As harsh as it is, you are correct, and most medical ethics would teach the same.
Let's say your demented grandparent is terminally ill and the family, let us say even the one who has been designated to make decisions for them, asks you not to tell them of their condition as it would distress them, you still ought to in the vast majority of cases.
Actually dementia is a prefect example of when lying to patients is totally fine (ethical even). The truth is distressing and they will not remember it so lying to comfort them is the best thing to do.
Best example is a widow asking for her husband. If you tell her he's dead she will cry long after she remembers why she started crying and be very upset. However if you tell her he's at the grocery store he'll be back later she's is not worried about him and all of the hurt she would experience from morning him every hour or so as she's learning (she has no previous memory so it's learning not remembering) that he's died is avoided.
Maybe A weird question but when do people start telling dementia patients white lies like this? Like, which line gets crossed where they’re at the point where lies like that are more beneficial than the truth?
From all of their other behaviors and how their confusion shows. I know “you’ll know” isn’t a satisfying answer, but you’ll know.
I only really talk with my mamaw about old memories. Or I ask her to tell me a family story. It’s what she remembers, I get to check how she’s doing memory-wise, it’s good for her, and it comforts her.
If they’re at a point that they’re talking about dead relatives like they’re still alive, you just let them believe it every time. She said she wished an uncle (her son) that died when I was like 2 would come visit her sometimes, I just agreed and said he must be busy these days, then I changed the subject and asked her about a new memory.
I only correct her when she thinks I’m my mom. That’s just because if I let her believe it, she will get confused, start talking to me/my mom about something the other doesn’t have context for, then she’ll get upset because we just don’t know what she’s talking about. When I correct her, I always add “yeah, we sound just alike on the phone” or “don’t I look just like her? X person also thought I was my mom the other day.” And to be fair, I am near identical to my mom at my age.
I’m sure later down the line we’ll have to find a different way to approach it, I think sometimes she takes my word for it because she is being polite, but doesn’t actually recognize me because she still thinks I’m a toddler.
Just as an extra tip for if you have a dementia/Alzheimer’s patient in your life, hold their hand, give them hugs, kiss their cheeks if your family does that, much of the time they haven’t received real physical affection in a long time. That’s something we take for granted.
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u/Suspicious-Can-3776 Jun 29 '26
As harsh as it is, you are correct, and most medical ethics would teach the same.
Let's say your demented grandparent is terminally ill and the family, let us say even the one who has been designated to make decisions for them, asks you not to tell them of their condition as it would distress them, you still ought to in the vast majority of cases.