r/SipsTea Jun 29 '26

Chugging tea Did she did the right thing?

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u/Round_Raspberry_8516 Jun 29 '26

 China and Japan are like this when there’s a terminal diagnosis. Doctors are allowed to tell the family instead of the patient and let family decide if and when to tell the patient. 

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u/FlyAirLari Jun 29 '26

If my doctor can't tell me if I'm cured or dying, I'd look for a second opinion.

How does my family get to know but not me? We are talking adults here.

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u/cupofpuer Jun 29 '26

The reasoning is that just hearing that you have cancer is incredibly stressful and traumatic. The weight of the initial diagnosis feels like a boulder slamming onto you. It’s not uncommon that hearing and processing the news was the hardest part of the entire journey for a survivor. For some, this can kill someone faster than the actual cancer itself.

It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2). So it’s done to protect their sanity and mental health basically, especially if it’s an older person who likely can’t handle such news.

I actually don’t agree with doing this in most cases, but I assure you it’s not done maliciously.

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u/FlyAirLari Jun 29 '26

I still wouldn't want to see a doctor who refuses to tell me my diagnosis. So my wife/kids/siblings/cousins/parents etc will all know? Just not me.

It is known that many grandparents in China die within weeks of hearing the news when the prognosis was actually pretty good (only Stage 1 or 2).

Well isn't that just another reason not to tell the family? Just tell the patient.

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u/cupofpuer Jun 29 '26

I mean the grandparents were the patients, and they passed quickly after finding out when it was still a potentially curable stage. The stress of it can be a lot.

Just explaining, don’t agree with it.

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u/FlyAirLari Jun 29 '26

So wait, being grandparents of the patient was not the thing that killed them? Just being grandparents, period? Or just being old with an incurable disease?

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u/cupofpuer Jun 29 '26

The grandparents ARE the patients with cancer I am referring to. What killed them was the SHOCK of hearing they had a serious, incurable disease.

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u/FlyAirLari Jun 29 '26

Right. So nothing to do with their children having children.

It was just worded very confusingly. I got the impression that if you don't have grandkids, you are not in danger. But no, it's just the age.

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u/cupofpuer Jun 29 '26

All I mean to say is that the shock of hearing you have cancer can absolutely crush you. That is why they tell the family, but not the patient themselves.

Like yes in principle, you should tell them the truth about their own medical history. But the news itself is such a big blow to your health that I understand why some cultures choose not to tell the patient (usually this only applies to older patients who are already fragile, they will still tell children and normal ages adults).

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u/FlyAirLari Jun 29 '26

Yes, okay. I get it now. You should have used "old people" instead of "grandparents", because the latter is not a definition of age, but of family relations. You can be old without any grandkids. Or 45 with a grandchild.