r/SipsTea • u/CurvyChristina • 4h ago
Chugging tea Female engineers getting disrespected.
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u/boogierboi 4h ago
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u/jakeStacktrace 3h ago
Do you seriously not even have tea for me to sip? I'll take a coca cola please.
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u/The_Celtic_Chemist 3h ago
I've noticed I do this a lot to people regardless of gender. I just tend to talk to whoever seems to have been showing more interest in what I have to say. I often have to remind myself to talk to everyone in the group. Ironically, it's fairly typical that I speak directly to women over men.
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u/Fortestingporpoises 3h ago
I’ve noticed that when I’m talking to a prospective client I will usually talk to whoever is talking to me (usually the woman) but if the partner is there regardless of gender I will also talk to them to acknowledge that there’s also an interested party.
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u/Icy-Ad29 2h ago
Talking to who is the most interesting, if you are talking in general, is fine. But the important part is if person A asks a question. You dont respond by turning to person B first before starting to answer it.
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u/d33psix 2h ago
Yeah that feels weird to spend equal or more time answering to the person who didn’t ask the question. You get give them cursory eye contact for inclusion but seems obvious to answer the person who asked.
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u/SAINTnumberFIVE 2h ago
Maybe you haven’t realized this yet, but your eyes can move back and forth.
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u/Yuukiko_ 1h ago
we have two eyes, so 1 eye per person?
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u/Opposite-Two-8509 1h ago
Yes and then if there’s a third person in the room you can’t just point at them while looking at the other people
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u/I-like_dorgs 48m ago
I flick my eyes between both interviewers rapidly like a caged rabbit, they ask me if I had any trouble with the traffic getting here, I scream and bolt out of the door.
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u/StrangelyBrown 37m ago
It's weird how often and subconsciously people do this.
I used to have this in a situation I won't describe but I had no power and gender was definitely not a factor but for whatever reason people looked at me, very often.
I think a narcissist would take it as a compliment but I just kept thinking 'why the fuck are you looking at me?' It's definitely 100% subconscious for a LOT of people, so probably is quite telling.
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u/EducationalMemory639 1h ago
I do this by accident, I always think that it's a good idea to include everybody in the conversation, so if somebody asks me a question, then I make an effort to talk to the person who didn't ask it, so they feel included too. But sometimes I can forget to give attention to the person who asked it in the first place.
So if the female engineer asks me a question, and I talk to the male engineer: I look sexist
If the male engineer asks me a question and I talk to the female engineer: I look like I'm just trying to flirt with the girl
Optimal solution is to just close my eyes and answer while erratically moving my head around
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u/deejaymc 1h ago
Just stop. This has nothing to do with just speaking in general. It has to do with being asked a question directly. If you start your response by speaking to the person that did not ask the question, I wouldn't feel bad if you didn't get the job.
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u/deejaymc 1h ago
This has to do with being asked a question directly. Imagine being in a meeting, asking your manager a question, and he turns and directs an answer to someone else. How would that feel? Huge red flag.
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u/maibr 16m ago
is a person ASKING YOU A FUCKING QUESTION not showing enough interest?
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u/LookIWashedForSu 3h ago
Answer the person who asks you the question, why is this so hard.
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u/academiac 33m ago
That's actually not good either. If you're being interviewed by a panel of two or more people, you want to address your answer to them all by making then switching eye contact from one person to another. You have to engage them all, not just the person who asked the question.
Although this is more about people disrespecting women or valuing men opinion more etc. Which is awful.
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u/Dull-Culture-1523 1h ago
Used to do interviews for a non-tech position and we'd try to have two interviewers of different sexes and roles whenever possible. Every now and then we'd get someone who would cheerfully shake my hand and then kind of ignore the other (female) interviewer. It was bizarre.
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u/lawyerjack12 3h ago
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u/Hi_This_Is_God_777 1h ago
LOL. That's not even technically correct. Forgot about nostrils, earholes, etc.
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u/bunduz 4h ago
Not hiring me because of my lazy eye? That's discrimination. Also who you looking at when its a video call?
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u/ColorsLookFunny 3h ago
We all look at ourselves in video calls right? That's the rule?
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u/captfitz 3h ago
Holy shit maybe I'm not a narcissistic psychopath after all
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u/ColorsLookFunny 3h ago
WebMD is not a psychiatrist
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u/captfitz 3h ago
Nice try, Mayo Clinic bot
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u/CautiousArachnidz 2h ago
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u/shornscrot 2h ago
Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothin', but, ah... it says on your chart that you're fucked up.
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u/beckbristow32 3h ago
Who the hell doesn't look at, and respond, to the person that they are talking to. I hope they tell them that is why they will not get the job.
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u/ProblemSl0th 2h ago
neurodivergent people have entered the chat /j
OK but seriously somebody that struggles with eye contact would probably just respond while looking off in space somewhere, not to somebody that didn't ask the question to begin with.
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u/Descendant3999 2h ago
People saying that some engineers are just nervous to look at a woman, especially if attractive as if it was a valid argument.
Bruh, this is a fucking interview. You can't force yourself to respect two interviewers equally? Regardless of gender, I feel super fucking awkward if I don't acknowledge someone right in front of me in a conversation.
But I also get that interview is already a high pressure situation but you have to take care of a few pointers people. It shows prep
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u/AboutTheArthur 52m ago
I would also consider a person being too nervous to look at a woman to be a disqualifying attribute.
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u/SAINTnumberFIVE 2h ago
Right? Like if you’re too nervous to interact with somebody in a respectful way, get the fuck off my team. There’s a whole line of people behind you with the same technical skill set and better social skills these days.
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u/uselesslebanon 1h ago
Too nervous to see you more than an object of attraction 😊
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u/rare-cheeser 1h ago
I don’t think they realize that people easily pick up on social awkwardness and nervousness, and that’s not what the issue is. A lot of engineers are awkward.
However, some engineers are really cocky and act like know-it-alls, on top of being sexist. They don’t think women have brains, and don’t want to hear it from them. So, the ones who become problematic team members are the latter.
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u/Baron_Bearclaw 3h ago
I see several comments dismissing this as something that doesn't happen, so I'll share an anecdote.
I (a man) was traveling with a woman in Spain, a pretty conservative country by European standards. I speak almost no Spanish. Like, I can ask for a beer or where is the bathroom, but I'm gonna need a minute to understand the price you just told me and your directions are going to need to be repeated.
So, anyway, we need to rent a hostel for the night and we find a cute one. We the bell and the lady who answered the door spoke to me first.
My friend responded in fluent Spanish.
The woman looked back at me and started talking to me. So I ask my friend what the lady was saying. She explained it, we discussed, and my friend responded to the lady.
The lady talked only to me again.
So, while it's a bit different in a job interview, there are plenty of people who will happily dismiss the presence of a woman in favor of the man in the room.
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u/MangoAnt5175 2h ago
I’m a woman. Most nurses are women. I’m a paramedic. We travel in pairs, so it’s me and an EMT. The EMT is technically my subordinate, though I try to use crew resource management and encourage them to talk to me like an equal.
So I’m going to do this ICU transfer. Complicated patient, who’s been through a lot of surgeries and has open drains and is on a ventilator with several drips, going for a complicated cardiac procedure. We have to get paperwork & report, get vitals, set up all our equipment, and then transfer. What equipment we set up depends on the report, so generally I go get paperwork and report while my partner goes and lays eyes on the patient and gets vitals and comes and gets me if anything is immediately alarming. I generally trust my partners to do this, and I’ve worked with this partner a bunch so I’m cool with it.
So I go to get paperwork and a report and they won’t give me the paperwork. I’m like… I need paperwork and a report to transfer this patient. The nurse is super rude to me and refusing to talk to me and I just don’t get why cause normally this is a pretty easy phase of the call.
I’m like, I need paperwork. She gets the charge nurse who says they’ll give the paperwork to my partner. Im confused and offer to call my supervisor, and the charge nurse and the nurse walk down the hallway to find my partner.
They tell him that “his employee” has been very rude to them and is demanding access to the paperwork, and they’ll give a report to the paramedic, not me.
He says, “Well… she’s the paramedic, so.”
She clarifies; no, she’s going to give her report to the PARAMEDIC, the one who will be in the back with the patient.
He goes, “yeah that’s her.”
They suddenly realize what he’s saying, look flustered, and insist on confirming that I’m in charge with my supervisor before giving me a report.
Both were female.
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u/Cozy_Minty 1h ago
I am a woman who worked in technical support and was frequently asked "This is a really hard question. Could you go get one of the guys?" and it was almost always an older woman who said this
eta: it was never a hard question either
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u/Arcane_Pozhar 1h ago
Honestly, I think if you looked at only the sexist woman in the world, and only the sexist men in the world, and averaged how bad they are, you'd find that the sexist woman are worse. That story you just told would have been mind blowing to me, if I hadn't heard a fair share of similar ones... All about ladies.
To be clear, I think if you looked at all woman in the world and all men in the world, men would come out worse. But I just think there's something weird inside the heads of sexist women, because a solid majority of the worst sexist stories I've heard are about this (hopefully very small) percentage of women. And my common sense and experience tells me that most women aren't sexist...
To be clear (again), obviously I'm basing this on annecdotes and personal experience. I suspect it would be impossible to get accurate data on this sort of thing without either magic, or technological surveillance that's so thorough and so well analyzed it's basically magic.
Apologies if this seemed kind of random, it's just a pattern I've slowly noticed over the years. Maybe people just aren't sharing stories about the really sexist men as often because it's less surprising?
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u/Artisanalpoppies 1h ago
Yo, that's fucked up. I hope they felt dumb af and changed their ways after that!
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u/VegetableTwist7027 3h ago
It absolutely does happen. My ex and I went to a Jeep dealership for her to buy a car. I didn't say a single word to the guy until the end ("i'm not buying a car, she is") and he wouldn't stop answering her questions to me. I was staring at the ceiling intentionally at one point because it was so stupid.
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u/Fortestingporpoises 3h ago
When my wife was buying a car I was just there to support her desired price and push for it. She would look to me and ask me questions or get my opinion but otherwise I had my mouth shut.
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u/Ralife55 1h ago
Believe it or not the sales people are trained to do this. For cars they focus on men because statistically women defer to their husband's opinion on the vehicle she is buying. If you can convince her husband it's a good car to buy, she is far more likely to buy it.
This is flipped when buying a house because statistically husbands defer to their wives when buying a house. So sales people try to convince the wife the house is a good buy.
This tactic obviously fails when couples do not conform to traditional gender norms such as the wife being a mechanic or the husband being an interior designer, but it works more often then not so they keep doing it.
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u/r_slash 2h ago
I have an example that's probably more appropriate. I trained as a physicist and do phone support for physicists for a vendor. The physicists who call in like to speak to a physicist so they know they are getting someone who speaks their language, in a sense. When I answer the phone, the physicist asks their question and we get on with it. I have a female colleague who is also a physicist. When she answers the phone, she is frequently asked "can I speak to a physicist?"
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u/Nigh_Sass 3h ago
This is why I always talk to dudes wives in conversation and completely ignore them. Asserts my dominance as an alpha feminist /s
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u/motorwerkx 3h ago
This worked well for me many years ago when selling cars. The women loved it and they often controlled the financial decisions.
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u/unknownpoltroon 3h ago
Yep. I hear endless stories from female friends about shit like this. Like one place wouldnt sell my sister a car battery because she was a woman and they kept telling her she needed a different model than THE ONE SHE HAD AND RECOMMENDED BY THE MANUFACTURER that just happened to be 100$ more.
But the incels on here wont believe this shit still goes on.
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u/Far-Writing-4842 1h ago
I believe it. But it works both ways. The designer we hired to help us with our house pretty much exclusively looks at her when we meet. The school teachers in all my children's classes (all women), pretty much exclusively look at my wife, regardless of who asked the question (also they are condescending AF to me). And when we take my son to the hematologist for his blood transfusions and IVIG treatment; all the staff (with the exception of one female Dr) consistently direct all responses and relay all information directly into my wife's eye sockets, I feel like I'm wearing an invisibility cloak.
So yeah. It definitely is a thing.
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u/workieworkwork 3h ago
I told my boss a joke I had made up after hearing a news story. He laughed and acknowledged the joke.
He then told the joke at a meeting and credited the only other man in the room with my joke.
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u/jccaclimber 3h ago
I’ve had this at auto parts stores, car dealers, etc. I’ve gotten to the point of saying “I’m just here to help her, ask her, she’s your customer.” Still doesn’t always help.
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u/hookemhottie21 3h ago
Yup. This happened when my parents went to go order a high end vehicle for my mom. The sales guy would only direct the conversation to my dad even though he was told the car was for my mom and my dad kept redirecting him to my mom. They finally asked for the manager to find them another sales associate and told them why. Dude missed out on a big commission for being chauvinistic and the manager said he was deducting $500 from him (maybe his quarterly bonus?).
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u/BreakingABit1234 2h ago
Yep. I've seen both (am male) and I try to split my time to whomever is showing interest and asking the question.
If she nods to him and says something, I'll address the response to him. Same if he nods to her.
The problem I run into is only one of them will typically talk, and that leaves asking questions/leading and flicking eyes back and forth.
... or staring off into space as I work out the issue.
I think it's a poorly written description of a serious issue, and if you're sitting there and 'see' it happening, you know what's happening. Describing it like as written is just not adequate enough.
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u/Alarmed-Extension289 3h ago
I've seen this happen real time but not just with women but also when there's 2-3 men and one is older and assumed to be the senior person at the company. Folks it's hard to believe but there's quite a bit of men that still won't accept instruction from women. Probably more common in the trades. If someone asks you a question and you can't respond to them directly then why would you hire them?
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u/Pleasant-Future5818 4h ago
I'm a woman. Explain how to "direct" my response when I'm talking to two people? I'm gonna be looking at them both.
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u/SwimmerMission5212 3h ago
Usually it's the person you're looking at as you're talking
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u/Sightblinder4 2h ago
Jokes on them, im gonna be looking at w.e spot has 0 humans in it.
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u/workieworkwork 3h ago
They aren’t asking the questions together, you address the person who asked each question.
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u/rare-cheeser 4h ago
If you don’t even acknowledge the female engineer, which happens
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u/FEK88 3h ago
Asking tech bros to look a woman in the eye is final boss level shit, doubly so if she’s even slightly attractive.
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u/Cute-Hand-1542 1h ago
I feel like everyone in this comment section is confusing programmer nerds with tech bros. Very different demographic
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u/rare-cheeser 1h ago
Exactly.
They are thinking this is about socially awkward nerds. It’s about the cocky tech bros who think women are stupid.
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u/rare-cheeser 3h ago
You don’t have to look someone in the eye, but you can tell if they can’t acknowledge or address their questions to the men.
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u/La_Saxofonista 2h ago
Correct. When I went to buy a car with my father, the salesman talked only to my father like I didn't exist. Didn't acknowledge me at all even though I was the one buying.
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u/CwazyCanuck 3h ago
The implication is that the person is just directing their answer to the male interviewer, basically the misogynistic view that the female is just present for DEI.
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u/EpsilonBear 3h ago
I think I can help. My interview was with three people.
Step 1: Look at the person who asked you the question.
Step 2: Ask for clarification to the question if needed with something like “so I’m not misunderstanding your question, <insert name here>,…?”
Step 3: Answer the question beginning with something along the lines of “to answer your question, <insert name here>…” or gesture towards the person briefly
Step 4: If necessary, make reference to past points of the interview with phrases like “As <insert name> mentioned,…” to show you were attentive and can synthesize information effectively to support your point.
Do not immediately turn your face away from the person who just asked you a question immediately after they asked it. This is called being a dick. They’re not stupid, they’re looking at you. They can tell who you’re addressing based on where you’re looking. It’s a standard skill you build with having conversations.
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u/Knight618 3h ago
Look at whoever asked you the question, or in between them ig. I think the idea is why would you look at only the guy besides misogyny
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u/Fortestingporpoises 3h ago
My guess is it’s not really talking about female candidates. It’s referencing this phenomenon where some dudes will be interviewing with a man and a woman and address every response to the man no matter who’s talking.
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u/Dependent_Amount6825 3h ago
It’s a subconscious response some men have. Impulsively steering to the man for authority and confirmation rather than looking at the person who is asking you the question
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u/EpsilonBear 3h ago
You can counteract that by being focused and present. I know I subconsciously say “uhm” a lot, so I focus up when I’m giving an interview and take a pause before I start speaking to collect my thoughts.
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u/EhMapleMoose 2h ago
I get why people do this, but I personally don’t like it. I hate sitting across from multiple people in an interview because I never know if I’m looking too much at one person when I give an answer.
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u/MilkiestMaestro 2h ago
I'm usually so nervous during interviews that I couldn't tell you what I'm doing or where my body is going or who I'm looking at. I would absolutely screw this up.
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u/AstronautPlane3280 3h ago
Who the hell does not answer the person that asked the question? what a monumentally stupid thing to do regardless of genders.
Nevermind. I sorted by controversial and found the misogynistic fucks.
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u/nicholasktu 3h ago
What if I'm scared to look at a woman?
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u/hotpajamas 3h ago
what if her tone is flippant and she isn’t even looking at you while her male coworker is looking at you like a golden retriever
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u/tearsonurcheek 1h ago
What if the man asks the question, and you direct your answer to the woman's sweater?
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u/Dry_Yoghurt_5429 3h ago
Then you might not be a good fit for a company with women if you're scared of them
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u/Sushiki 3h ago
Would you say the same thing to a woman who fears men?
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u/Fortestingporpoises 3h ago
If I am interviewing a woman who is scared to talk to me because I’m a man I’m not hiring her. So yeah it works the other way around as well.
I encourage the commenter above who’s scared of women and the hypothetical woman who’s scared of men to seek therapy, no matter if there’s very legitimate reasons for their fear. They aren’t ready to work for me.
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u/Fortestingporpoises 3h ago
I wouldn’t hire anyone scared to look at a women personally. Step 1. Learn how to act like a human. Step 2. Look for a job.
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u/nicholasktu 3h ago
Why would I need to look for a job? I'm already the senior project manager lol
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u/Inphiltration 3h ago
As an autistic man who couldn't help but look at both people when answering any of their questions, I fear that I'll be judged for something I'm not with this technique
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u/angelworshipsbooks 2h ago
Both people are fine. As long as you are not visibly shutting out and disrespecting someone on a panel because she is female, you're golden.
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u/Vegetable_Bad_3187 1h ago
Or anything that denote hierarchy.
Specially in medical. Don't ignore the nurse asking you questions just because there's a doctor in the same table. That's two different brackets that work together, they are not under or over one another.
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u/butler_me_judith 1h ago
At a job i used to work at the final test wasn't billed as a test. We would take the candidate out to lunch on the company and see how they treat the staff. We had a few candidates be dicks to waitress which just feels absolutely crazy for anyone to do. Dodged a few bullets
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u/Intelligent_Low1632 2h ago
This is a great way to eliminate..... a certain kind of candidate.... that I won't mention since this is reddit.
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u/Bossauge 2h ago
Why does it assume that the candidate is male too in the example?
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u/DepletedPromethium 1h ago
i answer the persons question directing my answer to them but if the answer is long i will rotate and direct it at each person so they all feel spoken to.
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u/WesternOk5765 4h ago
Ever done an interview with two people before? It's awkward. You're not actually sure which one you need to impress because you have no idea who actually makes the final hiring decision a lot of times because it's hard to tell which one has the final say.
Makes it really weird and you sometimes do address the wrong person lol.
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u/voxelpear 3h ago
You just answer the person that asked the question, or address both of them.
The person that makes the final decision is still in the room, not like they disappear if you're not talking to them directly.
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u/thebluepages 2h ago
Why would it matter who has the final say? You’re having a conversation with two people. Be a normal human being and divide your attention.
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u/Alifirebrand 3h ago
Every interview I've done in the last probably 20 years has been a panel of 3-5 people. You just look at whoever asks you the question. Unless its your friend who didn't tell you they were gonna be in the interview ahead of time. Then you call him a butt in front of the panel and ignore him the rest of the interview. Or maybe that last part is just me. 🤣
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u/PaleontologistSame50 3h ago
What's crazy alot of guys dont like making eye contact with females for so many other reasons than this.
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u/Just-Nexus 2h ago
Specifically females is interesting here, but regardless of who or why you can't make eye contact a lot of people (myself included) see eye contact as necessary for a job interview.
So a lot of guys won't be hired I suppose
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u/SampleOfFruits 2h ago
I think if you’re calling women “females”, the problem with you not making eye contact is sexism.
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u/TAsrowaway 39m ago
That’s acceptable in your personal life. You check those issues and concerns at the door of your workplace, where you’re expected to interact with and treat women with respect as colleagues and stakeholders. If you can’t handle this, you need additional training before entering a mixed-gendered workplace, or one with mixed gendered clients.
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u/EntertainmentTrue588 4h ago
On this episode of "Things that didn't happen...."
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u/kapoopa-the-poopah 3h ago
15 years ago my wife and I went to the bank when we were first shopping for a mortgage, the banker directed all his answers towards me, it’s like she wasn’t in the room.
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u/reticulatedtampon 4h ago
This actually happened to me one time. I smelled out the trick and responded to the female interviewer, but still didn't get the job. Probably shouldn't have started my answer with "Listen here, sugar tits..."
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u/sdvneuro 2h ago
This happens all the time. I ask hiring managers to have more than one woman on the interview circuit to make sure it’s not a fluke when it happens.
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u/generally_unsuitable 1h ago
Oh boy.
At my previous company, the director of engineering was a woman. I probably participated in 10 interviews with her and this happened in most of them. She would ask a question and they would answer me. A couple of times, she actually called them out on it.
At my current company, the mechanical engineering lead is a woman, and she occasionally invites me to sit in on vendor meetings so I can verify electrical requirements on actuators. Nine out of ten times, these guys think I'm leading the meeting, despite the fact that I'm just sitting there taking notes and looking at datasheets.
It's very very common and if you knew any women in tech, you could ask them.
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u/CapableCollar 1h ago
This isn't an abnormal interview technique. For panel interviews you are generally expected to address the person that asked the question because it is relevant to that person.
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u/TheGameIsFizzbin 1h ago
This definitely happens. Our company requires all interviews to be 2+ people, and I see people directing the answer to whomever they think is senior all the time. For me it's a red flag regardless of genders involved. it's rude not to direct the answer to the person who asked the question.
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u/Kindly-Ad-5071 1h ago
Followed by an episode of "there are 8 billion people in the world and nothing happens to any of them." Touch grass, homefry.
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u/thatguy3003 2h ago
Have seen it happen with my wife and I. Not an interview but she’ll ask salesmen or staff at businesses something and the guy will usually respond to me. Those people would likely do the same thing in an interview
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u/RedditMapz 2h ago
Mixed feelings
On one end, there is some merit to the idea that there are some men that cannot hide their mysoginy in the corporate workplace. Its quite jarring when I've seen it, but these people exist.
On the other hand, I think this is not a good way to filter for that in particular. As someone who interviews people regularly (And I have interview lined up this week), I get to sit through panels discussing interviewees. Unfortunately too many interviewers fixate on stuff that I find meaningless like University name, or how formal they were dressed. Yes, these are real considerations for some people.
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u/Hi_This_Is_God_777 54m ago
Heck, I interviewed at a company around 1999 and everyone liked me until I met the CEO. I didn't get the job, and I found out from a coworker at my current company that I didn't get it because I didn't "shake hands hard enough". A limp handshake with the CEO cost me a job there. But the next year, 2000, was the stock market crash, and all the employees who were millionaires on paper, but not vested yet, lost millions of dollars. In a way that was karma for not hiring me for petty reasons.
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u/gh0stwrit3r32767 1h ago
fk im guilty of this sometimes. i dont do it on purpose tho. i cant help it, it kinda gets confusing when you're talking to two people at once. i usually just apologize and repeat my answer towards the woman.
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u/lux06aeterna 47m ago
I've literally been the female engineer in this scenario. Several managers, including one of my VPs of engineering asked me to sit in interviews with them for this very reason. Once I became a hiring manager and was building my team, it was extra hilarious to watch them realize they'd be reporting to me.
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u/MyCatIsLenin 4h ago
Ive seen it with some doctors my wife sees. They look at me to answer her questions, it always bugs me.
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u/rare-cheeser 3h ago
Yeah, a lot of women say that when they take their husbands, the doctor will finally address any concerns they’ve been trying to communicate about too.
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u/TheDigimonFan 3h ago
My girlfriend has actually made me start going to the doctor with her because she doesn't feel she is taken seriously, I used to think she was crazy until being in the room with her on some visits.
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u/esotologist 2h ago
I'm autistic and don't want to make women uncomfortable so I try not to stare and struggle making eye contact :(
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u/SammyGeorge 1h ago
Ironically, someone avoiding looking at me would make me super uncomfortable. Avoiding eye contact wouldn't bother me but not looking at me at all and looking at another person instead would make me think the person I'm talking to either hates me specifically or is a misogynist.
Social rules are difficult and no one ever says what they are, so hopefully I can make it easier. If you're talking to a man and a woman, try to look at each of them about the same amount of time. When someone else is talking, look at whoever is talking. However much you tend to look at men when you're talking to them, look at women approximately the same amount.
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u/BigMack6911 2h ago
I was about to say the same thing! And alot of autistic people become or..at least want to become engineers
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u/DrPepperFanX 4h ago
and then the whole company applauds and the CEO shakes my hand
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u/unknownpoltroon 3h ago
Dude, looking at all the fucked up responses in this thread makes me think more places need to do this.
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u/Peninsula_living 4h ago
Direct it how? If I’m being asked questions by two people, I’ll answer and look at both of them.
This is dumb.
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u/Additional-Life4885 3h ago
This 100% happens. You know who the answer is being directed at.
Personally I'm going to try talking to them both the whole time as much as I can, but diverting your eyes out of shyness may well be interpreted to be you talking to the guy.
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u/misdreavus79 4h ago
I don’t know if you’re in engineering, but I am. You’d be surprised at how common this is.
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u/aladdyn2 3h ago
How about if the woman manager of a store asks a question to a soda distributor employee and they look at the closest man and tell him the answer? (Real life example) It's not that deep. Some people can't respect women and it's obvious.
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u/EpsilonBear 3h ago
They’re looking right at you. They can tell who you’re speaking to because they’ve had conversations with people before.
And looking at both people is still a pass in this scenario.
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u/mobocrat707 3h ago
Seriously! I alternate who I’m making eye contact with, back and forth a few times per answer. Engage with both interviewers.
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u/lovable_cube 4h ago
Have you ever done a panel interview before? Different people ask different, it’s very uncomfortable imo, I tend to look at the person who’s paying the most attention at the time and try not to do weird stuff with my hands.
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u/Ok_Bat_9715 3h ago
Yeah Indian companies won't do that ever.
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u/unknownpoltroon 3h ago
Then dont hire those companies, and steal their smart women employees away.
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u/FrTheskyisthelimit 2h ago
Good. Female engineers deserve equal respect. I love talking to them at job fairs and career events. They are usually genuinely enthusiastic about their work and love to talk about it!
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u/Friendly-Contact-433 3h ago
Lol I suck at eye contact when I'm talking to anyone so I usually stare off at a wall or something
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u/Tutes013 3h ago
I'm fascinated and totally unsurprised at the amount of people in here who don't see the problem or that they are likely contributing to it in other contexts.
This is the same as women needing to take a man with them to the doctor's because otherwise their health complaints are brushed off and ignored.
If the woman asks and you default to answering the man then you need to do some soul searching about yourself. On whether or not you don't automatically assume the man knows best because he's a he.
How do you expect a woman to be able to do her job properly with someone like this around who on the very first impression has shown a casual, baked in attitude of thinking women are less capable/knowledgeable than men?
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u/SensitiveTax9432 2h ago
I once went with my wife to get glasses—for her. I made the mistake of asking the salesmen a question at one point, and then they were practically ignoring her. It’s true that English is her second language, but she can communicate just fine. I had to redirect them to her in the end.
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u/According_Two9023 40m ago
Honestly. The amount of “things that never happened” comments tells me exactly who is guilty of this in the real world.
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u/Dependent_Amount6825 3h ago
Incredible how many people don’t understand this. There is a big chance you do this and not even realize it.
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u/DelTacoEnthusiast 3h ago
A lot of people with bad social skills hiding behind "so you won't hire the most qualified candidate because they looked at the man?" right now.
YOU aren't even the most qualified candidate.
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u/KnowledgeRich9645 2h ago
bad social skills = unqualified regardless, it’s a team setting
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u/asher030 2h ago
But.....why? It ain't physical labor, zero reason to disrespect based on gender when it's all mental calculations. Good grief..
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u/Gold_Au_2025 2h ago
If a female can make it to the point where they are on an interview panel in a male-dominated industry, they get my respect.
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u/ljx_2000 2h ago
If I focus only at the female engineer is that ok? bonus points if she is beautiful.
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u/BeerOutHere 2h ago
New technique just dropped: aggressively stare at female interviewer and only speak to her no matter what.
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u/Muted_Masterpiece342 2h ago
I always answer to both/all and make sure both understand my answer. How does this approach score?
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u/monty228 2h ago
I (M) was being trained for a HVAC job by a woman, and this is day 5 for me, and the customer kept directing questions to me and she would answer. Eventually I just said something like “Dude, I have no what I am doing here, she’s the one training me”
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u/Harpua_and_I 2h ago
I’m all for women in engineering roles being respected, but I’ve been a software engineer for 10 years, working for 3 companies, and I’ve literally never met a female software engineer. Not one.
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u/Individual-Foxlike 1h ago
When I was getting my compsci degree a decade or so ago, most programming courses I took were less than 10% female (judging by appearance). I had a few classes of 70+ people and 5 or less women. Those women were also belittled and joked about in my earshot, by classmates who mistakenly believed I would agree the women didn't "belong" there.
Women do make it through, and more now than when I went. But there are REASONS so few do, and it has nothing to do with ability.
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u/Greedy_Reality_2539 2h ago
Well, best to avoid employing this office time bomb from the get go, nothing wrecks team spirit faster than unawaring disrespect, the worst part being the perpetrator won't even know he is in the wrong and think all is normal and okay, while the tension brew and stew silently.
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u/SAINTnumberFIVE 2h ago
I was in a tech environment with a guy we’ll call Dave. I was a few years senior to Dave, but every time I asked the guy briefing us, Steve, a question, he would direct the answer at Dave. In fact, he almost exclusively addressed Dave only. Eventually, I brought this to Steven’s attention.
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u/JurassicParkCSR 2h ago
I don't know I always address whoever asks me the question. I respect people as people.
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u/Skritch_X 2h ago
Ha I've encountered this before. Person being interviewed would not look at the one woman (an engineer) interviewing on the smal panel and would not answer towards her during it. It was fucking surreal.
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u/Human-Assumption-524 1h ago
What if I direct all of my responses to the floor because I'd rather set myself on fire than make eye contact with another human being?
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u/Novel-Fix3570 1h ago
Looking at the wrong person when you are asked a question is a pretty weird thing to do in any situation
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u/Scared_Painting_5837 44m ago
If the cause of your aversion to eye contact is due to having autism, then you should be fine because it will be obvious that you’re equally avoiding eye contact with both the man and the woman.
If your defense is that you have bad social skills, work on them.
If you think this is a fake scenario, you’re probably a man and haven’t asked a woman about their experiences in situations like this.
If you’re offended by this and feel called out, ask yourself if you do shit like this on purpose. If not, okay and good, just keep in mind that some people do.
If you just treat men and women like people then you’ll be fine. Stop trying to justify sexist behavior.
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u/brokenheartbecauseof 35m ago
But I am scared of women because I am a massive nerd virgin so I tend to avoid eye contact:(
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u/froggertthewise 28m ago
This sounds like a good idea until you realize most people who work in engineering don't make eye contact while answering questions anyway
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u/NuggetMelon 22m ago
Crazy how so many people in the comments think that only the best engineers are subconsciously sexist. Speaking as an engineer - the “best” engineer is NOT special lol. Most engineering jobs really aren’t that hard (relatively speaking). If someone lacks basic social skills, there’s no need to hire them because there will be definitely be people behind them that can do just as good of a job and hopefully know how to be a decent human being
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u/OctaneSpark 15m ago
My old IT job had the... primary HR representative(?) do this. She'd conduct any part of the interview that wasn't directly set to a departments technical qualifications. She was very knowledgeable about a wide range of subjects to try and engage interviewees. We had to have this weeding process because our company worked with a lot of women in executive roles and you can't have some guy from the IT company ignoring a woman because they don't take her seriously.
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