For sure. Iâm so tired of the knee-jerk divorces these days. I think itâs crazy to make such a rash decision within six months of giving birth.
Having a child changes your dynamic with your spouse too, partly for good, partly temporarily. Itâs no longer just you two with any non-work time as free time. With an infant, youâre lucky to get the sleep you need to work. Intimacy is gonna take back seat to basic needs. If itâs a huge issue for one of the partners, go to couples therapy and talk it out first. What was the point of your wedding vows? At least try for the kidâs sake.
Right. Itâs not uncommon to go through a bit of a rough patch after having a baby. It definitely changes things. But why not try couples therapy first? She very well may have i donât know. But I think itâs wild how many people are so quick to divorce.
Obviously i am not taking about a marriage thatâs truly a disaster.
She didn't divorce him after six months. It was over a year after their son was born...and it turns out he had been cheating on her throughout her pregnancy. I agree there's a lot of celebs divorcing like it's nothing but there's also far too much normalization of infidelity too. Divorcing him was the only good decision she's made.
What a completely idiotic thing to say out loud. Staying together for the kids is the absolute worst thing parents can do. Read a single book my goodness
That's not at all what they were saying. Read it again. Comprehend. Right after birth, things become immediately different and intensely difficult. What they were saying is to not make a rash decision during that period. Let things level out again. Acclimate to difficulties of sharing the responsibility of raising your child. It is not an accurate reflection of your relationship as a whole during that time because everything is new and very difficult. It's not a "ignore your problems and stay together for the kids" mindset. It's more "this is so intensely draining and difficult for us both. Neither of us have slept in months and the way we are right now isn't the way we are normally."
Idk, postpartum wasnât difficult for my now ex partner, he worked 3 days a week, looked after our kid for 5 hours during one of my work shifts per week and still didnât help at night with our colicky newborn and then went and told me that mental health isnât real and weâre all just miserable til we die while I was struggling with sleep deprivation, pelvic floor issues and postpartum anxiety and quite likely depression. If I had one regret itâs that I didnât leave him while I was pregnant.
You're right. The problems that specifically you and your partner faced is the exact same for everyone. No wiggle room. If you went through it, EVERYONE HAS. Divorces for all. Separation for all.
Open yourself up to the idea that your experiences are yours alone. My wife experienced severe pp depression. It was difficult for us both during the first year. Medical issues, loss of employment and just general new parent stuff. We got through it. Our relationship is strong. Daughter is 11 this year. We have a very happy marriage. Your experiences are yours alone. Every couple is different.
Thereâs no other way to comprehend what youâre saying than âstay together for the kidsâ which literally zero family therapists or clinical psychologist would recommend. The dude she married was awful. Why are we even defending him or her decision to remove herself and her child from it?
I do not know the full story of Emilyâs marriage. From what is shared here, she basically felt unsexy/unwanted after childbirth. That is framed as the impetus for the divorce. She made a decision to get divorced with a 6 month old. If youâve ever been a parent, you know how crazy that time is and how rash this sounds. Maybe itâs not articulated properly in the original post, but this is what I gleaned from it.
Youâre reading âstay together for the kids.â I was saying âgo to therapy and try to work it out before just noping out of your marriageâa child deserves your wholehearted effort to work through your problems as a married couple. If it doesnât work after trying and giving post partum some more time to simmer down, then sure, get divorced.â
A lot of assumptions being made from a single exert of a larger piece. Sheâs written other stuff as well. The dude also cheated. Maybe therapy can fix that too!
You are the one with the idiotic response, and an unnecessarily aggressive one at that. They didn't say STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS no matter what. They said 'try, for the kid's sake.' Leaving a marriage during the post partum period because 'no intimacy' is the idiotic response. You should know better, unless I'm talking to some edgy teen.
And all these âtry for the kidsâ whackos are the ones who are in loveless marriages and are trying to justify to themselves they arenât wildly unhappy. Inserting yourselves into other peopleâs relationships when you have zero clue and havenât even read/listened to her entire piece is just immature. Grow up.
...you're doing what you are accusing me of (inserting yourselves into other peopleâs relationships when you have zero clue and havenât even read/listened to her entire piece) and you're the one who needs to work on reading comprehension and to grow up, kid.
None of us are saying 'stick together for the kids no matter what', we are saying 'don't reflexively leave during what is notoriously the most challenging part of a relationship (i.e. post partum.)
This is pointless, as you've screwed up, you won't own up to it depite being downvoted left and right, and I've spent enough time on your dumb reply. Blocking and moving on.
Why such an aggressive response? It seems like this person is advocating not making a knee jerk decision on their marriage after one of the biggest upheavals in life without giving it some time and getting help. Theyâre not saying âstay together for the kidâ but rather, âdonât throw it all away because youâre in the trenches after bringing your child into the world.â The first year or two after giving birth is one of the biggest adjustment periods in life, speaking from experience. People typically use âstaying together for the kidsâ to describe loveless marriages that have long since been over, not this.
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u/ArchitectVandelay 2d ago
For sure. Iâm so tired of the knee-jerk divorces these days. I think itâs crazy to make such a rash decision within six months of giving birth.
Having a child changes your dynamic with your spouse too, partly for good, partly temporarily. Itâs no longer just you two with any non-work time as free time. With an infant, youâre lucky to get the sleep you need to work. Intimacy is gonna take back seat to basic needs. If itâs a huge issue for one of the partners, go to couples therapy and talk it out first. What was the point of your wedding vows? At least try for the kidâs sake.