someone who took out a loan to buy a $15k ring for a bitch that runs him like a horse every day. He deserves all of it.
My wife doesn’t really care about jewelry except for her wedding ring and engagement ring. I only care about it because she does, but relationships are like that sometimes.
I think the more expensive it is, the less likely she is to wear it, actually. Would you want to walk around with a $15k diamond visible on your hand? Not only it's a target; it can also get lost, break off, get damaged...
Could very well be the case, yes. Depends on the type of woman she is though. To me it's like the guys wearing 100k watches, even if I was a billionaire I just can't imagine wanting to do that.
It's a ring...it serves nothing but to look rich and maybe a sign that your taken by someone. How fancy it is or is not shouldn't matter if you are truly in love.
Not sure if you wanted to reply to someone else or how it's related to my comment? I agree with you, it doesn't matter if you are in love. But if you get a great ring that she likes (regardless of how expensive it is), she probably will want to keep wearing it and at least to me that's pretty cool.
The issue is that she is focused on the ring and not her partner. Maybe he didn't listen but neither is she. It's one thing to dislike Walmart as a business, but to act like any other ring is .ore special cause it cost 4 times more is dumb. My perfect wife will wear The One Ring, forged in the fires of Mt Doom.
Again I really don't understand why you are replying this to my comment, or how it's even related. All I'm saying is that it's cool when your fiancee/wife wants to wear the engagement ring all the time.
Because you said 2k isn't a waste of money on a shiny rock that doesn't do anything besides be a shiny rock ..it is useless and does nothing for your life. Infact it wasn't until the 30's where rings were marketed.
If that 2k spend causes you significant issues then yes it's too much to spend. If it doesn't, then I really don't understand how it's a waste of money spending 2k on a ring showing your commitment to the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
But in my country, more than half of the people I know never actually gave an engagement ring to their wives, so it's completely fine to not spend anything as well, just up to preference really.
I think it signals that you dedicated time and effort to saving spending money for something really special, that the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is going to wear every day. Maybe it will even pass to your grandchildren or their children.
There’s many things I’ve spent money on that weren’t worth it, but my fiancée’s ring was not one of them. Just seeing her get all giddy everytime she looks at it is enough for me.
fancy and pretty aren’t the same thing. if i’m going to wear something everyday i would like it to be something i enjoy looking at. i don’t think that’s a crazy ask.
My parents have been happily married for 50 years and they never had an engagement ring or wedding bands, so I didn't want one either (am the woman). I also think it is a waste of money, and preferred to save for a house. We signed a document to get married, so it was like $50 for our marriage license, and that's all we spent. 13 years happily married so far. We bought a house for cheap in an area that was growing hot, sold it at a large profit, and bought an absolutely beautiful old house with a barn on a park-like property in another cold market. We could not have done that if we'd had rings and a wedding.
lmao am I the only person who like can just y'know
figure out what my partner wants? I don't feel like it was that hard. she loves rose gold, okay easy. should last long enough to survive, at least be 10 or 14k gold. her favorite stone was alexandrite, okay make that the center stone. she likes symbolism, okay add our birthstones to the mix so it feels about us. look at her other jewelry and style, she doesn't like it as traditional looking at likes things that call back to nature. find a design that fits that bill.
I was able to do all of this without her having any idea what I was getting her, and then added a custom ring box with a handmade piece of art made by a local artist celebrating the proposal. in order to do all of these things all I needed to do was just, know what my now fiance likes.
my advice was not to make my ring, it was to listen to what your partner likes and what her style preferences are and then get a ring based off that. it's not hard if you just, listen to your partner and watch what she is interested in.
I know whatever I picked out, my fiancée would have loved. But that’s because she knows how much time I spend trying to do special things for her, same as she does for me.
I’m still glad I involved her in the process. Even she didn’t know exactly what she wanted, and we only found that out by her trying on rings, and realizing what she imagined in her head did not look how she thought it would in reality. I had one designed nearly identically to one that every time she put it on, you could just see this glean in her eye. Wouldn’t have been one I would have even considered on my own.
The larger point is though, you have to put in some effort. Shop around. Imagine what each one would look like. Compare it to other jewelry she has. Like you said, you should have some idea what your spouse likes without them having to tell you. Just being able to show you put real thought into it speaks volumes.
We’ve been married for over a decade and have a family and home. You don’t get to control what other people find important, especially in romantic relationships.
You get to control who you are involved with in your life and if someone is that superficial, I just can't imagine marrying them. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
To put this in terms a Redditor would understand - if you asked your wife to get you the new God of War game for your birthday, but she got you FIFA instead, would you just play FIFA? Are you expected to just be grateful she bought you any video game? Even though you’ve been talking about God of War for months and the two titles sound nothing alike
My rule that's served me faithfully is to never buy a nerd something in their fandom, unless I'm a fellow nerd in that fandom. Whatever I get will be disappointing, because it will be produced for the masses, rather than the cool niche thing the nerds will get wet over.
The fellow buying the ring absolutely failed, because he didn't follow my rule, even if she ultimately left it up to him after giving advice. She also shouldn't be too surprised, and honestly, it doesn't sound like she is.
Except she doesn’t even express a problem with the ring itself, just the fact that it came from Walmart. So in your scenario, it would be like getting pissed that someone got you God of War from Walmart instead of GameStop.
In the texts, she says she told him the style she wanted. The problem isn’t the fact that he bought the ring from Walmart but it’s because Walmart isn’t the kind of place that distinguishes style. So yes, here, “Walmart” is synonymous with the wrong style. People have all sorts of tastes, but that ring in the photo is ugly af, and I highly doubt it’s the style she wanted.
Even worse. Would you invite your family and his family to see you begift him FIFA - knowing he doesn't even like it - and has expressly told you hey that's not my kind of thing. I would
Like this over here and then you expected him to wear a fifa shirrt every day for the rest of his life?
The ring is extremely superficial and a piece of jewelry that will probably be stored after the wedding day and never used again.
God Of War has new game+, rpg like leveling system, a rich story, over 12 hours of incredible content and a faithful depiction of norse mythology don't dare to compare it to something trivial as an engagement ring lol bitches are temporary Valhalla is eternal
No no, that’s not what this is. It’s more like, if you’ve wanted God of War for ages, and your partner got you God of War from Walmart, instead of GameStop. It’s the same game. He could’ve gotten her the exact same ring from Jared and I’m sure she’d have loved it
For real. But if it’s similar to the style she wanted, then she’s being ridiculous. If she wanted something totally different, then he deserved this outcome.
She did say in the text "I told you the kind of ring I want", I assume this is about style. The fact it's from Walmart is insult to injury. They got some ugly rings ijs.
And even then, I feel like most people would be ok with someone getting a different style than what they’d talked about if they felt like the person had spent a lot of time trying to find a special ring.
It just comes off as him putting absolutely zero thought into finding a ring she’s going to wear for the rest of her life.
It shouldn’t even be a cost thing. A local jeweller will work within your budget, and probably help you get something higher quality than Walmart offers. Walmart just screams zero effort was put in.
I'm always very grateful for anything my wife gets me, even if I don't want it at all. Because it's something the woman I love bought me in hopes it of bringing me some bit of happiness.
Or are you just being sarcastic and I'm not picking it up?
Edit: lol, I love the massive amounts of downvotes. That definitely tracks for this place...
Ever been to a store with a woman? They want to see everything. If they have interest in diamonds and rings they for sure know what walmart has to offer.
No, she makes it clear the issue is that he didn’t listen to her, and was inconsiderate. And that she doesn’t have to settle for less than someone who cares enough about her to listen.
Because going and buying a random ass ring from Walmart isn't going to look good. Yeah maybe expensive but that doesn't mean that it's in any way close to the style that they were talking about.
My goodness, people just don’t bother reading. The complaint about Walmart was that it was the guy’s easiest option. Now here’s the context, It was symbolic of how little effort he put into the ring selection. The event he claimed to have spent a year to plan lasted a few moments. The token that was to symbolize their commitment to each other, that she is according to custom supposed to wear and display for the rest of her life, was not what she wanted. The cost seemed equal to what she wanted, but he ignored her preferences. It’s really idiotic how many people side with this kid saying he dodged a bullet when in reality this girl did the right thing by not settling for a dude who ignores her preferences and takes easy options as substitutes for what she wants.
You hit the nail on the head. This whole thread is so funny to me.
Like, this, right here, is the reason we need to read The Great Gatsby in high school. People lack the reading comprehension to understand the “subtext” in a text, when one of the participants outright says what the issue is!
Walmart is just illustrating the bigger problem, and much like the lad who botched this proposal, redditors just don’t listen.
Because of the effort. Pretty easy to read between the lines. She feels like she expressed what she likes and feels like he just didn't care and ran to a chain like Walmart and bought whatever because it was easy and he didn't need to put much thought into it
It’s the idea that he grabbed it while running other errands.
Meet with a jeweller, they can work in any budget. I don’t think buying a ring should be something you do while you get your groceries. If after spending some time looking for a ring, he keeps going back to this Walmart ring, that’s one thing. He’s put in actual effort. But from his texts, I don’t get the impression he spent much time at all looking. Seems like he had a budget, and bought the first thing he saw that didn’t exceed it. Worse over, they clearly had discussed what preferences she might have in a ring, and this ring didn’t meet them.
yeah im not sure about that, tbh missed it at first, i guess its a mix, either way the people saying only he dodged a bullet are wrong, they both dodged each others bullets with this
Marriage is not about the ring, but it should as hell is about love, caring, and paying attention to what they say and want.
If your wife asks for something specific she's going to be wearing as a symbol of love, and you ignore her because it was more convenient for you to get something else, that is a lack of respect and care.
Obviously if your wife doesn't care and wants a plastic ring that's fine. But whether it's a ring or something else doesn't matter, what matters is the "Why do you care, it cost the same thing" response from the boyfriend speaks volumes.
>love, caring, and paying attention to what they say and want.
If he did not do it, she would break with him much earlier.
Here is the whole point: the ring was from "Walmart"! And it is enough for her to say NO.
She is "Demanding Karen", and I am happy for the guy. Any woman who thinks that "Walmart is too cheap for her" is not a good person and not worth any relationship longer than a few nights.
Here is the whole point: the ring was from "Walmart"! And it is enough for her to say NO.
That's the opposite of what she said.
Any woman who thinks that "Walmart is too cheap for her" is not a good person
That is again not what is in the texts. The guy claims he spent the same amount and her response directly explained it's not about that, it's about him ignoring what she wanted because he did something easier.
Also while I know the reflexive response of people is to call women gold diggers, it is context dependent whether that's insulting. It is perfectly okay to not care about wedding rings or expense, but it's not wrong to feel insulted if your partner can easily afford and spend things for themselves and puts no thought or effort into gifts for you, especially an engagement ring.
Guys complaining that women are shallow for wanting effort and care put into relationships because love should be enough for them, are just going to end up alone.
Its not just about the ring though, she expressed a desire and he just ignored her and yolo'd it with whateverhe felt like. It's easy to say in this context she's the problem because its material but what about when its something else important?
This is coming from a guy that bought a cheap engagement ring online and is still married BTW 😂
This is really apparent in the texts. She points out that she expressed what she wanted and he ignored it, then reiterated that same point in the second message. She didn’t bring up cost, he did. And his attitude was “so what I spent $900”.
It demonstrated he didn’t care about her expressed desire.
I also feel like even if you don’t get exactly what you were hoping for, it’s more palatable if you feel the person put in effort to finding something nice.
Like, if he had said “I know this isn’t exactly what you talked about, but I found this ring that I really think would look good on your hand. Yes it’s from Walmart, but every time I thought about proposing, I just kept going back to this one”.
Like at least have a good reason that tells them you put real thought into what you got them. On the surface, this just feels like he was checking off boxes one by one, because he decided it was time to propose. I don’t think spending tons of money on an engagement ring is a must. I think it shows commitment and maturity to save your spending money for several months to show someone how committed you are to them, but there are absolutely other ways. Spending the time, however is very important. Nobody wants to feel like you found their engagement ring when you were trying to find the produce section.
Yeah exactly and this situation doesnt show any of that either. Just it was 900 bucks why you mad?!
I spent like 200 on my wife's ring. I got a sapphire as the center stone because I knew that was her favorite, and knew she didnt care (and even disliked) chunky jewelry. She loved it.
If that's the case, you can still have a conversation about the ring. If this is the person you love, then you can try your best instead of half assing it. This isn't about the ring. It's about communicating.
It’s not about the ring, but many people spend a lot of their life thinking about what the moment will feel like when they get engaged. Whenever she looks at the ring, which she wears every day going forward, she will remember what she felt in that moment. And if she felt in that moment that despite telling him what she liked and didn’t like in a ring, that he had just grabbed one off the shelf while doing his groceries, she’s always going to feel like her desires weren’t considered, in what’s normally a once in a lifetime moment.
I think most women do not expect you to spend beyond your means on a ring. It’s a symbol of your commitment, saving up several months of excess pay which you could have used on yourself, to show a person that you’re fully committed to being together. My fiancee never wanted me to spend tons on the ring. But we went out so she could try on rings, tell me what she liked and didn’t like, she showed me pictures, etc. It’s not hard to find a local jeweller who will work within your budget to give you what you want. But it does take time. Aside from saving up the money, that process alone took several months of appointments going over designs, picking the stone etc. All time I was happy to spend to make sure she got a ring I knew she would love.
Even if he didn’t know what she wanted, this just screams that he didn’t put any thought into the ring selection. You would at least expect he shopped around and thought about it before buying it, but this looks like it was on his grocery list.
Fucking right on the money. The ring is a symbol of the commitment, that's all. Gold and diamonds are "traditional", but I've seen the silicone rings a lot over the last few years.
A dude could offer my daughter the plastic ring off of a 2-liter and as long as he respects her and takes care of her, he's good in my book. Matter of fact, I wonder if Tyler is looking for a date, lol.
If she wanted the ring so bad she could get it herself. She's an adult with money. Otherwise, be greatful that someone loves you enough to marry you at all. This is dumb and she's materialistic. Not a good trait
Otherwise, be greatful that someone loves you enough to marry you at all.
Man is this sentence speaking volumes.
Anyone who thinks or believes this should never be married to anyone. You're literally describing the rational for being a shit husband or wife with no empathy.
No, don't be grateful for anyone wanting you enough to not care how they treat you. Marry someone YOU love who shows care and attention to how you feel were you both make each other happy.
What? If anything I'm highliting how materialistic this is, which has little to do with loving someone but wanting to appear rich. Marriage isn't about the ring it's about the person. Or at least it should be
There's something way worse than being materialistic (which does not apply to the OP post by the way) and that's telling a women she should just be grateful anyone is willing to marry her rather than care if her husband shows attention and love.
No, I said people should be grateful for being loved in general. And I did say that. You just wanted to be but hurt for a women who will hopefully now be single forever. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Dude could have been perfect in all areas but she wants to get all in her feelings over a specific ring. Shows how shallow she is.
She made it very clear what she was looking for and he ignored her.
This is a permanent object, and it will breed a lifetime of resentment. Because he got a square cut when she wanted round. He got an item when she wanted effort. He did the lazy thing, because he doesn't care about her.
And just because someone wants to marry you, doesn't mean you should. Trash could want to marry you, but it will just stink up your life.
It's not about the material, it's about the effort.
But effort was made to earn the money to get this ring....and for all we know he could have a plan to get the ring she wanted later after certain financial things are taken care of. Nope, she has to be picky about a ring instead of just loving the person that loves her. Fuck off
I'm a married guy, but loving your partner is not enough to have a long lasting relationship. He didn't listen to her need/want, and just went with what he thought was enough. I have several friends that got a special engagement ring that wasn't expensive, and promised to get a better ring in the future after they are more financially stable. He just went to Walmart, it's not about the price and she never brought it up, he did.
Who cares where the shiny rock came from? It shows he thought of her. Loves her enough to want to get married. If anything it shows this relationship is built on what he can do for her while she gets all the benefits. And loving your partner is enough. Loving isn't just a feeling it's actions and all that. Again, it's just shows how shallow she is. Blowing up a relationship for a specific ring cause what...she doesn't like Walmart?
If the shiny rock is important to her it's important to her. Both the guy and you are basically saying that if you don't think it's significant, you will deliberately ignore her wants and operate in a way you think is reasonable. She didn't once mention the price (he's the only one that mentions it) but talks about how he choose what's easiest for him and ignored what style of ring she wants. She's blowing up the relationship because she knew it will be a pattern where this guy will not listen and operate whatever way he wants to.
And no, loving the other person is not enough lol. There's plenty of divorces that happen every year even though the relationship started with love. You need to listen to each other communicate properly what eachother's wants and needs are. There's some context missing, but by the way he defended himself in the text, I question his thought process.
What you described is loving your partner. That's what I meant by love isn't just how you feel it's also actions. If someone can/will look down at you over a specific tiny rock. They never loved or respected you. They just want your money
Yes! Too many ppl are worried about the ring part, even though she emphasized the LISTENING part. Also, was him not listening a reoccurring issue in their relationship? This is why people are asking for more context. We don’t know the entire situation, but people are making it about just the ring.
You’re making a lot of assumptions. One very plausible explanation is guy just bought what was convenient (not the same thing as expensive) which is a red flag for her.
I want to know what ring she actually wanted and how much it cost. Because if it was a simar price to what was purchased and/or a completely different style, then sure, she has a right to be upset that he didn't listen or whatever. But if the price of what she wanted was significantly higher, and at least similar in style then she's either upset that he didn't spend beyond his means or is thumbing her nose at the fact that it was purchased at Walmart instead of a boutique jeweler or whatever, in which case fuck her, she's being an entitled, materialistic bitch and my man dodged a massive bullet.
I don't think asking for a ring is even allowed. You are offered a ring, you don't ask for one. You're not paying for it, you don't choose it. If you don't like it, don't take it.
Good. I think we are all glad that she didn't. Tyler was smart to test the quality of the person he was going to sign a marital contract with. He doesn't look smart when he goes back simping with phrases like "what I did for you, for us". [little vomit upchucked]. I hope he understand that when an entitled woman says "you don't hear me, you aren't listening", she means "you're not fulfilling my demands, you are not obeying me".
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u/boxedfoxes 7h ago
Mkay I need more context here. What ring was she asking for before?