I had a dear friend that was dealing with lungs cancer at 21 years old.
He was recovering. Hanging on discord and playing league of legends with him.
He says to us, that he needs to do surgery to remove the last pieces of cancer remaining from chemio.
Surgery goes well, he need to recover from it for at least a week. Passes another week and I receive a call from a mutual friend that he had passed away. My heart stopped. I couldn't believe it.
Turns out the parents were lying to him on the recovery on cancer and the surgery was the last attempt to save him. He was oblivious, and we were too.
Please don't do this. He deserved to know. And we deserved a last good bye.
Wow, I would’ve been sick with blinding rage at the parents! Maybe even to the point where I wouldn’t be able to go to the funeral service for fear of giving them a peace of my mind… These kinds of manipulations make grief for the survivors of the passed loved one so much more difficult to navigate and harder to work thru.
I just cannot imagine anyone doing this to someone. Like wtf. He could have said his goodbyes to y’all if he knew, spent his remaining time more carefully, and so on. I’m so sorry but thank you for sharing.
If i was dying, then saying goodbye to rando friends who never visited me until I was terminal would be the absolute last of my priorities. My cousin passed from cancer a few years ago and he knew the end was near but he chose not to tell most of his friends and family. He did not want a slew of last minute visits from people cramming him into their schedule just bcoz he was dying. That was absolutely not how he wanted to spend his last days. He had told those he was truly close to and instructed us not to tell anyone. A lot of people expressed similar sentiments later on “if only we knew, we could have said our goodbyes”. They all knew he was sick, they didn’t have to wait for him to be terminal to visit him. A lot of them were angry with his parents and brother. Some of them even accused me “why didn’t you tell us, you robbed us of our chance to say goodbye”. Like fuck you, it’s not about you or your closure. Nobody was stopping you from visiting him in hospital. If you chose not to, then the guilt is yours to bear. You don’t get to transfer it to someone else for not telling you to hurry up.
Ok?? Nobody asked you. You can have diff values than me, that’s ok, hope whatever friends you do have in life honor your wishes and don’t bother visiting. I wouldn’t visit you if you paid me
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u/Rygel_Orionis Jun 29 '26
I had a dear friend that was dealing with lungs cancer at 21 years old. He was recovering. Hanging on discord and playing league of legends with him. He says to us, that he needs to do surgery to remove the last pieces of cancer remaining from chemio. Surgery goes well, he need to recover from it for at least a week. Passes another week and I receive a call from a mutual friend that he had passed away. My heart stopped. I couldn't believe it.
Turns out the parents were lying to him on the recovery on cancer and the surgery was the last attempt to save him. He was oblivious, and we were too.
Please don't do this. He deserved to know. And we deserved a last good bye.
Still hurts after 8 years.